Fat Woman Bootcamp

This morning, I got up, went to the bathroom, stepped on the scale.

I cursed.

I went to my computer, opened up a blog I read, and then had the audacity to comment on the blog and give ADVICE.

Who the heck am I to give advice to someone just starting out - when I've been doing this for 16 months....and still haven't figured anything out?

What?  You want me to back track to the part about getting on the scale and start over?  Do I have to?

Yep, I got on the scale - and there it was... my biggest fear:  216.2lbs.  The weight I weighed at the BEGINNING of May when I started the May Your Way challenge.

It wouldn't be so bad if I'd just maintained that weight - but no, I managed to get down to 209lbs during that challenge, gained back to 211 on Wednesday, and gained 5.2lbs in a matter of 3 days!! ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME??

Now, I know that realistically - I probably didn't really gain 5lbs in 3 days.  The 4000 calories I consumed yesterday is showing - and the water retention from not drinking enough water.... but holy cow. 

So, back to commenting on a blog.  There I am - after realizing I've gained all my weight back that I lost during a month - telling someone that they shouldn't doubt themselves, they should be confident in their abilities...etc.  Hello??? Shouldn't that be what I should be telling myself?? Then, it dawned on me... I wasn't just giving this girl advice, I was reaching out to myself.

Immediately, I ran to my bedroom, threw on my running clothes - and off to the track I went.

I started out walking 1/4 a mile.  Then I slowly jogged 1/4 mile.  Then repeated.  I completed a mile, and something kicked in side of me.  Anger.  Frustration.  I let it out and started running - almost sprinting.  I did that for as long as I could - then walked for about 30 seconds - then sprinted again.  I completed another mile doing that.

It was while I was letting my frustration out on the pavement that I realized - I'm in trouble.  Well, I knew I was in trouble - but I realized that I need to find a way to get out of it.

For several weeks, I've been Ms. Confidence on here with the "I'm going to..."  Do I do it?  No.  I ran on Wednesday, and then spent the next two days eating junk....not the best start to my Just Do It mantra.  I was just doing a whole lot of self sabotage - once again.

After finishing my 2 miles, I just decided to walk for a little while - think about what I'm doing wrong, why I'm doing it....then it hit me...

I commented this morning on a blog about letting doubt in.  Well, since graduating college I've been full of doubt - not about my weight loss, but about finding a job.  Even though the doubt was totally unrelated, I let my emotional eating kick in - and BAM all of my hard work in losing weight is slowly falling away.

I decided there and then that I'm done with the open promises.  I'm done with telling myself I'm going to do something - then not doing it.  It's time to get back to basics - remember what it's like to be excited about what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. 

Today, I'm starting my very own Fat Woman Bootcamp. 

I get to be the drill instructor and the new recruit.  I get to pull from what I've learned and apply it to where I'm going wrong.  Basic training in every sense of the word.

There will be intense meal planning and food logging.  There will be water drinking.  There will be exercise - intense exercise.  There will NOT be a focus on weight loss.... you hear that?  I said I'm NOT going to focus on weight loss.

Sure, I will be weighing in each week - but it's not about how much weight I lose right now...it's getting my life back. 

I want to be the girl who looked forward to her run every day.  I want to be the girl who enjoyed trying new exercise.  I want to be the girl that loved making meal plans, trying new recipes, and loving the taste of healthy, wholesome food.  I want to be the girl that was full of energy and pride in how much she had accomplished.  I want all of those things - again.

I had them, once... but they've been gone for a while.  So, it's back to basics to find them.

I've decided not to write out all of my "goals"...instead I will write about my achievements.  That leaves less room for failure and more room for accomplishments.  I like the sound of that much better.

I'm looking for as much support as possible - cause that helps fuel my fire.  I will be using the hashtag #fatwomanBC on my Twitter posts to share my successes - as well as blogging about them.  So, be on the lookout for me on Twitter - I sure love to hear from everyone.

Till next time. ;)

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