True Confessions Tuesday

Dear Diary...

It's Tuesday, so it's time for some confessional cleansing...

I confess that I did not go to the gym after work yesterday because, once again, my allergies were fighting me.  I was fine pretty much all day, but by around 2:30pm, I could feel and hear that faint wheezing sound coming from my chest - and I knew going to the gym would aggravate it.

I confess that I ate an ice-cream bar yesterday. 

I confess that I avoided eating birthday cake yesterday.

I confess that with the ice-cream and minus the cake, I stayed under my calorie intake.  100 calories under, actually.  For a total of 1357 calories consumed.

I confess that I was able to fit in to a pair of pants yesterday that I wasn't able to fit in to a few weeks ago.  They were size 18, which makes me shudder to think that I wasn't even able to get them around my stomach back then - but I decided to try them yesterday, and they fit!  OK, they may have been a little tight at first, but after wearing them for a while they loosened up.

I confess that I'm wearing a pair of jeans that are size 20 today.  Even though they are a tad too big, they are not too big enough for my liking.  It makes me mad.  

I confess that I'm really hoping it rains today.  Pours rain.  Then, my allergies might back off enough for me to go to the gym to at least get a circuit training in.

Well, I think that's about it with the confessions for this week.  I'm happy that my confessions are starting to equal out - bad with good. 

The gym situation is plaguing my mind just a little.  Even though I was feeling the wheezing in my chest by the time I left work, I really didn't feel like going before that happened.  I kept telling myself I had to go, but inside I feel like I probably wouldn't have if my allergies hadn't been acting up. 

Getting those jeans on, yesterday, was bittersweet.  Yeah, I was happy I could fit in to them - but the fact that I had so much trouble with a size 18 really ticks me off.  The jeans were a small NSV - but I'll be much happier when I'm able to squeeze in to a size 16 with that much trouble.  Then I'll feel like I'm really accomplishing something. 

The Race for the Cure is on April 28th.  I haven't signed up yet.  I will.  I've accepted the fact that I will be walking this year - right along size Peanut - but it's another one of those situations that reminds me how far I've fallen off the wagon. 

As you can probably tell, I'm feeling a little blah today.  I actually like days like this - every now and then.  I feel reflective, a little defeated, a lot disappointed.  But, it's these types of days where I find myself being the strongest.  When I'm reflecting and feeling sorry for myself about how far I steered off course, I tend to fight a little harder.  I tend to use the blah as fuel.  It's like a nagging feeling inside of me that makes me think twice before picking up something to eat I shouldn't, before thinking about skipping out on the gym.  It's like I have an inner voice that pushes the negative feelings - calls me out on how slow I'm doing - and causes my inner competitor to come out and stick her tongue out at negative me.

Yep, here I go with multiple personalities again. 

It's true, though.  In a way, I do have multiple personalities.  I have Me.  I have Negative Me.  I have Warrior Princess Me.  Most of the time, Negative Me and Warrior Princess Me show their heads separately.  On days I do something I'm really proud of, Warrior Princess is there basking in the glory.  On days where I've slid off course, Negative Me is doing a victory lap.  Then, there are those times when Warrior Princess and Negative stand toe to toe, eye to eye.  It's like Wrestle Mania up in my head.  Both want to come out victorious - neither wants the other to win.

That's today.  A blah day.

Negative Me is totally fine with not going to the gym.  Warrior Princess is rolling her eyes and tapping her foot.  They are both ready to square off as the day unfolds.  I just hope that Warrior Princess is able to keep her ground - because Negative Me has had way too many victories, lately.

On top of fictional, pseudo personalities gearing up for their battle royal in my head - I've also got the job hunt wafting around.  Each day that passes means I'm one day closer to having to start making contact.  Ugh, I shudder at the thought.  But, I have to keep that out - for now.   Once I get through this week, and Benchmark testing next week, then the flood gates of stress can open up.  Right now, the only thing I need to be thinking about is how I can arm Warrior Princess with something to smack Negative Me upside the head with. 

I'll let you know how the battle unfolded tomorrow.

Till next time. ;)