True Confessions Tuesday

Dear Diary...

After this past weekend's EmotionFest, I was able to get a lot off my chest.  Not so much in terms of confessions, per say, but cleansing truths that needed to be set free.  Today, and every Tuesday, are meant to be a little more upbeat.  I share some of the little secrets I've been keeping from you.  In a fun, confessional type manner.  Feel free to do this on your own blog - and then let me know you did.... I love reading other people's confessions.

I confess that this weekend I went to the movies and ate way too much popcorn.  Like WAY too much.  Peanut and I got the large bucket to share - and then ended up getting it refilled.  So, we basically ate a bucket of popcorn each.  And when I say bucket - I mean... the same kind of bucket that chicken is sold in.  And when any type of food is sold in a freakin' bucket... you know it's B-A-D!

I confess that because I ate a gallon of popcorn, I skipped dinner Sunday night because I was so full and bloated.  It was a feeling that I deserved after what I did - but it made me realize how bad eating like that makes me feel.  All that sodium turns in to bloat.  Which turns in to uncomfortableness.  Which turns in to me feeling like a beached whale.  No bueno!

I confess that I came home yesterday and actually felt pretty upbeat.  I feel so bad for poor Hubby.  I expect that, lately, he dreads the minute I walk in the front door.  It's like playing Russian Roulette.  Am I going to be happy?  Mad?  Sad?  I made sure to give him a big hug and kiss to show him that the coast was clear - but I'm not sure if the look in his face was relief or caution.  He probably accounts living with me at this point in time to living with landmines.  One wrong move, and I may blow up.  Poor, poor guy.

I confess that yesterday, I got to try the Queen of all ice-cream bars.  In which I guess I have to confess that I ate an ice-cream bar yesterday.. so two confessions in one!  The bar was a Magnum Double Caramel.. and Oh Em Gee... can you say pure heaven?  As much as I knew it was bad for me, and loaded with sugar and calories - it was a nice treat.  Not a treat that I plan on eating again for a long time - but a treat all the same.  Vanilla ice-cream dipped in chocolate, dipped in caramel, and then dipped in chocolate again.  My thighs are getting bigger just thinking about it..

I confess that I also had an ice-cream bar...a Magnum Double Chocolate on Friday.  Chocolate ice-cream dipped in chocolate, then dipped in chocolate sauce, and then dipped in chocolate again.  Basically a chocolate coma.  It was good, but very rich.  Not near as good as the one I had yesterday.  You also notice that this is another two-for-one confession, right?

I confess that after coming home from my very rough Friday afternoon, Hubby suggested we go out and eat dinner.  Bless him so.  He knows that when I'm feeling blue, it's best to head to the nearest food station.  No, that didn't sound right.  He's not an enabler - he just wants to make me feel better.  We did go out and eat.  I ordered steak and a baked potato.  I also ordered a Blooming Onion, but I just couldn't eat very much of it.  The grease just made me feel icky - and a couple of bites was all I could manage.  I ended up bringing half of my dinner home - which I think is a good thing.   

I confess that even though it appears I've eaten like crap this past week, I have not.  OK, so it wasn't as clean as I'd like - but it was about a 80% clean week.  Looking at the week I had emotionally compared to the amount of binge/bad eating I did - I'd say I came out pretty well.  Of course, I still show signs of lots of improvement that's needed... but I have improved.  A few weeks ago, I would have drowned myself in food non-stop for about 3 days.  This weekend saw my biggest set-backs.. but two ice-cream bars, a steak dinner, and the popcorn were the worst offenders.  Everything I ate in addition was clean.

I confess that the scale has bumped up a little since the Bucket incident.  I was totally expecting that.  All that sodium has sent my body into shock.  I know that if I stay on track this week - it'll disappear again.  

I confess that it brings me comfort to be honest.  Admitting my feelings, my bad decisions, and my set-backs are part of the process.  They are not signs of failure.  Sometimes being honest can put me in uncomfortable situations, but I truly believe that as long as I can be honest - things will work out for the best. 

And there you go - another installment of True Confessions Tuesday.  I have just one more before I go...

I confess that when I looked in the mirror this morning, after getting dressed, I saw a little difference in the way I looked.  Good difference.  It may be the clothes I'm wearing - it could also be that I'm starting to see myself in a different light.  Whatever it was - it felt so freakin' good.  I know I still have weight to lose to even get down to my starting weight for the year... but when I start to notice some difference in my appearance - that's definitely a good thing. 

That's the secret, really, isn't it?  Looking at ourselves in a more positive light.  I know once I get through this very tough time - whether it be with what I want or not - as long as I see myself in a positive light, things won't be as bad as they seem. 

Change stems from within.  Seeing the beauty on the inside often reflects the beauty on the outside, and recognizing the beauty is the first step to inner happiness. - Me.

Till next time. ;)