Got to Set the Record Straight

I love getting emails from my blog readers.  I actually get more emails than I do comments, and I'm OK with that - it gives me the chance to be able to respond to that person.  It's a little more personal.  While I'm looking in to a different comment set up that will allow me to email the people that comment, and respond to comments individually - until that happens, emails from readers are great.

Sometimes the emails I get are positive.  Sometimes they are negative.  I don't mind either.  Everyone has the right to their opinion, and if they disagree with something I say - they have the right to tell me.  It's always nice to hear how much people enjoy reading.  So lovers and haters are always welcome.

Then, there are times when I get positive emails that make me feel like I've been given a back handed compliment.  I don't think it's intentional in the least - but the emails still sometimes leave me scratching my head and thinking....hmm, is that really what I sound like in my posts? 

Today, I want to touch on a couple of emails that I've received over the past couple of weeks.  I won't use the senders name - they will know who they are.  It's not to single out the people that sent the emails, it's to get some feedback and clear up a few things that have left a bad taste in my mouth.  Again, totally not their fault.  It's their perception of me - and if I've given off that perception...then I definitely want to set the record straight.

Email #1:

I just wanted to drop you a note to let you know that I love your blog.  I love how you are always so open and honest.  I wanted to let you know that you shouldn't worry about having such a hard time losing weight.  The fact that you're able to share how bad your life is - it's no wonder you turn to food as a comfort.  I know that once your life starts to improve, you'll find the strength to overcome your struggles.  I wish you the best of luck!!

Email #2:

Hi!! New reader here.  For the past couple of days, I've been reading some of your posts.  You have really put things into perspective for me.  I am having trouble trying to lose weight, too.  Even though I'm having trouble, I'm not going through half as much crap as you are in your life.  You made me realize that if you can still keep a somewhat positive attitude that you still plan on losing weight with what you're dealing with, then there's absolutely no reason why I can't do it.  While I'm not happy that you're having such a rough time in your life, I am happy that I've been able to see that I'm making stupid excuses.  Thanks for the inspiration!

Email #3:

Great post today!  I'm so sorry to hear about your son.  That on top of everything you're already dealing with is tough.  It appears that life sure does like to throw you lemons, but I'm positive that you're going to be able to make a nice, big batch of lemonade soon.  Keep your head up.  Things will start looking up for you - and life will get better, soon.  From what I've read, you are a strong women - and even though you tend to get nasty curve balls thrown your way often, I have full faith that you'll come out of it all stronger than ever before.  Good luck!!

I received all three of those emails within the past couple of weeks.  They are nice emails - emails that I love to read.

It appears, however, that I have spent a lot of time painting a picture that my life is terrible.  I'm not losing weight because I have so much sadness, drama and stress going on.  Apparently, many of my readers are under the impression that I'm unhappy....and that my lack of progress in the weight loss department is justified.

Well, it's time to set the record straight.

Reading back over some of my last few weeks of posts - the emails are right.  Geez, could I complain or whine anymore?  Even though I think that I'm throwing in some positive stuff here and there....the majority of my writing is negative or pity seeking.  My bad.

While my blog is my outlet for me to vent my frustrations, share my failures, and discuss the feelings that I'm not able to openly share in real life - my intent was to never paint the picture that I'm some poor, unlucky, stressed to the max woman who's hanging on to sanity by a thread....regardless to the name of my blog.

If anything, it appears that I've laid the pity seeking on pretty thick.  It apparently worked.  I've been writing in circles for months.  I want to lose weight, I can't because this bad thing happens.  I get motivated to start over, and then something else happens - and that means that I'm not motivated anymore.

The way I write about it makes it much more worse than it actually is.  So, here are a few subjects that I've touched on in the past few weeks and months - and the reality of how I feel about it and what it's actually done to impact my life.

Issue #1:  Butter:  Having a son go into a psychiatric hospital is devastating.  It's hard.  Not having all three of my children here at home with me is never something I wanted.  HOWEVER, while he's been gone, the family has been mending.  Severe damage was done before he left, both physically and mentally to our family home.  He is getting help - we all are.  This is the best thing that could have happened for our family.  We are taking one day at a time - and this has been a time of comfort and healing.  Our family unit is tighter and happier than it has been in YEARS!!

Issue #2:  The Job:  Not being able to find a teaching job was another blow to my stress level, and my ego.  It really was devastating... back in August.  I was given the opportunity to take a teaching assistant position.  Was that my dream job? No.  Does the pay suck donkey balls?  Yes.  HOWEVER, in my short time in the school I have realized that this job was a blessing in disguise.  I'm teaching kids every day.  I'm being able to make personal connections with kids - and help them succeed.  I come home every day filling fulfilled.  Getting the chance to see all those light bulbs go off in their minds....when they've struggled with the switch for weeks...that's something that money can't by.  This is my half way mark to my dream job.  It may not be my own classroom - but the rest of my dream pieces are all there.  Even though it is still my hope that next year I will have the classroom (and the teacher's pay), I truly love my job.

Issue #3:  Anything Else:  I'm pretty sure that the majority of my pity points fall into the first two categories - but in case there's something I'm missing...I will plop them all into this one.  Despite whatever sympathy seeking spewage that I complain about on my blog... I have a perfectly happy life.  I have a man that loves me.  I have kids that are healthy and amazing.  I have a home.  I have a job.  There is always food on the table, electricity in the outlets, and water coming out of the faucets.  I have a supportive family unit.  I have close, caring friends.  My life, in a nutshell, is wonderful.

I know that you're wondering - if my life is so damn perfect, why do I complain so much?  That's a good question.  What I really think it boils down to?  Disappointment in myself.  I have a wonderful life, yet I still find it so hard to buckle down and do what I have to do to lose the weight.

When I'm complaining - I'm not lying about my inner thoughts or feelings.... I just think that they come off a lot more severe than they really are.  The only obstacles I have in front of me are....well...me.  I complain, I whine, and apparently it pays off.  Then I get emails like those above and realize how much I've misguided you all - and that makes me feel bad.

So, from now on - when you hear me whine and complain....take it with a grain of salt m'kay?   Let me have my moment to vent about it - get it out of my system - and then I'll move on.  Don't feel sympathy for me.  There are people out there much worse off than I am....think of those people.  While I always respect and appreciate your concerns - I will try better in keeping in mind how pathetic my rants sound.

Hopefully I've been able to set the record straight....and will continue to work on getting over my obstacles one day at a time.

Till next time. ;)

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