Why Can't I Ever Sleep When I REALLY Need To?

Yesterday, I took the kids out to buy all of our last minute items needed for our "getaway".  Travel sized bathroom supplies, new flip-flops, a couple of new outfits for each of them, new bathing suits for Peanut and Butter (Jelly just got two new ones from Grammy), and snacks and drinks for our hotel room.  We got home, packed everything that needed to be and could be packed, and I finished up the laundry I'd been doing.  

The family even decided to skip going to watch another firework display so that we'd have plenty of time to prepare and weren't rushing around at the last minute to get everything done.

All was good.  All was packed.  Got the kids to bed nice and early.  I decided to do the same and headed to bed around 10PM.  I set my alarm for 6AM, and that's when I laid there.  And laid there some more.  Turned on the TV for a while, watched a couple of episodes of Hell's Kitchen that I had on my DVR, and STILL after all that?  Could not "switch off" and didn't feel in the slightest bit tired.   

I got up, again, got myself something to drink, set the coffee pot up to go off this morning, went out on to the patio and listened to some fireworks that were still going off, spoke to an old friend on Facebook for a little while, and finally decided to give sleep another try.  It was after midnight by this time.  

I eventually dozed off, but I have no idea how long it took me.  By the way I feel this morning, apparently a while.  I felt like I just closed my eyes when the buzzer on my alarm went off.  And, I'm suppose to be driving to Branson and spending the day at a theme park.  Nice, right?

But, that's how it goes with me.  When I don't need to sleep, I can sleep for 12 hours at a time.  When I really need to sleep? Lucky if I get 5 hours.  

Isn't that what vacation is all about, though?  Hardly any sleep, crammed in fun, coming home exhausted and in need of a vacation just to get over the vacation?

Regardless of feeling extremely tired this morning, I am ready and excited to get going.  I've spent the past couple of days psyching myself up to get on the two roller-coasters I didn't ride on Wednesday, and the Giant Barn Swing that Peanut has been begging me to at least try.  And so, I'm just kind of ready to get those things out of the way so that I can at least relax, and enjoy the other rides without being too terrified of what's yet to come.  We did everything else on Wednesday, so now it's a day (post two GIANT roller-coasters) I can ride the rides that I was so terrified about, and just enjoy my day.

For someone as scared as heights as I am, I do get on some crazy high thrill rides.  I spend the whole time feeling queasy, shaking, and on the verge of a panic attack.  Then, once I'm on the ride and in the middle of the rush of adrenaline that courses through my veins, I get off the ride ready to go through the queasy, shaking, panic stricken rush all over again.  

And, even though I can get on a ride time and time again, there's never ENOUGH times to take that slight fear away.

Weird, right?

I know that the fear isn't directly to do with heights.  Sure, the heights make me a little weak in the knees, but  the majority of the fear has nothing to do with the heights or even me at all.  Half of my fear comes from not wanting one or two of my children to ride the rides alone, and the other fear comes from getting on one of those rides while I still have one or two children watching me.  Sure, I don't like the heights, but that's not what really keeps me off the rides.  If my fear was that bad, there's no way I'd climb into a seat that chugs up to a 150 feet before plummeting me back down to earth at 60+MPH.  No, the real fear comes from the fact that I can never shake the feeling that something might happen either to me and the kid(s) riding with me, and the kids left off the ride will be abandoned and lonely, scared out of their mind.  

I guess that's why I was so brave at Worlds of Fun when I went in May.  I didn't have near the fear level I had on Wednesday, and got on EVERY. SINGLE. RIDE the teenagers that were with me got on to.  Because they were all with me.  Right there, sitting right around me.  I had nobody standing and watching, waiting to make sure I make it off.

But, I'll get through it.  I'll face my fears.  I'll have an amazing time, and make sure that my kids have an absolute blast.

Which I better get to doing... because it's just about time to leave and I'm still sitting in my PJs.

I'm taking my iPad with me, and I'm thinking I'll be blogging in the evenings.. but no promises.

Have a great Sunday, everyone!!  And keep us all in your thoughts as I tackle crazy thrill rides, will ya?