Warrior Princess Wanted to Speak

Dear Diary...

I know it's weird, my being here late in the afternoon - when I've already wrote a post for the day. But, I was sitting on the couch, playing with my iPad, and just wanted to write. No harm in that, right?

Warrior Princess has been in my head all afternoon. In the most unexpected situation, actually. All day, I kept telling myself - "Self, we're going to the gym today, no matter what". Then, during coughs and sneezes, I heard a voice say "Skipping the gym isn't the end of the world - you've been doing very well with your eating, so you shouldn't feel so guilty about giving yourself another few days to get over your allergy problems".

At first, I thought it was Negative Me swooping in to reign some sweet talking in. What better way to get out of going to the gym than by convincing myself that I'm still too sick, right? But, then I realized it wasn't Negative Me - it really was Warrior Princess.

How did I know? How can I not be sure that Negative Me isn't doing a really good job of trying to make me feel good about not working out?

Well, first - you do realize that I'm talking about 2 completely made up psuedo personalities, right? I don't really have seperate entities living in my head calling all the shots - as much as I like to believe or convince myself that I do.

I realized that when Negative Me is running the show, the dialogue is a lot different. Negative Me is whiney. "You're too tired to work out". "Just go home, you know you don't really want to work out - it will be a waste of your time". That's the type of spill Negative Me gives me.

Today was different. The voice wasn't whiney or pathetic. It was strong. It was powerful. Think Mr. Miogi in Karate Kid. The voice reminded me how I had eaten very well, I'd drank plenty of water, I had been making good decisions about skipping out on temptations. The voice also reminded me how bad things could get if I went to the gym and started having an asthma attack - which could definitely happen, being that my chest is still pretty rattily.

Last week, my allergies were so bad I had was having 2-3 breathing treatments a night. I was waking up in the middle of the night in full asthma attack mode. I was having to sit down after being on my feet for only a few minutes, because I was so winded.

This week, I am down to 1-2 breathing treatments a night. I slept all night last night for the first time without having to do a treatment. Although, I did have to have a treatment before I went to bed. I am able to be on my feet most of the day - but the wheezing starts to appear around 4PM.

I'm better this week, but still not 100%. Being that all of my problems are in my chest, it makes perfect sense to give myself another few days...a week even. I don't want to aggrevate the healing. Yes, my allergies are what are causing the asthma attacks and chest problems and coughing - but working out will only add insult to injury.

I truly don't feel like I'm making up an excuse. This is my health. This is serious.

So, Warrior Princess is in full glory. As long as I stick to my eating regimen, drink all of my water, I'll be OK for another couple of days. I'm not going to gain weight if I'm eating right and not going to the gym. I may not lose much, but I understand that - and I'm OK with it.

OK, going to have some dinner and then think about watching Biggest Loser. It's week one of Makeover Week - I wish I was more excited. It's usually my favorite episode of the season... but this season? Dreading it! I don't want to see a bunch of non-deserving, whiney babies get anything for free. But I'll suck it up. I have to if I'm going to do this week's BL recap, right?

Till next time. ;)

Joanna
a/k/a Mad, Fat Woman