Time To Call on an Old Pal... Weigh In Time

Dear Diary...

I'm upset.  I'm sad.  I'm angry.  I'm confused.  And I feel all of those things even though I knew what was going to happen this morning.

I knew I was going to stand on the scale and see another gain.  The weekend was bad.  I get that I have to pay for my consequences.  What I didn't realize was how bad the gain was going to be.  I thought maybe a pound.  At the worst, almost two.  But what I saw before me this morning has left a hole in my stomach, and in my heart.

Last week, I stood on the scale and saw 241.8lbs.  That was a 2.4lbs gain from the week before.  This week I just couldn't prepare myself for what I saw.  The scale read 244.4lbs.  In a week, I've gained 2.6lbs.  That means, in the past two weeks, I've gained 5lbs.  UGH!!!!

When I started this year out, I weighed 239.8lbs.  We're coming to the end of the second month of the year.  A month where I should be celebrating around a 10lbs loss.  But no.  Instead, I'm seeing a total of almost 5lbs gained.  I've gone down a little in the past few weeks - but I've skyrocketed back up again these past two weeks.  Which is very frustrating because the last two weeks - I've actually been working out. 

One thing I can be a little happier about is that my scale was MUCH nicer to me than the scale used for my Biggest Loser weigh in yesterday.  Last week, I weighed in at 241lbs for that.  Wanna know what I saw on that scale yesterday morning?  246lbs!!  A 5lb gain in a week!  Thank goodness I was able to drop a couple of pounds overnight before my weigh in this morning.... or I may have just gone completely off the deep end.

This week has taught me that I have serious problems when it comes to my food intake.  I've finally been able to get myself off the couch and in the gym - but my working out is basically for nothing, when I stuff my face with empty calories all day long. 

Anyone that has read my blog for a while will know that I am not a fan of calorie counting.  In my mind, logging everything I eat every single day is not something that is realistic to a lifestyle change.  That was my opinion.  Still is, really.  But, I'm also big enough to admit when I need some serious help.  A kick in the right direction.  A way to be able to see what I'm doing wrong - and find a way to try and fix it.

So, yesterday, I decided it was time to rekindle a friendship with an old pal.  I'm not sure why I didn't do it sooner.  This pal of mine got me started on the road to weight loss a little under two years ago.  My pal got me facing the amounts of calories I was consuming, and helped me adjust accordingly until I was capable enough to make the right food choices without having to log everything.  That pal?  Well, it's My Fitness Pal, of course!

I started out by logging all of the food I'd eaten on Monday.  I was so surprised to see that I'd eaten 2095 calories - even though I thought I'd had a "good" day.  Once I saw in black and white the amount of calories I'd put in to my body - and where they came from - I was able to immediately begin making some adjustments.  Yesterday, I consumed 1,564 calories.  That was still eating three meals and two snacks.   My target amount is 1,480 a day without considering exercise calories - and I burned 300 calories at the gym yesterday, which bumped my food calories to a goal of 1,780.  So, I did very well for the actual first day of logging.  In just one day, I tweaked my food intake enough to knock 500 calories from the "diet" I was eating every day.  No wonder I've been gaining 2+lbs a week!

It's been a while since I've used the mobile version, and I'm very happy with the updates that have appeared since the last time I used it.  I am now able to scan my foods in while I'm eating using the bar code scanner.  That's a big plus for me.  It's hard, sometimes, to fit in the time to log what I eat when I'm at work...or try to remember it later.  Now?  Well, I just enter in my meals as I'm eating them and scan in my snacks.  A big time saver. 

Despite this very depressing start to my day, I feel like this is definitely a new beginning.  I can admit when I'm wrong.  I started this year off with the mentality that I'd be able to pick up where I left off a year ago.  I thought I'd magically be able to eat right, exercise often, and watch the pounds disappear before my very eyes.  Apparently, I had to see what was really happening before my eyes before admitting my mistakes.  I thought I'd be fine without setting goals for myself.  I thought I would be fine without logging my food.  I thought I'd be fine and I was wrong.  I need the goals.  I need the logging.  For now.  I have to retrain my body, retrain my mind, and I'm in no hurry to get rid of the tools that will help me do that. 

I am happy to report that yesterday, once again, I completed all of my mini goals.  I drank more than 60ozs of water.  I completed 30 minutes on the elliptical.  It was hard, but I pushed through it.  I ate my meals, kept my portion sizes small - and stayed below my calorie target.  I even earned my $5 bonus for working out three times this week.  Which, by the way, I've decided to update to reflect $5 for working out three times and $15 if I work out five times in a week.  Nice little incentive, if I say so myself.

Today, I'm going to:

• Log all of my food into My Fitness Pal
• Keep my calories below 1,600
• Complete the 30 minute circuit training at the gym and follow it up with the ab circuit
• Drink at least 60ozs of water

I am determined to make this week my best week since the start of the year.  I'm determined to make my goals and reach them each day.  I'm determined to get my eating under control.  I just had to hit rock bottom before I was truly ready to admit that.  Well, rock has been reached - and it hit me hard on the bottom.  Here's to a much better week next week!

Till next time. ;)