And We've Only Just Begun...To Live

Dear Diary...

If you've just read the title and are immediately taken to the Carpenters song - You're Welcome.  That song will now be stuck in your head all day long, like it was for me all day yesterday.  That wasn't enough to do it?  Well, then, don't let me take the opportunity away from you.  Have you ever really read the lyrics to this song?  No?  Why you must!

We've only just begun to live
White lace and promises
A kiss for luck and we're on our way
We've only begun

Before the risin' sun, we fly
So many roads to choose
We'll start out walkin' and learn to run
And yes, we've just begun

Sharing horizons that are new to us
Watching the signs along the way
Talkin' it over, just the two of us
Workin' together day to day, together

And when the evening comes, we smile
So much of life ahead
We'll find a place where there's room to grow
And yes, we've just begun

I'm not a big fan of the Carpenters.  My mother is, though, which meant I spent a lot of my childhood listening to their songs, and I now know most by heart.  I never thought, though, that there was a song more suited for my weight loss journey.  That just happens to be starting, again, today.

While out and about yesterday for my relaxing, rejuvenating day in Eureka Springs, this song kept popping up in my head.  It happened every time I thought about the new plan I'm going to be starting, every time I started thinking about as much as I'll be writing, journaling, and walking.  

While I was out, I bought some new clothes.  One thing I bought just happened to be a white skirt that has white lace trim.  White lace and promises?  I bought the clothes as motivation for when I lose some of the weight.  The skirt fits now, but it will look a lot better when I'm a little smaller.  It has the promise, along with the two dresses I bought, to make me look fantastic.

Every day that I wake up before the risin' sun, I'll be flying in to my Morning Pages and writing about whatever is on my mind.  I'll have many roads to chose.  I could chose to eat clean, drink lots of water, and take my 20 minute walk OR I could not.  I could start out my day with good intentions, and then veer off after something happens.  I could get through many days of doing exactly what I'm supposed to, and then have a day that brings it all crashing down.  

I'll start out walking and learn to run.  I know that I may start out strong, but have a few set-backs.  I know that this will be a learning process, one to take slowly - before being able to run with it.  I also know that I'll start out with meditative walks every day, and will eventually get the urge to start jogging and eventually running again.

I'll be sharing all the new horizons that are new to me with you.  The feeling I get from writing about my feelings rather than eating them.  The energy I'm starting to feel run through my veins after a day of great eating and drinking lots of water.  Watching for the signs of being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.  Talking it over with you, my Body Buddies. 

And as each evening comes, I can smile about the good choices I've made.  I'll take one day at a time, knowing I still have a long way to go - that's there's room to grow.  If I keep with it, start over whenever the need arises, not let myself fall.  For I've only just begun - but it's such an exciting beginning.

You see?  How freakin' perfect is that song?  As much as I always resented my mother for subjecting me to the droning of the Carpenters - I can now thank her.  There was something I was able to get out of all those years of torture.  I was able to bring myself to a theme song!  My theme song!

OK, so it's not upbeat and dramatic like most theme songs - but this song fits me.  It's absolutely perfect for the journey I'm about to embark on.  If you could have told me a few months ago that I'd discover a diet plan that calls for the power of writing versus eating, I would have told you that you were nutso.  But, here I am, about to do that very thing.

Even though today is day one, I wrote my first Morning Pages entry yesterday.  I've decided to create a journal just for that.  It is secret.  It is mine.  I can write about whatever the heck is on my mind.  I did it again, today, as soon as I got up.  And you know what?  It has made me feel so much more excited.  Each day, getting everything off my chest with some writing is so therapeutic.  I thought I was doing that here, but I realize that this blog is a lot more censored.  I can't always say what I want to say on here.  So, Morning Pages will happen first - and then I can think more clearly about what I have to say in my blog entries.

I have also found the writing journal I will use.  It's one I've been holding on to for a long time.  Just sitting there, collecting dust, screaming at me to write in it.  Well, now it will get its chance.  I'll be making my first entry in a few minutes when I eat my breakfast.  I will take it with me wherever I go.  I will write when I eat, what I eat, and how I feel when I eat.  I will write in it when I get the urge to eat, but it's not my regular time to eat.  I will write out the four questions that I need to ask myself before I let a snack attack get in my way.  I will write in it after my walks each afternoon, what I thought about and how it made me feel.  The journal will get lots of use, that's for sure.

In a couple of hours, I'll be seeing Sanity for some coffee.  I'm actually nervous to see her because it's been a few months since we've seen each other in person.  I've gained a lot of weight since then.  I know that she won't say anything - because she's awesome like that - but she's going to hear about it.  I'm recruiting her as one of my Body Buddies, too.  She's only a text message away whenever I need her - and I need to know that if I'm in a situation where I need to divert my attention away from food...and I've already wrote about it... I can send her a text and she'll respond with a good reason why I should forget the food.

So, I have all the tools I need to get going.  I know that I've said many times over the past few months about how I'm going to start over and actually do something about my forever creeping up weight - and then not - but this time, I truly feel different.  It's been a long time since I've felt this amount of excitement, motivation, and dedication.  The weight may not fly off me at a speedy rate, but it will come off.  I will start to see and feel the changes as long as I keep doing what I need to do.  I will be the woman I've always wanted to be... eventually.  I've only just begun, right?

Till next time. ;)