Motivational Monday - Finding Motivational Triggers

Dear Diary...

Being that I'm starting over again today....for the upteen bazillionth time...I wanted to start off on the right foot.  I wanted to attach a little motivational hand pump in to my right ear, and start inflating.  So, I wondered what I could write about that would get me charged up and ready to go?

When it comes to weigh loss motivation, I was obviously at the back of the line when it was passed out.  I was too busy standing in line for ginormous boobs with matching rear end.  It's one of those things I have to really dig deep for.  It doesn't just come naturally to me.  I have to start thinking about all the reasons I'm doing it - weigh the pros and cons.  It's a process.

I've tried using motivational charts and pictures and cute little sayings stuck on the fridge that are there to remind me not to go hunting around.  I created a Reward Jar that was meant to motivate me to lose weight in order to earn myself some moola.  They all work - for a week or so - and then I start to fizzle out.

When it comes to me and motivation, I have to come out and admit that losing weight to be healthier just doesn't work for me either.  I don't consider myself an unhealthy person.  My blood pressure is good.  I'm not yet on the radar with my doctor at being at risk for diabetes.  In fact, apart from my allergies from hell, I've been told that I'm as healthy as a horse.  An overweight horse, maybe.

Motivation, to me, is mostly materialistic and vain.  I am motivated to lose weight when I think about the cute clothes I'll get to wear, being able to walk around and not worry that people are looking at me because of my size, and going out with my friends and not feeling like the literal elephant in the room.  Those are all the things that charge me up.  A lot of my motivation comes from my perception of how others see me.

This is something Hubby and I go around and around about.  He thinks it's silly that I care so much about what others think of me.  He tells me constantly that my opinion is the only important opinion.  If I don't like the way I look - fine - but I should not give a flying hoot what others think.  He's right, of course, but it doesn't really change anything.

So, it got me thinking.  I've been working really hard lately identifying my emotional eating triggers.  I've been doing really well with it, too.  I am starting to sense the situations that cause my mind to go in to mindless eating mode - boredom, stress, etc. - and work on finding ways to curb the cravings.  Getting rid of the sugar has been immensely helpful.  This weekend alone, I've found alternatives to beating my cravings.  When I was bored, I picked up my book.  When I was a little stressed, I cranked up my music and sang my little heart out (that worked wonders, by the way).  When I did get a visit from the sweet tooth monster, I opted for a small cup of Bare Naked granola with a few almonds.  All victories in my mindless eating war.

Now that I'm starting to get that under control, it's now time to focus more on motivating myself to work-out.  Although, instead of avoiding triggers this time around - I need to be finding the things that will trigger my motivation.  What are the things that will help me focus and stay on course with going to the gym and/or finding ways to exercise?

I came up with five things that I want to keep in my head - and remind myself about each time I feel like being lazy.  It was hard for me to admit these things, because...well...you'll see, but the point remains the same.  I have to find what works for me.  So, I could sit here and pretend that I'm losing weight because of health reasons - but that reason won't get me to the gym.  These, however?..: 

1.  Those size 16 pants.  A couple months ago, I bagged up all of the clothes that were too small for me.  They became out of sight, out of mind.  So, I decided to dig out a couple pairs of the size 16 pants and hang them in my closet so that I'll see them every time I go in there.  Not only that, but each week instead of weighing in - I'm going to try on the pants.  I know it will be awhile before I can even get them around my hips again... but each time I try them on and can't fit in to them, I'll feel that sense of motivation to do something about it.

2.  Bragging rights.  Interviews are hopefully going to start cropping up pretty soon.  I want to be able to walk in to those interviews and share my success of my weight loss.  I want to brag about overcoming the struggles I had, and show how dedicated I am.  I want to be confident, proud, and happy of the barriers I overcame. 


3.  Being a weigh loss role model.  I think I've admitted this before, but I will do it again in case somebody missed it - I'm an attention seeker.  Not in a super bad way, but I like feeling the sense of accomplishment and pride when others look up to me.  There are tons of weight loss bloggers that I look up to.  I would love to go back to the point where I was one of those weight loss bloggers that others look up to.  Somebody that can post before and after pics - and share how I got there....not how I keep trying to get there.

4.  Getting back to being a girly girl.  When I feel frumpy, and I hate the way my clothes fit, and I don't like the person I see in the mirror - I turn in to a Tom-Boy version of myself.  I'm happy throwing on a pair of sweats and a baggy t-shirt.  I'm happy with no make-up.  I'm happy with not fixing my hair.  Actually, I'm not happy with any of that - but I prefer it when I don't feel good about myself.  When I was able to start shopping for clothes in the "normal" section of the store - a new me starting emerging.  I loved wearing cute, more fitted clothes.  I did my nails - constantly.  I wore dresses and heels.  I cared about how my hair looked.  I liked that version of myself - and I want her back.

5.  I want to turn heads - for the right reason.  This is probably the worst thing I could admit - but probably my best form of motivation.  When I walk in to a room, I want people to notice me.  Not because they're thinking "Goodness, look at the size of her" but because they're thinking "Wow, she's hot!"  Sounds ridonkulous, doesn't it?  The amount of flack I'm probably going to get from that statement - well, I can only imagine.  But, I'm honest.  You know that about me.  In my mind, when I go out with my friends, I feel eyes on me.  Not in a good way.  I feel eyes on my friends - in a good way.  And I'm not talking about men.  I don't want to impress men - I have a perfectly good one...that's not what I mean at all.  When I'm out in social situations, I always feel out of place.  I feel like I don't fit in with my cute, super hot friends.  If I go out shopping with them - I have to stand around and look like I'm having a good time.  Cause Lord knows I can't actually shop in the stores they shop in.  If we go out to a club, they all look fantastic - and I can't help but obsess over my muffin top in just about everything I wear.  I want to rid myself of that feeling. 

Number five stems from a lot of inner conflict I have with myself.  I've mentioned many times about the lack of social relationships I have outside of the work place.  A lot of that has to do with the fact that I don't feel comfortable being in those social situations - at the size I'm at now.  I truly feel that if I lost the weight, my inner social butterfly will spread her gorgeous wings...and things will be different.

So, along with starting my detox over today - I'm also going to start working on embracing and remembering my motivational triggers.  When I want to slack off from the gym because I'm too tired - I will plant these five things in to my mind.  I'm not going to get hot by slacking off.  So, even though my reasons for losing weight may not be the conventional reasons a person loses weight - it's what works for me.  Now, it's time to embrace them. 

Till next time. ;)