Waiting for my Friend, Karma

                             

I have heard the saying, many times, "Bad things happen to good people".  This is true.  I've seen so many good people, myself included, that have endured some pretty crappy situations and things happen to them.  And it seems as all the people that treat others badly, care about nobody but themselves, and skate through life on the coat pockets of others, get away with everything without anything ever happening to them.

But, I also know that with the bad stuff I deal with, I'm rewarded with a lot of good.  People that care for me, great kids, an amazing job, all the luxuries of life that I get to enjoy have come to me because I've continued to lead a good life, work hard, and never give up.  And that, I truly believe, is an act of karma.  

Now, this isn't a debate over religion or beliefs.  Some people believe in karma, others don't.  I just believe that what goes around comes around, and eventually those people that deserve it will be rewarded and those that don't will get what's coming to them.  Even though it seems like the most awful people you know tend to basically get away with murder, I have found that eventually their actions catch up to them and something happens to them that's just not great.  

I think I'm a good person.  I have done many good things with my life, I am kind, I am giving, and I am helpful.  I have also done many things I'm not proud of.  Either way, I've paid the price for my actions.  One thing I try not to do, though, is be mean, hateful, and revengeful because there's no point in being those things.  I am the kind of person that allows karma to deal with the people that have those qualities.

Recently, I heard about a wife that was cheating on her husband.  People that I know.  He caught them together, and it destroyed the marriage. Now the cheating wife and the person she cheated with are together.  Of course, she makes herself out to look like a victim.  But that's neither here nor there.  Only a week before they were busted, I witnessed the married couple kissing, hugging, and they looked pretty happy together.  But, I'm not going to judge what their family dynamic was like, it's not my place to judge.  

But, what I do get to see is karma at work.  

While she's in love with her new beau, and he's declared his love for her, I have gotten to see what that "love" is really about.  They are in love, yet he calls upon other women to spend time with.  And, by spend time with, I really mean.... well, you know.  I'm not going to go into graphic detail, but you get the point. He plays other women in to believing that they are special and important, and then turns around and tells her the same thing.  I have heard some of the things he says about her.  I've heard about some of the things he's said about the other women he calls upon.  They both think life is a bed of roses, and I guess they're OK with living their lives like that.  

But, one thing I don't understand is how people can believe that if they start a relationship with a cheater, that person that cheated will be faithful to them.  Even when it's completely obvious he or she is messing around with other people, they turn a blind eye because it's "different with them".  

Yeah.. OK.. LOL

And watching these events unfold has made me realize how glad I am that I ended my relationship when I did and for the reasons that I did.  My relationship had been bad for a long time.  I was unhappy, I wasn't in love anymore, and I probably should have ended it a very long time ago.  But, I figured it better to cut it off when I did, move on, and let us both go our separate ways in the pursuit of happiness.  

And while on my pursuit of happiness, karma has been at work.  I have been chasing someone that has enjoyed the chase and reaped the benefits.  He has told me how important I am, how much he cares for me, and how much he's appreciated everything I've done for him.  Yet, he's also hurt me, has allowed me to be in pain, and has shown me that he's not really that in to me.  He's enjoying our "friendship", but only when it's convenient for him.  Watching the situation play out with the cheater and that whole ordeal has made me realize that I am done chasing.  I'm being treated the same way that the cheater is being treated, yet I'm not too blind to see it anymore.

Why on earth should I be doing any form of chasing?  

If a man truly wants to be with me, he will show me.  He will treat me right, he'll show me how much he cares.  He would never allow me to go through the pain I've been through, and he'll make every effort to show me how much he cares for me.  There won't be excuses, there won't be mind games, there won't be the feeling of only being good enough when it's convenient for him.  

And the past week or so, I've had a couple of prospects in that department.  Men who have expressed their desire to get to know me better and show me what a good, loving relationship is supposed to be about.  

I think it's karma's way of telling me that I deserve to be happy and rewarded for the efforts I've made, and to be rewarded with what I've been looking for all along... just in the wrong place.  

I still say that I'm not ready for another relationship.  Not yet.  But, I also know that love isn't something that's planned or timed.  When it happens, it happens.  So, instead of saying I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm going to say that I'm going to stop chasing.  If someone wants to be with me, then it's time I allow myself to be chased for a while.  

As the cheater will soon find out, love doesn't come from betrayal.  You can sit and pretend that life is all peachy, stay blind to what's really going on, and skate through a relationship thinking that it's all going to be different.  You can hurt people, make fun of them, and taunt them with your behaviors, but, eventually, karma will have a few things to say about it.  

I will not allow myself to be treated the same way she's being treated.  I'm better than that.  I deserve better than that.  

I am a smart, successful, educated woman.  I have a solid foundation, a great career, and an amazing support system.  Why on earth I thought I wasn't worthy of better is beyond me.. but I am.  I have a lot of love to give.  I will treat the man I end up with like a king, if and only if he treats me like a queen.  I have no time for games, no time for cheaters, and no time for taking anything but the best.  

I'm going to sit back, and allow karma to work.  It may take a month, a year, or heck..even several years to find "the one", but I'm willing to wait.  I will not settle.  I will not be played or a part of vicious games.  My heart deserves to be treated right, and it's high time I allowed those that want the chance to prove they are able to do that to show me what they got.

What goes around definitely comes around... and I just need to sit back and wait for mine to come around.