A Tough Talk About Parenting

                                  

I have often said that teaching is, hands down, one of the hardest jobs on the planet.  But do you know what job is even harder than teaching?  Being a parent.  My parenting helps my teaching, and my teaching helps my parenting, but both jobs are hard.  Very hard.  Except the latter doesn't come with any college courses, any form of degree, nor any experience required.  

I never have or ever will claim to be a perfect parent.  I make parenting mistakes all the time.  But, one thing I can say is that when I look at my kids, and see them for all the wonders that they bring to this world, I have to give myself a pat on the back.  They're also still alive, they're still healthy, they still have smiles on their faces, and they still love me.  So, I must be doing something right.  

Having three kids that are so different in personalities is a tough endeavor.  And, it also requires being three different parents rolled in to one.  I have often been criticized for parenting each of my kids differently.  There are many people who believe I should treat each of my kids exactly the same, give them the same freedoms, the same responsibilities, the same rewards, and the same consequences.

However, I have determined that a "one size fits all" way of parenting just doesn't work for me or my kids.

For example, if Peanut does something wrong, I know that the way to slam down the consequences is to take away her contact with her friends.  Grounding her.  Keeping her locked up and away from social gatherings and events.  Or, I could take away her cell phone.  That, also would bring on serious devastation and rethought to her actions.  On the other hand, if I ground Butter from those types of things, it wouldn't bother him a bit.  He's not the social butterfly that Peanut is, and wouldn't even notice that much of a change in his lifestyle if I took those things away from him.  I know that to hit him where it means the most is his PS3.  That's his way of enjoying his free time.  Jelly, once again, wouldn't notice a bit if I "grounded" her or took away any electronic devices, but if I sent her to her room for a small amount of time, the child would be devastated and would definitely rethink her behavior before acting up again.  Once again, in reverse, sending Peanut and Butter to their rooms would be like a reward rather than a consequence.  They enjoy spending time in their own rooms, so sending them there wouldn't cause a bit of bother to either of them.  

Each of my kids are unique in who they are, and how they need to be parented.  And, that's something I enjoy and embrace.  Despite criticism from others, I don't think I'm doing such a bad job.  

My oldest daughter is one of the most level headed people I know.  She is only 14, but far beyond her years.  She's smart, funny, opinionated and a born leader.  She's independent and doesn't require approval from anyone.  She is a loyal friend, but an honest one.  She won't think twice about giving her honest answer to a question, even if she knows it's not really what the person wants to hear.  She is a social butterfly that stays actively involved in many clubs and organizations because of the contact it gives her with others.  

Butter is impulsive, often acts before he thinks about what he's doing.  He is so sweet, kind, and loving, and craves acceptance.  He is often loyal to a fault, and will often do stuff he knows he shouldn't because in his mind, it will earn him points with people he's trying to impress.  He has overcome some of the hardest obstacles any kid should ever have to overcome, yet he chooses to keep those obstacles private because he doesn't want people to think less of him.  He tries so hard to fit in, and sometimes tries a little too hard at it.  Yet, he's filled with so much potential, has made so many gains, and truly is a wonderful kid.  When given the right motivation, he'd lay his life down to please and feels like he's won the lottery with the smallest amount of praise.  

Jelly is a mixture of them both.  She's hard headed, independent, and super loving.  However, she'd much rather spend time with her stuffed animals and real animals than large crowds of kids.  She is neither a follower or a leader.  She is the kind of kid that has the attitude of taking her or leaving her.  She's perfectly content with playing with a different person each day, and if someone gets upset with her she has the attitude that they'll get over it.  She's not begging for forgiveness or following anyone around to earn their approval.  She also doesn't got out of her way to make new friends, but can sit on the sidelines waiting for someone to come to her.  When she does make a special friend, however, they are treated with fairness and kindness.  If she has a snack, they must also have a snack.  If I give her money for ice-cream, her friend must also have money for an ice-cream.  If she doesn't want to play outside, she will if it will make her friend happy...as long as they agree to do something she wants to do after.  And, at the end of the day, she loves me and can't go to bed unless I tuck her in and kiss her goodnight.  

I absolutely adore and am so proud of each of my children.  I look at their strengths and give myself a pat on the back, knowing I have somehow helped mold them in to who they are.  I look at their weaknesses and give myself a pat on the back, knowing that I have somehow molded those things.. along with the ability for them to face and embrace them.

My kids are all individual beings.  They have their own personalities, their own likes and dislikes, and their own views on the world.  How those things all came to be so different is beyond me, but something I'm quite happy and proud of.  I know that at the root of it all, I haven't been too bad of a parent.

In the car ride home, last night, the kids and I were having this very discussion.  Well, we were discussing my parenting style.  Peanut was telling me how thankful she was that I gave her freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, but did so being actively involved in her life.  She feels comfortable talking to me, and thanked me for being the type of mom she could come to with problems knowing that I won't go all crazy on her.  She appreciates the open line of communication we have, and knows that I keep myself in her life but at a comfortable distance for her to make her own decisions and learn with the way they play out.

Hearing those words meant a lot to me.  I explained my philosophy on parenting with a comparison to dogs.  Not something I should have done when talking about my kids, but they got the picture.

The way I look at it is I keep my kids on an extension leash.  I let them roam out far enough to feel like they're running free, but still holding on to one end of the leash.  There are some parents that have their kids in a choke collar, and some parents who let their kids roam around without any form of leash.  I see myself as being in the middle.  I'll only let my kids off far enough until I need to tug back a little.  That means I'll let them make some mistakes, I won't control their lives, and I'll try not to interfere too much with their freedom.  However, if I see something coming in the distance that could cause harm, I know it's time to pull the leash back in and keep them closer to me.

Instead of parenting with the motto "Do as I say, not as I do", I keep in mind that I was a kid once, and I made mistakes.  I had to learn from them, and each one of my mistakes made me who I am today.  Now, there are some mistakes that I'd rather my kids didn't have to go through, but I attribute a lot of my downfalls to being cut off with a choke collar when a choke collar wasn't warranted... and then me desperately flailing around until the collar came off completely.

By that I mean, for most of my life I was given a pretty long leash.  I was very much like Peanut growing up.  Then, for no reason whatsoever (except the fact that I was getting older, so the possibilities of trouble could come my way) I was placed on a very short leash.  My freedom was taken away from me, the trust I had earned was often questioned for no reason, and I started to feel trapped after spending so long with a big, open place to run.  So, my natural instinct was to rebel.  I don't want to do the same to my kids.  

I want my kids to know that no matter how many times they fall, I'll be there to pick them up.  I can't fight their battles for them, or fix all of their problems.  But, I will always be there to support them.  I will stand by them.  I will defend them.  And I will always love them... always and forever.

My kids are my everything.  How I parent them is my decision, and I don't think I'm doing that bad of a job.  Others have their opinions, and their right to disagree... but my kids will always be able to count on me watching their every move, even from afar.  I stay involved, I stay informed, and I stay on the sidelines.  I only sub in when I need to.  It works for us, and I have full faith that each of my kids are destined for greatness.  

I am so blessed to be the parent to my three amazing children.  They teach me just as much as I teach them.  And each day, I give thanks for them.  

Being a parent may be one of the hardest jobs on the planet, but it's also one of the most rewarding.  I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Have a great Friday, everyone!!

Motherhood is a Gift, Not a Powertrip

                             

Being a teacher is probably, hands down, one of the most rewarding careers on the planet.  Being in a position to touch the lives of so many children, nurturing them, seeing them grow, and having a hand in their joys and triumphs are what true teachers crave and covet about their jobs.  Those things help us get out of bed every morning, knowing that our day will be filled with new discovery, exploration, and excitement.  Most teachers accept each and every student as their own children.  Take me, for example, whenever I talk about the kids in my class I call them "MY kids".  

And, they are mine.  From the hours of 7:30AM - 3:30PM, I am the person entrusted to care for 20+ children and make sure all of their needs are being met.  But, even long before the day starts and well past the end, they are in my minds and in my heart.  They also don't get forgotten about after the year ends, but become a part of my family for the rest of their lives.  I will always refer to each child that was ever and will ever be my student as "mine".  

Being a teacher also has its share of heartbreak.  Teachers see and hear things that can crumble them to the very core..abuse, neglect, dangerous living situations, poverty.  I know I have shed many tears for children that I want, so desperately, to protect and help and know that all I can do is make sure that every second that child is with me, he/she knows I love them and I will do everything in my power to protect and care for them.

But, it's what we do.  A teacher isn't a profession for the fainthearted.  It is a calling, a purpose.  We are not providers of knowledge, but warriors, fighters, and slayers of pain.  We are the infusions of comfort, safety, and love.  When the need arises, we will gladly stand in and take the form of a parent and provide a few hours of joy and happiness.

Which is why it's probably no surprise that the position I hold more powerful than a teacher is a parent.  

Parents really do have the most important job in the world.  Unfortunately, though, there are parents that don't understand the importance of their position.  They cast aside their children as if they are nothing more than possessions that were acquired, and are treated as such.

And NOTHING boils my blood more than a parent that uses a child for their own whims and power.

I am a firm believer that a child doesn't have to be raised in a household where both mom and dad live in order for that child to thrive and succeed.  There are MANY children that live perfectly happy lives being shared between parents.  And, their lives are often bestowed with step-parents that are able to offer even more love.  

There are some parents who believe it is a requirement that they stay together "for the sake of the kids" and then spend 90% of their time fighting and growing resentment for each other, because there is no love shared between the two...they just think it's best for the kids.

But the sad part is, kids who grow up in that environment never truly get to learn what love is all about.  They witness their parents fighting, arguing, constantly unhappy...and they start to believe that's what makes a relationship.  And statistics show that kids raised in households such as these will have a much higher chance of being in an abusive relationship once they set out to find a mate.  

That, in itself, is abuse.  Emotional and mental abuse.  You may love your child with all your heart, give them all the support and love they expect from a parent, yet when you spend the rest of the time fighting with the other parent... you are abusing your child.

And you know what's even worse than that?  Using your own child as a pawn to gain power over the other parent.  

That is the lowest of the low.  Something that makes the bile in my stomach wrench up in to my throat.  

When I am confronted with children who are abused, my heart breaks for them.  I want to protect them and do whatever I can to help.  But, when I am confronted with a parent who uses their own child as a pawn in a vicious game of "Give me what I want", my claws come out...and I see red.

There are so many children out there that don't have their mother or their father in their lives.  Children that have been abandoned by one of the parents.  That's when it's the remaining parents duty to step up and become both parents for those children.  I know, I've done it myself.  But, I have never and would NEVER use my children as a pawn in order to cause pain or have power over the absent parent.  There are so many mothers and fathers out there that want a strong, loving relationship with their child... yet they get met with the other parent preventing it.

There are mothers and fathers out there that decided to end their relationships.  Understand that the situation they were in was toxic for the kids.  That's a sign of a good parent...one that puts the child's needs first.  The intent is to separate, but continue to work together to ensure that their child continues getting the love and support provided by both parents.  Just not under the same roof.  But, then the parent that left is faced with the other parent using the child as a pawn, turning the child against the other parent, and using their child as leverage against the other parent.  

Why?  Why do that to your child?  

I just don't get it.

It infuriates me.

I have seen grown men crippled at the knees, wanting nothing more than to see their child... and a mother that is mad because the father left and refuses to let him see his kid.  No good ever comes out of it.  There are two roads that end up being paved...

One, the father gives in and returns home...to the toxic situation...because he feels he has no other choice if he wants a relationship with his child.

Two, the father stays strong in his decision to leave and is left with a child that is allowed no contact with him, fed lies and hate, and then grows up and realizes that he/she had been misled all along and then turns against the mother for destroying the chance for a relationship with the father.

(I'm using the mother/father scenario here just because it's the one I encounter the most.  It doesn't mean that it never happens in reverse.. but you get the idea.)

Either way, the person who suffers the most?  The child.  

Any good parent would NEVER put their own needs before their child.  Any good parent would accept when a relationship must end (however hard that may be), and be thankful that the other parent still wants a loving relationship with the child.  Any good parent would swallow their pride, face their anger and bitterness and realize that ill feelings need to be pushed aside in order to keep their child happy and work together as a team to make sure that happens.

Very seldom are parents going to be best of friends if they have to separate, but they need to be the adults and at least be amicable.  There's a child watching on and learning how life plays out...and needs the best guidance they can get.  

I know this is super long.. but I needed to get it off my chest.  I have been talking to a friend who is going through this very thing, and my heart breaks for him.  Even more so, my heart breaks for his child.  A wonderful father that wants nothing more than to continue being a wonderful father... and an ex that squeezes all hope of that out of him.

Heartbreaking.

I just don't get it.  

All I can say is that parents should be very careful playing with their child's emotions, and using them in a game of power.  Because one day, the parent you are keeping your child from will figure out a way to get their child back in their lives.  They will meet someone or recruit help from people who are willing to help.  They will extinguish your power.  

There's nothing more dangerous than a loving parent who has their baby ripped away from them.

Children are not pawns.  They are gifts... gifts that should be treasured.  And any parent who doesn't understand that, doesn't deserve to be a parent.

All Aboard the Crazy Train

                                            

Great.  Now all day long, I'm going to have Ozzy's "Crazy Train" stuck in my head.  Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

But, that's actually a picture of me riding a train on Sunday.  The Zoo Train.  Not sure what was going on with my hand, but well...it fits with today's post.

Yes, Sunday, I took the kids to the zoo.  Butter had asked to go for his birthday, but the weather wasn't really cooperating when it was his birthday.  So, we waited another week and went on Sunday.  Which, just happened to be the PERFECT day to go.  The temperature was around 70 degrees, the sun was shining, and all the animals were out enjoying the BEAUTIFUL weather.

We spent about five hours walking around, enjoying our day.  The kids were all in a great mood, there wasn't a single issue of fighting, and the whining was very minimal.  And that only occurred after being in the zoo for about 4 hours, and someone (Jelly) getting a little tired.   We all had a great time.  I think everyone in Tulsa decided to take advantage of the gorgeous weather, because the place was PACKED.  But, despite how busy it was, we were able to get in and see everything we wanted to see and hardly had to stand in line for anything.  

We didn't end up getting home until after 7PM, once we stopped off at McDonald's to grab dinner on the way home.  It was a McDonald's that has one of those Play Places... and Jelly was so excited to see it.  I was shocked that she still had so much energy to play after spending all day walking around the zoo, but she did.

Once we got home, the kids all took their showers ready for bed, and I went straight to work finishing up my lesson plans for the week.  I finally made it to bed around midnight.  Talk about exhausted... and that's why I didn't write my blog yesterday morning, because I decided to sleep in a little longer than usual.  

But, it was needed, knowing that I was going in to the week that I'm going to have.

Last night was Jelly's Family Night at school.  That lasted until almost 7PM.  Tonight, Peanut and Butter have their first Track Meet, and no doubt that will last until around 8PM.  Tomorrow, I'm taking the day off to take Butter to an appointment that's going to last a couple of hours.  Thursday, it's Art Night at school, and I'll most likely end up being there until around 7PM again.  And, Friday, Peanut wants to go to the movies with her friends so who knows how late I'll be out waiting to pick her up.

It's been a while since I've had such crazy schedule, but I'm getting quite used to it.  

Next year will be even more fun, once Peanut gets in to high school.  If she makes it on to the Debate Team and the Show Choir AND the Volleyball Team, I'll have my fill of crazy weeks just like this one.

We had that conversation in the car on the way home from the zoo on Sunday.  How crazy life will get starting next year.  Peanut made the comment that I don't have to go to ALL of her activities, if I don't want to.  We then looked at each other and laughed.  We both know that's crazy talk.  If I can be there, I will be.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it.  The only challenge will be juggling between her and Butter's various activities...but I'll make out a schedule if I have to, so that it's fair and I make it to as many activities as possible to watch them play, perform, or whatever.

That's just what I do.

Sure, I could opt to not go to ALL of the activities.  I could just go home and pick the kids up later, or hang out at school, or whatever.  But WHY ON EARTH WOULD I??  Watching my kids do the things they enjoy doing is apart of my life, and I love every minute of it.  Sure, I might complain about how tired I am every once in a while, but I'll take tired over missing out on being there for them.

Last week, I was accused of being a bad mother.  Well, not so much a bad mother, more along the lines of being "fake" about the type of mother that I am.  Which in my mind, is the same thing.  That I don't really care as much about my kids as I make it seem, and that I treat all of my kids differently and aren't as involved with their lives as I make it sound.

Well, other people may think that if they want to, but I know the truth.  I know what kind of mother that I am, and the last thing I'd say about myself is that I'm "fake".  I'm not a perfect mother, sure, but I try my absolute best to do what I can.

And, the only reason I say that I'm not a "perfect" mother is because I believe there to be no such thing.  All parents have room to grow, adapt, and improve on their parenting skills.  I make mistakes.  I do thinks I regret.  I often wish I could do more.  But, there is absolutely no way anyone can doubt the love I have for my children or how much I'll try to do everything I can for them.

Anywho, got off there on a little vent I hadn't planned.

But, I am going to keep doing what I'm doing and be happy about it.  Not getting home until late, and sacrificing some sleep is worth it.  I really do enjoy being apart of all the activities my kids enjoy.

Life at work is just as crazy as life outside of work.  Being that we're down to the wire, there's plenty of stress for everyone.  I'm trying my best to just stay in my own little world, and not let anyone or anything get me down.

There's a lot more to the story, but that's for another time and after I get more information.  

But, right now, it's time for me to get ready for work.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

                              

Excuse the blurry picture of Peanut and me.  It may be blurry, but it's also one of my favorite pictures of the two of us.  It was also taken after the summer, when I had a little color to my cheeks that wasn't put there by make-up.  Man, I can't wait to get my tan on this summer!

But, I digress.

That is a picture of Peanut and me.  Happy.  About to enjoy an evening of watching volleyball, which is Peanut's sport of choice to play and one of my favorite sports to watch.  

Which happens to be one of the MANY things Peanut and I have in common.

In fact, you could say that Peanut and I were most definitely carved from the same cloth.  She is my Mini-Me in every way.  From our similar looks, our similar personalities, and our similar sense of humor. If we weren't mother and daughter, we'd basically be twins.

I recently shared that Peanut was having some issues at school.  Issues with some kids not being very nice to her or some of her friends.  And, Peanut being the girl that she is, feels like it's her responsibility to do something about it.  Emerge as a leader, a voice, for those being victimized and try and stop all the hate and hurt.

Her living motto is "Why can't we all just get along?"

Which, even though she doesn't use those words, does use that mentality.  

She's tried confronting those girls that are causing drama, tried apologizing to them (even though she has absolutely nothing to apologize for), and her attempts have been met with laughter and even MORE scrutiny. 

And, she now knows in her heart that she may not be able to fix anything.  She may just have to live each day and leave it all behind.  Try and not worry about it.  Ignore it.  And, just be the bigger person without using any form of retaliation.

A comment was made about her yesterday that "She's not all innocent in all of this".  That hurt my feelings.  No, I don't suppose she is completely innocent.  I'm sure she's said a few nasty things in the heat of the moment.  I'm sure she's tried to "rally the troops" by reminding them of what's being said about them.  But, before casting judgement upon my daughter, I ask that you take some time to read some of the Facebook messages she's received JUST because she's friends with a guy that has a girlfriend.  See some of the nasty things said about her for no reason whatsoever, other than her wanting to have guy friends.  And, please, listen to some of the nasty things that adults have even said about her because yes, like her mother, she has a mouth on her and will use it when she feels attacked.

It's sad.  

What makes it harder for Peanut is the fact that she is a social floater.  She likes to be friends with EVERYONE.  Not selecting a strict set of kids to only be friends with.  She likes to try and be friends with the jocks, the popular kids, the studious kids, the "too cool for school" kids, the "mean girls",  the band kids, and any other type of clique that gathers at school.  

She has a close nit of friends that she considers her "best friends" but it's important to her to be socially accepted and involved with all of the cliques at school.  She wants to be a friend to everyone that will let her. 

Which is why it's so hard on her when a select few kids (the "mean girls") make that difficult for her.  When they find fault, make accusations about her, and spread vicious rumors about her without solid reason to.  And, then, it's even harder for Peanut to comprehend when the kids she's made an effort to befriend turn their back on her because they "don't want to get involved".  

Ah, the life of an 8th grader.  So hard.  

Yet, it is music to my ears when I hear my own daughter declare "It's OK, Mom, none of this will matter ten years from now.  It will be stupid kid stuff."  

Yet, it stings a little when she follows it up with "I just wish people would quit telling me that, though, because even though it won't matter ten years from now, it matters NOW.  And I want my childhood to be filled with good memories."

*Sniff*

The sad truth is, though, it really won't be much different when she's older.  She will run in to the same problems, the same cliques, the same issues of rumors and derogatory statements made.  

I know, because I've dealt with it myself throughout my adult years.

I've worked in restaurants, retail, offices, schools...and each place has their set of "cliques".  In my experience, offices, retail, and schools are by far the worst when it comes to that stuff, though.

There are the adult jocks, the popular adults, the studious adults, the "too cool for work" adults, the "mean girls", the band adults, and other type of cliques that gather around the water fountain or in the break room.

I'm sure, if you've worked in a large office environment or school or anyplace that has more than 5 employees, you've seen them.

The group of guys that sit around on break discussing the latest sporting events and games.

The group of "populars" that sit around and talk about their latest shopping excursion, or their beach vacation they're planning, or the plans for that weekend's BFF night out.

The group of people that hardly ever take breaks, and remain at their desk getting all their work done, taking on extra projects, and doing everything in their power to get noticed somehow in order to score that promotion.

The group that do nothing but complain about their jobs, how lame the new changes are, and make sure everyone knows how much they'd much rather be ANY other place but working.

The group of women that sit around whispering their gossip to each other, laughing and pointing and staring at others as they walk by.

The group that's talking about the latest bands playing downtown that weekend, or when their bands will be getting together to practice.

You all know you know people that fit in to some or all of those groups... right now, as adults.  It's OK, you can admit it, as you read those words there were people that popped in to your brain to fit those descriptions.

And, like my daughter, I have that desire to try and be friendly with all of those groups.  

Maybe Peanut has been given my cursed gene of wanting nothing more than to just fit in.  Maybe we are both insecure.  Maybe we try too hard to please others, and care WAY too much about what other people think of us.

Thankfully, both Peanut and I do have our close friends.  Those people that we can turn to, no matter what, and talk to.  But, it doesn't appease our desire to still be socially accepted by everyone, and for the vicious rumors and nasty whispering in the hallways to stop.

I know there are lots of people that don't like me.  I'm OK with that.  Do I find myself wondering why and puzzled as to what I've done to cause the whispering and stares and dirty looks?  Sure.  But, thanks to the support of my close friends, I'm learning to let that go...move on...and try to not let it consume me.

Which is what I'm currently trying to instill in to Peanut.

Haters gonna hate.

It's what they do...maybe to feel better about themselves, maybe because they think there's valid reason to make our lives miserable, maybe because they have nothing better to do than to entertain themselves with spreading lies and hate.  Whatevs.  I guess there will never be a way to fix it... we both have to realize this and move on with our lives.

At the end of the day, we do have each other.  She can come to me and cry, and scream, and yell, and let out all of her frustrations.  I can share similar experiences and help her try and figure out the best course of action.

She knows that I can relate.  She's heard my own stories.  And, she knows that even though I went through similar situations in school and still face similar situations as an adult, life is still good for me.  I am happy, healthy, and have learned how to look those people in the eye and give them a mental flip of the bird while still keeping that sweet, innocent smile on my face.

Because, in reality, life doesn't get easier.  It gets harder.  We just figure out ways to cope as we get older.  

Yesterday was a tough day for me.  Which is reason for today's post.  I got a hard slap of rejection, that took its toll on me.  Thankfully, I had E to turn to and vent to and I needed her to tell me to get over it.  Which I did.

What I've discovered, in times such as this one, is to move on.  Leave the negativity behind.  Find and embrace new opportunities and adventures.  Sometimes the grass IS greener on the other side.  

I have had some opportunities presented to me in the past couple of months.  Opportunities that have left some uncertainty looming... should I?  Can I?  Will I?

And, I've learned that those opportunities require gut and heart decisions.

Reading instruction not going the way I'd like.  Hmmmm.  If I change my approach, I might cause some upset within my grade level.  Should I risk it?  Can I make it work?  Will I follow my gut instinct or just hope it all works itself out?

An opportunity to use a game like Minecraft in my classroom.  Hmmm.  If I decide to take on the project, it might cause some strain to my schedule and require a lot more work on my end to make it beneficial.  Should I risk it?  Can I prove that the extra work and time constraints are worth it?  Will I be able to get the results I'm looking for?

There's a possibility of moving up a grade level next year.  Hmmm.  If I move to a different grade level, it might be hard to fit in somewhere else and might upset my current team.  Should I risk it? Can I have better success with an older set of kids?  Will I be able to teach more along the lines of how I WANT to teach, rather than how I'm expected to teach?

All three scenarios have been festering inside.  

Yet, my gut told me that my students come first and I'm going to do what I think is BEST for them.

My gut told me that my kids would LOVE to play Minecraft, and the extra work will most definitely be worth it because they will show the payoff would be BEST for them.

And, even though nothing is set in stone, I think I'm ready for a change.  Because I think being in a higher grade would be BEST for the students that I teach.

This is the lesson I'm trying to teach Peanut.  Do what is BEST.  

Nothing in life will ever be easy.  There will always be choices to make that are hard.  There will always be scrutiny, rumors, naysayers, and "Mean girls".  But, life is really about how you make it.  

Find those friends that are there for you through EVERYTHING.  Hold on to them.  Never let them go.  Confide in them, trust their advice.  

Let go of those that are not your true friends.  Still be friendly.  Still be a friend.  But, don't let their actions or words harm you.  Continue to float around, but don't let your feelings get hurt when you realize they are NOT your true friends.  And, if they try and make your life hard, just give them the mental flip of the bird, but KEEP THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE.  Remember MY Motto?  Kill them with kindness!!

And LIVE IN THE MOMENT.

Our lives are carved by the decisions WE make, not the decisions pushed on us.  We create our happiness, we create our sadness.  So, stay on the right side of the path.  If we do happen to stray off the course of happiness, find the nearest shortcut back.  

STOP CARING SO MUCH ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF US!

At the end of the day, all that matters is what WE think of US.  If we're OK with our decisions, our life, our choices...then, again, mind flip the bird to anyone who disagrees, and keep a friendly smile on our faces.

We're gonna be OK, kid, cause we have each other and people that really care about us.  The rest can just blow away with the wind.

Just Keep Making Me Stronger

                                    

Snow Day #20.  It's here.  Just as I predicted.  And today, I'm actually glad.  

I had already booked off a half day today, so now that there is no school I don't have to use up that time.  Not that I would have minded.  But there was the whole stress of not preparing for a sub, so that helps too.

You know, I've often wondered about that saying "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger".  Ever thought about that saying?  Ever stopped to think how much stronger you are because of the trials you've been through that didn't kill you?

If the saying is true, then I want to know why there is no Strongest Mother Competitions.  Move over Iron Men, Strong Men, Power lifters, and MMA champions.  Cause there are mothers out there that, with sheer will and determination alone, are the strongest human beings on the planet.

I am one of them.  I truly believe that.

You've all heard the stories about the mothers that have lifted up cars to save their children, have discovered superhuman powers when their children's lives have been put in to danger.  Won't think twice about shielding their children from a bullet, throwing their kids out of the way of an out of control car, and pulling their children from burning buildings.

When it comes to their child, a mother doesn't give two flying hoots about their own safety.  They will gladly sacrifice themselves in order to protect the most precious thing in their life.

But physical strength, to a mother, doesn't hold a candle to emotional strength.  The amount of burden, stress, and worry a mother will carry on her shoulders in order to shield her child away from it, or make their child's load easier to deal with.

It's just what mothers do.

I am convinced that there is a part of the brain that fires the moment their first child is brought in to the world.  Lies dormant through the mother's entire child years, and then the minute a baby is delivered BAM that dormant part of the brain flares up with lights and music and fireworks.

It triggers the sixth sense that tells a mother when a child is hurting, when something isn't right.  It also creates irrational fears in order to focus on nothing but protection.  Every sharp corner, hot surface, or fall potential becomes noticeable to a mother as a death trap.. a possible harmer of her baby...and she springs in to action to make sure that she is on full alert around all potential harm.

And that part of the brain also carries an extra storage unit, so that mother's can tap in to the emotions of their children, and feel whatever it is they are feeling.  Happiness, sadness, fear, anger, disappointment, pain, regret, excitement.  A mother is tuned in.  She knows.  

Over the course of the past couple of weeks, I have felt my Motherly Strength.  I have wondered why I haven't fallen in to a heaping pile of tears, sadness, and anger.  How I am able to stand strong, put on a happy face, and continue my daily routine as if all is OK.  Everything inside of me has wanted to stop, collapse, and not get back up until all the bad is gone.

But I don't.

I stay strong. 

Not for my own sake, but for the sake of my child.  My children.  

Friday, I was finally able to release some of the pent up emotions.  Let some go, but only so that I was able to refill.  You have to empty the emotional bucket now and then...there's only so much it can hold.  But, the minute the emotional bucket is empty, it starts filling up again pretty quickly.

My kids are the most precious parts of my life.  I would literally do ANYTHING to protect them.  There is nothing they could ever do to waiver my love for them.  

They are happy, healthy, and emotionally stable because I absorb the sadness, sickness, and fear.  OK, maybe not absorb, how about take away some of the sadness, sickness, and fear?  Make all of those things a little easier for my little ones to carry.

When my kids are sad, I am there to hug them.  I am there to listen.  I am there to come up with ideas and strategies to make the sadness go away.  I put those ideas and strategies in to effect.  I stick with them until the sadness is gone.

When my kids are sick, I am there to take care of them.  I hug them, wrap them up in blankets, prepare food or drink, administer appropriate medicine.  I watch them as they sleep.  And I stick with them until the sickness is gone.

When my kids are scared, I am there to protect them.  I hold them, I check under beds and in closets, I  make them laugh, and I come up with ideas to help put the fears to rest.  I then put those ideas in to effect.  I stick with them until the fear has passed.

There's not a moment I could imagine myself doing anything else.  

I guess that's why teaching is so important to me.  There are so many kids out there that don't have that strength in the form of a mother.  Or a mother that doesn't understand the strength she's supposed to have.  Or maybe even a mother that's not around enough to give her child the strength they always need.

I am happy to be that person, however temporary my position may be.

Because I know with every fiber of my being that I was put on this planet to protect and help children.  Children in my classroom, and children in my home.  

I am not a perfect mother.  I make mistakes.  I make irrational decisions without weighing all consequences.  I get angry.  I get upset.  

But, all of my children know that EVERY SINGLE THING I do is for their sake.

Always has been.  Always will be.

They are my life.  My breath.  

They are what I live for.

And whatever I do, if it doesn't kill me...it only makes me stronger.

Ending the Week on a High Note

It's Friday.  And for the first time in a while, I haven't felt like the week has whizzed by in the blink of an eye.  It's been a pretty long week.  Lots of downs, lots of ups, swimming, and riding on boats.  And, honestly, I'm really looking forward to the weekend so that I can just rest, relax, and clear my mind.

Yesterday was another day of me not feeling so stressed.  I ended the day still in a good mood, and not worrying about how much still needed to be done before the week ended.  I'm really focused on keeping the kids accountable for their learning, and I've explained to them that with all the changing I'm doing for them, I expect them to return the favor with the effort they put in.  Grades will reflect effort.  Something I'll be reminding parents, also, when I send home next week's newsletter.  

The start of a new semester is a great time to shake up the parents a little and send a reminder on how important things like finishing homework and spending a little time reading at home can be.  I'm also really focused on stuff like reading and following directions.  And, if directions aren't followed, it can have a HUGE impact on a grade for an assignment.  

I have a feeling I'll be sending home a few F's on the weekly report cards I send home next week (because there's only one or two assignments submitted).  With the new semester, grades start over.  And, it's in those first few weeks when I can really grab the kids' attention.  When they see those F's, they start to panic.  Some even panic at the sight of a C.  But, with every failing grade that's handed out, I offer the opportunity for a make-up assignment or extra work.  I haven't had a single student take me up on that offer this week, so when those grades go home on Monday and the parents are informed of why the F's were given and the opportunity for those grades to be improved were passed by, I'm hoping it will shake things up a little.  

I know that sounds kinda harsh, and not exactly a positive outlook, but I'm all about taking some responsibility.  I've realized my mistakes and have vowed to work on fixing them, but the kids also need to realize that in the end, they won't be spoon fed just so they can pass.  They want to earn all A's?  Well, they are going to have to actually do the work to get them.  And, an F on an assignment is never "game over" for me.  I will ALWAYS offer opportunities to make it up, replace the grade with something different.  But, if it's not that important to the student, then it's not that important to me when I send it home for the parents to see.

And just when I start to get my ducks in a row in the classroom, we have a setback at home.  

Long time readers will know some of the struggles I've had with Butter in the past.  His past.  His ability to overcome a disorder.  And, for the past year and a half, that boy has come leaps and bounds to what we were going through two and three years ago.

But last night, we had a setback.  All the hard work he and Hubby and I have put in, set back leaps and bounds.

It all started over finding out he's been taking candy from my room when I've asked him repeatedly not to.  I buy candy to keep in my treasure chest at school.  For my students.  My biological children get plenty of treats at home, and need to stay out of the stuff I buy for the students.  

All of this I've told the kids over, and over, and over again.  Most days, Jelly will ask if she can have a piece of candy.  Sometimes, I'll let her have a piece.  Sometimes, I'll let Peanut and Butter have a piece.  IF THEY ASK!  

Yesterday, I discovered the new bucket of candy I bought over Christmas break (that has yet to have a single piece taken out for a student) was almost empty.  I'll admit, I was FURIOUS.  We've been back at school all of two weeks, and a TUB of candy.. almost gone.  And, I discovered my culprit when I hunted Butter down, and found him and his after school friends chowing down on yet another handful he had helped himself to.  The janitor had let me know that she'd seen Butter go in to my room countless times, while I wasn't in there, helping himself to the candy by the handfuls.

So, I confiscated his cell phone.  Told him that if he was going to steal from me, he was going to lose his phone for a few days.  And, had he let the issue stay right there, that would have been the extent of the punishment.  Besides him not being allowed to be in my classroom unless I was in there for a while.

But, he couldn't let it go.  When he got home, he went in to one of his moods.  When it was time for dinner, he refused to eat.  When Hubby went down to try and talk him in to eating dinner, Butter snapped and said some pretty nasty, disrespectful stuff.  Which earned the removal of his PS3 and his tablet.  

Hubby nor I will tolerate being spoken to that way.  And, he has to learn that when you do the crime, you pay the fine.  If you make that crime worse, your fine also increases.  I usually give an early release for good behavior, and had Butter made an effort to apologize for his actions, done his chores last night, and just let what happened go?  I probably would have given his cell phone back to him, after a harsh talking to.  But, now he's blown it, which really upsets me.  Yet, he needs to really understand that throwing things and going in to a temper tantrum never solves anything... it just makes matters worse.

However tough the situation may have been last night, I'm not going to let it get me down.  I'm not going to let it ruin my last day of work.  I am making a point of ending this week out on a high note.  I'm going to be happy, and stay in a good mood, and not let anything get in my way.

I'm excited about the work I'll be doing this weekend, planning my first reading unit.  I'm excited about the progress that will be made in the classroom in the next few weeks.  I'm certain that this week is just a transition week, and that once the kids really understand that I'm not kidding around...they'll step up to the plate to make me and themselves proud.

Just got to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Alright, I'm ready to get this Friday started!!

First World Problems, Indeed!!

                                 

Yesterday, while doing my daily perusing on Facebook, I came across this very interesting Article on Raising Whiny Kids.  And it totally gave me the idea for today's blog post.

While reading the words in that article, I started to evaluate my take on how I raise my kids and the "First World Problems" I'm instilling in to them.

Like the author of the article, I have bestowed on my children a life much grander and easier than what my own childhood was like.  Don't get me wrong, I had a good childhood, but what I had was earned not expected.  And, I often thought my life was totally unfair.  I shared a bedroom, I was not allowed to spend all day and night in that room, phone calls were limited to 15 minutes, TV came AFTER homework and chores were done, I had chores, I could only see friends on weekends, and if I had something to complain about I could take it up with the head honchos who would listen to me plead my case...and then offer a verdict of something to actually whine about.  And by that, I don't mean a butt whooping, I mean more chores less luxuries, and a little taste of how bad my life could be.

What I considered a "tough life" was a life full of first world problems.  

But compared to my kids' lives?  HUH!

My kids all, now, have their own bedrooms.  Something that's come about with the move to our new house.  Their rooms are all decent size, and are equipped with their own TVs, cable boxes, DVD players, and gaming consoles.  And because their rooms are so amazingly awesome, I hardly see them.  Except Jelly.  She insists on making the living room her playroom regardless of how much we try and convince her that her bedroom is supposed to be where she plays with all of her toys.

When my kids do decide to emerge from their rooms, they have headphones in ears, cellphones or tablets in hand, and trying to have a conversation is a waste of time.  There's only so many times I will raise my voice to get their attention before I give up.

Mealtimes is the only time I ban any form of electronic device, but the entire meal is usually accompanied with music provided by the humming of the vibrate on the cell phones that are all out of hand's way until the meal is over.

Punishment in my house comes from taking away said electronic devices.  It's not worth grounding my kids or spanking them or sending them to their room.  The only way to get my point across is to take away their connection to cyber world.  And believe me, it works.  Within one day of no cellphones or computers, my backside is getting the licking of it's life!  Begs and pleads and cleaning comes from the kids who just can't LIVE without those devices.

And chores? Please.  What chores?  Occasionally, my kids will load or unload the dishwasher.  They might sweep the floor or wipe off the table after dinner.  Every now and then a full trash bag might get taken out. They may even be really nice to me and dust or vacuum the rugs in the living room.

There's no easy way to say it.  My kids are spoiled.

But, don't you dare say that to them.  I know that Peanut, especially, gets EXTREMELY hurt if she's called spoiled.

But even though my kids are extremely spoiled, and are living the easy life... why is it that I never get temper tantrums or disrespectful behavior?  Why is it that they are caring and giving and loving?  How are they still so grateful for the stuff they have, and never expect handouts?

All the statistics say that spoiled children are rotten.  I don't know how many times a day I can read a meme or news article about how we're ruining our kids by making life so easy on them.  How they are growing up with no sense of responsibility or care, and blame everyone else for failing grades, bad attitudes, and "me-me" mentalities.  

How did I end up with a 13 year old that worries WAY too much about other people?  She is constantly worrying about what she can do and how she can help others.  She disappears in to her sister's bedroom and cleans and organizes and makes sure her sister's room is spotless.  She showers and picks out her sister's clothes, without being asked.  She has her head in a book just as often as her head is stuck to her cellphone.  She frets constantly about her grades, activities she can participate in, and how her choices will affect her future.  She shares all aspects of her life with me.  She is constantly sharing her thoughts and feelings, and enjoys a day out with just the two of us as often as we can do it.  

How did I end up with a 12 year old, that despite having all the gadgets and gizmos he could ask for is still bored if he's not interacting with me?  He would rather spend his day with me than playing video games or losing himself on the internet.  He, without being asked, will go in to the kitchen and clean dishes, wipe done counters, and put all the clean dishes away and then disappears in to his room without letting anyone know he did it.  He will entertain his little sister, even though he doesn't really want to, but she's bored and he wants to make her happy.

How did I end up with a 6 year old that is one of the sweetest, most caring six year olds I've ever met?  She refuses to eat a snack at school unless there's enough for all of her friends.  She has never been given a bedtime, because she will tell me at 8PM each night that she's tired and ready for bed.  She can walk around a store without having a tantrum or touching stuff.  She can sit snuggled up with me for hours.  She asks constantly to help cook dinner.  She cleans up her toys, is trustworthy with electronics, and will fix her own breakfast and lunch as if she's been doing it for years.

How did I end up with kids that go through their rooms several times a year looking for stuff that they can donate to the less fortunate?  They refuse to throw anything away, because someone may be able to get some use out of it.  Right now, my den is FULL of bags and boxes of stuff that they've found over the past few days that they want to donate.  

I'll tell you how.  

Because that's how I raised them.

I may not hand out chore charts, but my kids have responsibilities.  They do their own laundry, they clean their own rooms, they take turns cleaning their bathroom.  They want something?  They either earn it or buy it with their own money (except at Christmas).  Earning comes from volunteering for chores, not being handed them.  If I tell them to do it, they aren't going the extra distance are they?

They gladly hand over their unused clothes and toys because even though they are living the high life now, they haven't always been in that situation.  We went through our time of having to shop at thrift stores, and needing help with food donations.  They are also around kids all day long that are growing up the way they were growing up a few years ago.  They can relate to those kids, and it helps them appreciate how far we've come and how much they have now.

They want to spend time with me because I make myself accessible.  I don't spoil my kids to compensate for being an absent parent.  I don't try and buy their love.  I was one of those for a very long time.  I was either working every hour God sent, or was in school and studying during those hours.  I promised them that once I became a teacher, I would make up for it.  And I have/am.  I spend time with them.  We do stuff together.  Family time is important.  I show up for all games, school events, and functions.  I drive them wherever they need to go.  We spend our car rides talking, sharing what's going on when we're apart from each other, and making plans for what to do on the weekends.  

If my kids misbehave, they suffer the consequences.  Usually by losing privileges or belongings.  I hold THEM responsible for their actions.  You won't ever hear me make excuses for them doing something they shouldn't.  Bad grades are unacceptable.  There is absolutely NO reason grades should be any less than a C...although, I'm on their case until that C becomes an A or a B.  I don't care how mean they think their teachers are or how unrealistic the workload is - they will do it.  Because if they've got time to text and surf the web and play video games, they've got time to study.  

But you know what?  Over the past year, punishment has become something that's dished out very rarely.  Not because I'm slacking as a parent, but because they haven't done anything to warrant it.  

So, why am I writing all this stuff?

Well, because I've had to defend my parenting skills over the course of the past few months.  I have been questioned about my parental ethics, my practices, and the damage I could be doing to my kids.  

I am so very thankful that all my kids have to worry about are first world problems.  

Am I a perfect mother?  Of course not.  I make mistakes.  I do things I'm not proud of.  I'm probably a little too lenient than I should be.  But, at the end of the day, I have three amazing children....that are spoiled.  Terribly spoiled,  Yet, not spoiled rotten.  

They are sweet and caring and loving and loyal....and grateful. 

I could spend all of my time parenting them with their adult years in mind.  Making them work hard, do lots of chores, limit their social and media times.  But, at the end of the day, they are kids.  They need to be kids.

I was raised in a pretty strict house.  Lots of chores.  Lots of responsibilities.  Cooking, cleaning, studying, limited social time.  Heck, I even paid rent when I turned 16 and had to buy my own car... because that kind of stuff leads to being a responsible adult, right?

I moved out at 17, ended up pregnant, and had to crawl back to my parents with my tail between my legs at 18 because I was homeless with a child. 

Sure, I'm a great mother now.  I am doing really well for myself.  But, what I have now was from years of sacrifice, hardship, and overcoming obstacles.  My childhood was pretty good, but far from easy.  My adult life has followed the same path.

What I'm trying to say is that I can still prepare my kids for the real world while letting them be kids.  Family and school come first.  Always.  But, they need to time to have fun, be alone when they want to be, be spoiled.  They will have plenty of years to worry about "adult problems".  

Who knows, ten years from now I may be regretting how I raised my kids.  But, I don't think I will be.  I like to think that their amazing childhood will follow them, and help mold the type of parents they want to be.  

I'm OK with my kids being spoiled.  With them dealing with first world problems.  Because Lord knows, they haven't always had a life like it is now.  They've had their share of bad times, but now it's time for them to smell the roses.  

I love my children and I only want the best for them. So, please don't question my parenting skills.  I have good, honest, loving, hardworking kids.  What kind of adults will they be?  I have no idea.  But, regardless... they will always be able to say that the childhood they remember was AWESOME!!

Thirty Days of Thankful: Day Three... My Children

                     

My original plan with this thirty days of thankful thing was to hold off on doing the really obvious ones until later in the month.  But, then I started thinking that people would think I'm doing them in order of importance....and I don't want people thinking that my kids, family, and Hubby are not very important to me.  So, I figure it just safer to go ahead and get the really important ones done first.

So, today, I am thankful for my children.

Creating life is a blessing and a miracle.  Being able to know that I gave life to three wonderful and amazing children is a very awesome feeling.  One thing I never want to take for granted is how thankful I am to have them in my life.

I have heard other parents say, and even been guilty of telling my kids, how thankful they should be to their parents ... because we were the ones that put them on this earth.  But, the truth is, it should be the other way around.  They had no say in the matter.  They didn't ask for it.  So I should spend each and every day showing them how thankful I am to have them in my life.

They are my gifts.  My creations.  And should be taken care of accordingly.  

They owe me nothing.  I chose to bring them here, it's my responsibility to ensure that their life is filled with joy, happiness, and love.

But, each and every day, they fill me with more joy, happiness, and love than I could ever imagine.  How a person can hold so much love for three people is absolutely incredible.  

These three little bundles of happiness have taught me more in the few years they've been on this planet than I could ever imagine teaching them.  I often thought it was a parent's duty to teach them right from wrong, good from evil, happiness from sadness, morals, ethics, honesty, responsibility, and how to show true love.

But I was wrong.

They ended up teaching me those things.  Or should I say, a deeper level to those things that I didn't know existed.

From the minute my Peanut was handed to me on the delivery table, something released in my heart.  A feeling so strong and powerful, that it took the wind right out of me.  A combination of happiness, fear, excitement, and unconditional love.  I knew in that instant that I would devote my life to protect this beautiful little angel that I held in my arms.  I would shield her from harm.  I would kiss every scrape and boo-boo.  I would hold her when she cried.  I would hold her when she laughed.  And she would forever on, from that moment, be my baby.  The most important thing to ever come in to my life.

Just a mere eleven months later, I lay on another delivery table.  And worried.  How on earth would I be able to feel such elation and feelings that I had felt the first time around?  But, I did.  The exact same, heart racing, tear inducing, overwhelming sense of emotions surged through my body as my little boy lay in my arms.

It didn't change any of the feelings I had for Peanut, the feelings were just doubled.

And, then six years later, I would discover that the feelings I had felt twice over were about to be tripled.  Another beautiful baby girl was laid in to my arms....and the explosion of emotions were there again.  Once again, intensifying, not replacing any that were felt before.

I have often heard women explain their reasoning for only having one or two children being that they only have so much love in their heart, and they don't want to have to "share" it among too many children.  

Well, I can account that there is absolutely NO sharing of love between my children.  Each child just grew my love.  Made more of it.  A mother's heart knows no bounds.  There is always room for more love.

For the past thirteen years, I've tried my best to be the best mother I could be.

It hasn't always been easy.  I haven't always made the best decisions.  I have sacrificed to provide for them.  I have fought hard to give them a good life.  Often mistaking possessions as a sign of love.  It took me a while to realize that spending time with them is a lot more meaningful than the latest and greatest video game.  It took me a while to realize that my children wouldn't hate me if they didn't get everything they asked for, and that all they really wanted was a mother who was there when they went to school, there when they came home, and was the one to put them to bed.

I spent the first few years of Peanut and Butter's life raising them alone.  I did everything in my power to ensure a comfortable roof over their heads, clothes on their back, and food in their tummies.  I worked long hours, sometimes only being home long enough to feed them dinner and get them in to bed.  But, you can bet your bottom dollar than when my days off rolled around, the last thing I thought about was sleeping or missing out on making every moment with them count.

Jelly came along in the beginning of my pursuit of my teaching degree.  I was in school full time, working full time, and had a newborn baby to take care of.  Yes, I had help.  But, I made darned sure that I was the first person she saw whenever she woke up.  I got up during the middle of the night to feed her.  I stayed up as late as I needed to until she went to sleep.  In order to spend a little extra time with her, I would read her the notes I was taking from my text books as she laid in my arms.  

It was tough.  But, I always reminded myself that she expected her mother to be there for her.  She was too young to understand that I was busy, or tired, in the middle of a project that required both hands.

Unfortunately, that extra attention I spent on Jelly did come at the price of the extra attention Peanut and Butter needed.  They were older, and I stupidly rationalized that they'd had their turn at being the babies...and I had to do what I had to do with Jelly.

It didn't take long to realize, however, the mistake I was making...and my focus was able to switch to ensure that all three of my children got Momma as much as I could give her to them.

Except, unfortunately, it was a little too late for Butter. 

He'd been having issues in school.  He was acting out.  He was screaming for my attention, and I didn't notice the warning signs.  I had done exactly what I swore I would never do... put myself before him.

The few years that followed were some of the hardest years I've ever had in my entire life.  And I'd gone through an abusive relationship and being homeless.  Neither held anything to the heartbreak that I went through in those few years with Butter.

My poor boy had fallen through the cracks.  What I saw as bad behavior was a child that was just screaming for his mom.  Just wanted to be noticed.  Just wanted to be heard, be held, and be important to me.

And during those few years, I learned more from my children than I could ever teach them in a hundred lifetimes.

I discovered that I really hadn't done anything wrong.  Not really.  My attention towards him, or lack thereof, wasn't the cause of his behaviors.  The harsh, heartbreaking outbursts and aggression didn't stem from me being a bad mother.  As much as I blamed myself, I later learned that there really wasn't anything I could have done that would have prevented anything that happened from happening.

I had a child with a mental illness.  

For four very long years, Butter saw countless doctors, tried countless medications, went to a special school, yet nothing helped.  I felt like a failure.  No matter what I did, or what we tried, his anger grew more intense.  He would say the most nasty things to me.  He would threaten physical harm.  He would destroy things in the house.  He tried countless times to run away from home.  

Finally...when the entire family was close to the breaking point...we were able to find a place Butter would get the help he so desperately need.  It meant being away from Butter for a couple of months.  He had to go to a hospital.  He had to get the help he needed.  And I can tell you right now, the pain and suffering I went through the years prior didn't hold a candle to the pain and suffering I went through when I was told that I could only see my child one hour a week and speak to him on the phone for 10 minutes every other night.

It was during that time I started to understand his illness.  I also started to learn the cost it had delivered to both Peanut and Jelly, too.  They had been forced to the sidelines for a lot of that time, watching and waiting for things to just go back to normal.  To have a normal life.  A normal family.  

Peanut had spent a great deal of time being the back-up mother.  She had taken care of Jelly's needs. She had spent evenings showering her, getting her fed, and getting her to sleep while I was busy tending to the needs of Butter.  She never complained.  She just did what she felt was right to do.  

When Butter finally came home, I swore at that moment that moving forward I would be a better mother to all of my children.  I would be there for them.  I would do everything in my power to ensure that one child never felt more loved than the other.  

Peanut would no longer play the back-up mom.  She would have her own life.  Her own time.  We would make time to talk, for her to share about her day, for her and I to have our own time together.  Butter would no longer scream for attention.  He would also have time to tell me about his day, to do the things he enjoyed doing, and to have our own time together.  Jelly would go back to falling asleep on me at night, be tucked in to bed by me, and to play games and laugh with me.

And these past three years, that's exactly how it's been.

It has been very important to me to give as much of myself to my children as possible.  The older two kids play sports.  I attend almost every game.  The youngest tags along excited by her future plans to follow in their footsteps.  They spend time with friends and family.  I drive them here, there and everywhere so that they can enjoy the things they like to do.  

This year, I got to hold Peanut through her first heartbreak.  While I thought in the back of my mind that she was too young to be dealing with such things, holding her in my arms made me realize that it was very real.  As she cried, I held her.  We spent a few days talking, and me holding her until she cried herself to sleep.  And even though my heart broke for her, I also realized that this is one of the many duties I will gladly do for my child.  She will never be too old to cry in my arms.  Sleep right next to me. And for me to do everything in my power to take the pain away...even if it's just sitting there with her so she doesn't have to be alone.

This year, I got to hold Butter through his first sports injury.  As he lay on the hospital bed, terrified about what the outcome was going to be with his broken arm, I held him in my arms, stroked his head, and assured him that everything was going to be OK.  At a moment where fear and pain were taking over, I was there to comfort him, hold him in my arms.  I was the last person he saw before they put him to sleep, and I was the first person he saw when he woke up.  

This year, I got to hold Jelly through several nights of her crying about not wanting to go to school.  This year she started kindergarten, and for whatever reason, she didn't take to it too well.  We spent the first couple of weeks going through crying at bedtime, nightmares, and crying to get on the bus the next day.  It was a heartbreaking ordeal.  But I held her in my arms.  I told her everything would be OK. I was the last person she saw before she got on the bus, and I was there when she got off the bus.  I made her tell me about all the wonderful things she did at school that day.  And we finally got through it, and now she absolutely loves school.

I could not ask for more wonderful, loving, and caring children than the three that live in my house.  The ups, the downs, the good and the bad have all taught me very valuable lessons.  And, I'm still not a perfect mother.  I still learn from them each and every day.  As they continue to grow and change, so do the lessons that they provide to me.

I am a better person for having these three angels in my life.  My life is better.  I just couldn't imagine life without them.

And for that.... I am truly thankful.

How I Create Awesome

Yesterday, I wrote a post about my new internet craze: Kid President.  I've been using his videos in my classroom this week to inspire my kids, and help them think about how they can "create awesome" in their everyday lives.

And his videos have also made me stop and think about how I'm creating awesome.  What do I do every day to help make the world a better place?

The obvious answer would be that I'm a teacher.  In my classroom, I try and make the world a better place by instilling dreams in to kids...help them believe in and nurture their fire for greatness.  Whether that comes from learning how to read, figuring out how to multiply, or writing a short story..  if it helps a child believe in themselves.  It also goes much deeper.  Helping kids understand that it doesn't matter what their current life is like, if they believe in their abilities they can do AWESOME things today, tomorrow, and several years from now.

I feel like I really devote myself to ensuring that my students create awesome. Sometimes I get a little too passionate about it, but I don't see anything wrong with that.  My dream is that 15, 20 years from now I'll start hearing from kids who tell me that something I did, something I said, or something I showed them on YouTube had a major impact on their lives, and they are reaping in the benefits of believing in themselves.

But, life is much deeper than my classroom.

What do I do to create awesome outside of my classroom?

I have three children.  I am a mother.  So, when I saw the above video this morning from Kid President, it got me thinking.  How do I impact their lives in the way that I try and do for my students?

I am there for my kids, that part I do know.  I encourage them and support them in their interests...sports, music, stuff like that.  My kids feel comfortable talking to me about their problems.  They share everything with me.  I am a person they can trust, rely on, and open up to.  And that in itself is AWESOME.  I know lots of kids who don't communicate with their parents either out of fear of rejection, or not knowing how to, or just thinking that there is stuff parents are better off not knowing.

Those are situations that don't work for me.  It was my main priority as a parent to make sure my kids were always comfortable talking to me, sharing with me...keeping me informed of what they are doing, where they are doing it, and who they are doing it with.  Without feeling like I'm an overprotective mother.  

Right now, that type of relationship is mostly focused on Peanut.  She's a teenager, now, and getting in to that stage where she wants to hang out with friends, have boyfriends, and do stuff with her free time outside the realm of school and sports.  It's that tough age where they start to recluse away...have secrets, want to spend time alone, thinking it's totally uncool for a Mom to be within a 100ft radius of them while out in public.

I knew the minute my children were born that I would never allow it to get to that stage.  I would never foster a relationship where my child didn't want me around....even though I knew it would probably be inevitable.

Until I remembered how my own mom..and dad..had treated me when I was that age.

One thing I remember about my early teen years was the fact that my friends didn't mind spending time with my parents.  My parents were always those kind that preferred I be at home with my friends than out somewhere wandering around, with them having no idea what I was up to.  

That was something I wanted to instill in my own children.

But how?  Without coming off as untrusting or like they were being held on a leash?

And this year, it came to me.  

Peanut has ALWAYS been very open with me.  She tells me about her troubles, her daily goings on, her life in general - both good and bad.  We talk.  A lot.  On our rides to and from school, she fills me in on her day...the drama, the gossip, the crushes, and the demands of being a kid.  

I listen.  I take mental notes.  I give advice if she asks for it, or just nod if she doesn't.  We have an amazing relationship...and that makes me happy.

But something I quickly realized is that there's more to being an AWESOME mom than just being a good listener.  Knowing what's going on in her life is great, but what about the people she hangs out with?  What kind of lives do they have?  Are they the kinds of kids that I want spending time with my child?  What kind of influences are they having on her life?

Asking Peanut those questions was a start, but she honestly didn't know much about them other than what she sees in school everyday.  Kids have a gift when it comes to dividing their school life with their private life.  They don't let anyone in, unless they feel comfortable doing so.

Which gave me an idea.  

I foster a nurturing, caring, honest and AWESOME mentality with my students..why couldn't I do the same for my child's friends?  But, in a way that didn't come across as me being a nosy "old person".  I had to set up a situation that made them feel comfortable coming to me...getting to know them without coming off as weird or crazy or embarrassing for Peanut.

And Kid President hit the nail on the head when he advises moms to HAVE FUN.  

That's what I do, and I'm good at it.  I'm funny.  I'm quirky.  I enjoy going places, creating adventures, and sacrificing my time for the sake of my kids.

It all really started during Summer School.  When faced with the challenge of teaching children both Peanut and Butter's age... I wanted to do it so they could all have fun.  If they were being made to go to school during their summer break, the least I could do was make it enjoyable for them.  

And that's what I did.  

I joked around with the kids.  I played games with them.  I talked to them.  I found out their interests.  I danced to their music.  Literally.  I showed them that adults can have fun, too.  And on the last day of summer school I had SEVERAL kids thank me for doing what I did.  

Those relationships I started during summer school then spun over in to the beginning of school.  Peanut is friends with several of the kids I taught in summer school.  And whenever I saw any of those kids in the hallways during the first couple of weeks of school, I was met with many hugs, high fives, and "Miss, do you remember..." statements.  And it was important for me to keep up the persona I had in summer school.  I had to show them that wasn't an act, me trying to be "cool"...that what they got in summer school was the real deal.  Yes, I really act that way.

Since that time, I have become somewhat of a jr. high chauffeur.  I've volunteered to take a few kids to ball games and stuff.  I take a few kids home after school every now and then.  And what I've found out is Peanut and her friends don't mind me being there.  They don't mind me being a part of what they're doing.  Is it because they know that I will drive them around and take them places?  Maybe.  But, it's more than that.

I've started building relationships with these kids that are on a much deeper level.  They talk to me.  They share their problems.  They ask for my advice.  Sometimes they just need a shoulder to cry on or to get a pat on the back.  

And it's not because they don't have parents to do that for them.  They do.  Great parents, actually.  I've met most of them, and they are all very nice, extremely hard working people.

But, unfortunately, walls have been put up around their kids.  The kids don't feel comfortable sharing certain things with their parents...nothing bad, just general life in jr. high stuff.  They don't think it's "cool" to talk to their own parents... even though they totally miss the part that they're talking to me about stuff.

And it hit me.

I'm creating awesome by being another grown up in these kids' lives that they can count on.  Someone they can talk to.  Someone that will gladly let them tag along to stuff I'm doing with my own kids - as long as it's OK with their parents.

There has been some resistance, though.  Some people think that what I'm doing isn't right.  Not professional.  Weird.

Why on earth would a grown woman enjoy spending time with teenagers?

Let's see...

One child I have built a strong bond with this year got in to some pretty bad stuff last year.  He associated with kids that were "experimenting" far too early.  Kids that, I'm quite sure, would end up getting him suspended or expelled...or maybe even arrested.

This year, that kid has had NO association with any kids from that previous crowd or any of the "activities" he previously did.  He has become best friends with Peanut.  He had a hard time talking to his parents and there were some trust issues there, which are now slowly working themselves out.  He is involved with school clubs, is making good grades, and has become a model student and a great friend.   

Another child I've built a strong bond with was a very socially awkward kid last year.  He rarely spoke to his peers or involved himself in group activities.  At the school dance last year, he spent the entire night sitting on the sidelines watching everyone else have a good time.

This year?  You can't shut him up.  He is a strong member in Peanut's social crowd.  He has built good friendships, and everyone has discovered that he's hilarious and witty and fun to be around.

Another child had a very rough year last year with personal matters.  She was desperate for someone to notice her, talk to her, listen.  She didn't know how to communicate any of her worries to her mother.  

This year?  Every single day she gives me a hug.  She smiles all the time.  She tells me her home life is so much better, and she's talking to her mom about what's going on in her life...and they are closer now than they've ever been.

That same story applies to another girl, also.

And last one, a girl that was friends with Peanut last year, but I didn't get to know very well.  Getting to know her this year has led me to discover that her mom is my personality double.  We are two of a kind.  She has the same relationship with her mother as I have with Peanut.  And that has led to me getting to know her mom a little better, and starting a good friendship.  We now text and talk (her mother and I) and I would never have got to know her mom had it not been OK with her me driving her daughter around, keeping an eye on the group, and her trusting me to take care of her daughter when she's not there.

I think those stories are all pretty darned AWESOME.

I shared a while back about how my relationship with some of Peanut's friends was getting some weird looks and snide remarks.  Certain people don't approve of what I'm doing.  They don't think it's right.  I should not be taking kids out.  I should not be talking to them about their problems.  I should not let them have my phone number.  I should maintain a professional relationship, and keep my interactions to the confinements of the school building.  

I say to those people:  **Insert me sticking my tongue out and blowing so that spit bubbles and fart noises come out of my mouth**

I have been made to doubt what I'm doing.  Start to be convinced that I'm not acting appropriately...not professionally.  And then I realized, I don't care what others think.  I know my intentions.  I know my motivations.  If it's not professional for me to stop them from getting in to the wrong crowd, breaking them out of their shell, or helping them communicate with their parents...then, I don't want to be professional.

I want to be a mom.

A good mom.

An AWESOME mom.

And I truly believe that I don't have to give birth to a child for me to do that.  Yes, I gave birth to my children, and I do that for them each and every day... but I also do it for their friends.  And if their own mothers are OK with it - then SO AM I!!

I am being an awesome mom by not letting what other people think or say about me affect me.  Doing what I believe is right.  And...

DANCING!!

OK, have a great Sunday, everyone!!