A Look Inside the Mail Bag...

Since making the sudden decision to change my web address two weeks ago, there's no doubt in my mind that things have been a lot more quiet around here.  The old web address has had almost 1500 hits since that day, but less than half of those hits moved traffic back to this new address.  I knew that was the chance I was going to have to take in order to create a blog that fit me.  While the comment section has been a lot quieter, my email inbox has received several emails.  Some offering there support, some offering their disappointment.  I try to respond to all of my emails as long as the original email was of good taste. 

So, I decided this morning to bring some of the emails to light.  The majority of the emails I've received are from concerned followers... maybe the same questions and concerns some of my other followers have been asking themselves, but haven't asked.  I figured I'd pick a couple sent to me with the responses I sent back - and share them with you.  I will keep the sender's names private - like always.  And hope that there are still people out there reading what I have to say...

Dear Joanna,

I woke up this morning and started looking for my morning blogs to read and was completely shocked to discover that your blog has disappeared.  I have been reading your blog for several months now and was always pulling for you to get through the slump that you seemed to be in and find the motivation to start losing weight again.  That's why, I have to admit, I was a very disappointed to see that you've now decided to give up on the weight loss and change your blog to a regular diary.

I understand that your new job is something you're very excited about, but I have to be honest when I tell you that your "new" blog just isn't the same.  You are a talented writer, but I don't get that as much with what you're now writing about.  Writing about your weight loss, regardless of how well you were doing or how much you weren't doing, was interesting.  I could connect with a lot that you said.  I often laughed at your thoughts and feelings.  But now, I just feel like I've been reading a private diary of your day to day life.  Not so funny or inspirational anymore.  

I wanted to post a comment on your blog telling you this, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings.  I don't want to sound mean with this message.  It's more to let you know that I miss the old you, and really hope that you find her again, soon.

Best of luck - 
Concerned Follower

Dear Concerned Follower,

Thanks for the email.  I'm sad to hear that you think my writing has changed since redesigning my blog.  But, I guess in a way, I have changed.  I don't look at the change as "giving up on weight loss", but rather adding more variety to what I can talk about.  I guess in a way, it is my private diary now - just not so private.  I don't think I've lost the old me, just gained more insight and desire to discuss other things.  I will try to find my more wittier side as I move on with the change - and hope that you will stick with me as I work out all the kinks.  Getting feedback from my readers is very important to me.

Thanks again,
Joanna

Dear Jo?

I'm happy to see that you've finally decided to change the blog to a name more fitting to what you write about.  I've been wondering for a long time why you still wrote a weight loss blog, because there sure hasn't been a lot of that for a long time.  No offense.  Some people are able to completely change their lives in amazing ways by losing weight, and others spend their entire lives trying.  It seems that you've decided you don't want to be one of those that spend your life trying.  You were always talking about excuses, and how stupid they are, but I often wondered how come you weren't taking your own advice.  Sometimes I would just come to your blog to make myself feel better about cheating or giving up on my weight loss.  I know that sounds bad.  It is bad, I guess.  But you and I both know that this time was going to come eventually.  Your head just isn't in the game, anymore.  I hope that one day you do decide to revisit the weight loss thing - I think that it was important to you at some point.  I also understand that you have stuff going on that is more important now.  Good luck in your new job, and I hope things work out for you.  I'll try and drop in from time to time to see if anything new has happened.

Wishing you the best,
Truth Talker

Dear Truth Talker,

No offense taken.  You're absolutely right.  I wondered for a long time why I was still writing a weight loss blog, because my head most definitely wasn't in the game.  It seems as my new blog has sent out the mass message that I no longer care about weight loss, and have no desire to lose weight anymore.  That's really not the case.  It made me a little sad to read that you used to visit my blog just to make yourself feel better about cheating or giving up.  That wasn't my intention, and I guess that's really a good reason for me to make the change that I did.  I don't want people looking to me as an easy out.  The desire to lose weight is still with me, and I don't think I'll ever fully give up on that.  I just don't want to waste anyone's time talking about it - when I'm not fully committed to doing something about it at this point in time.  That doesn't mean that I won't eventually.  I will be happy to spend my life trying.  Quitting just isn't in my vocabulary.

The decision to change my blog didn't come from losing my weight loss desire, it came from wanting to share more about my life - and feeling that what I had to say just didn't fit with the theme of my blog.  At the end of the day, my last blog was a weight loss blog.  Not a successful weight loss blog, but that was the original intent.  Now, I feel more free to talk about whatever I want to talk about - and at some point that will be weight loss, again... but mixed in with my life in general and my new job.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me,
Jo

Dear Mad, Fat Woman a/k/a Future Thin Girl a/k/a Jo,

What the heck?  You change your blog so much I think my head is going to explode.  First you're a mad, fat woman.  Then you're a future thin girl.  And now you're just Jo.  Who cares what you call your blog?  All I know is you're just hurting yourself more by pretending and changing it everytime you get a little whim of defeat.  

Losing weight is hard, everyone knows that.  I thought you knew that, but apparently not.  Just because you haven't lost the weight, you just give up?  What about all the people that have followed you and pulled for you?  You're basically just telling them to move on - and probably just to quit like you did.  I'm very disappointed.  I've shared many of the same struggles you did - but that doesn't mean I just give up.  Each day is a new day, and I just tell myself to start over.  Nobody cared that you talked about your new job or your family on your old blog.  If anything, that made it that much more enjoyable to read.  You were a real person, with real struggles, and people in those same situations had someone they could connect with. 

I really had no intention of writing to you, but somebody needed to say something.  I'm sure I'm not the only person that feels this way.  It wouldn't surprise me a bit if you lose a lot of followers because of this.  The weight loss community is always there to support people - regardless of how much they succeed or struggle.  But I can't support someone that just gives up.  Changing your blog is just another excuse - and another nail in the coffin to you ever losing weight.  It makes me angry and sad that you of all people can just throw in the towel so quickly after everything you've been through.  I'm sorry, but I won't be visiting your blog anymore.

Disappointed

Dear Disappointed,

I normally wouldn't respond to an email that expresses so much anger, but I also hear a lot of hurt in the tone of this message.  First, let me start by saying that I didn't just give up.  I know that transforming my blog from a weight loss blog to a general blog has given that impression, because you're not the first person to let me know their disappointment in "giving up".  To be completely honest, I really wasn't thinking about what my followers would think of the change - I did it for me.  I struggled with the mentality of writing about my daily life on a blog that was obviously for the purpose of sharing my weight loss stories.  I know that may sound silly to you, but not to me.  I'm a firm believer that if I visit a blog that is categorized as being a weight loss blog - that the majority of the content will be about weight loss.  With the new job, and lack of commitment on my part to be losing weight, my content just didn't fit with that category anymore. 

My hope is that once the "new job smell" has worn off, I will get my head back in the game of losing weight.  But, I won't be changing my blog ever again.  Now that I've generalized the theme, I can talk about losing weight, the job, my family, and anything else that pops in to my head right on my blog - without feeling any guilt or worry that I'm not writing to the intended audience. 

I fully understand that many of my weight loss followers may move on.  It may sound harsh, but my blog really isn't for anyone else - it's for me.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE having followers and people that comment and even people that send me somewhat hateful emails giving me their opinions.  It makes my writing mean a lot more.  But, I have to remember that I didn't start my blog with the intent to get as many followers as possible.  In fact, I was/am floored that I have received so much support over the years.  My original intent was just to have somewhere to write about my feelings, document them, and revisit my own words whenever I needed to. 

I'm sad to hear that you won't be visiting my blog again, but I also wish you the best of luck in life.  I really never thought that so many people would care what I did with my blog - but now I understand that's not the case.  I apologize for disappointing you, but hope that you can understand how important my blogging is to me - and if I'm not happy with my blog, I just won't want to write anymore.  I can't lose my writing.  It's a part of me - who I am. 

Thank you for expressing your opinions with me - they didn't fall on deaf ears.
Jo

Dear Jo,

I'm sorry that my original email was so angry.  I really didn't expect a response.  While I'm still disappointed, I appreciate you letting me know how you feel.  What you said makes a lot of sense, and I guess I understand the change more now.  I often forget when I read personal blogs that they're not written with the mentality of "customer first" LOL.  You're right, it is your blog, and you should be able to write or change the name to whatever you want.  I really hope you do decide to try and lose weight again.  

Good luck,
Disappointed

And the last one that I want to share, today...

Dear Joanna,

Congratulations on the new blog!  It looks fantastic, and I'm so happy you decided to follow your heart and make your blog more about you and not worrying about what everyone will think of you.  I changed my blog name a few times before I found something I was happy with.  Of course, I didn't have any followers so it didn't really matter how many times I changed it.  LOL.  I've always enjoyed reading what you had to say, regardless of what it was about.  You have a great talent in your writing, and I'm happy to hear that will continue with even more stuff to write about.  

I was so happy to hear about your new job.  I know it's something you've been working hard for, and I felt so upset for you last year when you weren't able to find a position.  I've been pulling for you all this time, and just knew that something would come along.  It sounds like you were born to be a teacher, and I can't wait to read more stories about your classroom and how your life changes for the better.  

Excited!

Dear Excited,

THANK YOU!! It's so nice to get a supportive email about my decision to change my blog.  You'd be amazed at how many people weren't as thrilled as you are about the new theme.  It warms my heart to know that you've stuck with me all this time - and are still happy to read what I have to write.  I appreciate the wonderful compliments.  I truly feel like there is no further need to mess with my blog.  I can now write about whatever I want.  I'm just thrilled to hear that I still have at least one follower that will stay with me on this journey.

Thanks again,
Jo

True Confessions Tuesday

Dear Diary...

You want confessions?  I got confessions.  Probably more than I should, but that's what this post is for, right?  So, I'm not going to waste any time explaining that each week I write a post that dishes out all of my confessions of the previous week, or that I stole borrowed the idea from The Sisterhood, or that I'd love it if my readers did the same thing and then told me they did it so I could read their confessions and not feel so terrible about all of the stuff I spill out. 


Being that I didn't waste my time explaining any of that stuff, now I can hurry and get started...

I confess that I didn't finish cleaning out my closet last night because I totally forgot that Jelly had a dentist appointment at 4pm.  I didn't get home from that until 5pm, then had to help finish dinner, then had to eat dinner, and by the time that was all over I was done for the day.  Closet is the first thing I'm going to do when I get home today, or I'll be sleeping on the couch again.

I confess that my 4 year old is a rock star when it comes to going to the dentist.  She had to have a crown fitted on one of her teeth yesterday afternoon.  They gave her some laughing gas that made her funny and goofy.  It was hilarious to watch her crack up for no reason whatsoever.  She didn't even twitch when they gave her any of the four shots in her gums to numb them up.  She had the dentist and hygienist laughing their behinds off the whole time... which was actually pretty scary to me, because he was holding a drill in the mouth of my child!  She laid still and kept her mouth open wide while they drilled and rinsed and fitted...and she didn't whine a bit.  And she can't wait to go back to have the other one done in two weeks.  Crazy, huh?

I confess that I couldn't stick with the week of no junk food goal I set for myself last week.  But, you already knew that.  You know that I ate peanuts and candy corn just a day after making the goal, because I told you.  Well, that wasn't the worst of it.  I ate pizza on Saturday, and had a cheeseburger on Sunday when I went to play bingo.

I confess that despite my pizza and cheeseburger consuming, I have been eating pretty well.  Even the pizza and cheeseburger weren't outrageous with what I ate.  I had 2 pieces of pizza for lunch on Saturday (after eating no breakfast) and had the cheeseburger for lunch on Sunday.  My dinners each night have been healthy and I've been eating much smaller portions.  Is it enough to see a loss this week?  I don't know. That would be nice though.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:  The following confession is considered by many to be a TMI confession.  It involves the talk of bowel movements.  Read with care, or just skip over it.  Your choice.

I confess that all day yesterday, I couldn't stop pooping.  Not like diarrhea or anything.  Just that each time I went to the bathroom, I had to poop.  It was awful because I HATE having to do that in a public restroom - let alone the restroom at work.  Apparently, my body was on board with my Cleaning Out My Closet post I wrote yesterday...and it decided to do some cleaning out of it's own.  Yes, I know.  That's gross.  But stuff like that doesn't happen to me, so I had to share it.  I did warn you and said you should skip over this one.

I confess that even though I've whined about not wanting to turn 30, I'm a little excited about my birthday tomorrow.  Not that it's going to be a big deal or I'm going to do anything fancy.  Just because I somehow feel this birthday to be a milestone.  30 sounds so grown up.  Being 29, I was still a girl in my twenties - carefree and wild.  After tomorrow, I'll be a sophisticated woman in my 30s.  Ah, who the heck am I kidding? Like turning 30 is going to take the carefree and wild out of me.  Psh!

I confess that, for some reason, I have this strange feeling that I'm going to feel very different when I wake up tomorrow.  Not as in feeling older or anything like that.  More of feeling like it's the day I really have to buckle down and start making the magic happen with my weight loss.  Call me crazy (you wouldn't be the first one, or in the first 100) but this feeling has been there since a little before Christmas.  I haven't really said much about it, but I've got my mind focused on the fact that my 30th birthday will be the day that I magically transform into a weight losing, exercise junky, healthy eating superstar.  Now that the day is almost here, I really hope that's true.  All this time up to now, I've been telling myself that it's just a crutch I'm using to keep postponing what I've been wanting to do.  Well, now I'm only a day away, so let's all cross our fingers, toes, and anything else that's crossable that my mind finally lets me go and releases me from the barriers that have been preventing me from getting my mo-jo.

I confess that I'm, once again, nervous about this morning's weigh in for Biggest Loser and the weigh in that will take place tomorrow.  How crappy will it be to have another gain, especially on my birthday?  That would suck big time!  Although, if my previous confession is actually right and I do turn in to a weight losing, exercise junky, healthy eating superstar, it won't matter what the scale says tomorrow because it will mean that I finally start doing something about it and stop whining each week that there's another gain on the scale.  Maybe another gain will reinforce my minds decision to hold off until my birthday, and once it sees the damage it's done yet again, it will push me in to overdrive and let the barrier releasing begin immediately!

I confess that I've been so happy with the commenting that's been taking place this week around here.  After posting my opinion on the Georgia Ad Campaign, I expected some flack for it.  I got some.  Just a little.  But it was done in such a nice, courteous manner.  I want everyone to be able to express their opinions on what I say - even if they downright disagree with me - and some of my commenters this week showed that's completely possible without getting hateful.  I was also thrilled to receive a kudos on the post from the coach that works at my school.  I always forget that it's possible for people I know to read what I write - and to get a compliment on it is a very big deal to me.

I confess that the past two days at work (Friday and yesterday) made me realize how much I love working and interacting with kids.  I covered both days for the teacher that runs the computer lab.  My job consisted of greeting the kids as they came in, and then supervising them while they did their computer based learning programs.  It was silence pretty much all day long, and I about went nuts!  Yesterday afternoon, I couldn't help myself, and started walking around the room and helping kids out..regardless if they asked for help or not.  I'm just not cut out to be a watcher, I'm born to be a teacher...and teach I did!  I'm so excited to get back to being in the classrooms today and working with the kiddos, that's fo'sure!

I confess that I'm done with confessing today.  Be sure to check in tomorrow when I do a special birthday edition of Weigh-In Wednesday.  I'm not sure if there will be tears involved or not (hope for not), but you just never know with me.  I also have no idea how I'm going to make the weigh-in a special birthday edition.. but I've always got the ability to pull some tricks out of my hat.

Till next time. ;)

Dipping In to the Mail Bag

Dear Diary...

It has never ceased to amaze me how many emails I get from readers.  Each week I get at least two emails from someone that's read my blog and wants to offer a kind word of support, a few suggestions, or wants to give me a piece of their mind without doing it publicly.  What's that you say?  Two emails aren't very many.  Well, it is to me.  Any amount of emails or comments are always a huge deal to me.

Every once in a while, I get a few emails that make me cry.  Some in a good way, some in a bad way.  But I always read every email sent to me.  I try to respond to all of them, at least with a thanks or something along those lines.  Then, once every couple of months or so, I like to look back through some of the emails and share them here.  I do it all anonymously because I figure if the person has emailed me versus commenting on my blog, then they may not want what they have to say publicly shared with the world...or my other blog readers.  These past couple of weeks, I've received several emails.  Here are a couple now, with responses I either made to that person...or responses I've come up with now because I didn't think of saying it when I did respond...

Dear Joanna,

I have read your blog for a while now, and just wanted to write to you and ask you a few questions.  I'm not sure you'll respond, but I wasn't sure whether I should ask you on your blog or in an email.  I'm going with the email because I figure it the most personal of options that I have to talk to you.

I have always loved how honest you are on your blog.  You tell it like it is, regardless of whether or not you're succeeding.  My questions for you are: How are you able to be so honest?  Do you feel that sharing the bad stuff helps you?  Do you ever get bashed from people about struggling so much?

I only ask because I have started a blog, but I keep it private.  I don't let anyone else read it.  I do that because I've had a lot of troubles with trying to lose weight and then I write about them.  I'm worried that if I share those problems with anyone that wants to read them, then they'll judge me for being weak.  My reasons for struggling are similar to you.  I make a lot of excuses, and don't really have the motivation to do much about it.  I try to eat healthy, but usually can't go a day without eating some kind of junk food.  I've joined a gym at the beginning of the year, and I've been twice.  I didn't really like it because I felt so fat and thought people were looking at me and laughing at me.  I hate feeling that way.  That's probably why I'm so scared to share my blog with anyone.  I don't want people laughing at me or judging me.  

So, how do you do it?

A reader

And my response....

Dear Reader,

Thanks for the email.  I will be happy to answer your questions.  I actually get asked those questions pretty often.  Not necessarily for the same reason you're asking, but it seems as though many people wonder how I can be so brutally honest on my blog - even if it makes me look weak, uncommitted, or down right lazy.

So, here's my answers:

How am I able to be so honest?  Well, I tell myself that other people are probably struggling the same way I am.  Not everyone is able to jump on a weight loss band wagon and start losing weight over night.  There are lots of people (like myself) that's tried over and over and over and still struggle every single day.  I figure if those people can read of someone else in their shoes, then it will help them somehow.  Most people, regardless of whether they'd admit it or not, like honesty.  It's refreshing for them to not just hear the good stuff all the time.  I try to provide that for them.

Do I feel that sharing the bad stuff helps me?  Yes and no.  If you've been reading my blog, lately, you'll see that I'm in a pretty nasty rut.  I'm working on it, slowly but surely.  Being able to share my struggles helps me by getting it off my chest.  But even I get tired of reading negativity over and over and over.  And yes, I read my own blog often.  There are many times that I feel like enough is enough, and I should hold off on posting anything because there has been so much negativity or struggles.  Then, I get a comment or an email that says "Thanks for posting that today, I have been struggling in the same way and it's nice to know I'm not the only one".  Then I realize I have to keep being honest - regardless of how bad it is at the moment.  If it's helping one person and pissing off 100... I'll keep doing it to help out that one person.

Do I ever get bashed?  Oh yes.  I've got haters just like anyone else... but they are very few and far between.  I've received one nasty comment or email for every..maybe 50 positive comments or emails.  I'm sure that when people read my blog there are many people that stop reading because there's not very much success going on.  I'm sure that there are people that read and say a few nasty things to themselves.  But as far as receiving their thoughts in writing?  That doesn't happen too often.  When it does, I try to respond in the best way I know how.  I can't say that I've ever received a really nasty, full of hate email.  More along the lines of frustration than anything else.  I try to tell those people the same thing I'm telling you now.  My blog is about honesty.  Period.  If they don't like it, there are thousands of blogs that are more appropriately suited for them, I'm sure.

As much as it may not seem like it, I write my blog for me.  And that's something I want you to remember.  If you do decide to share your blog publicly - remember it's still your blog, and you're not writing it to please anyone.  I do know that I love the support and encouragement I receive - and that helps keep me with the mindset that I won't give up.  I hope I've answered your questions well enough to help you out.  And please don't hesitate to let me know if you have any more.

Joanna

I received this little gem this week, which worked perfectly with the email above...

Fat Woman,

It appears to me from reading a few posts to your blog that you may be a fat woman all of your life.  I've never heard so many bulls**t excuses from a person that claims to be getting rid of the excuses in my whole life.  You should change the title of your blog to "Excuses of a mad, fat, woman" because that's all your blog really is.  I bet any amount of money that when this supposed gym opens up that another set of excuses open up as to why you can't go.  What person claiming to want to lose weight makes up the excuse that they're waiting for gym to open?  I don't know where you live, but if it's in America, I'm sure there are hundreds of gyms around you.  Just do us all a favor and stop.  It's depressing and annoying to read the same bulls**t over and over again.  You need serious help, if you ask me.  Maybe that's what you should be thinking about.  Getting some serious help instead of claiming to be trying to help other people.  You're not helping anyone, and it sounds to me like you need the help.

My response...

Thank you for your email.  While I appreciate all feedback, I will state that you are under no obligation to read my blog.  If you don't like it, please don't read it.

What my response should have been now that I'm thinking about it...

Dear Hater,

First off, I don't write my blog to help other people.  I write my blog for me, and if other people get something out if then WHOOP WHOOP to me.  While it pains me to do so, I have to agree with you on a few things.  Yes, I got excuses.  Just like a lot of people do.  The same excuses that they're dealing with - and sometimes, hearing that there are others out there that are struggling can sometimes be uplifting.  Nobody's perfect.  I also agree that it sounds stupid to be waiting on a gym to open up before I start working out.  

My reasons, though I don't need to explain myself to you, are because A) the gym is right across the street from where I work meaning I have easy access to being able to work out because I have a family and a life that often gets in my way when it comes to working out in a gym and B) it only costs me $10 a month versus the "hundreds of other gyms in my area" that charge at least three times that much and this fat woman is on a strict budget. 

I'm not sure of the why you feel the need to bash me or show how much animosity you have towards me.  I don't know your story, and I'm not in a position to judge you for it.  I'm not going to speak ill of you, because maybe there are things plaguing you that I don't know about.  But, I will return that back to you.  You don't know me.  You don't know the demons I struggle with every day.  Being able to come here and share those demons with anyone that wants to hear about them is a very therapeutic thing for me to do..and while I always love to help people, again, my blog is for me. 

I may need serious help.  But you know what?  I get that help right here on my blog.  Every time that I get a nice comment or email telling me to hang in there, or a word from someone who appreciates my honesty - it lifts me up and helps me stay with my journey.  This also pains me to say, but I also get that help when I receive nasty emails like yours - because it fuels my fire.  Not that I have to prove myself to anyone, but I will prove myself to you.  You'll see.  Or maybe you won't because hopefully you've stopped reading my blog if it annoys you so much.  Whatever the case, I'm sorry that you feel the way you do about me.  I feel sorry for the fact that you have so much hate in your heart for a person you've never met.  I hope that whatever is causing this anger is taken care of.

Joanna a/k/a Mad, Fat Woman!

Till next time. ;)

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas...

Tomorrow is the first day of December.  Can you believe it?  I know you're wondering where this year has gone... just like I am.  It feels like only a few weeks ago, I was cramming my brain silly trying to prepare for my final senior project or getting ready to walk across the stage to receive my college diploma. 

It's been quite the year - but it's not over...yet. 

December is my most favorite month of the year.  Of course, it's because of Christmas.  There's something about December that just brings the goodness out in most people.  People are kinder, friendlier....more pleasant.  I consider myself one of those people.  While I try to be nice all year round, I will admit that I get the holiday fever this time of year - and just like to be all gushy and nice to almost everyone.

I've decided that for the month of December, there will be very little talk about weight loss.  There's more to this blog - and my life - than weight loss... and this month, I want to take advantage of sharing and caring - and all that jazz.

So, I haven't completely finished my to-do list for December, yet... but there are some things that will be making some appearances.

First, I plan on having a couple of people guest post - and share some of their favorite Christmas traditions.  I totally stole borrowed this idea from one of my readers - Chantelle at Project Chantelle She graciously asked me to guest post for her blog...and I thought the idea was FANTASTIC.  So, of course - I want to do something like that, here.

Also, I want to do something special for the twelve days of Christmas.  Not totally sure what, yet... but each day for the twelve days leading up to Christmas I will do a wish list of sorts. 

I'll be writing a letter to Santa at some point.  Cause, I've got a few requests for the Big Guy.  I'm pretty sure he reads my blog...I mean, what else is he doing 364 days out of the year, right?

I'll be sharing a lot of stories about Christmas traditions and stories of Christmases past and other warm and fuzzy stuff like that.  I love taking walks down Memory Lane.  I will be sharing some of my most favorite Santa cover-up stories....I have quite the imagination when it comes to extinguishing the horrible rumor that Santa doesn't exist!

I'm also going to pick Hubby's brain - and have him share some of his favorite Christmas recipes.  Hubby turns in to Betty Crocker this time of year...and the delicious treats he can pull off are TO DIE FOR.  Maybe, just maybe, he will be willing to share some of his secret recipes with you guys.  Don't worry, I'll beg and plead. 

So, if you've been put off by my off the wall randomness over the past couple of months...hang in there with me for a few more weeks.  I'm really looking forward to this...and I'd love it if you were all here with me enjoying the festivities.

Before I go, I just want to bring up the "incident" I spoke about yesterday.  I got a couple of concerned emails - and just wanted to say THANK YOU for the kindness and support.  I knew you guys would care... and that you would share kind words of support to make me feel better.

I just want to put to rest that the incident really isn't anything negative towards Butter - it was much more directed at me.  Butter is getting on great at his new school - and he's loving it. 

This incident also made me realize that while I may butt heads with one person that I work with - the rest of the people I work with are absolutely fantastic...and I love each and every one of them.  They were also a huge platform of support while I dealt with the situation.  Even though the resolution is something I strongly disagree with - I'm biting my tongue and being the bigger person.  I think that's the grown up thing to do... as much as I don't want to be grown up about it - at all.

Even though I can't give the specifics, I think I can say that this was a minor incident that got thrown way out of proportion.  This was nothing to do with Butter's past.  In fact, I can say that he's probably been the most grown up person in all of this.  This whole ordeal has made me realize that while I'm on red alert about everything he does - there are others at our school that are oblivious to his past.  In there minds... he is no different than any other kid there. 

And - that will be the last I talk of it.  I'm over it now...I put my big girl pants on and just decided to let it all go. 

Everyone enjoy your last day of November.  Kiss it goodbye... you will never see it again.  And then open your arms to the coming of December!!  It's going to be a great month... I'm sure of it!!

Till next time. ;)

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Dipping In to the Mail Bag

As a blogger...yes, that's what I consider myself...one of my favorite perks is getting comments and emails from my readers.  Good or bad, negative or positive - I feel special when I get an email or a comment from a person that has taken the time to read what I have to say.  I'm actually quite surprised how much email I get.  My comment box has been a little quiet as of late - but I have been receiving a few emails. 

Whenever I get an email, I take the time to respond.  I think that's the courteous thing to do.   It doesn't matter if I've just spent the time reading bash after bash - I still take the time to respond.  Sometimes it helps clear up some misconceptions, sometimes it doesn't.  It's the fact that I've handled it professionally that's important.

Every now and then, I like to share some of the emails I get.  Sometimes it's because I've received a few emails asking the same questions, or because I want to publicly clear the air about something.  Sometimes it's just because the words in the email have touched my heart - and I want everyone to see them.  One thing I don't do is reveal the identity of the sender.  I figure that if they've opted to email me instead of leave a comment, then they may not want others to know who sent it.  I can respect that.  When they read my post, they'll know how they are - and if they choose to say something about it...then that's entirely up to them.

So, here's a couple of tidbits of some recent emails I've received from my awesome readers.

Dear Fat Woman,


I stumbled across your blog a few weeks ago after seeing a posting on a mutual friend's Facebook page.  I've been trying to lose weight for a while now, and I figured that reading some weight loss blogs could give me some ideas about what to do.  I've been spending some time going back and reading the last few months of your entries, and I have to be honest and ask: don't you get a little tired of repeating the same stuff over and over?  I'm not trying to be mean.  It's hard not to sound that way in an email.  But after reading some of your stuff, I've found that I'm more disheartened than ever about trying to lose weight.  You continue to refer to the success you had last year, and when I went back and read some of your posts from last year I have to ask what happened?  You seemed to be doing so well and then it just stopped.  You're not in any better shape than every other person that has tried to lose weight thousands of times, and failed.  I feel sad for you that you are struggling so much, but don't you ever wonder about what messages you are sending to those of us that are trying to lose weight after failing so many times?  Wouldn't it be better not to post about it until you really have found yourself again?  Maybe you could find something else to blog about and then once you find the motivation again, you could pick up the weight loss blogging.  Just curious.

After I read this email, I sent the sender a polite response.  Now I want to answer those questions here...for all of you guys that may be wondering the same things - but haven't emailed me asking.




First, Draz is going to be so mad when she sees that someone sent me an email addressed "Dear Fat Woman".  She hates it when I refer to myself that way - but I know it's going to crawl all over her to see someone else refer to me that way.  In this senders defense, my blog is called Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman...so technically it should have been addressed "Dear Mad, Fat Woman".  But, I'm not going to fault her for leaving the Mad part out.

So to answer the questions....

• Yes, I do get tired of repeating the same stuff over again.  I think I've said it myself many times. 
• I feel like if I stop writing, then I've completely thrown in the towel - and I won't let that happen. 
• What happened was - life happened.  This year has been a very rough year for me, and even though that shouldn't be an excuse as to why I fell of the wagon - it's what happened, and I can't change that now.
• I am in much better shape than all of those people that tried to lose weight and failed - because I haven't failed.  My journey isn't over - and I still have over 60lbs of weight loss that hasn't come back.  I don't intend for it to come back, either.  A 66lb loss is no fail, in my opinion.  
• The message that I'm trying to send is that I won't give up.  I don't care how many times I repeat myself, as long as I continue to believe things will change - I feel like some of my readers will feel the same way.  Struggling is part of the success.  Once I am able to overcome this very long, drawn out hiatus - other people will be able to see that it's possible.
• I do blog about other stuff.  A year ago, my blog was all weight loss all of the time.  Now, it's more about my life.  That's not because I don't feel like I have the right to blog about weight loss...it's so that others can see what my life is like, and maybe relate to the struggles I have.

OK...now for another one...

Dear Joanna,


Hiya!  My name is ***** and I have been reading your blog for quite some time now.  I'm what you might consider a lurker because I've never commented, but I've always wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading.  I'm thinking about starting my own blog, but I don't know where to start.  I mean, I know where to start as in the sites I can use, but how to start blogging about losing weight.


One thing I love about your blog is that you are so honest.  You share your successes and your failures.  I've read a few other weight loss blogs, and I always know when those people aren't doing so well because they just stop blogging altogether or they are gone for a long time.  You're not like that.  I know that you're going to blog every day regardless of how well you're doing, and that's something I love about you.


I want to do the same thing.  In the past three months, I've lost 10lbs.  It's not a huge loss, but I'm proud of it.  I've struggled some, but I now think I'm ready to start sharing my story with others.  My biggest fear is starting the blog and being able to share the down points with the high points.  So, I have to ask, how do you do it?  What can I do to get started and overcome the fear of sharing the not so high points?

This email I LOVED.  It came perfectly a few days after receiving the first email I shared.  This reader used my real name - which is posted right there on the side of my blog.  FYI - in case anyone else wants to email me.  :)

This email shows why I do what I do.  She reads my blog because I share the good with the bad.  I have had so many emails and comments saying the same thing. 

My response to this email was simple:  Just be yourself.  Of course, I said some other stuff... but that was the overall message.

People reading blogs tend to know when someone is real and when someone is fake.  Fake isn't the best word - but it's all I've got right now.  What I mean is, sometimes people want to hear the failures so that they can relate.  Weight loss is hella hard...everyone knows that.  The problem is, not many people want to share the bad because it makes them feel like more of a failure.  I know, I've felt that feeling many times.

Some of the best reactions I've got from readers is when I'm struggling.  The encouragement and support I get is so important to me.  I say, you shouldn't fear sharing the bad....life isn't a big bed of roses - and even if it is, there are still going to be thorns.  By being honest gives me accountability.  I could disappear for a while and try and get back to where I was last year alone...but I would then miss out on what I have here.

This blog is my connection to the weight loss world.  I read blogs, lots of them, from people that are losing weight.  Some have lost HUGE amounts of weight - but they have still struggled.  It's those struggles that have told me I, too, can overcome mine...eventually.

So, there you have it folks...another insight to a couple of the emails I receive. 

While I'm on the topic - I still need some more questions for Peanut, Butter, Jelly Time on Sunday. I've received a few via email - and I'm excited to ask the kiddos the questions.  I'd love a few more, though.

If you want to post a question in the comments, that would be FANTASTIC!!

Have a great Thursday!!!

Till next time. ;)

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Got to Set the Record Straight

I love getting emails from my blog readers.  I actually get more emails than I do comments, and I'm OK with that - it gives me the chance to be able to respond to that person.  It's a little more personal.  While I'm looking in to a different comment set up that will allow me to email the people that comment, and respond to comments individually - until that happens, emails from readers are great.

Sometimes the emails I get are positive.  Sometimes they are negative.  I don't mind either.  Everyone has the right to their opinion, and if they disagree with something I say - they have the right to tell me.  It's always nice to hear how much people enjoy reading.  So lovers and haters are always welcome.

Then, there are times when I get positive emails that make me feel like I've been given a back handed compliment.  I don't think it's intentional in the least - but the emails still sometimes leave me scratching my head and thinking....hmm, is that really what I sound like in my posts? 

Today, I want to touch on a couple of emails that I've received over the past couple of weeks.  I won't use the senders name - they will know who they are.  It's not to single out the people that sent the emails, it's to get some feedback and clear up a few things that have left a bad taste in my mouth.  Again, totally not their fault.  It's their perception of me - and if I've given off that perception...then I definitely want to set the record straight.

Email #1:

I just wanted to drop you a note to let you know that I love your blog.  I love how you are always so open and honest.  I wanted to let you know that you shouldn't worry about having such a hard time losing weight.  The fact that you're able to share how bad your life is - it's no wonder you turn to food as a comfort.  I know that once your life starts to improve, you'll find the strength to overcome your struggles.  I wish you the best of luck!!

Email #2:

Hi!! New reader here.  For the past couple of days, I've been reading some of your posts.  You have really put things into perspective for me.  I am having trouble trying to lose weight, too.  Even though I'm having trouble, I'm not going through half as much crap as you are in your life.  You made me realize that if you can still keep a somewhat positive attitude that you still plan on losing weight with what you're dealing with, then there's absolutely no reason why I can't do it.  While I'm not happy that you're having such a rough time in your life, I am happy that I've been able to see that I'm making stupid excuses.  Thanks for the inspiration!

Email #3:

Great post today!  I'm so sorry to hear about your son.  That on top of everything you're already dealing with is tough.  It appears that life sure does like to throw you lemons, but I'm positive that you're going to be able to make a nice, big batch of lemonade soon.  Keep your head up.  Things will start looking up for you - and life will get better, soon.  From what I've read, you are a strong women - and even though you tend to get nasty curve balls thrown your way often, I have full faith that you'll come out of it all stronger than ever before.  Good luck!!

I received all three of those emails within the past couple of weeks.  They are nice emails - emails that I love to read.

It appears, however, that I have spent a lot of time painting a picture that my life is terrible.  I'm not losing weight because I have so much sadness, drama and stress going on.  Apparently, many of my readers are under the impression that I'm unhappy....and that my lack of progress in the weight loss department is justified.

Well, it's time to set the record straight.

Reading back over some of my last few weeks of posts - the emails are right.  Geez, could I complain or whine anymore?  Even though I think that I'm throwing in some positive stuff here and there....the majority of my writing is negative or pity seeking.  My bad.

While my blog is my outlet for me to vent my frustrations, share my failures, and discuss the feelings that I'm not able to openly share in real life - my intent was to never paint the picture that I'm some poor, unlucky, stressed to the max woman who's hanging on to sanity by a thread....regardless to the name of my blog.

If anything, it appears that I've laid the pity seeking on pretty thick.  It apparently worked.  I've been writing in circles for months.  I want to lose weight, I can't because this bad thing happens.  I get motivated to start over, and then something else happens - and that means that I'm not motivated anymore.

The way I write about it makes it much more worse than it actually is.  So, here are a few subjects that I've touched on in the past few weeks and months - and the reality of how I feel about it and what it's actually done to impact my life.

Issue #1:  Butter:  Having a son go into a psychiatric hospital is devastating.  It's hard.  Not having all three of my children here at home with me is never something I wanted.  HOWEVER, while he's been gone, the family has been mending.  Severe damage was done before he left, both physically and mentally to our family home.  He is getting help - we all are.  This is the best thing that could have happened for our family.  We are taking one day at a time - and this has been a time of comfort and healing.  Our family unit is tighter and happier than it has been in YEARS!!

Issue #2:  The Job:  Not being able to find a teaching job was another blow to my stress level, and my ego.  It really was devastating... back in August.  I was given the opportunity to take a teaching assistant position.  Was that my dream job? No.  Does the pay suck donkey balls?  Yes.  HOWEVER, in my short time in the school I have realized that this job was a blessing in disguise.  I'm teaching kids every day.  I'm being able to make personal connections with kids - and help them succeed.  I come home every day filling fulfilled.  Getting the chance to see all those light bulbs go off in their minds....when they've struggled with the switch for weeks...that's something that money can't by.  This is my half way mark to my dream job.  It may not be my own classroom - but the rest of my dream pieces are all there.  Even though it is still my hope that next year I will have the classroom (and the teacher's pay), I truly love my job.

Issue #3:  Anything Else:  I'm pretty sure that the majority of my pity points fall into the first two categories - but in case there's something I'm missing...I will plop them all into this one.  Despite whatever sympathy seeking spewage that I complain about on my blog... I have a perfectly happy life.  I have a man that loves me.  I have kids that are healthy and amazing.  I have a home.  I have a job.  There is always food on the table, electricity in the outlets, and water coming out of the faucets.  I have a supportive family unit.  I have close, caring friends.  My life, in a nutshell, is wonderful.

I know that you're wondering - if my life is so damn perfect, why do I complain so much?  That's a good question.  What I really think it boils down to?  Disappointment in myself.  I have a wonderful life, yet I still find it so hard to buckle down and do what I have to do to lose the weight.

When I'm complaining - I'm not lying about my inner thoughts or feelings.... I just think that they come off a lot more severe than they really are.  The only obstacles I have in front of me are....well...me.  I complain, I whine, and apparently it pays off.  Then I get emails like those above and realize how much I've misguided you all - and that makes me feel bad.

So, from now on - when you hear me whine and complain....take it with a grain of salt m'kay?   Let me have my moment to vent about it - get it out of my system - and then I'll move on.  Don't feel sympathy for me.  There are people out there much worse off than I am....think of those people.  While I always respect and appreciate your concerns - I will try better in keeping in mind how pathetic my rants sound.

Hopefully I've been able to set the record straight....and will continue to work on getting over my obstacles one day at a time.

Till next time. ;)

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