Running, Running Where For Art Thou?

So, last night I got this urge. An urge I haven't felt in way too long. An urge I've been trying to make happen - but just wasn't able to coax it out of me. What was the urge? To run. A lot.

Unfortunately, the urge came after it was dark outside. There was no running that was going to happen at that exact time. But, I hoped that I could hold on to the urge for the next day...and you know what? I did.

As soon as I finish writing this, the kids and I are going out. The kids can play outside while I heave my behind up and down the driveway a few times. The driveway is 1/10th of mile one way. My goal is to go for 3 miles - which would be 15 times up and down the driveway. Totally doable.

I don't know where this sudden burst of energy came from. I know that my self esteem was feeling pretty funky last night. I was looking at some pics of me from last year - when I was at my lowest weight. I liked the way I looked, and I could see major differences to how I look now. That made me really sad. I know that I got that way by walking and running. Yes, I improved my diet - but a major factor was the change from being sedentary to getting out and walking and eventually jogging. Once that started, the weight was flying off.

I had originally told myself that I would wait until I went home before I really started buckling down on exercising - but I've changed my mind... once again. But that's me..can never make my mind up and keep it that way.

My self esteem means a lot to me. I like to feel good in my own skin and I want to ooze confidence. That's something that's lacking - in a major way right now. The more I loathe myself, the more damage I'm doing to myself. If I want the woman back that was in those pictures from last year, I have to do something about it.

And I know what you're probably thinking... I've said all this many, many times and haven't followed through. And you'd be very right. I know I've said stuff like this over and over and over - and when push comes to shove, I keep my behind planted firmly in my chair and come up with a long list of excuses.

But, the excuses have to stop. I'm down to about 7 weeks left before I have to think about getting in my classroom and getting it set up. Seven weeks is not a lot of time at all in the weight loss world. Some people are lucky to lose a couple of pounds in seven weeks. I have to lose at least 20lbs before I start feeling more comfortable with myself again. A twenty pound loss should put me back in to some of my old clothes.

In order to lose 20lbs in 7 weeks, I'd have to lose 2.85lbs a week. That's a huge challenge. A healthy weight loss is 1-2lbs a week. But, with as much weight as I have to lose - I could lose 5lbs in a week if I put in some major exercising and really get strict with my diet. Not every week, but maybe a week or two out of the 7.

When I did 2 weeks of eating clean, I lost 8lbs. EIGHT POUNDS in TWO WEEKS. And that was with no exercising. Yes, I've put the weight back on very quickly - because I let my eating habits fall to the wayside. I know that in order to lose it and keep it off, there can't be any going back. I have to change my lifestyle FOR GOOD.

If I was able to lose 4lbs in a week by just changing my diet and drinking more water - just think about what I could achieve if I was exercising on top of that. Biggest Loser eat your heart out? Maybe...although I'm not setting my sights up too high for miracles of that magnitude.

It's fitting that Wednesdays used to be my weigh in days. And I suddenly have this epiphany on a Wednesday. It is Wednesday, right? Again - I'm not able to keep my days all going together. But today is going to be day one.

I've dug around the kitchen at my parents, and I think with just a few things from the store - I could eat mostly clean until they get back. I could at least eat 100 times better than I have been eating. I know that I have to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I know that I have to start drinking my 80ozs of water each day. And, I know that I'm going to have to start doing some major exercise each and every day. While I'm at my parents I'll focus on jogging...and then as soon as back home, I'll start planning some gym trips a couple times a week for some strength training.

Cardio is key right now...the strength training will come.

A loss of 20lbs over the next 7 weeks would put me back down to the 225lbs mark. That's when I first started fitting in to size 16s. By the time I got down to 212lbs, size 14s were a very near goal. I don't want to think about all that...just getting me back in to the size 16s is my goal for now. I think I could do that if I put myself down to 220-225lbs. Knowing that I'm 20lbs away from that mark is very frustrating... but I need to learn why and how I got to be where I am now. It's because I didn't make the lifestyle change I needed to make.

So, enough chit chat..and time to start putting my money where my mouth is. The jogging isn't going to get done as long as I'm sitting here....so off I go.

Till next time. ;)