Truthful Tuesday

With a brand new, fresh start... I had to decide to find a way to restart all of my favorite blog features.. such as True Confessions Tuesday.  I've decided on Truthful Tuesday.  Not so much a list of confessions of all the times I slipped up or did things I shouldn't - but an expression of my random feelings throughout the journey.  Good, bad, scary, or successful - I can be honest.  I can tell it like it is.  Right here.

I feel a lot more excited about staring completely over than I thought I would.  I was scared that I was just looking for another gimmick to help push me through... but that's not the case AT ALL.  I feel different.  I feel motivated.  I feel strong.  And I really feel that I don't have to worry about anything that's happened to me over the past couple of years - I truly can start over.

I'm a little scared about meeting with a personal trainer today.  Not scared because I think she/he will push me too hard - the complete opposite.  I'm worried she/he won't be tough enough...won't really point me in the direction I need to be headed to achieve my goals.  I need tough love.  I need to be pushed beyond my limits.  I need to know that I can do things I didn't think I could do.  And to do that, I need a tough trainer.

This season of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition has really given me an extra heaping of motivation that I didn't expect.  I've watched four episodes over the past two nights, and each one spoke directly to me.  It gave me the idea to look at this weight loss goal as if I were a contestant on that show.  OK, I know I'm not going to lose 200lbs over the next year... but 100lbs is doable.  That means losing about 8lbs a month... I can so do that.

I bought two pairs of capris yesterday, that were size 20.  It made me angry, sad, and frustrated.  While I had stood firm on the belief that I wasn't going to buy any more clothes in bigger sizes - the truth of the matter is, I had to.  I can't go back to work in a month wearing sweat pants.  Although, I'm really motivated to not have to wear those things for very long.  It's my hope that within the first month of being back at work, I'll be back in to my size 18s.

I love the fact that I just spoke to my mom about going over to her house today to spend the night - and the first thing that popped in my head was that I'd be able to get an extra work-out in the pool AND I could go running with my sister in the morning.  I also made sure to ask her what she was having for dinner, just so I could prepare to take food with me. 

I was disappointed when I found out that I couldn't change the name of my Facebook page yesterday.  I really wanted to delete all traces of my previous persona - but Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman has to stay the name on my Facebook page - unless I start a brand new page.  And I don't want to do that, because I have a great following that I want to keep on the current page.  I think it will be OK.  I was able to change the name here, and on my Twitter (@futurethingal is now my new handle).

I was so proud of myself, this morning, when Hubby informed me that he'd come up with the meal plan for the rest of the week...and I went over it with a fine tooth comb to make sure it fit within my clean eating goals.  I talked him in to changing beef for ground turkey, I've planned steamed veggies in place of mashed potatoes, and I've added some stuff to the shopping list to eat in place of some of the processed foods my family will be eating at meal times.  My hope is that I'll eventually be able to switch them all to unprocessed foods eventually - but one step at a time.  I'm the first priority right now.

I honestly can't wait to go more in-depth with my future goals with all of you.  That's on the agenda for the next few days.  While I've already laid some ground-work for what I hope to achieve over the next year... I have so much more to share.  I'm not scared to share the goals - because I know that I'm going to reach them.  I have found the confidence in myself that's been hiding.  

It's now time to get ready for my PT session.  

Till next time. :)

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