My Life is an Open Book...Urm.. Blog

There are two types of bloggers in the world.  Open bloggers - those who don't hide who they are - and Anonymous bloggers - duh, those that hide who they really are.

I read fantastic blogs from both varieties.  Anonymous bloggers usually reveal less information about their private lives - or use cover names and locations.  They don't connect their blogs to their social networks, etc.   Open bloggers basically write an open book on their lives...sometimes still using cover names, but obvious enough to people that actually know who they are.

I am of the open blogger variety.

I like being an open blogger because people I know will walk up to me or call me and provide me insight to my blog posts, offer advice if I asked for it, or pick up on hints that I don't have the guts to say to someone in person.

I don't like being an open blogger because people I know will walk up to me or call me and provide me insight to my blog posts, offer advice if I don't ask for it, or pick up on hints that I don't have the guts to say to someone in person.

There are pros and cons to being an open blogger, as you can see.

One of my cons is that it drives Hubby nuts.  He is a firm believer in keeping our lives between us - and occasionally family members.  But, he can't stand it when I publicly post all of our news for the entire world to read about.

But, being the ego-feeder that I am, one of the greatest highlights of my day is when someone I work with walks up to me and tells me how much they enjoy reading my blog (Hi, Jan!!).  Or, I can write a heartfelt blog post about a family member - and tell them things I find it hard to say to them in person (Hi, Mom and Dad!)

As hard as this may be to believe for people that actually know me, I often find it very difficult to put in to words how I'm really feeling.  Especially if it's a topic on something close to my heart, or that is causing me anxiety, or I'm just too chicken to say something to someone that I really want to get off my chest.

My blog gives me the voice to do all of those things.

This whole house hunting thing is one of many situations that cover all three of the topics above.  It's something close to my heart - one of my life dreams, actually.  I had a small list of accomplishments I wanted to fulfill in my life.  Have a family.  Go to school.  Become a teacher.  Buy the house of my dreams.  Not necessarily in that order, but that's the order that it happened.  All except the last one...that's the one I'm going through now.

Once Hubby and I are able to find the house of our dreams, I would have officially accomplished all of my adult goals.  My life will be complete.  Of course, then I can start adding new goals - like watching my kids graduate high school and college, have families of their own, sit on the back porch and watch my grandkids play.

It's something that's causing me anxiety.  Are we financially ready?  Will we be able to find everything we want?  When we find the perfect house will the offer get accepted?  And the biggie - what will happen to the house we're currently living in?

And, my blog gives me an outlet to say stuff to people about it that I don't have the guts to say to their face.  Like to Hubby.  I want to scream from the rooftops how excited I am and how big of a deal it is for me to check off this last goal from my list and how I want to share something like this with the world because it's a big deal to me and I want to be excited about it.  To my father-in-law, who will ultimately be the most affected if we do get the house we want.  The last thing I want to do is put him in a financial bind moving out of his house.  I don't want to affect the relationship between father and son.  Or parents and son.  But, at the end of the day, I have to think about what's best for MY family - meaning Hubby and the kids.  And this house, in it's current state, is NOT a healthy environment for any of us to be in.

Blogging really is a win-win and lose-lose situation.

But, the sad thing is, I don't think I would have accomplished so much in my life without my writing.  It's my outlet.  It's ultimately what keeps me sane.

I am so blessed to have amazing people in my life.  To a very supportive Hubby.  To loving and uplifting parents.  To amazing friends and co-workers.  And awesome children...both biological and not.

Hubby listens when I really need someone to talk to...except when it's something he doesn't want to talk about.  That's where my blog comes in.

My family - especially my mom - is always a phone call away if I need someone to talk to...except when they are too busy with their own lives and foster children and such.  That's where my blog comes in.

My amazing friends and co-workers are always willing to lend an ear in a time of need or moment of excitement...except when it's something I don't really feel comfortable talking to them about.  That's where my blog comes in.

You see, my blog is the only "person" I can comfortably talk to without fear of a response or retaliation or hurt.  I can lay my whole life of feelings out on the table and walk away with a clear mind ready to tackle the battles of the day.  I can vent.  I can celebrate.  I can hurt.  I can love.  I can express it all - easily.  Something I just can't always do with words from my mouth.

I know that I often share too much.  I know that there are things that should be kept private.  I know that being an open blogger means I need to pay more attention to what I'm saying or how I'm saying it or what topics I chose to write about.  But, sometimes not worrying about those things brings clarity to messy situations.

At the end of the day, my blog is always there for me.  It will never judge me or hate me or get mad at me because what I have said.  OK, the people sitting on the other side of the screen may have those feelings - and believe me, I get to hear about that - but when I'm writing, I don't care about any of that.

And that's never going to change.

I am a blogger.  It's who I am.

And I love it.