Probably One of My Biggest NSV to Date

 
Dear Diary...

I'm feeling much better today.  I managed to catch up on some sleep last night, and I think that helped shake free some of the yucky stress I've been feeling.  I got home from work, and passed out on the couch until 7:30pm.  Not something I'd planned, but it really helped.

After work yesterday, I did something I don't think I've ever done.  I'm pretty sure.  No, positive in fact.  It's so big I shocked the crapiola out of myself and left myself stunned all the way home.

Once a week, I take the kids to the gas station for an Icee - usually when I need to get gas.  It's something we've done all year.  EVERY single time we go, they get an Icee and some form of sweet snack - and I usually get some puppy chow or a doughnut or some chocolate chip cookies.  It's just become a habit.  One that the kids love, and I always regret because I eat a whole tub of puppy chow and then feel guilty for eating so much sugar.

Well, yesterday, I did NOT buy anything for myself.  The kids got their Icees and opted for giant brownies.  I walked around to see if I could find something somewhat healthy - but, hello, I was in a gas station.  When I realized there just wasn't anything, I didn't buy anything.  I looked at the donuts.  I looked at the puppy chow.  I looked at the chocolate chip cookies.  To all three I silently screamed "You're Not Worth It!"  And walked out of the store with a crazy grin on my face.  I just couldn't believe what I'd done.

I don't know what's happening to me.  Whatever it is, I like it!  Am I eating completely clean?  No.  But the choices I'm making are 1000 times better than the choices I was making a month ago - even two weeks ago.  The changes are huge.  I stood on the scale this morning (half week mark) and saw that I'm down another two pounds.  I've lost a total of 7lbs in a week and a half.  That's nothing to scoff at.  What I'm doing is working - the proof is in the pudding, well...not pudding, more like veggies.  

What's even more mind blowing is the fact that now that I'm in the most stressful time of the year, I'm finally pulling my big girl pants up and doing something about my weight.  For the first four months, while in La-La Land without a care in the world, I just couldn't get my act together.  Over and over I said I was going to make changes - and never did.  Now, I'm smacked in the face with the dreaded job hunt, the stress I'm in under with the other personal stuff that's going on, and I'm able to start changing my eating habits and lose some weight.  Crazy, isn't it?

In less than two weeks, I've already lost half of the weight I've gained in 4 months.  It's so sad to admit that I managed to gain 13lbs in 4 months...NOT the direction I was supposed to go.  January 1st, I weighed 239lbs.  Two weeks ago, I was up to 252lbs.  But, now 7lbs of it is gone - in less than 2 weeks.  I just can't wrap my brain around it.  When I saw 245.2lbs this morning, I laughed.  Out loud.  Well, it was more like a school girl giggle.  It was happiness.  It was pride.

I don't care about the weight I've gained.  It's all about what I'm losing, now.  It's about the choices I'm making, now.  It's about how I'm dealing with my stress, now.  There's no time for me to dwell on how much I've gained - only on how much I'm losing.

I'll be back in those size 16s in no time, my friends.  And then 14s.  And then 12s.  Nothing is going to stop me now.  

Till next time. ;)