Tuesday, May 31, 2011

True Confessions Tuesday

My favorite support site shrinkingjeans.net has been hosting True Confessions Tuesday forever.  I never participated, cause..well...I'm always very honest.  Then, a couple of weeks ago, I attempted a confessions post of my own...it was harder than I thought.

Today, I decided to have a go at joining in for True Confessions because...well...I have plenty to confess today.  It's not about being humorous...today, it's all about coming clean, admitting some problems - and hopefully helping me get over them.  So, here goes...

I confess that this past weekend was AWFUL!!  I ate JUNK...lots of it.  Peanut M&Ms, Choco Tacos, chili dogs, Golden Coral buffet breakfast, praline pecans... Junk, junk, and more junk!!

I confess that I did NOT workout once this past weekend.  Yep, after writing my "Big Plans" post on getting out of my rut and really dedicating myself 110% - I didn't do a single damn thing on my plan all weekend.  I spent about an hour playing around with Jelly yesterday afternoon outside - but spent more time standing than moving... UGH!!

I confess that I had planned on getting through the weekend, and just starting over yesterday...and then let my emotions prevent that from happening.  Yesterday morning, I was geared up for getting back on the horse and forgetting all of the "mistakes" I had made all weekend.  I had planned on going out to the park yesterday afternoon and really getting a good run in.... then my emotions got in the way.  I noticed that the school I interviewed for last week had reposted the job I interviewed for.  Immediately, I realized that they would only do that if they didn't like anyone that they interviewed... total deflation.

I confess that I'm feeling sorry for myself because of the job situation.  I have had several people tell me that I don't know for definite that I didn't get the job.  That's true.  I haven't had a phone call, email, or letter saying that I wasn't hired for the job.  HOWEVER, in my mind, I don't understand why they would interview for an entire week - only to post the same job the following week.  If there was an additional position that opened up, wouldn't they just pick someone else from who they already interviewed?  I think so.  The whole thing has left me winded.  I really got my hopes up - when I told myself not to.  It's my own fault, but now I feel cruddy...just eh.

I confess that before I went to bed last night, I gave myself a good talking to.  Oh yeah, I got mean... I got nasty... I went below the belt several times, but I had to hear it.  I looked at myself in the mirror and said this...

"You're acting like a baby.  So, you didn't get the job - big whoop.  You knew that it was A HUGE possibility you wasn't going to get that job - or any job this year.  You had your mind set for subbing next year... you were OK with it.. now you're going to let this one set back destroy all of that?  Let's not even forget the self-sabotage you've done to yourself this weekend.  Last week, you were so pumped about losing 6lbs in 3 weeks.  You got down to your lowest weight..and now?  It wouldn't surprise me if you stand on that scale in the morning and every bit of those 6lbs are back.  You're supposed to start training someone next week!! What kind of example are you going to set if you can't get your own mind in control and stop with this crap?  This has to stop - this second!!  Do you hear me?"

I did hear me.  I heard me loud and clear.

I confess that I re-strategized my plan last night, and have decided to let all of my self-loathing go.  I feel miserable this morning - but not just about the job.  I feel miserable because I have let myself get to this place.  I'm falling faster and faster into old habits - and I don't like that feeling.  Despite not gaining what I thought I would after the weekend, I know that it's only a matter of days before the scale starts to show my mistakes.  I can't let that happen.

I confess that I'm going to kick my own ass this week.  Yep, tonight I have big plans.  I'm going to the track - but not just to run.  I have a full work-out planned.  A lap of lunges, a lap of high knees, a break of push-ups and sit-ups, a lap of sprinting, a lap of bicep curls while jogging (that will require coordination, right?) Then repeat.  I'm taking back control - for real this time.  I'm done with the pity party, I'm done with feeling like a let down to myself....there's only one person that can change all of this... ME!!

I feel much better letting all of that out.  I needed to - maybe True Confessions might be here to stay... who knows.  Right now, I've decided to take one day at a time.  I'm going to breath.  I'm going to really push myself.  I'm going to do better.

Till next time. ;)
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Monday, May 30, 2011

Memorial Day Q&A

Yesterday afternoon, while checking my blog feeds, I noticed that my follower count had increased by 5 in less than a couple of hours.  That's a big deal, for me, because it's taken me over a year to get to the magic 100 followers...in one day I jumped up to 106!!

Not thinking much of it, I moseyed on over to Twitter to see what was happening over there - and then I noticed an @mention from a Dr. Sherry Pagoto stating she had mentioned me in her blog.  I follow the link - and WOW... I was so honored.  This is a professional - a doctor - mentioning little ol' me on her healthy living blog.  I was honored.

It's posts like Dr. Pagoto's that makes me realize that I'm not just sitting here every morning talking to myself.  Whether I'm sharing a success, venting a failure, or just ranting on about living my daily life... people read this stuff...not just that, but I get LOTS of questions from people that I run in to on a daily basis.  That gave me my idea for today's blog.  Being that I've gained several new readers the past few days - I thought I'd do a little Q&A session, answering some of my most common questions that I get asked from people I know - and people that read my blog.

1.  What possessed you to start a weight loss blog?

I love to write.  Writing, for me, is a release - a way to de-stress, and get things off my mind.  After researching and trying countless diets - and hating all of them - there was one common factor they all had...keep a journal.  Most of them recommended keeping a food journal - but that's just boring.  I wanted to write about how I was feeling, how much weight I was losing, things that were working - and things that weren't.  I also wanted something I could hold myself accountable to - and I figured having a public blog would help with that.

2.  Do you think that having a weight loss blog has helped give you better results with your weight loss?

Most definitely.  Not so much in the beginning, when there wasn't really anyone reading it - but since gaining readers it has.  This blog helps me keep accountable, but also reading the stories of other people who are traveling the same journey I am has been an amazing help.  My blog has helped me connect to so many people - people that inspire me and are inspired by what I have to say.  That gives me purpose, drive, and motivation to keep going each and every day. 

3.  What has been the most challenging part of losing weight publicly?

Admitting the failures is the hardest part of weight loss blogging - I also think it's one of the most important aspects, too.  I'm not perfect.  There are times I slip off the track, let my cravings take over, gain a few pounds...admitting those setbacks are just as important as sharing the successes.  I think it's very important for people to see - especially those just starting out - that I'm not perfect. 

I have just as many struggles today as I did 15 months ago, when this leg of my journey began.  The key, though, is showing that I don't let the setbacks take over - I have to show myself getting back up on the horse and picking up where I left off.  Never giving up is the message I want to send.

4.  What's the best part about having a blog?

The support.  Without the support I receive from my readers, I would have probably given up a long time ago.  As much as I love sharing my story - knowing that it's touching someone...helping them somehow...that's just awesome.

Since starting my blog, I've been featured in other blogs, mentioned on Shape Magazine's website, and receive a lot of shout-outs on Twitter.  That makes me feel special.  I know that my writing has a purpose - not just for me, but for other people that are looking to me for advice, support, and help.

I also love the fact that I can be myself - raw, in your face, and honest.  I try my best to let my humor show through - but that doesn't always work out the way I plan....and that's OK.  This is my space to say what I want, how I want to....and how freakin' awesome is that?

5.  So, what do you say when people ask you what diet you're on?

LOL - I love this question...and it's the most common question I get.  The simple answer?  I'm not on a diet.  That usually gets followed up with "yeah, but you're doing something to lose the weight - so isn't that considered YOUR diet?"  That's true, I guess.  I am doing something - but I don't label it as a diet.

I decided 15 months ago that I had to change the way I lived.  That included eating healthier, working out, and changing my eating habits.  I could no longer eat what I wanted when I wanted to.  It came down to making conscious efforts before putting anything into my mouth.  Will this satisfy my hunger?  Am I eating because I'm hungry or because I'm bored?  Is there something else I could eat that would be better for me?  Answering those questions before I eat is very important.

I count calories.  I try to eat less than 1700 calories a day.  I eat three meals a day, with a couple of snacks between meals.  I plan out my meals each week.  Planning is VERY important.  It helps keep me in check with what I'm eating - and when I'm eating it.  I don't have to do a bunch of math trying to figure out my caloric intake - because I've done all that when I make my meal plan. 

Exercise is something I also had to embrace.  I hated to exercise - it's hard work.  It took me a long time to find an exercise I actually enjoyed - and that's running.  Running isn't for everyone - and I'm no expert on it.  I just like going out to the park and jogging...it gives me a chance to clear my mind, de-stress - and burn tons of calories.  It's really about finding something you enjoy - and that's still a work in progress for me.  There's much more I should be doing in regards to exercise - but I'm getting there.

6.  Do you use any special programs or equipment - like Weight Watchers?

The only special equipment I use is my BodyBugg.  For my birthday, my dear Hubby offered to buy me something to help with my weight loss efforts.  I did a lot of research.  I know lots of people that have had HUGE successes with programs like Weight Watchers - but when it came down to it, I just didn't think the program was right for me.  Being able to get to meetings and stuff would be too hard for me - so I opted for something I could use from home.

I LOVE my BodyBugg.  It goes on my arm the minute I wake up each morning, and doesn't come off until I fall asleep.  I love being able to see how many calories I burn each day - even when I'm not exercising.  It helps me see where I'm messing up with how much I'm eating compared to how much I'm burning.  I've had it for 3 months now - and even though I haven't lost a lot of weight... I can see why.  It's accurate, and helps show me where I need to make the adjustments in order to get the results I want.... now, if I would just make those adjustments things would be much better.

7.  Do you notice the changes your body has made since losing the weight?

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.  If I look at a picture of myself pre-weight loss compared to post-weight loss, then I'm amazed at how different I look.  There are also days I look in the mirror and don't really see much of a difference to how I looked a year ago.  The noticeable difference comes from my clothes.  Putting on a pair of size 16 pants - instead of the size 24-26s I was in a year ago - helps me realize that I've lost a lot of weight.

I tend to "feel" my changes rather than see them.  When I go out for a jog, and I'm able to run for 15 minutes without stopping - I realize the changes.  Back when I weighed 297lbs, I couldn't walk for 15 minutes...let alone run.  My strength and stamina have increased so much.  I can go to the gym and participate in a fitness class without worrying - I know I can do it.  It took a long time, but when I get down and am able to do REAL push-ups... I know that I've come a very long way.

Also, something as simple as putting on a pair of heels.  A year ago, I could NOT walk in a pair of heels.  Not only did my ankles and knees scream out in pain - my balance just wouldn't work with the heels.  Now, I can sport a pair of 5" heels with ease.  My knees no longer hate me, and I feel good in a pair of heels....did I mention that I've also lost weight in my feet?  Yeppers - a year ago, I squeezed my feet into size 11 shoes...today, I comfortably wear a size 10!!

8.  How do you get over set-backs and weight gains?

This is a tough question.  It's never fun to have a set-back or a gain.  Sometimes the gain can be totally out of my control -and that's frustrating.  What I mean by that is I have a good week of working out and eating right, but I still see a gain on the scale on weigh in day.  That's so annoying - but it happens a lot.  I try to tell myself that it's just my body building muscle... but it takes a little while (seeing the loss on the scale) before my mind will wrap around it.

Then there are days - even weeks - where I lose my momentum... I don't work out, my eating habits are not good.  I'm just getting over one of those periods right now, actually.  What gets me back on track is feeling my body starting to slip into old habits and routines.  I'm tired all of the time, my body feels bloated and full when I eat, I have no energy....the scale starts increasing.  It's when these things happen that I realize I can't go back to where I was 88lbs ago.  I can't give up on all of the hard work I've put in...being so close to losing 100lbs.  It's then that I perk up and head out to the track for a run.  That post-setback run usually gets me back on track and everything else falls back in to place.

9.  How often do you weigh yourself? Do you think it's better to avoid the scale when losing weight?

I'm one of those people that can't stay away from the scale.  As much as I've tried - I can't help but weigh myself every day.  This is a really tough question to answer - because I think it comes down to the person.

If you're the kind of person that obsesses over what the scale says - then it's probably best to weigh once a week.  I know people that will weigh several times a day - and freak out because they see a 2lb weight gain in a day.  That's normal - and is going to happen.  My weight fluctuates all day...and I know and accept it. 

I weigh myself every morning - right after I've gone to the bathroom.  I use the weight as my daily guide.  The only day that really counts for me is Wednesday - my "official" weigh in day.  I like weighing in on Wednesday - because it's the middle of the week.  I've given myself a couple of days to get over the weekend, and I have a few days before the weekend starts again.

My scale can actually be quite the motivator.  If I get on it one morning and see a gain - I get an urge to work-out.  I don't stress over it - but it helps.  I'm not going to say that there aren't times I want to throw my scales out of the window...there definitely are.  It's just about balance.  The scale doesn't define you.  Some people prefer using a tape measure to measure their progress...that's a great way to see results.  I like the scale - it works for me.  Again, it's definitely a personal choice.

10.  Lastly, what would you say to someone who's just getting started on their own weight loss journey?

Take one day at a time.  Accept the fact that losing weight is a life-changing journey...it takes time.  The weight isn't going to fall off overnight - it isn't going to magically disappear.  It takes hard work and commitment.  There are going to be days when you feel like it's just not worth it, being overweight is easier, there were less restrictions before you started trying.  The triumph comes when you're able to get through those times. 

If you look in the mirror one week in - don't expect to see dramatic changes.  Here I am 15 months in - 88lbs less than when I started - and I still struggle with noticing the changes.  The changes are there, they come....but don't lose heart if you don't notice them. 

Find a plan that works for you.  Don't try and cut calories to an unhealthy level.  A "normal" sized person shouldn't eat less than 1200 calories a day.  If you're drastically cutting calories - you'll lose weight quickly...but in an unhealthy way - that usually leads to a quick plateau, and you're body storing energy which ultimately leads to weight gain.  Look into a program such as MyFitnessPal.com and figure out how many calories you should be eating each day.  Plan your meals out each day, so you're not left hunting for food.

Accept that exercise has to go hand-in-hand with healthy eating.  Cutting calories and eating healthier will help you lose weight - but exercising will help burn fat, tone muscle (and access skin), and give you energy.  You don't have to join a gym or become a "gym rat".... 15-30 minutes of exercise a day is a great way to start out.  I started out by walking 15 minutes a day...then when that became easy, I started jogging for 30 seconds at a time...then progressed to running a couple of minutes..and so on and so on.  You have to up the intensity when you're exercise routine becomes "easy".  If you prefer to work out at home - there are so many options available.  There are some great DVDs, fitness programs, and pod casts....look and ye shall find.

Finally, reach out to the weight loss community.  We're here - by the thousands.  There are so many people that are sharing their weight loss journeys via blogs, Twitter, Facebook, etc.  They offer tips, advice, support...and friendship.  They have been where you are, they know how hard it is to start, they have answers to your questions.  Maybe they'll inspire you to start sharing your story...and that's always good. 

Lastly, if you're going to start your own weight loss blog - be honest.  I learned from this mistake when I first started my blog.  I was too ashamed to admit how much I really weighed...and it caught up to me.  There's nothing wrong with being honest.  It's actually very refreshing.  OK, so you're embarrassed of how much you weight RIGHT NOW - but just think how awesome it will feel when you've lost 20, 50, 80, or even 100lbs!!! 

OK - so that's it for the Top 10 Questions I get asked.  If you have another question...please post it.  I really enjoyed doing this.

Till next time. :)
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Sunday, May 29, 2011

Time to Pay it Forward - Strength in Numbers

Yesterday was NOT a great start to my Bee Fit test.  My family came over, and my plans of going out for a run were altered.  By the time they left, I just couldn't bring myself to go to the track.  I'm not proud of that - but it was the first day.  Have to be honest and admit it...today is a new day!

I may not have gone for the run that I had planned - but I did do something else....something big, something I consider to be GREAT....

Let me give a little back ground story...

I have a second cousin that I haven't really spoken to since I was in high school.  Her mom - my cousin - helped me out when I was pregnant with Peanut.  It was a tough time of my life, and the relationship between my mother and I was...urm...let's say - strained.  My cousin was there for me when no one else was...she helped me out even though she didn't have to, she wasn't asked to, and she just took it upon herself to help a family member out.  I will always be grateful to her for that.

Now, fast forward eleven years.  Her daughter is now in trouble.  Not the kind of trouble I was in - but she needs help.  She is 20 years old and weighs around 400lbs.  From now on I will be referring to my second cousin as InspirationInspiration has been overweight for as long as I've known her. 

Inspiration has a personality that makes you love her from the moment you talk to her.  She's bubbly, funny, friendly - and will do just about anything she can for someone....just like her mom. 

Despite not having seen her in many years, I have been friends with her on Facebook.  Two weeks ago, she posted a Vlog about starting a weight loss journey.  She has taken on the assistance of a doctor, been placed on prescription medications - and her situation is considered DIRE.  She's so overweight that it, literally, is a situation of life and death that she shed some weight.

I watched her first Vlog, and my heart hurt for her.  She spoke about her withdrawals, the headaches, the emotions that flood through her when she realizes she can't eat something or she will fall into the traps of her food addiction. 

Yesterday, she posted her second Vlog.  To say that my heart hurt for her was an understatement - I was in tears just 2 minutes in.  She has managed to lose 16lbs in a week - which is huge - but she then broke down with the emotions of not seeing any differences, having to put up with abuse from people as she tries to get out and exercise.  She spoke about how she was alone in her journey, and it was so hard for her.  If that wasn't a cry for help - I don't know what is....I got the message loud and clear, and jumped into action.

I immediately picked up the phone, dialed her number, and waited for her to answer.  She was very surprised to hear from me.  I asked her if she was receiving any fitness help in addition to the medical services she was receiving.  She told me that her doctor had advised that she walk 1 mile a day - but that was it.  I asked her if she'd like a trainer, a partner in her journey, someone to be there and help guide her?  I laughed when her response was "how much will it cost me?"  She thought I was going to recommend someone.  I told her it would be absolutely FREE - and that it would be ME.

We had a great conversation.  She sounded excited - and I was so happy to be able to offer her some companionship.  We all know how hard this journey is - but I could never imagine doing it completely alone.  My support I receive from my friends here has really helped get me where I am today... she needs the same kind of support and has none.

I look at this opportunity as a way for me to pay it forward.  I want to open her eyes to the support that can be found online.  I want her to start her own blog and join the weight loss community.  I want to meet with her a couple of times a week and train her...yes, I'm going to train her!!  Above all of that, I want her to know that she doesn't have to do this alone.  I will be with her every step of the way.

In addition to being there for her, she will get to be there for me.  This gives me another purpose to keep fighting my own battles...overcoming the obstacles that I'm currently facing.  I want to lead by example - so I have to give her my all and show her what she can accomplish.

I will be sharing Inspirations story as it moves along - and hopefully will be able to get her to share her own story with you all.  Be watching!!

Now, I have to get my rear end to the track...despite the fact that it's 85 degrees outside...I'm not skipping it today.

Till next time. ;)
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Saturday, May 28, 2011

BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy...Saturday Edition

Each Friday, I read my buddy Drazil's posts called BYOC.  I tell myself every week that I will join in, and then never get around to it.  So, this time, I decided I would join in...just a day late.  She does hers on Friday - I'm gonna do mine today.

BYOC is basically asking a few random questions.  Feel free to join in - it's lots of fun.

1.  When is the last time you gave and got a compliment?

Yesterday, I was at the park with Jelly and ran in to a friend I haven't seen in a while.  The first thing out of her mouth was "you look amazing!!"  I love running in to people I haven't seen in a while for this very reason.  Yes, I'm an attention whore - can't help it. 

As soon as I thanked her for the nice compliment, I gave it right back to her.  She had a baby not so long ago, but you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at her.  She looked stunning - and I told her so.

2.  What do you wear to bed?

From the moment I walk into my house, I'm striping off my "work clothes" and grabbing for the closest pair of shorts and an old t-shirt.  They are my comfy clothes.  Sometimes I wear shorts, sometimes it's PJ capris.  I just consider them "home" clothes cause the shirts are usually stained or old - or they're just frumpy and make me feel comfy...I'm a poet and didn't know it.

I'm the messiest eater in the world - and well, somehow food and other junk seem to find their way on to my clothes when I'm at home.  In order to protect my good clothes - I have to make sure I lose them as soon as possible after walking in the door.  Those same comfy clothes stay on me until it's time to get ready to leave the next day.

3.  If you could pick your dream job – with no worries of shifts or money or bosses or commute – what would it be and where?

For those of you that have following me for a while could answer this for me. 

My dream job is to teach.  My dream grade is 3rd grade.  In regards to where?  Anywhere in Northwest Arkansas.  I don't want to move - all of my family and friends are here.  There are a couple of school districts I prefer over others... but any 3rd grade teaching job would be my ultimate dream job. 

I've worked my @ss off for the past 4 years in college to pursue my dream job.  I didn't put all that time, money, and effort in to doing something different.  COME ON JOB FAIRIES!!!

4. Okay – I’m not trying to start some huge controversy with this question but I have to put it out there. If you’re being honest – do you think staying at home or working outside the home is harder? Can you honestly recognize they are both equally hard? Even if you don’t have kids – have you heard others talk about the two professions judgementally?

Before I answer this - go check out Drazil's answer to this question by clicking on the question.  I totally get where she's coming from - but here's my answer....

Shortly after Butter was born, I spent time as a stay-at-home mom.  I stayed home every day with Peanut, who was a year old, and Butter, who was a newborn.  I had worked since I was 14, but the place I was living had practically no jobs available - or the jobs that were available didn't give me daycare options.  I just thought it better to stay at home.

It was probably the hardest year of my life.  While I loved staying home with them - I received next to no adult interaction and my life was filled with changing diapers, making meals, cleaning, cooking, bathing, feeding....rinse, and repeat.  Once I moved back to Arkansas, I swore that I could never be a stay at home mom again.

Then, four years ago, I started college.  Not only did I go to college, but I worked.  My days were filled with getting up, going to work, then going to class, coming home and cramming as much homework in as possible before literally passing out from exhaustion.  As you can see - the kids weren't mentioned at all in that paragraph.

What I thought was hard as a stay at home mom was absolutely nothing compared to telling my kids - "I'm sorry, I have to get some work done" or "no, we can't do that this weekend because I have a lot of homework to do" or "I can drop you off at your school function, but I won't be able to stay because I have too much to do".  THAT, my friends, trumped what I thought to be the hardest year of my life - and I did it for two years.

Two years ago, I made some adjustments.  I quit my job and focused on school full-time.  I scheduled "work time" to be after they went to bed.  I came home from work, and spent the evenings with them. Then I started my internship back in August and went back to work all day - homework all night.  I made sure that two nights a week, and most of the weekend was spent with the kids.  A couple of nights a month, I went out with some girl friends to get some "me" time.  It wasn't to get away from the kids - Lord, no - it was just some time to get away from the stress, the work, and to be able to vent our frustrations.

Two weeks ago, as I walked across the stage to receive my diploma, there were only three things on my mind: Peanut, Butter, and Jelly.  FINALLY, I'd be able to spend time with them.  I will never be able to give them back the four years that I was too consumed in work to be the perfect mommy... but I swore to myself that my kids would never miss out on me anymore.

So, to answer this question, both are tough.  Being home with the kids all day - especially if there is no adult interaction can be very difficult.  On the reverse, being gone all day and working all evening is just as (if not more) hard.  There has to be an equal balance.  Being gone while they're in school is good - but once we all get home....we HAVE to spend time together.

5. Summarize your week in blogland and in real life.

Blogland has been great.  I've got back to blogging every day - and my life is back in balance.  I'm starting my "Bee Fit" test and planned out how I'm going to start giving 110% to my working out and fitness part of my journey.  I've also gained some new followers - always LOVE that!!

In real life, things have been...OK.  I interviewed for a job Wednesday - and I hate the waiting game that comes after an interview.  I want this job so bad....it's basically everything I said in question 3.  I didn't walk away from the interview having any clue or idea if I was going to get the job.  I have a sinking feeling in my heart that I didn't...not sure why, but I just do.

I had a good time subbing this week.  Got to experience 7th grade - that was interesting.  Got to spend some time with the kiddos - mostly Jelly cause the other two are still in school.  It was nice to just go to the park and enjoy lunch together....can't wait for more of that this summer.

OK, so that's it for my BYOC.  If you'd like to join in, link up in the comments so I can read your responses.  I might just make this a weekly feature....it's fun to not have to think about what to write about.

Enjoy your Saturday, everyone!!

Till next time. ;)
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Friday, May 27, 2011

Welcome to the Jungle - Ready for Fun and Games?

Good morning to all of my new followers, old followers, lurkers, and those of you that accidentally found my blog because you was looking for information on a broken pinkie toe....got to love the stat traffic sources, right?

I am so happy to see that I've broken the 100 followers mark.  I'm up to 102!! I'm very excited.

Those of you just tuning in - you're in luck.  Big changes are a coming...and you're just in time.

Yesterday, I posted a blog about my friend, Colleen.  Go read it so you can get caught up - I'll wait....(insert elevator music).....(check watch)....Back?  Good!!

So, you now know that I've been lacking in the determination and dedication of my weight loss.  Somehow I'm still losing weight - but I'm thinking that if I gave my all I'd be dropping WAY more weight....and that's what I want.

I announced yesterday that I was giving up my subbing job, and devoting the summer to getting tough with my working out...and looking for a job, but that's for a whole different post.

I was sitting here this morning, drinking my coffee, and thinking about what I was going to write about today.  Then it dawned on me.... I need to make a plan.  If I'm going to go into "Crazy, Warrior, Fit Bee" mode - then I need to plan my course of action...and STICK TO IT!!

This would be a great time for me to say - if you'd like to join me... PLEASE DO!! There are always power in numbers, and having a support can really help.  It's not a challenge, it's not a competition...it's a way for people to cyberlly (yes, that's a word..I said so) work together to get great results.

So, first - I need to think about what I want to do...generally speaking. 

Well..I want to work out EVERY day.  Call me crazy - but I think it's important to get some form of exercise in each day.  Yeah, I know - I've heard the "you're supposed to have a day off to let you muscles heal" spill... but I was also told by my previous personal trainer that 24 hours between work-outs is PLENTY of time for you muscles to work on healing.

I want to get in a mixture of cardio AND strength training.  The cardio is easy.  My favorite form of exercsie is jogging.  I'd jog every day - but that doesn't tone my muscles the way I want...and I really don't want to end up with wings of skin when I'm all said and done.

I want to step out of my comfort zone and try some new things.  A few months ago, I bought Zumba for the PS3 Move.  I've used it...once.  Yeah, I know...terrible.  It was hard!!!  Hard is what I need, though - so it's going on my line-up.  I'm also going to - finally - open up my Pilate's work-out set.  Another item I bought several months ago - still sitting in the box..ugh...it's getting opened AND used!!

I want to get my eating in check - back to basics.  I haven't been doing bad with my food - which is probably the reason for my 6lb weight loss the past 3 weeks.  I've slacked off on meal planning - but I'm making semi-conscience decisions about what I eat and when I eat...except for the choco taco I ate last night..don't judge!!  I'm going back to full meal planning, calorie counting, and putting my BodyBugg to good use.  I want to see some major calorie burn each day - and the calories going in to be just as good.

Alright - so that's the basics...now I need some kind of plan.  I'm a planner.  I need some form of schedule, otherwise I'm unorganized and out of whack.  I don't like being too structured - but having some idea of what I want to do each day sure does help. 

As of right now, here's what I'm thinking for this coming week (starting tomorrow)...

Saturday - Early morning jog - 8 minute run/ 1 min walk... 2 miles
Sunday - Early morning jog - 8 minute run/ 1 min walk.... 2 (maybe 3) miles
Monday - Strength training 15 minutes AM / Zumba work-out 30 minutes PM
Tuesday - Strength training 15 minutes AM/  Evening jog - 8 minute run/ 1 min walk...2 miles
Wednesday - Pilates work-out AM / Zumba work-out 30 minutes PM
Thursday - Strength training 15 minutes AM/ Evening jog - 8 minute run/ 1 min walk...2 miles
Friday - Pilates work-out AM/ Zumba work-out 30 minutes PM

I know - it looks intense.  It's suppose to be.  If I can get through the week doing that then anything is possible. 

That's the plan.  I'm dead serious about this - and I'm not backing down.

Again, if you want to join me - please do.  Check in with me each day and let me know how you're doing, if you have any questions...stuff like that.  Also, you don't have to do exactly what I'm doing - change it up - do what you want.

OK - that's it for today - got to get some errands run.  Gonna relax today - cause the next week is going to be T-O-U-G-H... but I know I can do it!!

Till next time. ;)
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Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Things I Could Achieve with Pure Dedication

I should let you know before I get started with my "weight loss" stuff that my interview yesterday afternoon went really well.  The principal and team of teachers I interviewed with were super nice. 

Last Friday, I got a piece of advice from a superintendent in Texas that I just happened to meet out with a couple of my friends.  She told me to remember that as they were interviewing me, I needed to be interviewing them...I did NOT want to work for people that I felt "weird" about.

Well, walking out of my interview, I felt... happy.  They were friendly, they were interactive...we laughed, we joked.  Most of you know that I like to make people laugh - not really appropriate for an interview...but they seemed to be OK with it.  It was just nice not feeling like I was in an interrogation room - and I didn't.  I won't find out anything until next week, at least, but I'm keeping all things crossed - because I would LOVE to work there.

OK...next order of business. 

I'm in a weird mood today.  Not a good one.  Not a bad one.  Just weird.

The first thing I did when I sat down here with my coffee, was read a blog post from my friend Bee Fit.  Colleen is amazing, awesome...truly inspiring.  She's going to run a marathon in November - and I couldn't be more jealous happy for her.

Colleen and I have been going through our journeys for about the same amount of time.  She started her journey weighing 253lbs.  Since our time together, she's lost over 100lbs.  She's ran 5Ks, 10Ks, and 1/2 marathons.  She's now on her way to a full marathon...after just 15 months!!!

I am so happy for her...and then I look at my progress.  In 15 months, I've lost 88lbs.  Not too shabby.  I've ran several 5Ks...that's it.  That's where the buck has stopped for me.  My best time at completing a 5K was 44:57 minutes.

Before you say "yeah, but you've been going to college and working and raising kids"... go visit Colleen's blog...so has she.  She's done all of that and still managed to accomplish the amazing things she's done.

Now, I'm not writing this because I'm jealous of Colleen... I am... but that's not why I'm writing this.  I'm writing this because reading her blog this morning showed me what I could have achieved if I had put in the commitment and level of dedication Colleen has. 

Colleen is a rock.  She works out A LOT.  Her eating habits are fantastic.  She's involved with all kinds of Twitter chats and support groups.  She is now a lifetime member of Weight Watchers.  She's a true hero in the weight loss community...she's definitely my hero.

I made a tough decision, yesterday....one that I will stick to - because I need to.

Tomorrow will be my last day subbing for the school year.  There are reasons that are out of my hands that caused me to not work for the rest of the school year... but then I decided to commit to making my time off mean something. 

Starting Saturday morning - I'm going to host a little experiment known as "Time to Bee Fit".  I'm going to commit to working out every day...doing some kind of exercise.  If I'm not running, I will be doing Zumba.  If not Zumba, I'll be doing Pilate's.  If not that..then out come the weights. 

The past three weeks, I've lost 6.2lbs.  I'm not sure how.  I've done very little exercise.  My experiment is going to test putting the level of dedication Colleen has put into her regimen...and seeing what kind of results I get with that level of dedication.  It's got to be good, right?

So, I leave saying this to my friend Colleen - and all the other amazing, inspiring bloggers out there that have left me sitting here thinking "I could have that if I just commit".... it's time to commit 100%.  No more half-assing.  It's all or nothing.  Pedal to the metal.  Full throttle, here I come.  You have inspired me for months...and now, I take all the inspiration you have given me and I'm going to start doing something with it.  Thank you!!

Till next time.  ;)
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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

May Your Weigh Check In

Today is a big day.

It's not just check-in day for the May Your Way Challenge.... it's ALSO the day of my interview. 

The nerves haven't set in yet... it's not until 3:30 this afternoon - so I have plenty of time for the butterflies to move in.

This week has been...well...not exactly productive.  This time last week, I declared that I was going to start running again this week.  Well, I had planned on it... but being that we've been under either a severe thunderstorm warning or tornado warning pretty much since then - that hasn't happened.

I did enjoy the Sisterhood Says challenge of complimenting myself.  Since the post about my boobs I've complimented some non-body related things. 

Sunday, I complimented my heart.  After sitting glued to the TV Sunday night watching about the devastation that hit Joplin - tears in my eyes and heart breaking - I knew that I have a big heart.  All day Monday, I checked in on what was going on - wondering what I could do to help.  It took everything I had not to jump in my car and drive up there. 

Monday morning, I had my internship celebration at school.  The school did the cutest assembly for the interns - read poems, sang songs, shared memories, and even presented us with their own version of diplomas.  I bawled the whole time.  I couldn't help it.  The minute the first child spoke, my eyes were pouring!!  That lead to Monday's compliment.... my passion.

I have a passion for teaching that is so hard to explain.  Think active, furious volcano.  That is a way to somehow measure my level of passion that I carry with me everyday in being a teacher.  It pours from my veins.  Not many things can bring me to tears - but give me a group of kiddos that I've grown to know, love, and teach....and I'm a blubbering mess.

Yesterday was a little harder.  I had nothing when I woke up.  I got a phone call to sub in 7th grade... nervous about that.  Went and subbed, had a pretty good time talking to the kids...although I was bored out of my mind.  Subbing one lesson all day - when each class has to take a test and work silently - can be SOOO boring.  When I got home last night, the compliment came out without me even realizing it.  I declared "It shows how dedicated I am when I will sub in any grade just so I can spend time in a classroom".  Yep - dedication...that was my compliment for yesterday.  I am dedicated.  I will do just about anything to work with kids - even sub all day long in a silent classroom.... it was torture, but I did it.

So - let's get to goals for this week, before I get to my weight results.  I've decided I want to do something a little different.  Instead of bulleting the specific things I want to achieve this week, I'm going to go with the theme of compliments.  

This week, my goal is to put the same amount of heart, passion, and dedication into my weight loss efforts as I do for my teaching.  I think if I wake up each day and make damn sure that I do everything I can to stick to eating right, finding some time to work out, and putting my heart into wanting that goal weight...great things will happen.

Let's get to my weight this week.

I started the challenge off at at 216lbs.  That was bad.
Last week, after three weeks of being on the challenge, I weighed in at 211.2lbs.
Today - somehow, and I don't know how - I have lost YET AGAIN.
This morning, I weighed in at 209.8lbs.

If you saw my post on Sunday, you will see that I weighed in that day at 209.4lbs.  Since then, I've gained 0.4lbs - but for the entire week, I've lost 1.4lbs.  How can I not be happy with that?  That's just from eating right - because I haven't exercised.  I know that's not good - and it makes me wonder what kind of numbers I'd be pulling if I WAS exercising.

I have broken through the 210lbs barrier.  This is my lowest weight to date.  I am thrilled!!

This week's Sisterhood Says challenge is to try one fitness thing I've never tried before.  Not sure what that'll be, yet, but I'm gonna see what I can come up with.

This next week is the last week of the challenge...so it's time to give it everything I have.  Last week, I made my first appearance on the weight loss leader board.  I hope that I'm still there this week - and next week?  Well, let's see what I can do.

Till next time. ;)
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Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Stepping Out of My Comfort Zone

I got the phone call this morning that I won't say I was dreading... but the call that would make me feel like I do right now...nervous, very nervous.

I think I've mentioned once or twice that now that I've graduated from college, I'm subbing for the rest of the school year.  I've been lucky, so far, and have subbed in my internship school.  Today, that all changes.

My assignment today?  7th grade math.  Yikes!

I'm stepping out of my comfort zone of K-4th graders, and stepping in to the shoes of a 7th grade teacher.  No doubt the kids will all be taller than me.  Heck, my 5th grade daughter is almost as tall as I am.  That's a little intimidating.  I'm going to die with embarrassment if the words "criss cross applesauce" or "sweet thing" comes out of my mouth today....cause those are the words of elementary teachers NOT junior high teachers.

7th grade was a TERRIBLE year for me.  It's the year I moved from London, England to a po-dunk country town in Oklahoma.  The kids there, at first, thought it was cool to have a kid from England....until they realized I wasn't an exchange student.  Then the claws came out, and the tormenting started, and it was the year I knew what it felt like to be a foreigner.

The kids made fun of my accent.  They demanded that I say words that meant other things in America than they do in England.  When I refused, they would yell at me to "go back to my own country".  I would have problems with my spelling tests - because I wanted to spell the word "color" like they do in England - Colour.  I wanted to spell "catalog" with that same dang 'u' - Catalogue.  It was hard for me to understand why I was getting the words wrong - when I KNEW how to spell those words in my own country.  After a few weeks of that - I shut myself down.  I refused to talk to anyone....except my parents who received the "explosive" version of me once I walked through the front door each day after school.

By this time of the school year, things had died down quite a bit.  The kids were bored (some of them) with tormenting me - and I had actually made some friends.  I still didn't talk much.  I was so moody and mad at my parents for taking me away from my home, my friends, my family - and my "normal" life.  It wasn't until the end of 8th grade that I would forgive them for that.

Now, I'm all grown up.  My "cool" English accent is gone.  That makes me sad.  I forced myself back then to lose the accent because I didn't want to be different - now being different is something I commend and encourage with my own children.  Plus, the accent would be very cool now that I teach... I'm pretty sure the kids would love it.

I will step into that classroom today and try with all my might to "fit in".  Yes, it's a different place to what I'm used to.  Yes, the kids will be different - they will act different.  But, different can be very good. 

If there's one thing that I've learned from my weight loss journey - there have been many things learned, but this is one of them - that is CHANGE is GOOD.  I have changed.  I look different.  My personality is different.  My outlook on life is different.  All different, but all good.  There's no reason to believe that today won't be good.  It will be what I make it....and I'm ready.

Till next time.  ;)
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Monday, May 23, 2011


No.  I didn't get to go this year.  I really didn't know much about it - but now I do. 

I've read post after post, tweet after tweet about FitBloggin...and now I am jealous.  I want to go..and I'm too late. 

So, I've decided, that as a reward for getting down to my goal weight....which I will most definitely do by next year's conference...then I'm treating myself to a trip to FitBloggin' 2012!

That is, of course, that I get a job...and that school is out in time for me to attend...which it will be if there aren't 2 weeks of snow days to make up.  Fingers crossed.

In other news... unless you've been living in a hole the past 24 hours, you'll know that Joplin, MO was hit with a nasty tornado.  Joplin is about an hour from me - I have a friend that lives there.  The devastation is just awful.  Luckily, his house was untouched, but the town is in complete disarray.  It's just so sad, and so scary.

We've been under tornado warnings and severe thunderstorm warnings since yesterday.  The storms are still raging right now, as I type this.  Last night, we received small hail and 50mph winds.  Tonight is supposed to be just as bad - if not worse.  I'm not sure what is going on with this weather - but I don't like it one bit.

Last year, I was begging my mom to get the pool up and running because it was so dang hot.  Today, it's May 23rd and the weather hit maybe 70 degrees today.  There's been so much rain, that I have my own lake in my back yard.  The roads are flooding, the winds are causing damage all around me, and I'm must ready to see the sunshine... for more than 1 day.

If you remember, I was supposed to be leaving for New Orleans in the morning.  Now, I can finally say that I'm glad that trip was cancelled.  Not only are they getting hit with flooding - but I would have been completely miserable and scared to death knowing that this kind of weather was taking place while I was hundreds of miles away.  Goes back to my "everything happens for a reason" statement...doesn't it?

OK, I think I'm going to go and relax for a while...while I still have power...and hope that the bad weather stays away.

Till next time.  ;)
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Sunday, May 22, 2011

Complimenting Myself

How often do you stand in front of the mirror and say "Wow! You look fantastic!"?  How about "Look at those curves, you look HOT!"?

No?  You don't say those things?  Why not??

This week, my "Sisterhood Says" challenge is to find one thing to compliment myself about each day.  At first I thought it would be easy.  I can stand and look in the mirror and find one thing nice thing to say about myself...right? 

In fact, on the first day (Thursday), I could - and I did.  I looked at myself and complimented my face.  How skinny it looked - how I could see my cheekbones...and the fact that my double chin has mostly disappeared.

I felt good after that and went about my day.

Friday, I did it again.  This time, I decided to wait until I got ready to go out for the evening.  I stood in front of the mirror and said "Damn, girl, your butt looks great in those jeans".  Don't judge - my rear DID look great.  I was in a pair of jeans that I haven't been able to wear comfortably...until Friday.  They went on really easily...and I felt so small in them.  Rather than just saying "I look good in these jeans" I wanted to target the compliment on something.... my butt won.

Yesterday - things got a little tougher.  I took a shower and got dressed.  Once I was ready, I looked at myself in the mirror.  All I could come up with is "you look good".  Wow - pure sincerity right there.  I looked "good"?  Then I thought, once again, that I needed to make the compliment more targeted.  That's where I struggled.  Why did I look good?  What made me think that? 

I stood and twirled for a while.  Thank goodness I was alone... my family would have thought I'd gone stir crazy the way I was dancing and prancing in front of that mirror. 

I liked the way my outfit fit me.  I liked that the shirt wasn't too tight.  I liked that the pants didn't give me a muffin top.  All of my "likes" came from my clothes.  I liked...but how did I feel?  I wasn't satisfied with just liking what I was wearing.  Call me silly - but I want this challenge to be meaningful.  Giving myself a compliment is great....saying the words, that is... but I think that I need to feel good about what I'm saying.  Complimenting just my clothes didn't give me that feeling.

So, then the insanity set in.  I started running my hands down my stomach, across my butt, down my legs.  I wanted to "Feel" what I was going to compliment.  Yes.... literally.

Ready for what I liked the "feel" of?  No, you're not... you're going to think I'm crazy - or messed up in the head... but it's OK, I understand...

I liked the way my boobs felt.  No, not in that way.  I mean how they felt in my bra.  How my bra fit.  I've been a victim to what I call "four boob syndrome".  It's a disorder that some well endowed women get when their bra doesn't exactly fit right - and they end up with muffin top of the breasts.  I get it often...especially in the bra that I had chosen to wear.  But as I stood there, groping my boobs, I noticed that there was no booby muffin top.

I've noticed that I've been losing my boobs...and I'm OK with it.  I liked not having to worry about Spillage.  So, my compliment for yesterday?  "I like the feel of my boobs".  Definitely not my best work... but it was something different.

Today...I haven't gotten dressed yet.  It's just me.. in the raw.  Jammies on, hair a mess, no make-up.  So, what do I have to say for myself today? 

Today - I say - I don't need make-up, nice fitting clothes, or my hair fixed.  I am beautiful.  I feel fantastic.  Sometimes it takes looking at myself without worrying about all those other things to see the real beauty inside me.  Bring out the kleenexes.  :)

What nice thing can you say about yourself today?

Till next time. ;)
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Saturday, May 21, 2011

FINALLY!!! 2 Fold

So, it appears that the Rapture hasn't happened.  Still have 45 minutes before 6PM here, but I doubt very much that God is running on Central time....so it looks as though I still have some time with the awesome people on this planet.  Phew!!

It's a good thing, too, cause the past 24 hours have delivered some great news.

First.  I got a phone call last night...a phone call I've been dreading would never come.  I got a phone call about an interview!!! YAY!!  It's at the school district one town over from me.  It's for a 3rd grade position.... can you say "Dream Job"?  I think so.

My interview is on Wednesday at 3:30.  Everyone mark your calendars to be sending me some good "get a job" vibes.  I need all the support I can get...and I want this job, more than anything I've ever wanted.

Last night, I went out with my gal pals for a girls' night out.  We had a great time.  We got stuck in a bar because of a downpour - but it was great to just sit and talk.  Then, once the rain finally subsided a little, we made our way to another small bar.  We sat and played Scatagories for a while.  It's amazing how such little things like that can really be so much fun.  Then, after, it was on to my favorite karaoke place....to tear it up!! 

Going to the karaoke place has become one of my most favorite things to do.  I've gotten to know some of the people there, and the DJ has got to the point where he will load me up with songs without me even signing up.  I even managed to get my two closest friends to karaoke - which they never do.  They enjoyed it so much they sang again and again...and they totally rocked it!!

This morning, I woke up feeling refreshed and fully charged for my day.  I decided to take a step on the scale - just for a little midway to weigh in day looksy.  I almost fell off the scale.  Would you believe that I saw 209.4lbs???  Well, BELIEVE IT!!  I didn't at first.  But after stepping off, and then back on, and then off and on again...there it was... 209.4lbs.  I've broken through the 210lbs mark...and I still have 4 days to go until weigh in day.  HOLY COW BALLS!!

So, I've had a great past 24 hours.  I've got a job interview, I'm down another 2lbs on the scale, got to hang out with my gal pals....ahhh, life is good.

What are you up to this weekend?

Till next time.  ;)
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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Time to Confess

After writing my blog post yesterday, I did something I haven't done in a while....I read some of my favorite bloggers' posts.  One, in particular, caught my attention.  Of all the blogs I subscribe to, this one blog puts a smile on my face....and has, on more than one occasion, made me thankful my mouth wasn't full of liquid - or I'd have a non-functional computer.
Her name is Drazil - and her blog has made me laugh out loud, cry, and want to jump through the computer and give her a big hug.  I know that she would hate that - so it's a good thing that cyber jumping isn't possible...yet..LOL

Yesterday, she wrote a post that I decided to do today.  She did an "I Confess" post.  I loved it.  I thought it was a great idea.  So, today, I'm laying it on the line....getting some things off my chest...and confessing my sins.

I confess that I am, probably, one of the worst blog stalkers out there.  I read blog after blog... but I rarely comment.  I love reading them, but sometimes I'm nervous that what I want to say won't come out right.  So, instead, I lurk.

I confess that blog lurkers annoy me.  Yep, you heard that right.  I am the worst at it - yet I hate not having any feedback on my blog.  I get maybe 2 or 3 comments a week...and that upsets me.  I worry that what I'm writing is boring, not interesting...and makes no one want to say anything.

I confess that writing about weight loss is hard.  Super hard.  I've been doing it almost daily for over a year - and there's just so much a person can write about.  Well, me anyway.  I read blogs by people who are able to do it...have been for years... but I'm not one of those people.

I confess that I've turned in to somewhat of an attention whore.  I've gone from cringing at the sound of a compliment - to wanting some kind of reaction from people.  I want people to notice how much hard work I've done, I want people to compliment how great I look, I want to keep the feeling that it's OK to believe what people have to say.

I confess that if the PlayStation Network had not come back up this week, I would have traveled to the Sony Headquarters and let them have a piece of my mind!  If you have a significant other that is a PlayStation gamer - then you already know what I'm talking about.  If you don't - then thank the heavens above.... cause a whole month without the PlayStation Network has probably made it's debut on the top of the Reasons People Got Divorced List, 2011!!

I confess that now I know I was able to make it through a whole month without the PlayStation Network, Hubby and I can make make it through anything.

I confess that it's harder to confess stuff than I thought it would be.

I confess that I'm having a super hard time with being stuck around the 210lb mark.  I want the weight to melt away, but I'm getting lazy in making it happen.  I have no freakin' idea how I managed to lose 4lbs this week....but I do know that I want to work harder to get in to Onderland. 

I confess that I'm stuck between I Want To and I Will with my motivation.  The want is definitely there - getting to the Will is a whole different story. 

I confess that I'm starting to stress again about not being able to find a job.  We're well in to May, the time I was told that I'd start to hear from principles...and nothing.  Nada.  Not a single phone call or interview.  I'm trying with all my might to get my mind wrapped around the possibility that I won't find a job... but it's so hard.

I confess that I've slowly, but surely, been turning into a party girl.  A year ago, I never wanted to set foot out of my house - unless it was to go to school or work.  Now?  I've been overtaken by wanting to kick my shoes off and dance the night away with my girlfriends.  I don't know why - or where it came from - but I can't wait to make some form of plans each weekend that involves my girlfriends and I getting out and having some fun.

Lastly, I confess that I probably won't do a "Time to Confess" post again.  This was hard.  It didn't come out as funny as I'd hoped - but I guess I was able to get some stuff off my chest.  It's good to try something once, I guess.  I definitely confess that I am not as talented as Ms. Drazil...that's for damn sure!!

Till next time. ;)
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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Weigh to Go Wednesday: May Your Weigh Check-In

Don't worry.  I'm still alive.  I have not fallen off the wagon.  I haven't even been busy.... just decided to take a couple of days off from "cyber world" after the festivities of graduation.

I needed a couple of days off.  Away from computers, technology, and everything else that reminded me of school.  I just needed some time to myself.  Two days was long enough - and so I'm back...and with a vengeance.

Things haven't been perfect this week... I have made my daily goals - and I've stuck to them.  I haven't really done much exercise - but that all falls in to the whole "days off" thing.  I needed to relax.  Relaxing just frustrated me, so now I'm fully charged to get my summer started.... a summer of losing more weight and getting more fit.

I can't wait any longer to get to my weigh-in results... I'm so damn proud of myself.

Challenge Start Weight:  216lbs
Weight Last Week:  215.2lbs
Weight This Week:  211.2lbs

I'm down 4lbs this week!!  That's 2.2% weight loss in three weeks.  Hallelujah!! I'm still not down to my lowest weight of 210.8lbs... but I'm only 0.4lbs away....so I'll take it.  Hopefully, but next week, I would of kicked through the 210lbs barrier....the barrier that I have been unable to break, thus far.

This week, the "Sisterhood Says" challenge is to look in the mirror every day and find one thing to compliment myself on.  I say - BRING IT ON!!  I've been gaining more and more confidence about myself....so this challenge comes at a perfect time.

Tomorrow, I'm going to start running again.  Relaxing was OK - but I wanted to run.  I want to be outside...and I needed to get the urge back again.  Now it's back in full force - and I can't wait to get back on the track.

My goals for this week are to start running again, drink more water, and find a new work-out to do at home.  I'm still working - I'm subbing now - so I'm going to be gone a few days a week...but there's no reason I can't be doing something while I'm at home and not able to get out to run.

Can you hear my spark? It's back.  I feel it racing through my veins.  I really think I needed to get graduation over with so that I could really put my mind back on focusing on me....and now it's happening.

OK, that's it for now.  I will be posting daily again... I've missed my blog - and you all - so much.  I'm so glad to be back!!

Till next time.  ;)
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Monday, May 16, 2011

Ready for Some Pictures?

I know, it's Monday.  I should be writing about my goals for the week - and all that stuff.... but that's not going to happen today.  Today, I'm going to share some of the fun from my graduation... in pictures.  The dress.  The shoes.  The gown.  It's all going down here, today.

So, here we go...

First up - the shoes.  The 5" heels. 

Next - here are a few pics from my pre-graduation photo shoot.

There are many more from the "photo shoot".  I will post the rest of them to my Facebook page, so you can have a look. 

Here are a couple of me in my cap and gown:

There will be more - but I only managed to get half of the photos that were taken on the day.  I don't have the pics of the ceremony, yet... but I will post them as soon as I do.

Again, if you want more pics - check out my Facebook page: Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman.  I will have all of the pics with my family on there, too.  There are a lot of good ones.

This was the first time in so long that I actually enjoyed getting my picture taken - and I like what the end results were.   I'm excited to be sharing them with you guys. 

OK, that's all from me today.  Got to get to uploading the rest of the pics on Facebook so you can check them out.

Till next time. ;)
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Saturday, May 14, 2011

It's a Celebration!! Celebrate Good Times, Come ON!!

Graduation cap and gown: $45.  Pretty dress to wear under the gown: $14.  5" heels to wear while walking across the stage:  $7.  Knowing that this is the last day to the new beginning of my life?  Priceless.

Last night, I got to go and get pampered.  I had my hair cut off...short.  It's a little shorter than I planned... gonna take some getting used to... but I like it.  It's drastic and that's what I needed for today.  Then it was off for a mani/ pedi. 

The pedicure was AMAZING!  I will say, that usually I hate my feet being touched.  I think they're ugly - and it grosses me out to look at them,  so I don't think it's fair for someone else to have to do it.   I sat down and put my feet into the hot tub and then a hot Asian guy came out to set my chair massager up.  At first, I thought Hot Asian Guy was just an assistant.... that was until he asked for me to put my foot up.  EEKK!!

I have to say, I started to feel a little uncomfortable.  I don't let my fiance touch my feet - not that he'd want to - but here I was letting this very cute guy massage my feet and legs...and it was sheer heaven!!!  While he was taking care of my feet - my manicurist was taking care of my hands.  I felt like a celebrity - getting the full pamper treatment.  I left feeling like a million bucks.

Today, my hair looks crazy - bed head.  I'm gonna have to get in the shower pronto and do something with it.  I'm so ready to start getting all glammed up - even if I will be covered from the most ugly, unflattering garment.  It should be a crime to make graduates walk across the stage in a black moo-moo...especially after spending so much time and hard work getting down 85lbs.

It's OK, though.  Underneath I will look fantabulous.  Before the ceremony, my family will get to see me.  I will have pictures taken - and won't cringe at the sight of a camera.  In fact, I've got 2 photographers coming to my pre-graduation lunch - so I must be over my camera fear, right?

And, the 5" heels.  I know that several of you are dying to see the heels.  Don't fret...you will.  I've been practicing walking in them.  I needed to.  Now, everyone keep your fingers crossed that I can make it up the steps and across the stage without a broken ankle.

Today is supposed to be a celebration of working my ass off for 4 years....and it is...but in so many more ways.  Yes, I finished my degree.  I worked hard studying, researching, planning, teaching, and taking tests.  For that I am proud.  But today I also celebrate literally working my ass off.

For the past four years I've gone to school, I've raised a family, I worked the first half of my school career, this past year I worked for free.  I have made sacrifices.  I have given up family time to study.  I have asked my family to pick up the slack around the house while I bury myself in my office.  I have had nights of no sleep, nights with very little sleep, and days where I was so tired that all I could do is sleep. 

In the past 18 months - the hardest of all my college years combined - I did all of that while still running four 5Ks.  I made time to go to Boot Camp.  I went to the gym.  I worked out at home.  I stopped skipping meals because it was convenient, and made time to plan out my meals, count my calories, and eat. 

This morning, I was overjoyed to see 211.8lbs on the scale.  Wednesday, I was 215.2lbs.  It's some kind of miracle - but I have dropped 3.4lbs in 3 days.  Maybe it's the water I've been drinking.  Maybe it's because I've kept my calorie goal every day.  Maybe it's because I've been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.  Maybe, just maybe...it's because today is the big day - and karma is finally giving me a break.  Whatever it is, I'm happy.

So, enough talking...it's time to get busy glamming myself up.  There will be pictures...lots and lots of pictures.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me, cheered me on, been a shoulder, and listened to my whining, complaining, happiness, and joy over the past 4 years.  I love each and every one of you. 

Till next time. ;)

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Thursday, May 12, 2011

The Final Countdown...Da Da Daa...Da Da Da Da Daa

I feel different this morning.

I feel an energy that I haven't felt in a while - an energy that I've been missing.

Today is such a big day.  It's my final final day.  No, I didn't make a mistake typing "final" twice.  This afternoon, I'm going to take my last test which marks the end of my college career.  I'm done, finished, finito.

Yesterday was my last day as an intern.  I'm no longer a student teacher.  I wasn't sad to leave because, well, I'm not leaving.  I have sub jobs lined up next week - and know there will be more the week after...so I'm not going anywhere....they haven't gotten rid of me yet.

It's so surreal to think that in two short days I will be a college graduate with my Bacholors degree!!  I try to think back four years to when my journey to getting my teaching degree began.  Graduating seemed so far away...so daunting...and here it is.  I made it.

Despite my little hurdles I've been dealing with lately, I'm a completely different person to what I was four years ago.  I'm different both on the inside and the outside. 

Four years ago, I walked in to my first class nervous as hell.  I was over 250lbs, wore a size 22, and felt 25 sets of eyes on me as I walked in and took a seat.  I worked hard in my classes, but kept myself from ever really talking to anyone - or making any friends.  I felt like I didn't fit in.

Then, shortly after starting school, I got pregnant with Jelly.  It took a long time for anyone to notice I was pregnant because, well, I was so big to start with. 

After having Jelly, I lost quite a bit of weight - but it didn't last long.  The stress of school and working started the weight creeping back....up to my pre-pregnancy weight and then some.  Until I finally topped the scales at my highest weight ever... 297lbs.  Along with that weight came a size 24-26 pant.

Today, just two days from the end, I weigh 215lbs.  It's not my lowest weight...I've faltered a little...but I'm still 82lbs lighter.  I am now comfortably wearing a size 16. 

I mentioned I'm also different on the inside.  I started my college career as a quiet loner.  I didn't really try to make friends.  I was an active participant in class discussions - but that's as far as my talking went. 

Last year, as my weight started coming off, my confidence increased.  I started making friends.  I started hanging out with friends.  I'm going to graduate Saturday knowing that I now have lifelong friendships - we'll always be there for each other, and share life's joys and heartbreaks together. 

I even like the way I look and feel about myself.  I have begun to see myself as "pretty".  I believe the compliments that are given to me.  I don't cringe when I stand in front of the mirror in clothing that I would NEVER have even tried on four years ago.

The dress I bought for Saturday is beautiful.  It's simple, fun, but it makes me feel good.  Yesterday, I did something else I never thought I'd do.... I bought a pair of 5" heels to wear on Saturday.  Four years ago, I would never or could never fathom wearing 5" heels.  Not only can I wear them, but I can walk in them too!!  My shoe size is something else that's changed.  Since high school I've worn a size 11 shoe.  Last year, my shoes started falling off of me and I had to move down to a size 10.  Yesterday, the heels I bought are a size 9/10.  That's crazy to me.

Yesterday morning, in my little "I'm not doing very well" pity party, I announced that I'm going to start making daily goals.  My goals for yesterday were to eat less than 1500 calories and to drink 64ozs of water.

I'm happy to report that I ate a total of 1390 calories yesterday and drank 64ozs of water.

Not only did I eat 1390 calories, but I burned 2428 calories - giving me a deficit of 1038 calories!!  That's close to 1/2 a pound in just one day.  A few more days like that, and I'll be back on track.

Today, I'm keeping my goals the same.  Being that it's my final class, my final day at school - there will be a celebratory lunch after.  I'm going to work very hard to keep my calories and water in check.  This is a challenge for me - and I'm ready for it.

I feel different today.  I said that at the beginning of the post.  My spark has come back to me.  It wasn't some magic that appeared to me overnight.  I know that my secret weapon is the cause for my sudden burst of re-dedication.  What is my secret weapon, you ask?

My secret weapon is my friend, Adah.  She was my challenge partner for the last Sisterhood challenge.  She kept me going, she gave me support, she picked me up when I needed her.  When I felt like I was losing my way - I reached out to her...and being the awesome person she is, she responded.  We're teaming up again.  Not to compete, this time, but just to be there for each other.  We both liked the support - I know it really helped me more than she ever knew - and I now have her back!! 

Watch out world - cause this girl is graduating college and this summer will become the thinnest and sexiest person she's ever been!!

Till next time. ;)
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Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Weigh to Go Wednesday: May your Way Check-In

It's week number 2 of the May your Way challenge - and I've gained....again.

I'm in trouble.  Big trouble.  I just can't seem to shake this funk - whatever it is - that's dragging me back in to old habits, old routines, and increasing numbers on the scale.

I really thought the challenge would spark my motivation again....well, it hasn't yet.  I'm not giving up, though.  It all really comes down to mind over matter - and the matter is winning right now.  It's time for my mind to take the reigns again and stop me from self destructing - one horrible decision at a time.

There are no excuses.  There are no reasons.  Nothing major has happened to me to start me on this downward spiral.  Maybe I'm getting lazy because graduation is so close, and I feel that the end of that era is making me lazy in other areas of my life.  Maybe I'm so consumed with graduation that I'm not thinking about working out....maybe in my deluded mind I feel like I deserve these bad foods, bad decisions, and lack of exercise.

Whatever it is - it needs to stop.

At the start of this challenge I weighed in at 216lbs.
Last week, I weighed in at 214.2lbs
This week, I'm up to 215.2lbs

I've gained a pound.

In terms of my goals? 
  • Well, I'm getting further away from Onederland
  • I haven't done any exercise this week - as of yet
  • My calories have been over 1600 almost every day
  • I have hardly drank any water
As you can see - fails all around.

I'm disappointed and ashamed of myself.  I don't want to lose everything I've done.  I don't want to stop working towards the finish line of my goal weight.  I can sit here and say "I'm going to try harder" but I keep saying that....I need to actually do it.

So, I came up with a little idea.  I'm going to start today.  I'm going to make daily goals for myself...small goals.  I'm hoping that starting out small will help me build back up to the person I was - the do or die girl who was fighting every step of the way to lose the weight and get fit. 

Today's goals are to eat less than 1500 calories and drink 64ozs of water.

That's it.  Just two little things to do today.

I promise that I'm not going to give up.  I will get over this rut.  I will jump back on my horse and ride this journey to the end.... I've just come to one of those hurdles that is taking some time to get over.

Till next time. ;)
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