Dear Diary....

The first day of the new year has arrived.  I wish I could say that it started off with me jumping out of bed full of energy and vigor and dashing out the door for a morning run.  No such luck.  I rolled out of bed after getting hardly any sleep because I spent the entire night next to a 4 year old who stole my pillow and my blanket.  I then drug myself to the coffee pot to pour a cup that what can only be described as mud with a slight taste of coffee.  My head was pounding with every step I took - and no, it wasn't a hang over.  I've been fighting off a migraine for a few days now, and have woken up every morning feeling that thumping in my brain thankyouverymuch.  I then spent the rest of the morning babysitting while my dad took my brother to buy a pig, and my mom took my cousin to play bingo.  I finally got home a little less than an hour ago and I'm EXHAUSTED!

I know that the whole paragraph sounds like one big excuse - and I'm committed to not making any excuses this year - but I'm also committed to being completely honest.  I didn't go out for a run this morning because I didn't feel like it.  Period.  There's no excuse - I just didn't want to.

Don't worry.  I don't take my first day of the new year to be a sign of every day that is going to follow.  I may not have woken up wanting to dash out for a run, but that doesn't mean I woke up saying "forget it" to the whole weight loss thing.  On the contrary, I thought about nothing else all day.  I've been running game plans and ideas through my head - decisions about what I'm going to do to get out of my slump once and for all.

I've already made a few small steps.  I changed my blog.  I made a list of goals.  I decided I wasn't going to make any deadlines or limits to my weight loss.  Something else also popped in to my head today - and that's the way I write my blog.

When I first started my blog it was for one thing and one thing only:  To document my weight loss progress and how I was managing to do it while going to school, raising three kids, and holding down a full-time job.  Over time, it became a teeter totter of weight loss versus life in general.  It has always been one thing or the other.  If I'm passionate and motivated with my weight loss - that's all I talk about.  If I hit a slump (like the past 8 months or so) I focus on chatting on about my life in general.  That's all going bye bye.  I'm not doing that anymore.

The reason I called this blog Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman is because I wanted it to be a diary.  It was supposed to be a place I could share my feelings, my thoughts, my successes, and my failures all mixed together with the trials and triumphs of daily life.  Sure, I wanted the main objective to have it all mesh with weight loss, but there's no reason that I can't share everything else going on with me.  My whole world doesn't revolve around my losing weight (or not losing weight) - it's an equal balance of life AND weight loss.  So, from this day forward, this is going to be my diary.

Every day I'm going to sit down at my computer and begin with Dear Diary...  Then I'm going to ramble on about everything and anything that is on my mind.  I can't promise that it's going to be interesting or inspirational or even worth reading... but it will be my real story.  It will really document everything going on in my life that leads me in the directions I chose to take.

I will still try to incorporate some of my favorite features such as BYOC and True Confessions Tuesday.  I will also be weighing in every Wednesday, starting a week from this Wednesday.  I also plan on taking a lot more progress shots than I've done in the past.  I'm thinking maybe one a month...we'll see.

I will say that I'm excited and ready for the year in front of me.  I'm not setting my heart on anything, making myself any promises, nor going to stress about what may or may not happen this year.  I'm going to take one day at a time.  There will be good days, there will be bad days.  The only guarantee that I want to make for myself is that I will give everything I have in trying to succeed.  I never want to see the number 239.2 on my scale again.  EVER! The only person that has any power in making that happen is me.

Till next time. ;)