Enjoying Sun-Day - And Finding Motivation to RUN!

After a very rocky start to my morning, I've decided I'm gonna suck it all up and enjoy a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

I was woken up this morning by a phone call that rubbed me the wrong way. After spending a little time by myself and having a good, cleansing cry, I wiped away the tears and realized I need to make the most of this situation - or I'm going to spend the next 19 days a very miserable, cranky woman. Or a more miserable, cranky woman than I already am.

I decided to do a little cleaning, and then I poured a cup of coffee and sat my behind out on the porch. It's hot outside, but the wind is blowing pretty hard which is giving me a nice, cooling breeze. It's relaxing, though, and it gave me the jolt I needed to get my blog post written without it being all doom and gloom. I may not be in a perfect situation right now, but I don't have to whine and cry about it every day on here.

Later today, Hubby is coming over - and he's going to cook on the grill for all of us. A little Memorial Day get-together. I sure have missed his cooking. Being here the past week has made me realize how great I have it at home. The truth is, I'm spoiled rotten. At my house, I don't cook, I wash dishes with a dishwasher, and I can talk, vent, yell, scream, and laugh with a man that really loves me. Being here without him has really put in to perspective how much I love him - and how I just couldn't live without him.

And if you're wondering why he's not here with me - well, he has to work. And on the days he doesn't have to work, he's taking care of the stuff that needs to be taken care of at home. Plus, he's reminded me a zillion times that he didn't sign up to babysit. He's totally right - he didn't. I can't hold that against him. So, he comes over when he can to spend a little time with me. Like today.

While talking to him this morning on the phone, and filling him in on the start to my day - I told him I needed him to bring my running shoes with him. It happened on the spur of the moment, but it hit me that I know something that will help me deal with my emotions right now: Running. Or at least walking.

Whenever I get in a funk - which used to be job related, but I don't have to worry about that anymore - I would go for a walk or a jog. Why I haven't thought of that sooner is beyond me. I get up at the butt-crack of dawn each morning anyway - I could be up and walking/jogging on this beautiful piece of land my parents own before anyone else is even out of bed. I know it will help me clear my head - and let's not forget about the benefits it will do to my body. I know I'm gaining weight sitting around here pouting...I need to be doing something about that!

So, starting this evening, I'm going to go for a walk...just up and down the driveway a few times. The kids can play outside while I'm doing it. Then, tomorrow morning, I can get up and do the same thing...alone.

How quickly I forgot the promise I made myself a few weeks ago. Do you remember? I said that I would go back to work after the summer break a new person. A thinner, fitter person. I was going to find myself again this summer - find the person who loved working out, eating healthy, and showing off the rocking body that was forming from the work I was doing.

I want to be back to the woman who wore size 16s with pride - because it sure was better than the size 24s that I wore previously. I want to go back to not being afraid of going to the pool, or wearing a bathing suit, or wearing shorts for that matter. I'm not her, right now. I'm slowly reverting back to that size 24 woman...I'm already back up to a very snug size 18 and more comfortable size 20. The thought of getting in to a bathing suit right now scares me to death...and I won't even look in the mirror after putting on a pair of shorts and a very baggy t-shirt.

It's funny, though. I remember being 297lbs. I remember how wonderful I felt getting down to 245lbs - and fitting in to a size 18-20 pants. I'm that woman, now, but I don't feel so great. That's because I tasted what it was like to be 212lbs. I felt what it was like to wear a size 16...and loosely. I felt what it was like to walk in to a regular department store and buy clothes in the "regular" section. And that taste now makes me crave it again. Being in a size 20 again makes me mad...really mad. And only I have the power to do something about it.

And, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to do something about it. Starting TODAY! I'm going to literally run from my problems. Well, not so much problems - stress. And when my parents get back, I'm going to take myself to the gym a few times a week. My poor gym membership has been collecting a lot of dust the past couple of months..and now it's time to get some money's worth out of it.

So, this is the last time you hear from "poor ol' me" - the woman who seems to find something to always complain about. I complained for months about finding a job - and I found one. I'm not about to replace that woman with complaining about doing something I agreed to do.

From this day forward, my blog is going back to what it's meant for - sharing with you all how I'm kicking butt in the weight loss world.

Till next time. ;)