Monday, August 17, 2009

Relapse, Lack of Motivation...Failure!!

It is with a heavy heart, and a sad soul that I write this blog post. As some of you have noticed, I have been MIA the past 2 weeks. Yes, I have been very busy, but that's not the reason for my prolonged absense. The reason I stayed away from this blog, is because I knew that failure was knocking on my doorstep. My willpower began to fade 2 weeks ago, my desire to continue seem to disappear. I'm not sure what caused the sudden onset of failure - especially after I was doing so well - but it happened.

As with all addictions, relapses happen. I in no way want to make excuses as to what has happened, but I'm never going to overcome the addiction by dwelling on my failures. Life got tough, and I just wasn't tough enough to put up with it.

I don't think that all of my hard work is completely gone. Being that I didn't weigh myself during my challenge, I have no idea how much weight I lost to determine if I've put it all back on. I don't think I have, because I'm still wearing smaller clothes. I haven't gorged myself with food the past two weeks, but I haven't exactly watched my eating - or even worked out.

It's not worth spilling out my pity party story of why I think I let myself go - I just have to figure out how to stop it from happening again. My biggest fall back was the scheduled eating routine. I have never been someone to eat breakfast - and even though I managed to do it for a while for the sake of my challenge, it was always something that I had problems with. I've started looking at other alternatives to help with that. One of them is by using Slim Fast shakes for breakfast. I have a big problem eating breakfast, but do ok drinking it. I started snacking again - and not healthy snacking. Chips, ice-cream, candy - all making their way back into my house, and back into my life. UGH, I hate it even more now that I'm writing about it. Everytime I told myself I was going to go get on the treadmill, something came up that "prevented" it. (I use quotations as a way of showing that I could of avoided the interruptions, just chose not to).

So, what's changed? Why do I want to try again? Same reasons that I've wanted to lose weight for the past 10 years. I was so motivated at the beginning of my 60 day challenge...I thought, if I can get through 60 days, I'll be well on my way of losing the weight. Well, I didn't make it. I made it 3 quarters of the way...which isn't too bad, I guess. It is if you look at how I was so close to the finish line to throw it all away. Oh well, I'm rambling on, trying not to make excuses but not doing a very good job of it.

It's time to start again, pick myself up, and try something new. Thanks for all the support - it really is what motivates me. :)

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