The First Confessions of 2012

Dear Diary....

It's only the third day of 2012, yet I still feel that it may be appropriate to get some confessions off of my chest now.  If I wait another week, there may not be enough room on my blog to cover all of them.  Not that I've done so much in 3 days that it's going to take up that much space, nor do I plan on doing so much in the next week to take up a lot of space.  Oh, you know what I mean...right?

I confess that in the past three days, I've really been trying to focus on small baby steps back in to my weight loss.  I'm so scared that if I throw myself in to major steps too quickly, I'll get burned out and stop.  I know that sounds like an excuse - it's not meant to.  I'm petrified of failure...failing again.  I'm thinking that if I take it slow, ease myself in to it, then bigger results will happen over the long run. 

I confess that the first of the baby steps have been that for the past two days in a row I've done 10 push-ups and sit-ups in the morning.  It's minor stuff, but I'm amazed at how winded I get just from 20 calisthenics.  It's a sign of how much I let myself go last year, I know that.  I want to focus more on including strength training this year - once my steps get a little bigger - and I figure that push-ups and sit-ups are a great way to ease myself in to that.

I confess that yesterday I drank 72ozs of water.  I know, shocking right?  Three full 24oz water cups gone over the course of my work day.  Yes, I had to pee many times... but thankfully my breaks happened at the right time. 

I confess that I ate way too much bread with dinner last night.  Hubby made chicken and beans for dinner.  He also made a fresh loaf of bread in his bread maker.  When I came home, the house smelled of freshly baked bread.  I made some steamed red potatoes to go with dinner, thinking that would help with the out of control carb craving... but it probably made it worse.  I ended up eating 2 1/2 pieces of the bread.... 1 and 1/2 pieces more than I intended on.  While I did have only a small piece of chicken and half the serving size of everything else (half of what I'm used to eating), I splurged on the bread. 

I confess that while I made myself the promise of not participating in any online weight loss challenges, I have decided to run a Biggest Loser competition at work.  There's a cash price involved, and if I can win - that's more money I can put in to my Reward Jar.  I know I'll have some stiff competition, but I don't have to weigh in each week and compare my progress with everyone else.  We're doing it silently.  We weigh in next week, then weigh in again at the end of the competition in March. I can keep track of my own progress...and then just see how it goes. 

I confess that I'm itching to get started with my weekly meal plans.  Funds were a little on the short side after Christmas, so it's been slim pickings with the food we've been eating around here.  The benefit has been that I've eaten quite a bit of chicken - unfortunately it's been the dark meat.  That's all going to change tomorrow.  I'll be able to go plan out my meals for the next few days and go grocery shopping, and then this weekend I'll be able to make my first week's worth of plans. 

I confess that I tried on a pair of my size 16 pants yesterday morning and was shocked and horrified at how I could barely get them up.  There was no way I'd even think of buttoning them.  It's amazing that this time last year, those same pants were getting to be a little on the lose side.  Now?  Well, it's going to be a while before I'm wearing them again.  While it was disheartening to see how far I'd come...it was also motivational to feel the damage.  It made me want to get into those pants more than anything. 

And lastly, a non weight loss related confession...

I confess that I'm getting a little worried we're not going to get any snow this year.  Yes.  Worried.  As in, I want snow.  A statement like that around here could be life threatening - but it's the truth.  After the almost 2 feet of snow we got last year, that shut the schools down for almost 2 weeks causing school to go well in to June, the teachers don't all share my sentiment of wanting some of the white stuff.  While I don't want enough to be off for that long, I wouldn't mind a snow day or two in the next couple of weeks.  I don't like the fact that it's January, and we've been seeing temps in the middle to upper 60s.  I want a winter.  It's my most favorite season.  We've barely had to use our fireplace this season - and it's bumming me out. 

Alright, now I feel better.  It's always feels good to get stuff like that off my chest.  The stuff that niggles away at me. 

I noticed this morning that I'm up to 160 followers.  Wow.  That's very humbling.  I can't believe that so many people are interested in what I have to say...and I'm truly thankful for each and every one of them.  It was my followers and supporters that really helped push me back in 2010....when I was a weight loss champion.  It was my followers and supporters that kept rallying for me, even when I'd fallen so far off the wagon that the tracks weren't even there any more. Without all of them, I know I wouldn't be where I am today... still trying to succeed, still pushing.  I would have just thrown in the towel for good a long time ago.  They all keep me going each and every day with my fight.

OK, enough of the mushy stuff... I've got breakfast to make and gots to get ready for work.

Happy Tuesday!!

Till next time. ;)