Why, Yes, I Have Lost Some Weight

Dear Diary...

Have you ever had one of those days where things are going pretty well - nothing out of the ordinary, anyway - and then someone can completely perk you up with a simple compliment?  Maybe it's complimenting the outfit you're wearing, how you're wearing your hair, or how beautiful the color of nail polish is with your complexion. 

I have.  But, I admit.  It's hard for me to take a compliment.  It makes me feel awkward.  I get a little uncomfortable and then try and down-play or reverse whatever's been said...

Person - "I love the outfit you're wearing?"
Me - "Oh, this old thing?  Do you like it?  I think it shows off my muffin top too much."

Person - "I love it when you wear your hair that way?"
Me - "What?  The fall out of bed, run a comb through it quickly look?"

Person - "That nail color really suits you"
Me - "Yeah?  I thought it was a little on the pale side - but I guess that does suit me"

I am the queen of making innocent, sweet compliments in to backhanded compliments about myself.  And then I wonder why people have a hard time getting along with me - HA! 

Then, yesterday, out of the blue I was approached and this happened...

Sweet person I work with - "Are you losing weight?"
Me - "Why yes, yes I am!"
SPIWW - "I thought so, I can really tell in your..."
Me - "Face?" (before she's even had a chance to finish her sentence)
SPIWW - "Yes!"
Me - "I've lost 8lbs in the last two weeks"
SPIWW - "Wow!  That's amazing! I can really start to tell"
Me - "Thank you!!!"

After the exchange happened, I had to laugh.  Talk about doing a complete 180 in terms of taking a compliment - I was practically putting the words in her mouth.  But, for the first time in a very long time, I felt really good about accepting the compliment.  I didn't think about reversing it.  I didn't think about getting all bashful.  I was proud and happy about someone noticing.  OK, maybe a little too happy - but in my opinion, it's better than backhanding myself.

This current attitude I have has basically blossomed overnight.  Just a few days ago, I was depressed and sad.  I was searching for answers - that may never come.  I was lost, scared.  But, now I'm not.

Nothing wonderful has happened to turn it all around.  No, there hasn't been any job offer - or even interviews come up.  I haven't woken up and realized I've lost 100lbs over night.  I didn't win the lottery.  I just feel better - with no rhyme or reason...and that makes it even more magical.

For some reason, the person that sat here on Saturday morning has disappeared.  She left all of her troubles behind, but the person that sits here now isn't weighed down as much.  I've woken up the past few mornings with a pep in my step.  I've come home from work with a smile on my face.  Who this person is and where she came from?  I have no idea.  She could have been born when viewing that video on Saturday morning.  She could have been molded when a simple prayer was said for her.  Whatever it is - I REALLY like her, and I hope she stays for a while...no, forever!

I know that life isn't always a bed of roses.  Roses have thorns.  But, roses are also beautiful.  I guess life is about taking the thorns when they stick you, but appreciating the beauty that the roses have.  Yeah, OK, too much about roses.  I will admit, I got the whole rose thing from a quote I read in the bathroom at work.  But, it's still appropriate.  

What I'm awkwardly trying to say is, with starting out with the compliment thing and then getting way off track, I've realized that I can't spend my time focusing on the negative.  Negative thoughts lead to negative behaviors which lead to negative results.  By just staying positive - however hard that may be - leads to positive behaviors and positive results....even if those results aren't what you entirely had in mind.

Finding a teaching job this year would be my dream come true.  If you all had a dime for every time I've said that - you'd be very rich.  But, I can also focus on the positive if that doesn't happen.  It won't be the end of the world.  I will get to spend another year working with the fabulous people I work with now.  I'll continue to work with the students I love so much next year.  I'll have another year of experience under my belt when I do this whole process again next year.

Losing 40lbs in the next three months would be amazing.  But, I can focus on the positive if that doesn't happen.  I will lose as much weight as I can.  I will feel better about the changes I've made in my life, regardless of what the scale says.  I'll be healthier than I am now - fitter, even.

I know I've done a lot of rambling this morning - but hopefully I've managed to somehow release my message.  Just BE HAPPY.  Finding happiness in the dark times is the true testament.  It's not about how much you accomplish, but the attitude you keep.  It's taken me a very long time to realize this - but now I think I'm starting to get it.

Give someone a compliment today.   Accept a compliment.  Smile at complete strangers.  Be happy with your life - despite the troubles you may be facing.  You have breath in your lungs.  You're alive.  Make it count! 

Till next time. ;)