Emotional Blindside

Don't worry... I'm still happy, I'm still in a good mood.

Still no job news, yet, but I still have two days left of this week....and if I don't hear anything this week, then there's always next week.

Do you remember me telling you about my horoscope yesterday?  No?  Well...this was yesterday's horoscope...

"Something amazing is about to happen. Fortunately, there's all kinds of sweet energy circulating around upstairs. So if you feel as if the universe is about to step in and change your plans, don't worry. You'll definitely enjoy it."

I remember feeling a rush of excitement when I read it.  Even though I've never held any faith in horoscopes - I think they are fun to read.  This one, however, really got my hopes up.  Something amazing?  Could that be a job offer?  I had sweet energy circulating...I've been in a great mood all week.  The universe is going to step in and change my plans?  OK - could that mean getting a job offer I wasn't expecting?  I'll enjoy it!!  Well, then of course it's a job offer I wasn't expecting.

The bad news?  None of my predictions were correct.  No job offer.  No job offer I wasn't expecting.

The good news?  It all came true...just not how I expected.

Last night, I cooked dinner, the family settled down and we watched a movie.  Nothing out of the ordinary there.  Our evenings are the same every night.... we gather in the living room and catch up on TV shows or watch movies.  Same thing, every night.  It can be boring, at times, but it's our time of day to just relax as a family.

After the movie, something amazing happened.... Hubby asked me if I wanted to play a board game.  What the what??  He never plays board games.  OK, technically it wasn't a board game - it was on his iPad...but it was a board game without the board.  We played Risk.  I'd never played before - but I really enjoyed it.  The universe stepped in and changed my plans - and I enjoyed it. 

For the past several weeks, my evenings have consisted of nothing except sitting in front of the TV.  Now, out of nowhere, Hubby wants to play a game.  That's something I have secretly desired, but never thought would actually happen....he's not usually in to that kind of stuff.

While sitting there playing, laughing, making fun of Peanut - and kicking her booty....it occured to me how much I've missed out on enjoying little things like this.  I was on cloud nine.  Family/Hubby time should be so much more than just watching our favorite shows together....there should be interaction, connection.  This was happening!

So, I had a great evening.  Then....it was time for bed.

I'm not sure what happened when I went to bed.  Hubby stayed up to play video games - and I laid there listening to his "clan" laugh and joke around from the bed. 

All of a sudden, I felt like someone dropped a pallet of bricks on me...metaphorically speaking.  My mind felt heavy.... I wanted to cry....what was going on?  How could I have gone to bed in such a great mood, only to be laying in bed on the verge of tears?

For some reason, my mind was consumed with the possibility that I wasn't going to get a job.  I've had this feeling a lot - but last night's fear was so much more real, unbearable.  Fears such as having to wait another year and then competing against a new class of freshly licensed teachers rushed through me.  Could I bear to go through this all over again next year? 

Every part of me knows that I was born to be a teacher.  There's not a single occupation that has brushed into me that has caused the excitement, satisfaction, or sureness that teaching has.  It flows through my blood.  I know that it's what I'm supposed to do.

Then, of course, feelings like I was having started making me question everything.  I've been told by so many people that I will "end up where I'm supposed to be".  What if there isn't anywhere for me to end up?  Could that mean looking for a job forever? 

As I laid there thinking about how all roads were quickly approaching dead ends....the pallet of bricks started getting lifted.  All I heard was "tomorrow is another day".  What'?  Inner head voice, will you repeat that?  "Tomorrow is another day"..... And just like that, I felt better.

I seriously don't know what's going on with me.  Positive outlooks, horoscopes, crashing mood swings, inner voices,...am I losing my mind?  Maybe... but there's got to be something to all of this, right?

I mean, who goes from being on cloud nine, down to the pits of Hell, back up to "normal" zone in a matter of a few minutes?

I think that maybe the stress has finally caught up with me - and causing me to go off my rocker.  I mean, come on, hearing positive voices in my head now?  Well, I say - whatever works to keep those pesky downer monsters away, I guess.

Today is another day.  No cryptic horoscopes leading the way today....just me and my positivity.  Something will happen, or it won't.  Whatever happens, I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm with my family.  That's always good.

Till next time.  ;)

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