I've been sitting by the computer all morning.... but no sign of BYOC from Draz. This worries me. She usually posts the BYOC post on Friday....but it's not there this week.
I'm hoping that it's just because she's got something fun and exciting going on - and BYOC is the last thing she's thinking about.
I'm a worrier. I know it's stupid to be worried about BYOC not being there - but Draz is always very prompt with her BYOC blog posts....or she let's us know that she's not going to do it. The last line of her last post on Thursday says "See you tomorrow for BYOC".
Isn't it weird that something as insignificant as a missing blog post can cause me to worry? I mean, I don't know Draz - personally - but I love her. I feel like we have grown to have a pretty decent cyber friendship...so it's just in my nature to notice little things like missing blog posts.
Anywhoozle - no BYOC means I get to sit here and wonder what the heck I'm going to write about.
I know what you're thinking - and, yes... I do actually put some thought in to my blog posts before I write them..sometimes.
I can tell you about the bad thing I did last night. I don't know what came over me....I haven't had an urge as strong as I did last night in forever.
After going out with my two favorite gal pals, I got the most unusual dire craving for a McDonald's burger. Like a I'll kill you if you stand in my way kinda craving. So, I made Sanity drive me to McDonald's on our way home - and I got a McDouble. Well, actually I got two. And I ate them. Both of them.
The craving started earlier in the evening, while we were walking around looking for a place to go into. We walked past a restaurant, and I saw a person biting in to a huge burger...and BAM craving started. I tried to fight it off...really, I did... but I just couldn't do it.
I'm not proud of it... but hey - it's the first time I've eaten something like that in a couple of weeks. Plus, I didn't really eat that much before I went out. I know...I'm making excuses.
How about if I say that as long as it doesn't rain today - I intend on going out for a walk? Does that help? No? Wow...tough crowd.
Well, I am. It's not because of the McDonald's incident...I made the decision before that abomination even happened. After spilling my guts to Hope and Sanity last night about being so depressed that my clothes no longer fitted, I realized that the next few weeks are going to be miserably tough with all the holiday stuff going on....and I just can't wear sweats through the entire holiday season.
Being better about my food consumption - ignoring the said McDonald incident - just isn't enough. I'm maintaining my weight...which is better than gaining...but maintaining isn't going to get me back into my cute jeans or my size 16 work pants. Getting in to the size 18s I still have is becoming a little more difficult, also...and getting above a size 18 would just be devastating to me.
I really needed my night out last night....for more than just stress control. Last year, when I went out with Sanity and Hope, I felt beautiful. I was so proud of my weight loss that I felt confident going out...getting a little dressed up. I didn't have that feeling last night. I felt like the elephant in the room - literally.
As I saw men turn their heads to check out Sanity and Hope - cause they are beautiful, and it happens everywhere we go - I felt ashamed. Just under a year ago, I was turning a couple of heads...and I loved that feeling. It wasn't about getting a guy to hit on me or anything stupid like that... I'm happy with Hubby - believe me...it was just getting that glance. The glance that said "DAMN! She's hot!" Call it conceited or delusional or down right stupid - but it worked for me. Those looks boosted my confidence, and told me that all of my hard work was making a huge impact to not only my appearance, but the way I felt about myself.
I want that feeling back. I want to enjoy walking in to my closet again...deciding what I'm going to wear because I have so many choices. Now, I walk in realizing that my options are slowly diminishing. That sucks.
So, I have a week and a half until Thanksgiving, then I have less than a month until Christmas. I know that I can be good for Thanksgiving. I'm cooking the dinner - so it will be easy for me to control the amount of food that's available. I have 6 weeks between now and Christmas. What can I accomplish in that time?
I don't plan on losing mucho amounts of weight between now and Christmas... but I'm definitely going to be focusing on willpower and control. If I can get back into my size 16 by Christmas, I'll be the happiest girl in the world - do I think that's going to happen? No...but as long as I can comfortably get into the size 18s without worrying about muffin top...I'll still be very happy.
OK, enough for today. Enjoy your Saturday!!
Till next time. ;)
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It makes me tear up that you noticed I was gone but I'm so sorry to have worried you...for some reason I just didn't have BYOC in me and life kicked my ass in the busy department. Love you!
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