2000 - Part 2

A week ago, for Back in Time Tuesday, I started the story that explains how I got to be as heavy as I was.  It's a long, long story - so rather than try to summarize it all...I decided to break it up into several installments.

Today is Part 2.  I left off last week with the birth of my dear, Prairie Dawn. 

Things were good between Fabio and I for about a week after Prairie was born.  We had moved into a bigger house and was living with Saving Grace and MIL.  Saving Grace gave birth to her daughter in May.  Fabio was having a hard time holding down a job - but then again, when wasn't he?  With two newborns in the house, saying money was tight was an understatement.  Fabio acted like a father when he wanted to be one, but the majority of the time - Saving Grace and I did what we could to be there for each other.

Fast forward four months later.  Things were not good between Fabio and I.  The drugs bothered me.  I had a newborn, no money, and was tired of the constant fighting.  Then, I got some news that was somewhat of a blow - I was pregnant again.  I wasn't exactly thrilled or excited - I was down right scared out of my mind. Fabio and I decided it to get our own place - to see if it would fix things between us...it didn't.  He cheated on me and then decided to leave me for the girl.  There I was, single with no money a four month old, and pregnant with my second child.  Things got pretty nasty between Saving Grace and I there for a while, and I had no alternative but to call on my mom for help.  I moved in with her for a while. 

The details after are a little sketchy.  I was so depressed, my life at that point was more of a blur.  Due to my financial problems, and my mom having a hard time supporting me and Prairie, we decided it would be best for me to go to a woman's shelter.  The shelter offered support, help with finding a job, and getting a house.  I stayed in the shelter for a couple of months, got myself a good job, and ended up with a little cheap trailer to live in.  Shortly after moving in to my new place, I ended up getting back with Fabio.  He moved in with me - and I thought being that we lived so far away from his old life that things might be different.  It was good for about 2 minutes.  I would go to work all day, come home to a filthy house - he laid on the couch all day.  I had to put Prairie Dawn in daycare because, well, he wouldn't take care of her.  As pregnancy number 2 got near it's end, I was absolutely miserable. I was eating to calm my nerves, eating to calm my depression, and eating to eat.  Things were bad.  A few days before Grover came into the world, the broken relationship between Saving Grace and I was repaired...and thank goodness.  She showed up at my house and couldn't believe her eyes.  Here I was 9 months pregnant, with a baby only 11 months old, house in disarray, and her lazy brother who did nothing but play video games all day.  She couldn't believe her eyes.  She swung into full gear and finally gave me a little support - something I was long overdue for. 

She stayed at my house with Prairie Dawn while MIL and Fabio came with me to the hospital for the birth of my sweet Grover.  As Grover was handed to Fabio, I saw something I hadn't seen in Fabio through our entire relationship - emotion.  He cried that day.  He was happy.  He was supportive.  I thought maybe, just maybe things would be different.  After I got home from the hospital, he told me that he wasn't happy living where we were - and wanted to go back to living by his family.  I couldn't disagree.  I missed having Saving Grace around - she was literally my saving grace.  So, a few days later, we packed up as much stuff as we could - and moved back in with Saving Grace.  Again, I thought things would be better.  Fabio would finally straighten up and take some responsibility in raising our children.  My life would finally be better.  Well, I was young, naive, and most of all - desperate to feel that there had to be some happiness in my life.  Unfortunately, my desperation wasn't enough.

Not even a month later, Fabio was back on the drugs.  He was back to disappearing for hours, sometimes days on end. He said he was working, but could never provide any fruit from his labor.  I decided as long as I had Saving Grace and MIL to help me - I would just ignore him.  I went back to work - working full time at a nursing home. Fabio was there one day, gone the next.  I was so tired of his behavior, tired of the way he treated me.  One night he showed up, messed up as usual, and wanted to take my car.   For the first time, ever, I stood up to him.  I had been working my a** off to pay for it - why should he just waltz in and take it?  Well, that was the first time he laid his hands on me.  I had never see him get so mad - furious would be a better word.  As I tried to hold back the keys, he went for my throat.  Thank goodness I wasn't alone that night - or who knows what would of happened.  Luckily for me, Saving Grace had been dating a guy for a while - and he just happened to be spending the night.  I didn't know what to do but to scream his name - as loud as I could.  It didn't stop Fabio - he was on top of me, trying to get the keys to the car...and I believe he would of choked me to accomplish it.  A split second later, I remember Fabio being torn off of me like a piece of Velcro.  He flew across the room - and as I looked up I saw Prairie Dawn crying in her crib looking at me.  Then, the blur of what was going on came back into focus and standing before me was the man that had come to my rescue - who shall now be known as Lone Ranger.  He wasted no time 'ejecting' Fabio from the house. 

Things after that were definitely different, for a little while anyways.  Tune in next week to hear all about it.

PNOTD

"The bad decisions we make in life do not make us weaker, as long as we know to learn from them.  I am who I am today because of how I took charge of my life - and learned from my mistakes."

Till next time. ;)

Motivational Monday - Relighting the Fire

Welcome to the first day of my new and hopefully improved blog topic trains!!  Today is Motivational Monday - my favorite topic.  I think everyone should start the week off on a positive note, and that's why I chose this topic for Mondays.

Last week, I shared how difficult a time I've been having lately with finding motivation.  My solution was to just start over - go back to the basics -and see where it takes me.  Well, revamping my blog was one of those steps to relighting my fire.  A few months ago, this blog was a hub of motivation.  I shared my successes, how I was achieving them, and motivating others to do the same.  Then something happened, not sure what, and things slowly started declining in regards to the amount of motivation that was seeping out through my posts.  Hopefully, now, I can start over.

It's often very hard for someone to start over, especially when you've got so far.  Very rarely would an architect tear down a building and start over if something goes wrong in the plans.  I'm pretty sure a doctor performing surgery wouldn't decide half way through that something is not right and start the whole procedure over again.  Well, starting back at the beginning for someone that's lost 55lbs - or around that - feels the same way.  There's a big difference here, though, that I have to keep in mind - I'm not completely starting over...the 55lbs are still gone.

When a couple has been married for seven years, there's often talk of the "seven year itch".  I'm stating to think that there's a seven month itch in terms of losing weight.  Never, in my whole life, have I ever lasted seven months at trying to lose weight.  Seven months is like seven years to me.  I've lost more weight, gained more strength, and able to do things I haven't been able to do in a VERY long time.   Then, all of my success, passion, and motivation just stopped.  For seven months I busted my butt to get where I was - and then all of my progress just halted.

Two months have past since I reached my seven month mark.  For those two months I've bounced up and down the scale, but haven't really made any progress since that point.  For two months I've been less than 10lbs away from being under 200lbs.  For two months I've made bad food choices and skipped more work-outs than I care to place a number on.  I've tried to find the spark, the "umph" if you will - and it's gotten me nowhere.  Then, last week, I realized my life has gone so off course from what it was like when I was achieving so much.  I've started a job that has me working long hours, fills up my time at home, has me working on the weekends - not used to that.  In the month leading up to starting my internship I preached how I wouldn't let my busy schedule get in the way of my healthy lifestyle.  I under-estimated how tough it would really be. 

OK, enough whining already - you've heard all of this before.  So, relighting my fire, getting back to the basics - is it worth it?  Will I accomplish anything from starting over?  Well, I can answer the first question - of course it's worth it!  The answer to the second question will come with time.

Again, one thing I have to remember and keep in mind - the 55lbs are still gone.  I didn't gain them back, I didn't fail - this isn't another 'attempt' at trying to lose weight.  This is the same journey - I just got to a plateau, a road-block, and need to figure a way to get over it.  Plateaus are very common in weight loss - it doesn't mean I lose credit for everything I've achieved up to this point.

So - the nitty gritty - how does someone that has been doing this whole weight-loss thing for nine months (if counting the past two bad months) start over?

Last week, I introduced Code Name: MOVE.  My challenge for the month of October.  When I started my journey nine months ago, I started slow - by working out 30 minutes a day.  To go back to basics, I have to do the same thing - and that's what Code Name: MOVE is all about.  I pledge to do 30 minutes of exercise every day.  Can I do more?  Well, of course.  My hope is that after a week or two - 30 minutes won't be enough and I will want to do more - just like I was doing a few months ago.  I haven't been posting my progress each day, but don't worry - I'm doing what I said I would do.

Second, I revamped the blog.  Well, I didn't exactly revamp it - I took it back to it's roots.  I've created daily blog themes that will force me to write about weight loss related stuff.  No more whining about how hard my job is.  No more complaining about the woes of my personal life.  It's back to writing about eating, exercise, and motivation - the three key ingredients in a recipe for weight-loss success!

Third, it's back to shopping from a list, menu plans, and a gallon of water a day.  This is something that should never of stopped - but it did.  My menu plans kept me in check with the foods that I would eat.  My shopping list restricted my binge shopping.  My gallon of water a day - well, that's just common sense to anyone trying to lose weight. 

Lastly, the most difficult one to achieve, getting back my support system.  I realized something the other day, something that sent a shock-wave through my system.  When I look back at the months I was achieving the greatest success - I had the greatest support system.  I was a frequent flier on my Twitter account.  I was constantly chatting with other people in my situation - fighting the good fight to lose weight.  I had people that were frequent visitors and commenters on my blog.  Slowly, things have dwindled.  I still receive a nice comment here and there...and I appreciate any comments...but things just aren't the same.  I thrive on hearing how others are doing.  How something I've said has touched someone.  How my success is what motivates others to continue in their own journey.  I can only hope that by starting over, those things will come back over time.

The other day, I read a blog post that really motivated me.  It was from a Twitter friend - a friend that I've missed talking to.  Maggie from I'm Losing It posted a blog post about her "mini goal".  Click on the link to read the post - it's so inspiring.  Her mini goal is to be able to do a cartwheel.  To some, this may seem kind of weird - but I knew exactly where she was coming from.  Her weight has been a barrier for her to do something like that - and so she has made that into one of her goals once she loses more weight.  What a FANTABULOUS idea - and so I think I should do the same. 

My mini goal - it's not as extravagant as doing a cartwheel - but I want to be in a size 14 by Christmas.  That's a little over two months to drop a dress size.  It's doable - and what a great feeling it will be to travel to my mom's for the holiday, see family I haven't seen since I was in a size 22, and walk in a size 14.  That is what I want - and that is what I shall have.  I would love to hear about a mini goal you'd like to set for yourself - please post a comment and share it.

OK, my loves - time to get to work.

PNOTD: 

"Trying new things can be scary.  Change can be uncomfortable.  Starting over can be harder - and that's what I must do.  I am amazing, I can do this!"

Till next time.  ;)

Summarize it Sunday - Allergies...UGH!

This morning, I feel like someone snuck into my room in the middle of the night, attached an air hose to my ear, and pumped, and pumped, and pumped.  Not enough for my head to actually explode, but just enough to make me nervous about moving around too much - or it will.  Aaahhh, seasonal allergies.   

I had planned on getting up this morning and going for a run.  I woke up early, sat up in bed, and my head felt like a bowling ball.  I'm so congested, can't breath through my nose - and feel very yucky.  I decided that going out to run probably wouldn't be the smartest thing to do - especially when I can't breathe very well - so I'm holding off...just until this evening.  My allergies are usually at their worst in the morning, so hopefully by later this afternoon my head would of deflated enough for me to go.

So, lets talk about this week.  Not exactly a successful week.  I did keep up my challenge and "move" for 30 minutes each day.  I either played the PS3 Move or walked.  I did not do Cardio Circuits on Friday - because I forgot my work-out clothes.  I was really ticked off about it.  I came home and played the video game instead.  Not an equivalent amount of exercise, but I didn't come home and just watch TV either.  Are you wondering how I did at the Chinese restaurant yesterday?  Well, unfortunately - not very good.  I did what I had planned...ate a good breakfast, ate lunch, drank plenty of water.  When I got to the restaurant, I was feeling pretty good about doing what I had planned on doing.  I started out good, and then...well, I ate more.  I didn't exactly "Mad Pizza" it - but I didn't leave the restaurant feeling good about how much I'd eaten, either. 

After the failure at the restaurant, I decided that we needed to get out and walk some of it off.  We walked around a few stores - and I decided that chasing after Zoe would give me a little more of a work-out.  I did something I wouldn't recommend to many parents...I chased her around Wal-Mart.  I don't mean just following her around, either.  We ran down aisles, and then I would grab her up and throw her around...a great cardio AND weight work-out.  Again, I do NOT recommend this as a good form of exercise - but I was feeling guilty about my Chinese failure..and felt desperate to get some kind of work-out in. 

I've decided that this coming week, instead of making some extravagant plans and goals - I'm just going to continue with my challenge, and see where it takes me.  Last weekend, I felt miserably guilty about eating too much Mad Pizza - but I didn't do anything about it.  I didn't feel like I had to work out, I didn't push myself to make up for it - even just a little.  This weekend, I did over-eat.  I felt guilty.  I also felt like I had to make up for it, even just a little.  That, my friends, is progress - no matter how crazy it sounds.  The fact that I wanted to work off some of the food I had devoured tells me that I haven't given up, I'm still fighting to achieve success...I can and WILL reach my weight loss goals.

Something else that has made me feel very positive about the coming week - seeing my mom and my sister yesterday.  I have to make a little correction first.  I believe I told you that this birthday celebration for my sister was for her 16th birthday - I was wrong, she's only 15.  A sign I'm getting older, I guess, I can't remember my siblings' ages.  Anywho - both my mom and my sister have been working very hard to lose weight.  They walked into my house yesterday - and they look A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!  I was so happy for them, but I have to admit that inside I was thinking "if you hadn't of wasted all this time, you'd of lost that much weight by now".  Not the most positive thing to think when seeing someone achieve success - but I couldn't help it...it's true.  I've wasted so much time.  Look how long I've been sitting at the 200 threshold.  For over a month, I've been less than 10lbs away from being under 200lbs...and I've gone up and down like a yo-yo the whole time but not really getting any closer to breaking that milestone.  If I'd been really dedicated about it..I would of been celebrating a long time ago. 

Well, it's time to do something about it...here's to a new week.  New topics for my blog, new hopes to get back on track and reach that milestone...changes, results, success.

PNOTD:

"They say 'Rome Wasn't Built in a Day' - that's true.  I'm sure if I traveled to Rome right now, there' still some building taking place.  I have to remember, that I'm not going to achieve my results in a day - I have to keep building.  I've laid the foundation, changed the plans a few times, and now it's time to really focus on making more progress."

Till next time.  ;)

Yet Another Change - Clearing Out the Cobwebs

So, after a few weeks of trying this "topic train" of having a selected topic starter for each day - I've decided I don't really like it.  Well, let me change that - I don't like some of the topic starters.  I really like how the week starts out, and then once I get to Thursday - I feel like each day after is more or less the same thing.  So, I've decided to change things - once again.

For three weeks, I've been following my topic train.  As I read back over the posts I've made since then, I've noticed something that upsets me a little - the lack of "weight loss" related posts.  The one thing that I didn't want to happen has happened - this blog has turned into my personal diary. 

Don't get me wrong - I've said it before, and I say it again - I don't mind writing about my personal life...sometimes the events that happen in my life are directly related to the accomplishments or set-backs I receive in my weight loss efforts. I shouldn't, however, read three weeks worth of blog posts on a weight loss blog and see that less than half are actually related to my weight loss efforts.  I've also noticed a serious decline in the amount of readers I'm having each day - and I think that has a lot to do with the fact that people were coming here for motivation, support, or tips and advice related to weight loss, and instead they're getting to hear about the woes of my personal life. 

It's time to get back to business and revamp - once again - and focus myself on what this blog is about.  Maybe my recent set-backs and lack of motivation are directly influenced by the fact that I haven't been writing about my weight loss efforts.  In my mind, I'm not sharing things because there's nothing to share...that's a problem.  I should have plenty to share when it comes to weight loss - look at how much success I had back a few months ago when I was doing topic trains like Smack in the Face Week, Live Like You Were Dying, and The How-To's of Living a Healthy Lifestyle.  People were commenting, enjoying what I had to say, using what I was saying...and sharing successes.  That in it's self fueled my fire to show that what I was saying wasn't nonsense - it really works!

So, now it's time to bring the old blog back - dust off the cobwebs of my personal life that has been clogging up the posts - and get back to being the inspirational, motivating, and dedicated person I want to be.

Starting Monday - here's the NEW line up.  If you missed what I've had to say about losing weight - I'm sorry - I'm back.  Hopefully this time, you won't be disappointed.  I'm keeping a few things, I'm replacing a few things...trying again, and seeing how it turns out:

Motivational Monday - keeping this one.  It's probably been my favorite topics I've done since coming up with the topic train.  I really get my motivational juices flowing - and just have to keep it going.

Back in Time Tuesday - keeping this one, too.  Even though this is a personal life thread - the stories I will be sharing show how I ended up being the person I was before gaining the weight, why I ended up gaining it all - and always failed at losing it.

Work-Out Wednesday - have to keep this one.  Of all the topics I started, this one is the true testament to my successes, and lack of them.  I share my results from the Biggest Loser competition I'm doing - and the reasons why I saw the loss or gain.

Throw It Down Thursday - I'm reverting back to the original name, but the topic is changing.  Throw It Down Thursday will now be dedicated to exercise - the hows and whys, finding alternatives, my exercise routine, things I'm doing different, etc. etc.

Fuel It Up Friday - Thursday is exercise, Friday is food.  To live healthy, you have to eat healthy.  I will share recipes, discuss my eating habits, and help provide tips to change any household into a healthy household.

Share It Saturday - I've never really tried this, but I'm going to see how it goes.  Saturdays will be devoted to sharing my personal reviews on products that I use to help me lose weight.  Maybe it's exercise equipment, maybe it's food products - maybe it's neither, but I use something to help me...I will review it, share it, and discuss it here.

Summarize Sunday - So, I can't go cold turkey on not sharing some of my personal life.  Sunday, I will share what's been happening with me during the week - that's not weight loss related.  I will share updates on my internship, Grover, and everything else that's going on in my life.

Let's see how this goes.  I will be keeping my Positive Note of the Day - I really enjoy coming up with them, so they're staying.

PNOTD:

"When I lose track of where I'm going, I've realized it's better to go back to where I took the wrong turn than to try and find an alternate route."

Till next time.  ;)

Finally Friday - Time For a Test

Friday is here...and I'm ready for a relaxing weekend.  Yeah, I said it - RELAXING!!  Don't get many of those - so I'm going to take bask in every glorious second of it.  I also have a big test in front of me.

After work today, I'm going to go to cardio circuits.  I need to start the weekend off on a high note, and getting my butt kicked for 30 minutes will do just that.  Then, it's home to *hopefully* enjoy some PS3 Move with Hubby and the kids.  I enjoyed some time playing it last night, and now I have a little 'crick' at the bottom of my left shoulder.  It goes to show how much I have to move to play the thing.  I'm hoping that it will wear it's self out some time today, or the cardio circuits tonight will do the trick.

Tomorrow will be my test day.  The plan is to start the day out with a run/walk.  I will have to get it in early because tomorrow evening, we're going out to celebrate my little sister's birthday - at her favorite Chinese buffet restaurant. After last weekend's fiasco with the pizza buffet, I'm determined to make some good choices when it comes to my food selection tomorrow night.  I have a strategy in mind, and hopefully it pays off.  The plan of action is to eat a good breakfast, a good lunch, my afternoon snack, and drink about a gallon of water before I go.  I'm thinking if I eat well all day, I will be too full to completely gorge myself at dinner.  I've decided I'm going to eat the foods I love - General Tso's Chicken, Lo Mein, and Curried Beef.  They are not the healthiest choices, but it's stupid to think that I will completely avoid anything that's not healthy for me.  I still agree with "moderation" - so as long as I'm smart, and don't over-do it, I might as well enjoy this rare treat.   

The plans of my family coming to spend the weekend have changed.  They won't be coming here after all, so I won't have my sister here to make sure I go out and run on Sunday.  I want to, again, get my run/walk in early - so that I can spend the whole day relaxing.  My idea of relaxing is an hour or two playing the PS3 with Hubby and the kids, some TV time, and definitely some lazing on the couch.  I think if I go out early to run, I will "feel like it".  It's really hard to make myself get up and work-out too much after a day of lazing around the house. 

So, I have to take this opportunity to brag on myself a little, and a new product that I bought for myself.  Last weekend, I bought a new drink cup.  This thing is AMAZING!!  Yeah, I just used that word to describe a cup - can't help it, it's the truth.  I'm not really a product review kind of person - but I have to give a shout-out to this thing.  I bought it because it looks like a to-go cup.  Whenever I get a drink at a convenient store or restaurant in a to-go cup, I can down the thing in about 3 seconds.  When I saw this cup at Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I thought "hey, I bet I could drink a lot of water out of that thing".  Well, I was right.  Since Monday, I've been drinking water everyday - lots of it.  Since leaving boot camp, I have really slacked in the water department.  In fact, I pretty much stopped drinking it completely.  I know that not drinking water is not good for someone that's trying to lose weight - so I realized I had to start doing it again.  Now that I have this cup, it takes no time at all to get plenty of water in each day.  The cup holds 24ozs, and I've been drinking between 3-5 cups a day.  That's 72 - 120ozs of water I'm drinking each day. I'm so proud of myself - finally a positive thing I've picked back up!!  The cup and straw are made of dishwasher safe plastic.  The band around the middle absorbs condensation - so no yukky water circle where ever the cup is placed.  It cost me $7.99 - which isn't really that much more expensive than a fitness water bottle - but I love it so much more than any of the half a dozen water bottles I've bought in the past 8 months.  If you're anything like me - and struggle with drinking your recommended 8 glasses of water a day - I highly recommend investing in one of these things.

That's it for today - everyone have a Happy Friday.  Don't forget to get up and move for at least 30 minutes today - and every day this weekend!! I've been doing it for a week now, and I'm starting to feel that spark I felt when I first started my journey.  It's amazing how just a little exercise each day is fueling me to do more.

PNOTD:

Small accomplishments are what lead to achieving big goals.  If I take one day at a time, one small accomplishment at a time, I WILL see big results and reach my goals.

Till next time.  ;)

Throwing it Out There - Oh Blog, How I Love Thee

I'm really glad I decided to change the name for Thursday's topic.  This blog doesn't exactly bring out my cheery side as often as I like - and I'm working on that - but I like to at least try and keep things more positive around here.

If there is anyone that is reading this blog that doesn't have one - I can tell you, this thing has changed my life!  If you do have a blog, then you probably know what I'm talking about. 

Every morning, it has become my ritual to come straight to my home office and share my life with anyone that's interested in reading about it.  I don't do it because I think my life is so important that everyone would love to read about it.  I'd do it if there wasn't a single person that chose to read it.  There for a while, that was the case.  My blog has become my pal, my confidone, the place I can share whatever is on my mind - and never worry that I might offend it.

Outside the realm of Blogland, I am somewhat of a different person.  I've told you all many, many times that I try to live my life full of positivity.  I really don't care for stress, I don't do well with venting my frustrations at actual people, and sometimes there's things I really need to say - but never quite know how to put into words... until I'm typing them.  Anyone that knows me, in person, would *hopefully* describe me as an outgoing, fun person.  I always have words of encouragement to share.  I love helping people.  I do what I can to put a smile on some one's face when they are a little down.  I offer a shoulder to cry on, and ear to talk in to, and two arms that are always willing to offer a hug when needed.  My blog is my me to me - does that make sense?

Now, I'm not trying to say that I don't have anyone to talk to out here in the real world.  I have an amazing fiance who is always willing to listen if I need to talk, I have a great bestie who shares some of my frustrations - and we do what we can to lift each other up when things get a little rough, and I have a loving mother who is always available at the other end of the phone willing to talk if I need it.  I utilize these resources often - but there's still nothing better than being able to come here and lay everything out...all of my feelings, all of my emotions, the goods, the bad.  It boils down to the fact that I just want to share what's on my mind.  I'm not necessarily looking for advice - more often than not, I'm trying to give it.  I'm not looking for anyone to feel sorry for me.  I'm not looking for kudos or praise when things are great....I just like to share.  I love the support that I receive from my followers - and having that unexpected support really makes my blog even more important to me. 

Before I became a daily blogger, I tried to be the person I am now.  I tried to be positive at all times.  The way I did it back then? I would lock up any bad feelings and ignore the stress.  You know what that got me?  Even more stressed or full of bad feelings.  I would snap at hubby or the kids for nothing.  I would lock myself away until I felt better.  I would get so frustrated, that the slightest little thing would have me breaking into tears.  It just hit me today how different things are now that I don't do any of those things anymore.  I can tolerate my kids fighting a lot more than I used to, I don't remember the last time I snapped at Hubby because I was having a bad day, I don't remember the last time I cried, either.  My mood is tranquil, clear, focused...I am truly at peace. 

Now, I know that it seems like I'm constantly complaining, whining, or venting on here.  Hopefully everything I just told you gives some explanation of that.  I need an outlet, this is my outlet.  No matter how I try to persuade myself that I don't "do" stress - the fact is, no one can live totally stress free.  It's how we chose to live with it - and I chose to let it flow from my fingers each and every morning.  Who can think of a better way to start the day? I can't.  I know that when I step away from this computer, I leave all of my stresses, frustrations, and curdling emotions right here.  I can go about my day full of positivity, full of excitement, and my days are so much more enjoyable. 

What started out as a tool to share my successes of weight loss, has now become so much more than that.  I realized a week ago that there are so many aspects that come into play when dealing with weight loss.  The most important aspect?  Life!  How we chose to live our lives is the ultimate factor in our weight.  When I was stressed, I turned to food.  When I was happy, I turned to food.  When I was sad, upset, and lonely, I turned to food...seeing a pattern here? Now, when I'm feeling all or any of these feelings - I come to the one place that can make me feel better - without adding any extra weight.  My dear, loving, blog.

What started out as a personal journal has bloomed into my number one motivation for success.  The support that I've gathered over the past eight months is really what I owe my success to.  If I decided not to work out, it wasn't a big deal - because I was the only one that knew.  If I made a goal for myself and didn't stick to it - who cares?  I wasn't holding myself accountable to anyone but myself.   Knowing that there are people out there reading what I have to say, listening to my vents, my rants, and my successes gives me the motivation I need to come back the next day.  My readers are my accountability.  Sometimes, I let you down - but the feeling of letting you down just motivates me that much more to try again.  Before my blog, the only person I ever let down was myself - and I lived with that...I didn't have a reason not to.  Now I do. 

So, the points of my long winded post for today?  If you're anything like I used to be, maybe you give Blogland a try.  You might be amazed at how much better you feel after pounding your feelings into a keyboard and then reading it on your screen.  The release of your worries literally transfer from you to the computer.  Second, what started out as just my outlet has now become my community of support.  My loyal followers that are always here to support me...and I'm not just talking about those that leave comments - I see how many people read my blog each day - I owe you every pound of success that I have accomplished.  Having the accountability that you give me has been what has gotten me through this journey thus far.  I have managed to lose more weight and stick with it longer than I EVER have before - and I totally, 100%, think that you - my dear, dear friends - are who I owe that success to.

Dry your eyes, the soppyness is over.  Now it's back to reality for me - and on with my day.  I do it feeling great, feeling motivated, and full of positive energy.

PNOTD:

Don't count your accomplishments by the amount of people you help.  Count your accomplishments by the amount of people that are willing to help you achieve them.  

Till next time.  ;)    



Weigh In Wednesday - Release the Positive...Dispell the Negativity

Happy Hump Day, everyone!!  Wednesday is here - which means it's time for another weight-in result post.  Like usual, I'm going to complain about how unproductive I was this week - before I get to revealing how much my week affected my weigh-in result.

It was a bad week.  I had my pizza meltdown on Sunday.  That wasn't good.  I just knew that after scarfing down as much pizza as I did - there were going to be consequences.  I didn't get to do Cardio Circuits on Monday, once again, due it being cancelled.  It seems to be coming a trend that I'm only doing one of the work-outs a week - so I really think it's time to find something else to plan for.

OK, negativity out of the way - wow, that was quick.  So, in honesty - there were a few more things that I could complain about, but I'm tired of being such a downer.  There's only so long I can wallow in self-pity without taking some accountability for my actions and freakin' doing something about it!!

On Monday, I officially started Code Name: MOVE.  I've been doing OK.  I've got my 30 minutes of movement in each day since...and yes, I know it's only been two days - but I've kept with it, and that's the important thing.  Last Wednesday, I actually went for a 2 mile walk/run after work. I was really proud of myself for doing it.  The weather couldn't of been more perfect - and the scenery makes it so much more enjoyable.  The park is full of little creeks, and wooden bridges to cross on the track - so it sure does beat the boring circle track I've used in the past.  I'm planning on doing the same thing today - and if I can get out of work a little earlier, I'm going to push for 3 miles.  Last week, I walked more than ran...today I want to equal it out a bit more.

For you Biggest Loser fans - what did you think of last night's episode?  I have to say, anytime I watch that show and I see people that want to give up after only being there 2 weeks, I get a little frustrated.  I mean, these people have been given the chance of a lifetime.  I'm sure it's much harder than we all think while watching from the comfort of our couches - but come on!!  I know if I had the opportunity to get my butt kicked by the two best trainers in the country every single day - you can guarantee I'd be making the most of it.  These people know what they're getting themselves in for before getting to the ranch, so why is it always such a shock for them? OK, so there are a lot more twists this season - but they say that every season... you know going in that the game will change.  Despite how ticked off I was at the two people that cried about going home, I still managed to get my weekly dose of motivation.  If it hadn't of been 10 o'clock when I finished watching the show - I would of gone for a long run.  I really need to stop watching the show in the evenings...I should wait until the weekend, and watch it when I have time to really feel the effects of the motivation.

Enough stalling - I want to get to my results.  I knew going in that there was going to be an increase - I expected an increase of about 3lbs.  Aunt Flo is here, and every time she visits I gain 2lbs exactly.  That added into my pizza frenzy helped me prepare for the worst.  The equation is simple: too much food + not enough exercise = a weight gain.  So, I walked into my weigh in room, and prepared myself for the terrible number I was going to see.  Last week, I saw a small loss - this week I knew I'd be getting the weight back again, and then some. 

My previous weight was 205.6lbs.  My weight this week is:  207.2lbs.

I've gained 1.6lbs.  The exact amount that I lost last week.  So I could whine about seeing another gain, blah blah blah - but it's not as bad as I thought.  If I consider Aunt Flo's wrath - then I might of actually lost a little.  Not sure that's possible - but I didn't see the usual 2lb gain that I'm used to seeing each time she arrives.  Maybe, just maybe, if I actually really dedicate myself this week and work as hard as I can to get a little exercise in each day - and stay away from any pizza - then there's a good chance I will see a good loss next week. 

I'm going to be tested this weekend.  It's my beautiful little sister's 16th birthday.  My family will be coming to stay with me this coming weekend.  My sister has not only decided that she wants to eat Chinese food this weekend - but has chosen a Chinese buffet restaurant to partake in this want.  Once again, I'm going to be faced with the temptation of "all you can eat".  Anyone that enjoys Chinese food knows that there's not really anything healthy about it.  The food is delicious, and it's all loaded with veggies - but the grease that drips off of it when you take a bite reminds you that veggies soaked in grease are NOT a healthy option.  Being the wonderful little sister she is, she has agreed to come on a run with me on Saturday AND Sunday.  She's a very athletic little thing - and she always inspires me to work hard.  Maybe I can enjoy a little Chinese food - key word: little - and have her help me get in two good workouts to counteract the effects just a little.  That in conjunction with the whole family dying to try out the PS3 Move should mean an active weekend.  Everyone keep your fingers crossed about that!

OK, so time for me to head out into the world. 

PNOTD:

To be successful, I must not dwell on my mistakes but look for ways to learn from them.  Each day is a new challenge - I have to take the challenge head on...I may not win them all, but I should always feel like I tried my best.

Till next time.  ;)