Being In That Space Between Really Nervous and Really Excited

Dear Diary...

The next time you hear someone bashing fate, destiny, signs, or something along those lines - I'm now going to give you some ammunition to use against them.  M'kay? 

I have always been a believer in the above.  I've had my share of uncertainty in terms of religious beliefs.  I've doubted, I've cursed, I've questioned, I've judged.  One thing that has never left me is the ideal that everything happens for a reason, there is a master plan for me, and I have to look for certain signs along the path that is my life that will help guide me.

Well, do you remember what happened this weekend?  I doubted.  Again.  I was so mixed up in my thoughts and emotions that I actually doubted that I was on the right path.  I asked for a sign that would confirm what I needed to do...which lead to this post.  If that wasn't enough to sway my thoughts, I was sent someone else to help give me another little nudge.  A very simple prayer made on my behalf, that lead to this post.  She was a retired teacher that had left the profession to focus on ministry, that wanted to say a prayer for me - and she did.  What I failed to mention in that post is the fact that she asked for a sign to be given to me THIS WEEK.  She was very adamant in her request.  She identified the "dark cloud" that was looming over me - and asked for His help THIS WEEK to show me that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

After that prayer, things started to change for me.  Physically and emotionally.  I felt better about my path.  I felt that I had been given the signs that I'd asked for that confirmed I was, indeed, doing what I was supposed to be doing - and that I may have to face all of the hurdles to finally get where I was supposed to be.

Little did I know the power that was held in that prayer.  The sequence of events that have taken place this week have left me stunned, shocked...in total awe.  On Monday evening, I saw that there was a 3rd grade position that had just opened up in the school I've really been interested in.  It's a very small school - still in the same district - but working there would combine my desire to work in a small school while having the benefits of being in a large district.  It's also the area that I have always dreamed of living one day.  A quaint little town, not far from the lake.  Third grade is also the one grade that I've always favored.  While I have no real preference in the grade level I teach - 3rd has always been my favorite.  So, I emailed the principal.

Yesterday, I received an email that I have an interview on Friday.  I actually scream laughed when I read it.  Finally.  I have been given the chance I've been looking for.  The interview.  Not a job offer by any means - I still have plenty of competition.  There's no certainty by any means that I have a better chance than anyone else that will interview for the job - but it's an interview.  It's one step closer than I was the day before yesterday.

So, now I'm worried.  I'm stuck in that place between really nervous and really excited.  I don't want to get too excited, because if I don't get the job I will be even more disappointed.  I want to go in with a level mind that I'll be prepared for whatever the outcome is.  My thinking is, if I go for the interview and the principal doesn't think I'll be a good fit for the school - then at least I've had my chance.  It's much better than receiving no interview at all.

I'm also really nervous because I'm starting to think that this is all apart of the signs and plans that were laid out for me this past weekend.  A person prayed that I'd get some word this week...and BAM I get an interview.  That kind of thinking leads me back in to getting really excited again.  So, you can see my dilemma, right?

At the end of the day, regardless what happens, I can't deny that I did receive what I asked for.  I asked for a sign.  Someone else asked for a sign on my behalf - this week.  I received the interview I've been praying for, and I received it this week.  If that doesn't give you goosebumps - I just don't know what will.

But, it's not over yet.  I have to try and keep myself grounded between nervous and excited.  It's not such a bad place to be.  I will ask that you all think of me, pray for me, send positive mo-jo my direction.  Obviously the power in all three is there...and I hope it will help get me through my interview tomorrow afternoon.

Till next time. ;)