Be Prepared to Be Scared!!

OK, first things first. 

You're probably not going to be scared...more mind blown, surprised beyond belief.

Are you sitting down?  This is important.  Please make sure you're sitting down.

Now, remove all liquid objects away from your face.  Don't read as your drinking a big gulp of coffee of water or whatever you might be drinking as you read this post.

What I am about to share with you may shock the entire life out of you.  It will be such a blow to your system, that you might faint, and then you may not regain full consciousness for several minutes.

It may result in you reading what I'm about to tell you, and then you breaking in to a fit of hysterical laughter...that you can't control.  Not because what I'm about to say is funny - it's just so unbelievable, that you may just laugh it off as a joke.

This is no joke.

It is true.  It happened only yesterday.  The details are still fresh in my mind. 

I'm going to ease you in to it with a little back story. 

Yesterday, I wrote a blog post about an interview I did with my kids.  What?  You didn't see it?  Then, you MUST!!  I called the post Peanut, Butter, Jelly Time.  Cute, right?

Anywhoozle - one of the questions was asking the kids what they thought about me and trying to lose weight.  Peanut, in her full honest glory, told me...and I quote:

"I can tell when you're starting to gain weight - you get stressed and angry more.  When you was losing weight, you were more laid back....You were a lot happier when you was working hard to lose weight."

 I was shocked to hear this.. but when I really took a minute to think about it, I realized she was right.

I was happier when I was working hard to lose weight.  I was happier when I was eating healthy, I was less stressed when I went out for a run.  It all played hard on my mind.

Now, here comes the scary part.  The unbelievable, knock your socks off, you may not be still sitting up right after you hear it news....

I went out for a jog yesterday.

GASP!!

Are you still there?  Did you faint?  Oh, I hope you're OK.

OK, so technically it was more of a wog.  I walked/jogged.  Mostly walked... but threw in some jogging here and there.  There, is that better?  I don't want this to be too much of a blow for your system.  Are you ready for more?

I went out for a quick walk...and ended up doing 3.27 miles.  I walked out my front door, and just started walking.  I jogged here and there, when I felt the urge.  Which was a lot more than I had expected.  I went until I really felt a good burn, then turned around and came back.

Unbelievable, isn't it?  But it's 100% true!!

The road I live on is nothing but hills.  It reminds me of a roller-coaster driving over it - but walking it?  Holy Moly. 

The whole thing left me very surprised, sore, and damn proud of myself.

I am so surprised at how out of shape I am now.  I mean, I know it's been several months since I've done any real exercise - but I'm literally back to square one.  I had to jog in 60 second intervals with 90 second recovery because I just couldn't go much longer than that.  It's crazy to think that back in April, I ran almost an entire 5K without batting an eyelid.

For several hours after, my legs felt like big tubs of goo.  They were tingly and wobbly.  I really expected waking up this morning and barely being able to walk.  Luckily, that's not the case... but I'm definitely feeling it.  More in my hips than anywhere else... but the burn is definitely present.

Proud of myself is an understatement.  I went out with the intention of maybe walking to the end of my dirt road and back...not even a mile.  But, once I got out there...I felt a little like Forrest Gump.  I set a marker, then once I got to it...I just kept going.  I walked until my legs were screaming at me...a little over a mile and a half - of all hills I might add, once again - and then realized I had to walk back. 

I loved every minute of it.

And you know what?  I was in a great mood for the rest of the day!! 

It's amazing to me that I've been telling myself for months and months that I just need to get out there and do something.  I've kept telling myself that - but never following through.  Then, just a couple of sentences from my oldest daughter - and my whole world changed in a minute.

My kids have noticed the change that has been developing in me the past few months.  After more discussion with both Peanut and Butter, they revealed to me that they were happier when I was so focused on my weight loss.  They enjoyed the food that we ate - much more than they do with the current "quick, unplanned meals" we've been eating lately.  They enjoyed me being more calm and relaxed.  They enjoyed my celebrations of losing another few pounds, or fitting in to a new size, or just carrying myself differently.

Without hesitation, I sat down with Hubby and we planned out our meals for the week.  Hubby went to the store and bought everything we needed for the week.  The meals will be healthier, freshly cooked...OK, in the slow cooker, but still. 

Could it be that the change I've been so desperately trying to instill is coming?  Was yesterday's idea a sign?  Did I need to listen to my children?  Hear their concerns, their opinions, and their thoughts in order to really get it all in to my head?

I sure hope so.

Everyone have a safe and Happy Halloween!! 

Till next time. ;)

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It's Peanut, Butter, Jelly Time!!

 
Last night, I had a great idea while watching Family Guy.  Hearing Brian, the dog, sing "Peanut, Butter, Jelly Time" got me thinking.  How cool would it be to have a day where my kids - Peanut, Butter, and Jelly - got to express their ideas, thoughts, and concerns about topics I give them?

I decided to sit down with them this morning, and we had a chat about it.  They were all for it.  So, I came up with a few questions.  I decided to start off with something related to weight loss....being that is the topic (most of the time) on this blog. 

The questions were tough, but I was pleasantly surprised with some of their answers.  So, here we go...the first installment of Peanut, Butter, Jelly Time.

Me - What are your thoughts on the current childhood obesity epidemic?

Peanut - I think parents should help kids with healthy eating habits.  Give kids better foods, like more vegetables and stuff.  I think parents should be in charge of that, though, and maybe schools, but that's it.  No one else should be allowed to tell people what to feed their kids.

Butter - Parents should make schedules and plans for when and what their kids eat.  Parents could put it in the schedule that their kids can eat junk food once a week.

It's amazing how much this kid is just like me.  Did you hear that?  Schedules and plans!!  This kid is definitely mine.

Me -   Why do you think junk food should be eaten once a week?

Butter - So kids don't get too skinny.  They'd lose too much weight if they didn't eat junk food some times.

Jelly - When I go to school, I have to eat breakfast, lunch, and snack.  That's it.

*Giggles from Peanut and Butter*

Jelly - Shut up!  I'm talking to Momma!  This is important.

Me - What do you think about your mom always worrying about weight loss?

Butter - Do we need input from the Peanut Gallery?  *Giggles*

Peanut - *Rolls eyes at Butter* I think you've been slacking.  When you did do your walking and running and stuff, that helped me too.  It was kinda like Mom & Daughter time.  You should start planning your meals again - just less rice though, OK?  I can tell when you're starting to gain weight - you get stressed and angry more.  When you was losing weight, you were more laid back.

Me - Interesting.  You really think so?

Peanut - Yeah.  You were a lot happier when you was working hard to lose weight. In sarcastic voice:  Now, let's hear from High Cholesterol. *Giggles*

Butter - I like it when you eat healthier, like, we can have a healthier family, like, we go out and do more stuff.  Because when you're not eating healthy or exercising, like, we stay in the house more.  Also, well, I guess that's it.

Jelly - We can eat soup with ketchup  More juice.  You drink coffee. 

Me - What about exercising?

Jelly - Do we still have exercising?  Like push-ups?  Oh, and punching.  No.  I like Yoga better, Momma.  Let's do that.

Me - Do you think people worry too much about how they look?

Peanut - Yes and no.  I think like, honestly, you should care and not look horrible all of the time.

Me - Remember we're talking about weight loss.

Peanut - I know.  I think that someone who hardly eats and exercises all of the time - that's too much.  But, I think that people feel better when they eat healthy and exercise some.

Me - Are you talking about me?

Peanut - Yes.  Well, the part about feeling better - not the person who over does it.  That's definitely not you.

Me - *Evil look*

Butter - Yes.  People care too much because they are so worried about what they eat and how fat they are and stuff.

Me - So, people shouldn't worry about that?

Butter - I guess they can.  Just not so much. 

Jelly - They're pretty.  

Me - Who are?

Jelly - The people.  Sissy, and you, and me.

Me - Do you think we look good?

Jelly - Yes.  Gorgick.

Me - Do you think Momma is too fat?

Jelly - No.  You're pretty. Can I have a piece of chocolate?

Me - If you were put in charge of ending obesity, what would you do and why?

Peanut - I wouldn't charge so much to go to a gym.  The economy is bad so people don't have the time or money to go to the gym.  I would change that.  Maybe give everyone a raise that had to be used to go to the gym?  I would also raise the prices of junk food so healthy food was the cheapest option.  Then there would be no more excuses about healthy eating costing to much.  In schools, I'd give 45 minutes of more P.E. time - so kids were exercising more.  It would have to be cardio or running or something.  Actual exercise, no playing stupid games.

Butter - I'd put more healthy foods in restaurants, and less desserts.  I'm make fast food places use less oil, too.  Then people would have more healthy choices.  They'd still be able to have a dessert at a restaurant, though cause they ate a healthy dinner.  Oh, and I'd put healthier foods in gas stations - instead of Slim Jim's and stuff. So that way, people would have healthier snacks for road trips.  I'd keep the drinks the same - I guess.  I definitely couldn't take out the coffee - I don't want a road trip with you and no coffee.

Peanut - I thought of something else.  Parking lots need to be built further away from buildings.  That way people would have to walk more.

Jelly - Eat stuff like Goldfish.  Drink juice.  Have cups at the store for candy.  You like eat or drink a spray.  Stomp your feet more, and dance.

That's freakin' genius!!  I don't know where she got that from...but could you imagine eating and drinking through a spray?

Me - Anything you'd like to say about Peanut, Butter, Jelly Time?  Do you think you'd like to do it again?

Peanut - We got to give our thoughts without getting into trouble.  That was good.  I wanna keep doing it, as long as it's about different stuff.  This was kinda boring.  Maybe we could have a debate or something?  I wanna be on the debate team at school - this could be good practice.

Butter - I wanna keep doing it because I get to give my input.  I had to think a lot more.  It's kinda like good practice for school and stuff.

Jelly - Yes.  Because.

Me - Because why?

Jelly - Just because.  That is it.

Me - What topics would you like to talk about in the future?

Peanut - War, bullying,

Butter - Responsibilities, behavior,

Me:  Remember, this is supposed to be fun.  Are those topics you want to talk about?

Peanut - Oh, well, this wasn't really fun.  I mean, a fun topic.  How about TV shows, music, school?

Butter:  Books, cars, pollution

Jelly - Stuff we do, stuff I can write.  I wanna write it.  Can I write it?

Peanut - OK, I'm outta here.

Butter - Me too.

So there you have it.  It's very interesting to hear their perceptions on stuff like this.  I can only imagine what I could come up with in the future.  I don't guess it went too bad, for being a spur of the moment kind of thing.

I'm definitely gonna have to think of some fun topics to ask them about - any suggestions?  What do you think?  Could I possibly turn this into a regular feature on the blog? I guess we shall see.

OK, folks...in the words of my oldest:  I'm outta here.

Till next time. ;)

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BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy....Theme Edition!!

Well, my buddy Drazil has really given us a doozy this week.  A theme based BYOC!!  AND there's 10 questions this time.  I'm so excited...let's just get to it, shall we?

1. When did you begin blogging? Do you plan to do it a long time or do you think you’ll stop after a while?
My first ever blog post was written on March 25th, 2009.  That year, I wrote a total of 59 blog entries.  I was just starting out, and trying to find my groove.  In 2010, I wrote 222 posts.  The majority of them came after June, 2010...that's when my blogging fuel really blew up, and there was no stopping me after that.  This year, I've written almost every single day...and have a total of 284 posts.

Honestly, I don't think I'll ever stop.  It has become a part of my routine...and as long as Blogger is still around to record my thoughts, I'll keep sharing them.

2.  What do you enjoy more - blogging yourself or reading other’s blogs?
No offense to anyone, but I enjoy blogging more.  Don't get me wrong...I LOVE reading other blogs.  My blog is what introduced me to the world of other bloggers out there.  But, at the end of the day, my blog isn't just me sharing my life with the world - it's my own, personal therapist.  My blogging helps release stress, anxiety, worry, and leaves me feeling calm and collected so that I can enjoy reading other blogs.

3.  What’s the biggest thing blogging has taught you? Biggest surprise about blogging?
My blogging has taught me that there are so many people out there struggling in the same ways I struggle.  I was never naive enough to think that I was the only one struggling with weight loss, but I was so surprised at how many people blog about it...succeeding or failing.  My biggest surprise was that other people want to read what I write.  It still blows me away that I have 146 followers, and get a couple of hundred hits to my page each day.  I don't consider myself a talented writer...I just share what's on my mind.  But, I love having people interact with me, getting emails of encouragement, and sharing my journey with others.  That's just AWESOME!!

4.  Have you met any other bloggers in real life – solely because of your blog or theirs?
I haven't.  Not because I don't want to, just because I haven't had the means to do it.  There are several bloggers that I would LOVE to meet in person.  I think I'd have the most amazing time spending the day with Draz...we'd tear up some shopping, that's fo'sure.  I'd also love to attend one of the many blogging conferences, like FitBlog or something cool like that... but with my schedule, and lack of funds, not sure if that will happen any time soon.  There are also many other bloggers I'd just love the chance to have a cup of coffee with...just because we interact so well with each other on our blogs. 

5.  Does your blog have a general theme as in one topic or do you cover everything and anything?

Well, my blog is a weight loss themed blog.  That's how it started out.  I still, for the most part, try to stay with that theme... but it's also transformed in to a more personal, day-to-day journal type blog. I think it's important to share my successes and failures in regards to my weight loss... but it's also important for me to share the general goings on of my life.  It helps with the whole my blog is a personal therapist thing.  So, it's not uncommon for me to go a whole week with just talking about weight loss, another week being completely devoted to my personal life, or a general mixture of the two.

6.  Are you public or anonymous? Whichever you are – do you ever wish you were the other?

I'm public.  I use my real name, and real pictures of me.  I do, however, use "code names" for those closest to me...like my fiance, my kids, and my friends.  I don't mind exposing who I am - but it's not up to me to expose them. 

For a long time, now, I wish that I was anonymous.  That's only because I feel like I am constantly monitoring myself and what I say - in fear of someone I know reading my blog and taking things the wrong way.  I have to be careful how much I write that I don't really want people I know knowing about me - that make sense?  I think that if I had started off anonymous, I would have a lot more freedom in what I can write about - and really letting my true feelings out.  Sometimes, I tend to hold back a little.  I know that sounds bad, because it is my blog - and I should be able to write about what I want to write about - but being public tends to fray the edges on that, just a little.

7.  What’s your best blogging advice for a new blogger?
Before you even begin, make the decision on whether or not to be public or private.  Depending on what you plan on writing about can have a huge impact on that decision.  Also, if you start a theme blog - like weight loss, cooking, shopping, whatever....don't feel like you have to stay restricted to that topic.  I was so bad about this in the beginning.  Just because I have a weight loss blog doesn't mean that's the only thing I can write about.  There are no Blog Police that are going to arrest you for switching gears, and writing about something that's not really in line with your theme. 

8.  Does anyone in your real life read your blog/know it’s address? Do you wish they would or wouldn’t?
There are several people in my real life that read my blog.  I post it on my Facebook page daily...so it's nothing new for a family member, friend, or co-worker to make a comment and let me know that they've read a particular entry or they read every day. 

While I don't wish that anyone wouldn't read my blog - this goes back to the whole being private vs. public thing.  Knowing that I have so many people in my real life reading my blog, I am always cautious about what I write about - because I don't want to upset or offend anyone.  Sometimes it doesn't really have anything to do with offending - it could just be that I don't want to share something personal because I know people will know about it...and it's embarrassing or a little shameful.  At the end of the day, however, I'm grateful to anyone that actually wants to read my blog.

9.  Do you enjoy blogging or do you view it as a chore? How often do you blog?
OMG...it's my most favorite time of the day!!!  Blogging is the first thing I do EVERY SINGLE MORNING...unless I'm out of town or something...but that doesn't happen very often.  If I miss a post, I get all out of whack and moody and disgruntled.  My early morning blogging is others early morning yoga.  It's my way of releasing tension, preparing my mind for the day ahead, and just letting everything out through the ends of my fingertips.

10.  Do you tell people in your real life that you blog? Or keep it a secret?
I tell everybody and anybody that wants to listen or is the least bit interested.  It's such a huge compliment to me when I get new followers or people that I know say something about what I've written.  In my warped mind, my writing is my claim to fame.  Hey - I said in my warped mind.  No matter how many times I've wished that my blog was anonymous, or that I've had to censor my writing...it's still a massive boost to my ego if I hear "Hey, I read your blog this morning, I love how you say...."  I feel all important and special and stuff.  What started out as a little piece of the Internet for me to write a daily log of my weight loss process has now become a full time devotion to my love of writing.  I do it because I want to - and I want others to hear what I have to say.  I think I've mentioned how much of an attention whore I am, right?  Well, now you know why. 

Wow...that was so much fun.  I felt like I was being interviewed.  So, my lovely blogging buddies - how about you sit yourself in the interview chair and fill out these questions for all of your followers to read?  If you haven't done so already, copy the questions and answer them on your blog.  I'd love to hear what you have to say on the topic of blogging.


Everyone have a great Saturday....relax, have fun, and enjoy yourself!!

Till next time. ;)

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Fill 'Er Up Friday!!

T.G.I.F!!!  Am I right?? 

Man, I love my job...but I sure do need a break this weekend.  It's been a crazy week...so it's only fitting to end the week with some more crazy.  For you, guys, anyway.  It's my weekly installment of Fill 'Er Up Friday...where I bombard you with random information about me and anything else I find interesting.

So, I just got to start with a sensitive topic of discussion going on in my house right now...the threat that DirecTV is going to pull the plug on Fox Network starting Nov. 1st.  Have you heard about this?  When Hubby told me last night, I almost flipped the flip out.  Most of the shows I love are on Fox!!  I was hot, but Hubby was fuming.  Sons of Anarchy is on FX...and it's Hubby's favorite show.  Well, after some investigating...I'm on the fence.  If Fox is really trying to get DirecTV to charge their customers 40% more for the same channels...I say Good Riddance, Fox!  This poor girl can't afford an increase like that....to keep the exact same channels I already have.  I'll miss watching my shows on my 42" TV, but I'll just watch them online.  However, I make a plea to DirecTV and Fox both to just get along, and work it out....I want to watch House, Bones, Kitchen Nightmares, and X-Factor from the comfort of my living room..thank you very much!!

Peanut made it through the first round of try-outs for Quiz Bowl.  I was excited for her...until I found out when they have to practice.  Thursday and Friday evenings from 3-4:30.  Really?  Now I can add yet another thing to my already packed schedule of after-school activities.  YAY!! *insert sarcasm*  Thankfully, it's only for a couple of weeks.  

I still have no idea when trick or treating is around my neck of the woods.  I hate Halloween being on a Monday.  I just think there should be some kind of bill passed that no matter what day Halloween falls on, trick or treating will be done the Saturday closest.  Think I should write a letter to my state representative?  I'm sure it's an important topic...you know...right up there with copy right laws and stuff like that.

There's no update as to when Butter may be coming home.  He had a few issues this week, that the counselor thinks may be a side effect of the medicine.  They're not sure what to do about it, either.  They can take him off the new medicine - which without it, he gets a little hyper and impulsive.  With the medicine, it causes some mood swings, and he's acted a little angry.  In my opinion, hyperactivity is a little more easy to deal with than anger.  I'm no doctor, but I don't want the same problems to start happening to Butter that happened on the last medicine.  I'm just so happy that he's surrounded by counselors, doctors, and nurses that are constantly monitoring him...and are willing to make the necessary changes.  His disorders - combined together - are just so hard to treat.  I am keeping full faith, however, that they will find the best way to treat him.

Jelly is going to be a cupcake for Halloween.  She gets to take her costume with her to preschool today - and she will get to go trick or treating at a local event.  She's excited about this, however she's a little nervous.  She thinks that someone may want to eat her.  You can't blame her though, right?  She lives in a house where she's seen her mother devour cupcakes without leaving a crumb.  It just goes to show the mental effects that overeating can have on a child.

I officially hate going in to my closet on Jeans Day.  It's depressing to see the three pairs of jeans that I could be wearing, if I hadn't of gained 20lbs in the last six months.  I'm now down to one pair of jeans that fit me.  That sucks big rabbit balls.  I have so many cute clothes in my closet that fit me a few months ago - and now I'm trying with all my might to wiggle in to the last few pairs of pants that I can still get over my hips.  I still refuse to buy bigger clothes. It ain't happening!!  It's either shape up or go naked.  Believe me, there's not anyone on this earth that wants to see this person walk around naked.  Oh the devastation and destruction that could start.  So, even though I keep saying it.... I really have to start doing something, FAST!! 

It has recently occurred to me that I think my obsession with Facebook has officially come to an end.  It's only taken about 3 years... but I'm over it.  I still glance at the goings-on of everyone else... but my own status messages are all few and far between.  I'm not sure why the love affair has ended...maybe I'm satisfied with just sharing my life with you guys - right here.  I don't know... but if you are my friend on Facebook, and don't see much from me...that's the reason.

OK, I think that's enough for one day.  Everyone have a fantabulous Friday!!   

Till next time. ;)

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Dreams Can Come True...Right?

My body's trying to tell me something.

I can just feel it.

It's getting to the point that I'm not only constantly thinking about losing weight while I'm conscious...but my subconscious is now having a go.

I had the weirdest, coolest dream this morning.

I was at school... but the school was on in a really high hill.  It was surrounded by trees, grass, trails, and the most beautiful views.  I was so enthralled by the beauty outside, I decided to move my entire classroom out there.

Kids were reading in trees, laying in the grass, and working together to discuss the different plants and leaves.  There were no bugs or flies or wasps or ticks. This had to be the case, or I would have never agreed to be outside doing what I was doing.

Then, a group of kids asked me to go on a hike.  And we went.  I was climbing hills, jogging down rocky trails...and the sweat was pouring off of me.  The kids were commenting on how hard I was working...and I was really pushing myself.  I was even climbing up sides of cliffs!!! 

The dream was so cool, I didn't want to get out of bed this morning.  And I didn't...until 5:15.

I woke up feeling calm, rested, and at peace.

Then it dawned on me.  If I'm dreaming about exercising that hard....isn't my body really trying to tell me something?  I'm no dream interpreter...but I put 2 and 2 together, and most of the time...it equals 4.  If my body is craving exercise....could it be trying to talk to me in my dreams?

I keep telling myself that I'm so busy during the week, that I just don't have the time to get out for a run.  That's partly true.  Most nights, I don't get home until after 5..and then dinner's done...and then I have some work to do...and then it's dark. 

That doesn't account for weekends, though.  Even on the busiest of weekends - I control that schedule.  I have the say on where we go and what we do.  It's up to me to make my exercise happen.

I'm convinced that if I just did some exercise on the weekend - it would be so much better than what I'm doing now.  Which is absolutely nothing...if you missed that, somehow.

I keep telling myself the same thing... but I never seem to go through with it.  I'm not sure why.  The motivation to actually making the step of going out to run is what's killing me.  I just know that the minute I get out there, all will be right with the world - and I'll be so happy I did it.  So, why is it so hard to get there?

So, I've decided that my only goal this week is to go out for a run.  Just once.  That's it. 

I will go out this weekend.  Maybe I'll just walk up the road.  Maybe I'll jog a little.  I just want to do something.  I just need to make the first step...because I know that once I remember how wonderful I feel after a good run - I won't need to psych myself up this much anymore.  I'm hoping so, anyway.

Oh, and the mini challenge for this week in Shrinvivor is to avoid all of the Halloween candy.  Well, I'm allowed two fun size pieces.  That's it. 

I'm thinking that it would be easier for me to run a marathon than it's going to be to stick to this challenge.  But if I do?  Holy crap.  The heavens will open up and the angels will rejoice.  I'm sure of it.  Me avoiding Halloween candy is like....well, I can't really think of a cool comparison because now my mind is focused on the candy.  It's never happened before...ever...in my whole life.  Could this be the year that I make miracles happen?

Alright, time for me to head out into the gloom and cold of the morning.  It's 47 degrees right now.  It's only supposed to get up into the low 50s today...and rain all day.  It's the kind of day I'd much rather stay in bed and dream. 

Oh well....everyone enjoy your Thursday!!

Till next time. ;)

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Shrinkvivor - Week 4

Greetings, once again, from Exile Island.

Another week has passed, and what have I done to kick butt and take names?  Not much. 

It's Week 4.  This is where I should be sitting with a nice 5-6lb gain...at least.  Where am I sitting?  Exactly the same place as I was last week.

Yes, folks, this is what I saw..once again...this week...

I'm surprised.  Not because I thought the number should be lower - but I kind of expected a gain this week.  What with Aunt Flo on my tail - and her making me eat crap food all week.

I'm not happy to still be sitting at 231...but I'll take it, as long as it's not any higher.

Oh, how I'd love to stand on that scale and see a number in the 2-twenties.  Which is kinda sad.  Just six months ago, I was on the verge of seeing a number below 210..and now I'm praying for a number below 230.  UGH!!

At least this week, I won't be logging zero fitness minutes.  I'm totally counting the hour I played kickball last Friday.  That was the most I've exercised in months....no way I'm letting that one slip me by.

As far as the mini challenge goes?  Well, I drank water every day.  Was it the 64ozs I was supposed to drink?  Well...no... more like half of that.  Too bad coffee doesn't count.  If it did, I'd have way over 64ozs each day.

I'm really uncertain about what I want to do about Halloween this coming weekend. 

Every part of me wants to tell my kids that there will be no Trick or Treating this year...cause Momma just can't handle being around all that candy.  But that's not fair.

What kind of mother would I be if I stopped my kids from going out on Halloween, just because their mother can't control herself around bags of candy?  The jury is still out on that one, I suppose.  It would prevent cavities...that's a good thing, right?

Who am I kidding?  My kids are so looking forward to it.  I just couldn't live with myself by tearing their fun away.  Maybe I'll find them a lock box to store it in.  That might help.

There's only 4 weeks left until Thanksgiving...and four weeks later is Christmas.  I'm getting hives just thinking about it.  The time of year where food is the main guest at the celebrations. 

Seriously.  Three holidays, just four weeks between each.  And I'm trying to lose weight?  I better get my act together - stat!!

Any other year, and I'd throw in the towel for the holidays.  If you've been with me for a while - you'll know that's exactly what I did last year.  Once Halloween hit, I officially went on weight loss hiatus.  I figured I'd end the year just enjoying myself - and cramming on the pounds - and started all over again in January.

The problem was, I never really found my mo-jo again after that.

I'm not doing that again this year.  I still haven't found my mo-jo...and I'm back to October.  Maybe I should try the opposite this year.  Hmmm, that's an interesting idea.  Instead of going on hiatus, I'm going to start really putting an effort in.  How awesome would it be to lose more weight the last two months of the year, than I have all year long?  That would totally kick butt!!

I kind of like that idea. 

Show of hands.  How many would like to see awesome, motivational posts the last two months of the year...where I'm losing each week?  It would be a very nice change, that's for sure!!

OK, I'll try it. 

Bring it on Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.  This year, you don't scare me..much. 

Here's to a rocking end of the year.  Time to find my mo-jo.  I left it in October, 2010...and it's time to reclaim it in October, 2011!!

Till next time. ;)

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Yeah, I Got Some Confessions...

Every Tuesday, I join in with this little fun thing called True Confessions Tuesday.  It's hosted by the Sisterhood, and it gives me the chance to lay all of my sins out on the table....so that they can stay there, and I can start over.  It's a sweet release for anything I may be a little ashamed off.  I, also, like to confess some good things - when I get the chance.  So, here we go...

I confess that...this week has not been as good as last week in regards to my eating.  It's all Aunt Flo's fault!  That b**ch has had me eating cookies, kettle corn, ice-cream, and even a Snickers bar here and there.  I hate her!!

I confess that... I know full well that blaming my eating on Aunt Flo is nothing but an excuse.  I know this.  I confess this.  But I will not stop blaming her.  It's still all her fault.  This is her first visit since getting my implant - and it has SUCKED!!  I've had headaches, I've been moody, and..well...I haven't stopped eating.  My "normal" three day visit is now going on to day six.  It sucks big hairy llama balls.  So, this week, I'm blaming Aunt Flo AND Uncle Implant....and I don't give a bee's behind how much of an excuse it is. 

I confess that...I was deeply touched by Drazil's comment from yesterday.  She asked that I not refer to myself as "fat" for at least a week.  The truth is, I just refer to myself that way because of the name of my blog.  Honestly, I really no longer consider myself "fat".  I still think I'm overweight - but nothing compared to what I was a few years ago.  But, because Draz asked, and because I love her so much - I will not refer to myself as fat for at least a week....maybe longer.

I confess that...yesterday, I was thrilled, ecstatic, over the moon, happier than a...well, you get the point.  I received notification that my student loans have been approved for deferment for another year.  HALLELUJAH!!  Now, lets all hope and pray I find a teaching job next year - so I can afford the payments then.  No, seriously, start praying now....you have no idea how much time flies!

I confess that...I was relieved and happy after I got to meet Peanut's new teacher yesterday afternoon.  It was my first parent/teacher conference...and I'm not sure why I was so nervous.  The teacher had nothing but wonderful things to say about Peanut - and I knew right away that Peanut is not going to have any of the mess she had in her last school.

I confess that...playing kickball with the teachers, last week, was one of the most fun things I have EVER done.  A few years ago, I wouldn't  - or couldn't - have signed up to join in with something like that.  Despite the setbacks I've had in the past months, that one game made me realize how far I've come with my weight loss efforts.  I ran hard, I played hard...and I didn't about die doing it.  I didn't even care about any jiggling as I was running...the fact that I could run was all that mattered.

I confess that...twice this week, Hubby has cooked a healthy meal...and I've loved it!!  I know that doesn't sound like much - and it's not the only healthy meals I've eaten - but having a lean protein with brown rice and a veggie was a treat.  He's told me, however, that I have to start coming up with more things to cook...and maybe even start doing some of the cooking myself... because he's getting a little tired of it.  EEK!!  This scares the crap out of me.  I don't mind cooking once in a while - but now I have to start thinking of healthy meals AND cooking them.  Bummer!!

I confess that...I haven't been doing so well with my water intake this week.  I've been drinking water every day - just not the 64ozs I'm supposed to be.  I know that if I had been, I probably wouldn't be dealing with the bloating that I'm dealing with right now....lesson learned, once again.

I confess that...after using the new iCloud calendar, and all of it's color coding awesomeness...I saw how busy I really am.  I've never combined all three of my calendars into one before - and it's pretty darn scary.  My work, family, and personal stuff are now all carefully coordinated into one calendar - and holy bejeezus...no wonder I never feel like going out for a run or fitting in some exercise time.  I am one busy chick!!  Almost every afternoon, between now and Christmas, I have something going on.  I do still have a few clear weekends...maybe I should schedule my runs, again.  It worked in the past - maybe it's time to start doing that again?

I confess that...now the student loan weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, I'm now getting a little tingle of excitement about the holidays.  I'm excited that there's only 4 weeks left until Thanksgiving and the Christmas decorations going up.  I'm also a little more sure that my kids will be able to have some presents under the tree. 

I confess that...even though I will now be able to afford to give my kids a little Christmas, I wouldn't give them a big Christmas even if I won the lottery.  After spending the past few weekends cleaning my house, it hit me how spoiled rotten my kids are.  They have too much stuff.  It's all my fault.  I want them to have nice things - but it's now verging on ridiculous the amount of crap they have.  I'm making them all clear out stuff they no longer need or want...and finding kids who can really use that stuff.  If they want any form of Christmas, they are going to do their part in helping others.  Luckily for me, my kids have huge hearts.  They're not only clearing out the stuff they don't need...but also stuff they know will make other kids happy.  They've even got kids in mind of who they want to have the stuff.  So, I may have spoiled them rotten - but I did something right in the process.

Alright folks, that's enough confessing for this girl for one week.


If you enjoyed reading them, and think this is something you need to do...well, then do it!!  Go post it to your blog, and let me know when you did.  I love reading other people's confessions.  


Also know, that if I don't comment right away - it doesn't mean I haven't read it.  Go back and see the confession about my calendars.  I do my best to read all of the blogs in my blogroll... I'm working on getting comments to everyone... but don't hate me if it takes me a while.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!!

Till next time. ;)

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Clean House Plus New Mattress Equals One Very Happy Fat Woman

Guess what? 

I don't feel all crazy and upset when I walk in my house anymore!!!

Finally, I can walk in the front door and not sigh, or huff and puff, or get easily agitated.  You know why?  Do ya?  Do ya?

Yep, you guessed it....My House Is Clean!!

OK, so it's not perfect.  There's still work to be done...but it's better....much better.

The piles of junk have been diminished.  The dust bunnies are gone.  The back half of the living room is now organized - and only a few of Jelly's toys remain.

I really feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  It's amazing how getting rid of some clutter, running a vacuum through the house, and cleaning up some dust can really make a person feel this much better.

Or, maybe it's the new mattress I have.  That could be something to do with it, too.

Yep.  I have a new mattress.  A memory foam mattress that is soft, and comfy, and feels like a big hug when I lay on it.  I haven't slept so good in years!!

The best part is - I didn't have to buy it.  Nope, it was a gift from my amazing pseudo mother-in-law (PMIL).

So, as you've probably figured out - it's been a pretty decent weekend.

I went to my parent's house on Saturday.  Butter had been staying there since Thursday night.  He wanted a couple of days with Grandma and Grandad...and he enjoyed himself.

We hung out there for a couple of hours, and then it was home again.  PMIL was bringing our new mattress over, so the kids and I wanted to be there to see her.

After PMIL left, Hubby cooked a wonderful dinner of baked salmon and brown rice.  It's been a long time since we've had such a yummy, healthy meal. 

The rest of the evening, I didn't do much.  I played some solitaire, watched some TV, and just relaxed.

Sunday was cleaning day.  The kids all went to church, and I started my Operation: Get House Clean. 

I got the laundry all done.  The house cleaned.  I then decided to enjoy the rest of the afternoon by sitting on the couch. 

All in all, a good weekend.  Somewhat busy, somewhat relaxing.  It was a nice balance...something that has been long overdue for me for a long time.

I've already decided that next weekend I'm not making ANY plans.

I want one weekend where I don't have to go anywhere or do anything.  I still have some work on the house I want to get done...and in my office.  But, for the most part, I just want a relaxing weekend.

I've been pretty stressed, lately.  There hasn't been one specific cause - just a bunch of small stuff that has all piled up and left me feeling a little frazzled.  I need to release some of that stress....I'm thinking a night out with my gal pals may just be in order next weekend.

There I go.  Already making plans, when I said I wouldn't.

It's a sickness, I tell ya.  It's damn near impossible for me not to.  UGH!!

On a totally unrelated note:  Jelly has become obsessed with Christmas already.  Daily, she's asking me to put up the Christmas tree.  Last night, she watched The Santa Clause.  Twice.

I'm happy that's she so excited about Christmas - but it puts even more stress on me.  There's still a month to go before the tree goes up...and I just don't know if my three year old has the patience to wait that long.

I refuse to be one of those people that put their decorations up the first week of November.  I just won't do it. 

I'm feel like I'm just rambling on.  Am I rambling?  That's what it feels like. 

This is what happens when after years of tossing and turning all night, I finally get a comfy mattress and a full night's sleep without interruptions.  I wake up all dazzled...and rambly.

I feel really good, though.  If rambling on and on is a side effect - well, sorry about ya.  But, I'll stop...for all of your sakes. 

Well, better go....work is calling.

Till next time. ;)

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I'm On iCloud Nine

Some of you probably don't know this tidbit of information about me:  I'm a bit of a techno geek.  I know, shocking right?

Since I was as young as I can remember, I've always been surrounded by technology - whether it be video game consoles, stereo systems, computers, laptops, and now smartphones. 

While I won't say that I'm anything close to an expert on these things...I do try to stay updated on the current goings on in the technological world.

Technology isn't just fascinating to me - but as OCD as I am about being organized, and having folders and labels for almost everything....technology has it's part in keeping me sane.  Gone is the stress of trying to keep up with paper files and folders - and in their place are fascinating features as virtual folders and organization tools such as the my laptop has to offer.

Now, I have found a new gadget....app, if you will.  Something that offers the wonders of color coding, organized files, immediate back up.  That, my friends, is iCloud.

What is iCloud, you ask?  Well, it's a new program offered by the wonderful folks at Apple (RIP Steve).  With the new launch of the iPhone 4S came the introduction of an upgrade....for all of those with the older models of iPhone.  iCloud is the newest feature that popped up on my phone after I installed the new operating system.

I haven't even begun to really scratch the surface at what iCloud is all about....there's just one thing that I've clung on to and know that I'll use faithfully...organized calendars.

Calendars are my lifeline.  I have a paper planner I use at work.  I have a calendar on my phone I use when I'm away from home.  I have a calendar on my laptop from when I'm at home.  All three of them are separate, and I manually enter in my information into each one...so that I always have a calendar with me.

I have so much going on in my life - without my calendars, I'll be lost.  Regardless of how many different calendars I use, I still manage to forget to let Hubby know about my after school activities, meetings, the kids' events, and what have you. 

Several times a week, I can expect a call from Hubby asking where I am - because I've forgot to let him know.  Or I'm making a quick text message first thing in the morning - because I've forgot to let him know that he needs to pick Jelly up from daycare. 

I am very organized in where and when I have to be somewhere....I'm just not as organized at letting everyone else know.

Now, with iCloud, I don't have to worry about it ANYMORE.

Hubby has created a calendar for us both - that we share.  Whenever I add something to the calendar, it immediately adds the calendar to his phone, iPad, and computer.  No worrying about syncing or all that jazz.  It's there for him to see - and I can also set a reminder for him...just in case he forgets to check it.

As anal as I am about using calendars - this will be a dream come true to our household.

Another plus - I don't have to share all of my meetings, classes, etc that happen during the day...that don't involve Hubby.  I have color coded calendars, people.  Color coded! 

I have one color for work, another for family, and another for appointments.  I check a little box when I'm adding stuff - to tell me if I need to add it to the calendar I share with Hubby.  If it doesn't concern him, I leave it off.  All of the colors in one happy place....no more do I need separate calendars for everything.

I know all of this may sound boring and unimportant to you all... but this really is huge for me.

Anything I can get that can make my organization easier - well, it's like Christmas in October. 

I know some of you are probably saying that there's a bunch of online calendar options for this type of thing.... I know, I've tried them.  The problem?  They are only useful when I sync my phone with my computer - so that the information can be shared.  I sync my phone a couple of times a week - at most. 

Now, I can be at work, add something to the calendar and BAM Hubby has it on his calendar.  I can add something while I'm online - while my phone is locked away in my office - and BAM it's right there waiting for me on my phone when I get to it.  Got to love WiFi and 3G internet service, right?

The other cool feature?  The contacts.  I swear, since I've started using my iPhone, the brain cells that stored phone numbers have disappeared.  I'm the worst at trying to remember a phone number nowadays.  It has been a constant worry to me that if I ever lost my phone - I'd lose contact with everyone I know... because I'd never be able to remember their phone numbers.  Now, I just need a computer...any computer...and BAM, I have all of my contacts at my fingertips.

Don't worry, I keep a paper ICE number sheet in my purse in case I'm ever stranded away from home without a computer or phone.

It's all fantastic, exciting stuff. 

Now, once I get my iPad....someday...holy bejeezus, I'm gonna be in heaven.

Till next time. ;)

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I Just Have To...It's The Routine

Sorry, folks.  No Bring Your Own Crazy today.  That's because yesterday was Drazil's birthday - and she did a fantastic Birthday Suckhole Extravaganza instead of BYOC.  I don't blame her.  If I had someone that could say the wonderfully amazing things about me - like she has - I'd pass over BYOC, too.

I highly recommend you popping on over to Draz's blog and checking out her Birthday Suckhole Extravaganza.. it's truly wonderful...make sure you take Kleenexes.

Now that I don't have BYOC to fall back on today, I'm kind of at a lost.  I've pretty much spilled my guts all week about everything going on with me...and come on, admit it, you're probably tired of hearing about it.

You're probably thinking "well, then just don't do a post today".  That would be the easy thing to do - but it's just out of my normal routine...and Lord knows, I don't like getting out of routine.

Even if I have to sit here and dribble out words...that's what I'm going to do... because I love my routines - and just one glitch in the system can send me roaring down a path of self destruction.  OK, maybe that's exaggerating a little... but you just never know.

As is my normal routine, I've got so much stuff to do this weekend. 

Camping is out, but that doesn't mean that I just get a weekend off....oh no.  Now I have to go to my parent's house and pick up Butter, I have to come home and try to get rid of some of the craziness that is my current living situation, there's laundry that needs to be done, my new mattress is being delivered tonight, and this morning it's hit me how badly my office needs some serious cleaning.

Just once I'd like to be able to come on here and say "this weekend, I'm doing absolutely nothing".  Wouldn't that be nice?

So, maybe I'm sitting here typing because I don't like being out of routine....but it could also be the fact that I'm stalling.  I want just an hour or so to not have to worry about what awaits me the moment I step out of my office.

Kickball was fun yesterday.  I forgot about letting you all know how that went.  The game lasted an hour - and by the end of it, I was drenched in sweat.  I made sure I played hard.  I ran those bases as fast as I could, I kicked with all my might...even if it meant hitting a kindergartner with the ball...my bad.  Luckily, the ball was soft, and the kid thought it was the coolest thing ever.  Kids are strange sometimes, aren't they?

It truly amazes me how something as simple as watching a bunch of teachers play a game of kickball can be the highlight of some kids' week. 

I guess, when you think about it, these kids aren't used to seeing there teachers doing something as crazy as running...or kicking...or cheering...or laughing until they cry.  Even though the kids were just spectators - they loved every last minute of it.  I'm already thinking about future events, like basketball, soccer, or even Dance, Dance Revolution!!

Alright, so I feel like I've completed my blog post requirement for the day. 

Everyone enjoy your Saturday.  Take a few moments to relax, or do something that YOU want to do, k?

Till next time. ;)

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Fill 'Er Up Friday!

This has been a week full of ups and downs....and the week isn't even over yet.

It's time to do this week's edition of Fill 'Er Up Friday...where I pump you full of all the random tidbits of stuff that's been going on with me all week...and wrapping up any loose ends you may be wondering about.

I'll start with Butter.  After a very emotional meeting yesterday afternoon, it was officially decided that Butter will come out of the hospital and go into the elementary I'm working in.  He'll go in to a regular classroom.  After weighing the options, and basically moving around in circles - we all decided that Butter needs a chance.  As my principle said it best "we're gonna roll the dice and see what happens".  She believes he deserves a chance at proving himself - and the principle, assistant principle, and school counselor assured me that they will work with me to provide Butter the best care and support possible to help him succeed.

I am ecstatic - and nervous.  Of course I want Butter with me...but I know that it's going to be a tough transition for him.  I also believe that, from what I've witnessed since getting my job, is that Butter will have the best education, support, teachers, and administration to help him succeed.  I truly believe if he can't thrive there - then he won't thrive anywhere.

I'm getting me some exercise today... by way of playing in a staff kickball game.  I haven't played kickball since I was in middle school...so it should be interesting.  Two teams made up of staff will battle it out - in front of the all the kiddos.  It's going to be a lot of fun, I'm sure.  And I'm counting it towards my exercise minutes...I don't care what anyone says.  Me running around a softball field is exercise!!

There will officially be no camping this weekend.  I'm bummed about it - and so are my kids.  There will be cleaning, and running, and visiting my parents.  

I'm officially sick of the state my house is in.  After all the sorting and getting rid of stuff last weekend - my house still looks like a disaster zone.  If anyone showed up at my house unannounced..I'd curl up and hide under one of the piles of crap that lines the hallway.  Don't let PETA know, but the dust bunnies in my house are going to receive a slow, painful demise.

Yesterday was payday.  While most people get excited about that particular day...I don't share that enthusiasm.  It just reminds me that there are bills to pay...and as fast as I receive the money, it's gone.  It also reminds me how much I love my job...cause I don't know how I'd make it if I didn't. 

I've decided that the fighting and arguing that takes place between Peanut and Jelly is far worse than it ever was between Peanut and Butter.  Holy Mother of Hades those two girls know how to go at it!!  Can someone please remind Peanut that Jelly is only 3...and her sole job is to play with toys and want attention from her 11 year old sister?  While you're at it - please remind Jelly that she is only 3, and making snarky comments and demanding her 11 year old sister to be her slave just isn't appropriate.  That kind of behavior isn't allowed until she's like...16!!

Aunt Flo is in town, and she came bringing along a pounding headache last night.  I hate her.  She's a pain in my rear end.  I'm bloated and cranky.  Is it too much to ask that one time she visits that she brings cookies? Healthy cookies, of course.  How about instead of a pounding headache, it was pound cake?  I wouldn't even mind if she just showed up and sat around for 5 days without saying a word.  That would make me happy.  But no, she's always got to bring some form of pain, and water weight.  I don't mean to sound ungrateful, Aunt Flo - but your gifts SUCK!!

I have to make a quick exit this morning...I've got bills to pay.  UGH!!  

Everyone have a great Friday.  Enjoy yourself!! Do something a little wild and crazy today...it's so good for you!!

Till next time. ;)

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There's A Rumbly in my Tumbly

I've got a rumbling in my belly this morning...and it's not cause I'm hungry.

I just know that once I start typing, I'm going to go on and on....cause that's how I deal.  You don't have to read it - I wouldn't if I were you - but good or bad, I'm going to hit Publish when it's all said and done.  You have been warned, and no hard feelings if you just move on from here - just come back tomorrow, m'kay?

Today is a pretty big day for me...well, more for Butter, really.

Today is the day that I'm meeting with his counselor, the principle, assistant principle, and a slew of school counselors and special education teachers to discuss Butter's after care schooling options.

I've been looking forward to this meeting since it was scheduled last week - but now that the day is here?  Not so excited anymore...and I have no idea why.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I feel like I'm going to be on a jury.  Deciding the fate of a person's life...except this time, it's my son.

There are so many options that will have to be discussed - all while keeping in mind what's right for Butter.  It's gonna be tough, I know it.

Being that he hasn't been in a public school since the beginning of 3rd grade...and now he's in 5th...there are lots of things to weigh out.  Considerations to make.  This isn't just about what I want, but what will be the best fit for  Butter.

Of course, I want him at the elementary I'm in.  But it's not that simple.  Is he ready to handle a regular classroom with minimal support?  Does he need to be in a more therapeutic/special education type classroom that can provide more behavioral guidance?  Does he need to go back to a transitional therapeutic day treatment school first?  UGH, decisions, decisions.

This week has already been tough.

I was so looking forward to running away from everything this weekend...leaving the drama, my stress, and my worries behind and going camping.

Then my dad found out he probably has to work this weekend - so the chances of going camping have now been diminished dramatically.  Pooey! 

OK, enough with the Debbie Downer stuff...it's making the rumblies in my tumbly worse!!

Despite everything I've got weighing on my shoulders right now, surprisingly I haven't been stuffing my face.  This much going on, and I'm NOT emotionally eating?  Is that even normal?  Not for me it's not.

This type of stress usually involves one thing:  junk food.  But not this week.

If anything, I've been under eating.  OK, that's stretching it - just a little.  What I mean by that is I'm eating my three meals a day - and that's it.  There hasn't been any real snacking, at all.  Unless you count the mint Klondike bar I've had after dinner every night... but that's dessert - and in my deluded mind, I've earned it....and the calories aren't too terribly outrageous.

If the worst thing I eat is a Klondike bar every day....then, it's happy days for me!

This week's challenges for Shrinkvivor are logging fitness minutes and drinking lots of water - 64ozs a day to be exact.  For the past two weeks, I've logged zero fitness minutes.  Not because I've sat on the couch doing absolutely nothing for the past two weeks - but because I haven't done anything that is categorized as "exercise".  Cleaning house, walking hallways all day, etc. are not exercise...so I haven't counted them.  It doesn't matter how sore I am at the end of each day, or the fact that I feel like I've given Bob Harper a run for his money...I haven't dedicated any time to exercising.

I do know that I've longed for a run.  Something else that hasn't happened in a while.  Longing and doing are two separate things, however.  I just need to bite the bullet and take my enormous junk in the trunk to the track and be done with it.  I know the minute I feel the wind in my hair, the music in my ears, and the chill of the air zip through my body - I'll be at peace. 

Peanut is still loving her new school.  She's starting to feel a little more comfortable - and even dressed up for Spirit Day yesterday.  Once we get in the car to drive home, her mouth is running 100mph trying to tell me every detail of her day. 

It takes me back to the days I first moved to America and started school. 

For the first few weeks, I barely said a word at school.  Most of it had to do with the fact that I had an accent, and I didn't want people making fun of me.  Anywho, after not talking all day - by the time I got home, I just couldn't shut up.  I talked my parents ears off from the moment I walked in the door to the time I went to bed.

Now I know how they felt.  Apparently, Peanut still isn't talking much at school.

I listen, though.  Cause that's what good mothers do.  Her excitement and enthusiasm are contagious - and no matter how tiring my day was, she can perk me up. 

OK, it's that time.  Time for me to say my goodbyes.  So long, farewell my friends.  Keep Butter and I in your thoughts today, won't ya?

Everyone have a great Thursday!!

Till next time. ;)

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Shrinkvivor - Week 3

Greetings from Exile Island!!

Up until Monday, the weather was beautiful!! Then a freak storm rolled in Monday night, bringing with it cold temperatures.  Definitely not bathing suit weather, anymore.  Not that I've been prancing around in a bathing suit, or anything. 

My move to Exile Island hasn't really been much of a transition.  In fact, I kinda feel more comfortable here.  Not that I don't like being on a team - but here on Exile...I feel more independent.  No one is counting on me to pull good numbers to save them.  It's a lot less stressful, that's for sure. 

There's actually quite a few people here with me, but I've been bad about being a loner.  I haven't reached out to anyone here like I planned on.  It's something I'm putting on my to-do list this week.

Alright, so enough of the vacay recap... you want to see numbers, am I right?

Well, I had a few dirty confessions yesterday.  One of them being that I hadn't stepped on a scale since last week.  I weighed in yesterday for a different weight loss challenge - but I couldn't really go with that number... because I had my clothes on, and I'd drunk about a pot of coffee before stepping on the scale.

So without further a do, I present to you the number for this week:

I know it's kinda hard to see... but if your eyes are playing tricks on you....yes, you see 231lbs.

I started this challenge at 233.4lbs just three weeks ago.  Then I lost 2.4lbs my first week.  Then gained 1.6lbs last week, putting me back up to 232.6lbs.  I'm happy to be back down to the 231...I'll be so much happier when I'm back into the 2-twenties.

This week's loss is all thanks to portion control.  I didn't log any miles for the fitness challenge.  I've already told you that I did some serious cleaning this weekend... but I can't count that.  I'm getting caught in situations where I can't actually count the "exercise" I feel like I'm doing.  That's something else I need to add to my to-do list.

The other mini-challenge was to eat at least one green veggie with at least one meal a day.  I failed big time at that one.  I think there has been some green on my plate maybe once or twice.  Eating more veg is definitely something I have to work harder on....I like vegetables, so I'm not sure why it's so difficult for me to eat them.  The rest of my family could really benefit from some more color on their plates, that's for sure.

In all honesty, I was pretty nervous about the weigh-in this morning.  I wasn't..up until yesterday - then I had a really stressful day yesterday.  Days like that always make me doubt myself and messing with my head.  Thankfully, I didn't jump into a bag of anything to calm my nerves - so I deserve a freakin' medal for that. 

I was so stressed out.  I barely slept last night.  I went to bed at 10, and tossed and turned for an hour.  I got up for a little while, started to get sleepy around 11:30, and went back to bed.  That's where I continued to toss and turn until 1am.  That was the last time I looked at my clock - until 2:23.  Then I was awake again for a while....until finally looking at the clock at 3:42...knowing my alarm was going to go off 18 minutes later.  I hit the snooze button continuously until 4:45.

Right now, I don't feel tired.  I'm sure that feeling will change in a few hours.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about why I'm so stressed...except to say it has something to do with work, and rumors, and drama.  The latter two being things I despise.

As I was laying in bed last night, I just couldn't shake this feeling that I'm not a likable person - and that I cause people to say nasty or untrue things about me.  Maybe it's my personality.  Maybe it's my dedication - which is often portrayed as "sucking up".  Maybe it's because I come off too strong, too desperate in my attempt to secure friendships with people.  Maybe it's because I say things in a way that people take differently...and everything gets misconstrued...and I'm the one left feeling like it's all my fault - and I should just learn to keep my mouth shut about anything and everything.

I know that a counselor would have a field day with my head.  I'm always second guessing myself, doubting myself...and I wonder why I weigh 231lbs.  Geez.

The sad thing is, silly little things like rumors and gossip is devastating to me.  Especially when I feel like it has the chance of ruining my future.  While I don't feel that there was intentional "foul play" involved - I feel like nobody realizes the potential harm that can be done to me, or the chance of me fulfilling my future dreams.  Or at least that's what I feel in my mind.

Stuff like this, I just can't shake off.  It takes time for me to heal.  I end up starting over....or turning in to a recluse from fear and not being able to trust anyone.  I hate feeling like that.  It ends up having devastating effects on my self esteem, and eventually my weight.

While I can't simply shake off what happened to me yesterday - I am going to devote all of my effort on not allowing it to affect my weight...once again.  I'm going to focus on just doing my job, and if I would actually get myself out to a track - I know that a good run would help me feel better.  That's the route I want to take.  I want to use this bad situation and put some good into it.  If I can deal with this type of stress in a positive way...maybe, just maybe I can break the cycle.  Keep that hope in your head for me, will ya?

Tomorrow, I'll share what's in store for me and the challenge this upcoming week.  Right now, I need to get ready for work.

Everyone have a great Wednesday. 

Till next time. ;)

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True Confessions Tuesday

Some weeks, today is the day I dread (like last week).  Some weeks, I absolutely LOVE confessing and getting everything out there.  Then there are weeks - like this week - that are not overly great, not overly bad.  I consider that a pretty good week.  So, here goes for this week's True Confessions...


I confess that...I have not wallowed in self pity once about my weight loss or what I've eaten ALL WEEK.  Not once, I tell you!!  If something has managed to work it's way into my mouth - that may be considered a no-no - I haven't been eaten up by guilt or shame.  I just moved on and forgot-about-it.

I confess that...I was one ticked off mo-fo when I got home from work last Thursday to find out that my 42" TV, the DVR in the living room, and the PS3 were all fried in the previous night's thunder storm.  The TV and the PS3 I can live with - but the DVR that had all of my shows on it?  Not cool!!  There better be a way for me to find the shows I missed online.  The plus side?  My DVR in the bedroom was still OK - that's where I record "my" shows - that Hubby refuses to watch.  So, X-Factor, Paranormal State, Ghost Hunters, Paranormal Witness, and Kitchen Nightmares were still safe.  Phew!!

I confess that...I think it's ridiculous that it's going to take probably close to 2 months to get above items fixed...except the DVR. KUDOS to DirecTV for being the front runner in coming to our rescue.  After one phone call, they have another DVR on it's way to us.  The TV?  Yeah, they are telling us it's going to be 2 weeks before someone can come look at it...and then no doubt they'll have to order a part...and that will take weeks.  The PS3?  Those crazy people want us to put that $500 console into a UPS box and mail it to them.  There better be some kind of confirmation receipt.  I'm not about to just send that thing into the wilderness of delivery trucks.  The sad part is, I bet any money that the companies just end up replacing the TV and the PS3.  Something that could be done in a matter of minutes... but, no, they'd much rather us take the long route.  *SIGH* 

I confess that...last week, there seemed to be an endless buffet of food in the break room at work.  Wednesday it was finger foods and Reese's cake.  Yeah, I had a piece of Reese's cake...it was really good, too.  Thursday I had some kind of taco casserole.  Friday, it was biscuits and gravy.  I ate every day - but watched how much I was eating.

I confess that...I ordered a BBQ sandwich for lunch on Friday.  It came with Mac & Cheese - that I didn't eat.  Come on, that deserves some kind of credit, right?

I confess that...this weekend, I was pretty damn good with my eating.  OK, so the dinners weren't exactly the healthiest of meals.  BUT, I stuck to my guns in regards to portion control.

I confess that...I will have no miles to log tomorrow for the Shrinkvivor challenge.  I was supposed to get some mileage in this week - but I didn't.  I still think I worked off a little, teeny, part of my booty Saturday and Sunday while cleaning.  There's no way to convert lifting boxes, squatting, and standing continuously into miles.  Someone should get on that!

I confess that...while we're on the subject of things I didn't do - I also didn't get in green veggies with at least one meal a day.  I did have a nice salad Friday night for dinner.  I had some green beans one night.  Other than that?  No green. 

I confess that...I haven't stepped on my scale once this week.  Wait.  That's not true.  I think I did Friday - maybe it was Thursday.  I've kinda liked not worrying about it all week.  I think it's something I might start doing each week.  I have to weigh in this morning for the Biggest Loser competition at work... but that scale is always off - so it's not going to give me an exact number for tomorrow.  I weigh with my clothes on at work.  

I confess that...I was a nervous wreck all day yesterday - waiting to hear how Peanut's first day of school went.  It was so hard to focus, I kept looking at the clock, I wanted nothing more than to call the school and ask them how she was... but I didn't.  I've never experienced worry like that before about a child starting a new school.  Is this what being a good mother feels like?

I confess that...when Peanut was 10 minutes late to meeting me at work I was on the verge of dialing 911.  OK, so maybe not 911 - but definitely her school to find out if they'd seen her leave, if they could send a search party out for her....was it possible she got lost walking the straight 1 1/2 blocks to my school?  She walked in at the that point - and all was good with the world. 

I confess...I was the happiest mom in the world when I got to hear about Peanut's wonderful first day.  She couldn't stop talking about her teachers, her classes, and the one friend she made.  She told me that everyone was nice to her.  A group of girls invited her to eat lunch with them, so she didn't have to eat alone, and everyone made her feel welcome.  I almost cried.  Again - good mother feelings?  Her only disappointment from the whole day was not receiving her locker, yet.  Well, if that's all I have to worry about - I'm O-TAY with that!!  (Yes, that was a reference to The Little Rascals)

I confess that...I might be going camping this upcoming weekend.  My parents have been making the plans for a while now... but then my dad found out he might have to work.  That upsets me a little, and I hope he doesn't have to.  This would be so good for Butter - to be able to get out and go camping with the whole family for the weekend.  I'm not so sure how Jelly will take it... but that's something else I can look forward to.  You know what I'm looking forward to?  The possibility of doing some jogging and/or hiking!!  Oh, yeah... can you believe it?

I confess...that I've run out of things to confess.  Not a shabby week - if I say so myself.  Definitely a lot more positive than last week.  This whole weight loss stuff really is mind over matter.  It's amazing how different I feel about my decisions when I have a positive outlook.  Remind me that I said that when I start ranting and raving again, m'kay?

Alright, my lovelies, have a fantastic Tuesday!!

Till next time. ;)

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I'm Starting to Think I'll Just Never Get There...

STOP!! Don't run away.  For once, I'm not talking about losing weight!!

I'm talking about getting my house clean...or should I say organized...OK, both.

This entire weekend has been devoted to organizing my house, and getting rid of the Toys 'R Us that has opened up in my living room.

Two days I spent organizing, and throwing out, and giving away - and I still haven't really made a dent on anything.

Peanut cleaned her room - she did a great job of it....except for the fact that she dumped everything she no longer wanted in the hallway.  So, as I was decluttering in the living room - she was adding more clutter...UGH!!

Then, of course, Jelly was behind me every step of the way.  I'd turn my back for a second, and she'd have found stuff I'd thrown in a trash bag...and got it right back out again.

My house has been cluttered for MONTHS!!  Well, it's been cluttered since we moved in - but it got to the point where I was on the verge of thinking that I was a hoarder.  

Since returning back to work, I admit, I haven't exactly stayed on top of the house cleaning. I'm also guilty of adding to the clutter, just a little.  More like being too lazy to put stuff away, and just leaving it sitting in the living room or kitchen or dining room.

It's not just my fault - I'm not the only one that lives in this house. 

If you could see the dust bunnies that have taken up residence in my house - you'd freak the freak out.  It's gross...and I hate it.  Trying to get to the dust bunnies to clean is the real task, though.  I'm surprised my feet don't look like sponges with the amount of small toys I step on - daily.

I'm a firm believer that a cluttered home leads to a cluttered mind.  I often feel restless and agitated sitting in my living room.  It's hardly a place I can relax when all I see are boxes and piles of stuff and dust bunnies and cobwebs....I know, you have the OK from me to say EWWWW!!

I can't believe I'm admitting this all to you all.   There were some benefits from the weekend, though.

One plus that came from this weekend?  I was constantly sweating.  A LOT.  Even though I didn't log any miles - I definitely burned some serious calories.  All the picking up and moving of heavy boxes full of toys and other stored crap definitely gave me quite the work-out. 

Another plus?  I was so busy cleaning all weekend, I didn't have any time to sit around and mindfully snack away.  The only time I thought about diving into a bag of chocolate cookies - just for a quick snack - it lead to my post yesterday afternoon....and I just went straight back to cleaning without giving a snack a second thought.

I  haven't stood on my scale since last Wednesday.  I figured I needed a break.  Even though I haven't gotten in any exercise, apart from going psycho on my house, I have been a lot more mindful of what I'm eating.

Switching gears a little...

Today is Peanut's first day of Middle School.  I'm excited and nervous for her.  She's just as excited and nervous. 

The benefits of her going to school in the district I work in are plentiful.  No more does she have to stand out in the cold or the heat or the rain waiting for a school bus.  No longer do I have to make arrangements for her to attend band, because our local school thought it wasn't a "necessary class" and they made it an after school club instead.

Can you tell how nervous I am?  All this rambling on...my goodness...anyone would think it was my first day. 

I'm assuming this is the parental instinct I've heard so much about.

I've never had to worry about something like this before.  Peanut has been in the same school since 1st grade.  I haven't even taken her to school since then.  At the start of every school year, the kids have always just gotten on to the bus - without a care in the world - because they knew everything would be the same.

I have a feeling I might cry.

I know, right?  Me!!  Thinking I might cry about taking my daughter to her first day of Middle School...or the first day of a new school.

Middle school is rough, though.  Where we live, 6th grade is still in elementary.  She's going from being a top dog to the lowest on the totem pole.  Who wouldn't be nervous about that?

OK, enough of all this rambling business - time to calm my own butterflies so I can get Peanut ready to tackle her own.

 Till next time. ;)

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