Social Media & Kids

Last night, I read an article about a kid who used Facebook to bully a girl in his school, was caught, and now his parents face criminal charges for not taking the page down.  The kid received punishment at school, but laws took over school policy to hold somebody accountable for the vicious cyber attack that was put on the girl.  

When I read the article, my first thought was "Why was nobody monitoring his usage?".  The article did state that the parents had been unaware of the problem, and the page wasn't even taken down for over a year because the parents had no idea who the person was or what page had been created to bully the girl.  

In this instance, I truly hold the parents at fault for not being more involved with their child's social media usage.  But, that article isn't the reason for my blog today.  Oh no.  It's the comment that was made by the person who posted the article.  Now, I consider her a friend... and I hope that she knows that this post stems from the fact that I LOVE a good debate and I'm not personally attacking her.  But, this post stems from the fact that she stated that children have no business being on Facebook, and that parents should not allow their children anywhere near Facebook.

So, here goes my opinion on that comment in 3.....2.....1....

Both of my teenage kids are on Facebook.  I have their login information and their passwords.  I was the one that set up their pages.  My kids use Facebook to connect to family members that live overseas, friends, and to play the silly Facebook games.  Their profile is locked down, and only friends can see what they post.  I also check friend requests and occasionally go through their friends list to see who they've added.  I read their messages.  I approve photos that they post.  My kids know this and understand that's the number one rule for having a Facebook page.  If they don't like me snooping around, then they don't need to have a Facebook page.  

Now, I'm fully aware of possibilities that come from online predators.  That's why I keep such a close eye on my kids' usage, but rather than sheltering them away from social media, I try and teach my kids about online safety, and they know what they can and can't post about themselves.  

The truth is, Facebook was originally started by a couple of college kids that wanted a forum for the very purpose of connecting with friends.  In fact, recent studies show that as little as 3 years ago, kids between the ages of 13-24 made up 70% of Facebook users.  I even remember the days, a few years ago, when you'd ask an adult about Facebook and they'd say something like "that website all those kids are using", or an adult would refer to Facebook as "the Facebook".  

Over the past three years, there has been 3 million teens that have given up their Facebook account and moved to other social media apps such as Twitter, SnapChat, and Instagram.  They consider those sites more "kid oriented", and not overrun with adults complaining about their lives.  Makes sense, I suppose.  I guarantee Twitter will be the next site axed from the list among kids and teens.

However, studies have also shown that in the past three years, Facebook has been used more and more for educational purposes and to teach online safety.  I know that Peanut is a member of a couple of online groups, started by her teachers, for the purpose of discussing school stuff, assignments, and events.  I know several teachers that have started Facebook pages to connect with their students and parents, share announcements, offer homework help, etc.  Heck, I've even been to professional development classes that promote using Facebook and Twitter as classroom tools.  

Kids having Facebook pages isn't the problem here.  Parental involvement is.  I'm honestly so tired of hearing people complain that kids shouldn't be using this or seeing that.  Turn on a TV and the kids are going to see just as much trash as people post on Facebook.  People cuss, there's nudity, and there are things said that people don't want their kids to hear.  And I'm still talking about the TV.  In fact, I think kids are exposed to less smut on Facebook, because I know full well how strict Facebook's policy is on nudity.  I tried posting a picture of Jelly in the bathtub when she was little, and it was removed within minutes for indecent exposure.  None of her "parts" were showing, but the photo was quickly picked up as indecent and removed. 

Now, I've seen my share of adult conversations and inappropriate pictures and jokes shared on my feed.  But you know what I realized?  Those things were posted by people I am friends with.  They weren't just spammed on to my wall...the people I CHOOSE to be friends with post some of that stuff. Now, my sense of humor understands the humor of some of my friends, and I'm OK with it.  But, as a parent, I monitor for such actions and will remove a person from my children's friends list is that kind of stuff is common with one of their friends.  

Facebook has its flaws, but the reality is, you add people you want to add.  Nobody forces anyone to accept a friend request.  Nobody forces anyone to show off everything they write to the world.  There are plenty of settings and protocols in place to keep a somewhat watchful eye over what appears on that news feed.  

Thanks to Facebook, Peanut has been able to connect to her biological father's family.  Something that probably wouldn't have happened without Facebook.  Butter is able to stay connected to my family members that I no longer have any contact with.  Both Peanut and Butter are able to connect with family members in England that they've never met, but can get to know through sharing a few posts and messages.  

The real problem with all of this is internet monitoring.  As a parent, I think it's my duty to keep a watchful eye over my kids' Facebook usage.  If kids are on Facebook posting inappropriate stuff, or being bombarded with inappropriate stuff, then it's the parents job to weed it out and do something about it.  I refuse to try and keep my kids sheltered from social media, because the honest truth is... someone has to teach them to use it.   It's not something that's going away, and kids need to understand the correct ways to use it.  

There's just no way that a person can "protect" their children from everything that's out there.  TV, video games, internet, and even playing outside has it's dangers.  That's not my kids' fault, that's society.  I may not like it, but there's nothing I can do about all that.  What I can do is teach my kids to be mindful and safe.  Ask Butter how quickly his Facebook privileges were suspended when I received an email that he'd posted in a Facebook group without my permission.  I have access to the email accounts that are connected to their Facebook pages, so I can keep tabs on stuff without logging in every five minutes.  

I hear people say that's it's not right to snoop around on my children, and that I should respect their privacy.  Really?  OK.  Well, they are free to write in a journal without me reading it.  They are free to talk to their friends at school without me asking their friends what they said.  That's having privacy.  But, what they do on the internet is absolutely my business, and I have every right to know.  They knew that going in, it was part of the deal.  And they now know that they shouldn't post anything bad, because I will see it and then it's goodbye Facebook.  

My friend, who originally posted the comment, also stated that she has to be mindful of what she posts because there are young people on her friends list.  Well, I have an answer for that:  Either remove them if you want to post stuff you consider inappropriate for those youngsters, or set up friend lists and only post to those lists. 

I have several lists on my Facebook page:  Family, general friends, high school friends, work friends, etc.  When I post something, I can actually choose which people see the things I post. All of my stuff is private from non-friends, but if I post something that only my family needs to see... then I just post it to that list and only those people can see it.  If I need to post something that's work related, I can post in that list and only my work friends will see it.

You see, despite Facebook's flaws, they do have some good tools that are available to users.  But, having my kids and work friends on my Facebook page also does some good in monitoring what I post.  The entire world doesn't need to know who I'm mad at, the awful things I'd like to say about certain things, or see pictures of me falling over drunk (if I did that kind of stuff).  I use my audience as a  form of checks and balance.  Every time I post something, I think about who's going to see it.  Some people may think that's not right, but it helps keep me inline.  Because you know something else?  It's not just kids I have to worry about.  I know that my bosses are on Facebook, I know that people I work with are on Facebook, I know that some of the parents of my students are on Facebook... and I'm kept under a microscope all of the time.  Teaching isn't the only profession that monitors social media usage.  Pretty much all companies and colleges use Facebook as a way to learn more about the people they are hiring and accepting in to the schools.  

So, instead of keeping my kids away, I'm teaching them how to be smart with their Facebook.  Am I perfect at it?  No.  Do I see every little thing as it happens?  No.  But, the way I look at it, I might as well let them understand the importance of social media etiquette now... because social media is a MAJOR part of today's society.  

Kids do have a place on Facebook, as long as parents keep an eye on things.  I see nothing wrong with that.  

That's my opinion.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge

I'm sure you've all heard about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.  If you haven't, then you don't have Facebook, Internet, or TV...in which case I'm not sure how you're reading this right now.  But, just in case you do have those things and have still, somehow, managed to allude this phenomenon then I'll give you a quick explanation.

The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge is a social media campaign to raise awareness for the disease ALS.  It requires the nominated person recording themselves dumping a bucket of ice water over their head, challenging three new people to do the challenge, and then paying a $10 donation to the ALS foundation, or pay $100 for not doing the challenge.  Either way, it helps raise money and awareness for a great cause.

ALS is a horrible disease, and one I knew little about before seeing the challenge start to grow.  ALS is a neurodegenerative disease that affects nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord and from the spinal cord to the muscles throughout the body.  As the disease progresses, those diagnosed start to lose the ability to control their muscles, and in the later stages are often confined to a wheel chair, are unable to speak, and can not swallow.  There is no cure for ALS.  

What I also found out, once the challenge started to grow in fame, was that my daughter's aunt has the disease.  This was new information to me, because I've only had contact with Payton's aunt for a few weeks.  She is a great woman, and thankfully is still in the early stages of the disease.  She can still walk and talk, and even though she has ALS, she doesn't let it slow her down one bit.  But, once I found out, I knew I had to do my part for this cause.

In fact, I am going one step further.  I did the challenge, yet I'm still going to donate $100 to the organization.  Because I didn't do the challenge to get out of paying more, I did it because I never pass up a good challenge, and I want to be someone that is raising awareness as well as donating to the charity.

I have never seen a charity challenge blow up like this one has.  Athletes, movie stars, singers, and even past Presidents have taken part in the challenge and posted their videos online.  The challenge has swept through the country, and even the world, and the last I heard has raised over $20 million since the challenge got started just a few months ago.  

I know that there are people out there that are sick and tired of seeing the videos pop up on their newsfeed of people doing the challenge.  I've read statuses of people complaining about the videos, and saying that people are only doing it for attention and that there's no real benefit from posting a stupid video on Facebook of ice water being dumped on their head.

To those people I say, really?  I'd say $20 million is a HUGE benefit.  And of course we're doing it for attention.  That's the whole point.  So other people learn more about ALS, the cause, the disease, and how to help build support to put more money in to finding a cure.  

It's amazing how many people have told me that they really knew nothing about ALS before the challenge got started.  I was one of them.  But, there are countless more people that have told me the same thing.  That means that awareness is definitely getting raised.  

There are people complaining that the foundation won't use all of that money for research, and that it'll go in to the pockets of the corporations founders and board members.  I don't know if that's true or not, but I do know that with the amount of extremely wealthy people (Bill Gates, President Bush, and Mark Zuckerburg to just name a couple) donating to the cause, I doubt they would sit idly by and watch their donations go in to the pockets of people working for the cause.  That's my opinion.  I know people will argue with me, but this isn't just one of those fundraisers that requires spare change being put in to a jar.  Several famous people have donated THOUSANDS of dollars as a part of this campaign.  I'm positive that those people are going to want to know what their money is being used for.

But despite all that, even if it's just "annoying" to see all the videos, can't we have a little compassion?  For once, our newsfeeds are full of quick videos raising money for a good cause, versus the pictures, videos, and status messages about the President, corporations taking away rights, gun control arguments, or cat videos.  For a few weeks, people have joined together for a great cause rather than fighting over whatever the hot topic of debate currently is for the week.  I can open up my newsfeed and feel a lump in my throat as people with ALS share their stories and give their thanks for what the nation is doing for them.  I can watch celebrities take part in a cause that normal people are doing, instead of hearing about their latest DUI arrest, or drug charge, or how many bazillion dollars they're making for their next movie role.  I look at these videos as a refreshing break from the normal, depressing news that I normally see and hear.  

But, I have also learned that no matter what the latest craze is - good or bad - there are going to be people that complain.  It's just who they are.  Nothing makes them happy.  I often wonder if the only reason these people have a Facebook account is so that they can complain about everything. They hate seeing all these "stupid videos" yet, they somehow feel that all their friends and followers are far more interested in hearing about what they ate for dinner the night before, how they're tired of the girl at work that plays her music too loud, or what time they are going to bed.  That stuff is WAY more interesting.  

One thing I've learned to do with my Facebook, that apparently others have yet to discover, is the fact that I can control what videos I choose to watch.  If I don't want to watch a certain video, I just keep scrolling through my feed.  I've turned off the new setting that allows videos to start playing instantly when I get to them, and I actually have to click on the video in order to watch it.  And, if I don't want to watch it.. I don't.  So simple.  Maybe I could make a video explaining how to do this, so that all those whiners and complainers out there would be free from the "stupid videos" that they HAVE to watch.  

I just wish there was the same setting to turn off all the negative comments and complainers.  That is something Facebook needs to be working on.  I can always unfriend those people, I know, but I feel like it's harsh to delete Aunt Betty from my newsfeed just because she complains too much about videos people are posting... then how would I hear about the grocery shopping excursion she took last weekend?

Oh well.  Like I hear all the time.. "Haters are gonna hate".  It's just who they are, and I guess I feel sorry for those people.  If they have nothing better to do than spend their lives complaining about 30 second videos that are raising money for a charity, then they must have pretty boring, sad lives.  

But, never fear Haters of Facebook, once the challenge loses steam, you can go back to the constant feed of bad news, sad news, and downright boring news.  Just hang in there.  Don't give up hope that the good will start to fade away soon....once every other person in the world that has jumped on the bandwagon of taking part in a great cause has posted their video.  

Until then, I'll enjoy watching the videos and feeling good about such an enormous outpouring of support - and knowing that I did my part.  Not just me, but my three kids also took the challenge and nominated people to do it, too.  They loved it, and I'm happy that I'm raising three kids who are so willing to take part in something like that.  They know why they did it, I didn't just tell them to dump ice-water over their heads.  They probably would have still done it... but knowing why is the important part.  

If you have taken part in this amazing challenge, I say THANK YOU.  Good for you.  That's awesome.  If you're someone that thinks it's stupid, and will have absolutely no part in such a stupid cause.. I say, you're entitled to your opinion, and I'll respect it.  But, respect my opinion of wanting to take part without complaining about it.  OK?

Alright... Have a great day, everyone!!

Family Fun, and More Chip Talk

                               

OK, so before I tell you about the fun I had yesterday, I need to make a semi recant of the opinion post I wrote yesterday.  If you remember, I wrote about how horrible the new Lay's Cappuccino flavored chips were.  I also stated that I doubted that the Mango Salsa would be any good.  That's the part I need to recant.  I got to try them yesterday, and they weren't just good.. they were AMAZING.  I was shocked to put a chip in my mouth that tasted so strongly of a fruit, yet still taste so delicious.  I also tried the Wasabi Ginger, and they were also pretty good.  But, right now, my favorite by far are the Mango Salsa.  They have a sweet Mango kick followed by a mild spice punch.  

I love Mango Salsa, and these chips come very close to having an authentic Mango Salsa flavor.  And, being that I've eaten chips with a Mango Salsa dip before, it makes sense to have a chip with this flavor.  This one, Lay's, you nailed on the head.  I'm going to be very sad when they aren't available anymore.  The Wasabi Ginger have a good flavor, but I think they'd have been better made on regular or wavy chips, and not the Kettle Corn version.  But, I'd eat them again.  

And now that part is over, I can get to talking about my Saturday. 

Yesterday, I did a whole lot of lazing around the house and then Butter, Jelly and I went swimming for a while.  It seems as if summer has finally hit our neck of the woods, giving us temps in to the upper 90s, with heat indexes in the 100s.  We didn't have that kind of weather during summer break.  But, now that it's here, we might as well enjoy the pool..finally.  We spent a couple of hours swimming, playing, and relaxing in the water.  The water was perfect....cool and refreshing.  

After swimming, I made some spaghetti for everyone to eat, and then I had to head out to pick up Peanut from her uncle's house.  I took Butter and Jelly along for the ride, because they also love going to Peanut's uncle's house.  

Peanut went over to her uncle and aunt's house Friday night.  Her Uncle K wanted to take her kayaking, as she's never been before.  They all said they had a great time, and Peanut told me that it's definitely something she'd love to do again...and again...and again.  Which is probably music to K's ears, because he loves kayaking.  In fact, we've already started thinking about going camping together when the weather cools down a little.  

I, also, had a great time going over there.  I love K's and M's (Peanut's aunt) company.  We can sit around talking, laughing, and having a great time.  Butter loves to hear anything and everything fishing and hunting, and K has plenty to talk about when it comes to those things.  I love talking to M about kids and life and just generally goofing off and making fun of men.  Jelly has a blast playing with her cousin that is just a little younger than her.  They are like two peas in a pod together, and I don't hardly hear or see her the whole time we're there, because she's off playing.  

We were there for a couple of hours, but time sure does fly when you're having fun.  It seemed like we'd only just got there when I looked at the clock and realized it was after 9:30PM.  Being that they live an hour away, we had to get on the road so that we could make it home before 11PM.

I have to say in all the excitement of Peanut getting to meet her dad's side of the family, K and M have really gone above and beyond to show Peanut that she is family.  Not that the rest of the family hasn't, they have all been super nice to her and reach out to talk to her often, but Peanut has really clicked with her uncle.  She adores him, and he adores her.  She knows that she can pick the phone up at any time and he'll be at the other end to talk, or gladly opens up his home for her if she just wants to hang out with him.  The same goes for her Aunt M.  And with some of the stuff she's dealing with right now, I don't think K and M realize how much it means to Peanut to have them there for her whenever she needs them.  

And, what makes me love them even more than just being there for Peanut is the fact that even though they are only Peanut's family, they have NEVER made Butter or Jelly feel like they aren't family too.  Peanut may get to go off and spend time with them alone, but K and M have told Butter and Jelly that they'll also get their chance to do fun things with THEIR Uncle K and Aunt M.  Butter is going to get to go fishing and hunting with K, and Jelly is going to get to spend the night with her little cousin.  

And that, folks, is what family is all about.  Looking beyond the bloodline, and accepting everyone in the family unit.  

Peanut loves having the chance to have her own piece of the attention, and having her uncle and aunt there for her to support her.  But, I love the fact that they are fully aware that there are other kids in the house that may feel a little left out...and are OK with bringing them in on the action as well.  

I really can't say enough good things about K and M.  They have been an absolute God send to Peanut, and it's so great to see her getting out of her room and going out to try new things with them. They are really helping fill the void that Peanut has with her dad.  I wish I could say that things were going as well with him, but they're not.  I'm not going to elaborate more than that, except to say that without them I don't think Peanut would be coping half as well as she is.  That means so much to me... more than they'll ever know.  

I just hope that if one day, Peanut can have HALF the relationship she has with her dad that she has with her Uncle K, things will be just about perfect for Peanut.  I'm not sure that will ever happen, but I do know that Uncle K and Aunt M will NEVER leave Peanut hanging, and Peanut will always have them there for her.  

And that means the world to me.  And Peanut.

OK, I need to get around and get some things done, today.  I hope everyone is having a great weekend, and is ready for the new work week.

Have a great Sunday, everyone!

Not Cool, Lay's...Just Not Cool

                                 

Around 6:30 last night, I got home after an exhausting day of work.  I wandered in to the kitchen to find out what we were having for dinner (because Hubby usually has dinner waiting for us when we get home), and I came face-to-face with this bag sitting on my counter.  Now, before I go any further, I should probably explain something to you, so that you can really understand my opinion on this bag that was sitting on my counter.

I love coffee.  And that's putting it mildly.  Coffee is my most favorite thing to drink.  I can't even function if I don't have my daily coffee intake requirements satisfied.  And, I'm not just talking about the caffeine thing.  It has to be coffee, because there's just nothing better than starting out the day with a hot cup of coffee.  My love for coffee doesn't even stop there.  I love the smell of it, and have coffee scented candles and Scentsy bars.  I a;so love various flavored coffees: Mochas, lattes, cappuccinos.  I will drink coffee hot or cold, and love Frappes and iced coffees and frozen coffees.  I go ga-ga crazy over coffee flavored ice-cream, candies, and cakes.  I just can't get enough of the stuff.

I absolutely LOVE coffee.

But, when I got home last night and saw this bag on my counter, my first reaction was WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY?  Coffee flavored potato chips?  Urm...no!  Yet, being such a lover of coffee I thought that I better try one before making rash judgements on such a thing.  I have tried chocolate covered potato chips and loved them, so maybe...just maybe coffee flavored chips wouldn't be so bad.

I was wrong.

I placed one of the chips in to my mouth, and I can't even describe the yuck that penetrated through my mouth.  It was disgusting.  I don't know if it was the texture or the combination of chip flavor and coffee flavor, but my taste buds knew instantly that they were no bueno!  I have never put a coffee flavored something in my mouth and been so repulsed.  They were GROSS!    

Hubby's heart was in the right place by picking them up.  He knows my addiction to all things coffee, so he was just trying to be nice.  But, there is no way I'd ever put another one of those things in my mouth again.  

I understand that Lay's is just trying to be creative and come up with some fun, new ideas for chip flavors... but there are somethings that just don't belong on a potato chip, and coffee is one of them.

I wasn't really that impressed with the last round of flavors.  The Chicken & Waffles and Cheesy Garlic Bread were OK, but nothing for me to really get all excited about.  This new set of flavors offer Bacon Cheesy Mac, Wasabi Ginger, Mango Salsa, and the abominations that are Cappuccino flavored.  I'll try the Bacon and Wasabi... but I'm not holding my breath that the Mango Salsa will be all that great.  I'm just not into sweet chips.  

But, the problem with coming out with all these new flavors is the fact that even if I find one I really like, they won't be around long enough to really enjoy.  You get to liking one of them, and BAM...they've disappeared off the shelves.  I'm OK if the cappuccino ones disappear, but say I really like the Wasabi Ginger, just like several people who have already told me how great they are.  Say I really love them.  Unless the entire country votes to keep them, I will only get to enjoy them for a little while until they're ripped off the shelves and replaced with some other crazy, new flavor.  

That's why, when it comes to chips, I stick to the classics.  Give me a bag of sour cream and onion or barbecue, and I'm all set.  Because they taste great, and I know they're not going anywhere.  

I appreciate creativity.  I appreciate trying to step out of the box and trying new things.  But, when it comes to my love of coffee and my love of chips - I'll stick to the boring flavors I have always loved, and keeping them completely separated from each other.

Have a great Saturday, everyone!!

Sometimes Being a Friend Just Isn't Enough

                                             

Anyone that knows me, has spent any amount of time with me, or has read my blog for any length of time should know that friendships are very important to me.  I don't take friendships lightly.  I have different levels of friendships, but anyone that I consider to be a friend means a great deal to me.

Which, is why I get very sad when a close friend is hurting.

When it comes to my close friends, I don't like to be a person sitting on the side lines offering the generic "I'm sorry to hear that, I'm here if you need me" when I find out a friend is dealing with emotional pain.  I want to do what I can to fix the pain, ease the pain, or at least give my friend someone to talk to about it.

Sometimes I get too emotionally invested.  Where I become so attached to the problem, that I start taking on the pain as if it were my own.  It begins to eat away at me, and I start looking for ways to fix the pain for myself...even though it's not my pain to fix.

This past week, I've been feeling that pain.  The pain a friend is dealing with.  A pain I want to take away.  Yet, I have quickly realized that there is nothing I can do.

I think THE biggest emotional pain that can be placed on someone is pain caused by love.  Or the pain caused by the absence of it.  Love is the commander-in-chief when it comes to emotions.  It has power to keep the peace or declare war.  

I remember the first time I was truly in love as a teenager.  The butterfly feelings in my stomach.  The silly grin permanently attached to my face.  The sadness I felt when he wasn't near me, and the sheer joy when he was.  The spark that ran through my veins whenever he held my hand, or kissed me.  The heat that filled my cheeks when he looked in to my eyes.

And the devastating blow that shattered my heart in to a million pieces the day he was taken away from me.

A pain that everyone told me, back then, would go away.  It was "puppy love", it wasn't real, I would find someone new and move on, eventually he'd be no more than a tiny blip to my existence.

But, none of that was true.  I have carried it with me ever since, as a scar on my heart.

Love as an adult, though, is so much harder.  It requires much more than the carefree wonders that teenage love offers.  And as much as everyone would love to live their adult lives as if they were characters in a teen love novel, reality usually doesn't work that way.  

Adults bring all of their past with them to relationships.  The skeletons in the closet, if you will.  Or, the scars on the heart.  And for love to really work, each party has to accept these skeletons and scars.  Because the only way real, true love will ever work is by having a partnership, an understanding, a bond of trust and respect.  And if any of those things falter, so too will the relationship.

But what happens when one is done but the other isn't?  

And that's the problem I've been trying to help with...yet realizing very quickly that I can't help.  Nothing I say or do will ever help, because it's one of those situations I can't help with no matter how much I want to.

My friend has been in a toxic relationship for a long time.  And I use the word toxic, because any relationship that tears down the soul, leaves nothing but sadness and anger, and destroys relationships with others is exactly that:  Toxic.  

He wants out.  He's done.  Can't take anymore....Yet, there's one problem.  She's not ready to call it quits.  She's not ready to let him go.  And, the devastating blow?  She will do ANYTHING to make him stay...which includes using their children as pawns.

Remember that blog post I wrote a few days ago?  Yep.  That's where that topic came from.  

It's such a hard situation to be in, and I can't imagine what I would do if it were me.  Which, is why I have said over and over that I would NEVER use my children as pawns.  That's just SICK!!

There's so much more to the story, even more than I probably know about.  But, I do know that one thing he does NOT want to do is give up his kids.  Which is what any good father thinks about.  It's what makes him the wonderful person that he is.  

Sure, he can go through the courts.  But that takes money he doesn't have, and time he doesn't want to be away from his kids, and the chance that things won't go in his favor.

So, what do you tell someone going through something like this?

Nothing they haven't heard a million times before.  And nothing that can help, unfortunately.

It just breaks my heart to see a person suffer like this.  It's not fair.  I believe everyone on this planet deserves to be happy...regardless of their past, regardless of the mistakes they've made.  They should never have their spirits and their happiness ripped away from them, making them believe that being unhappy is the only way to be happy.

I also don't understand how people can be so desperate to hold on to someone that doesn't want them.  I mean, the other side.  Why put so much time and effort in to making him or her stay, even though they are absolutely miserable?  Is that what some people actually think love is?  A prison, with no escape.  A life sentence of fighting, anger, resentment, and bitterness?

I don't get it.  And I guess I never will.  

All I can do is sit back, be a friend, and hope that one day he'll realize that nobody deserves that kind of unhappiness.  That there are options.  That there are people that care about him, and are willing to help anyway they can.

Until then, I just have to watch the events unfold.... because there's nothing more I can do.

Let's Celebrate Our Freedoms...At Least For a Day

                              

Today is the 4th of July, or otherwise known as Independence Day.  A day where our country can rejoice and celebrate all the freedoms it has to offer.  Not that anyone from any other country would understand that, if they spent just a few hours reading some of the Facebook news feeds of some of the citizens of this country.

In 1776, America claimed its independence over Britain, and Democracy was born.  The most famous line from the Declaration of Independence reads...

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

And, I have to admit, that when I read that line I feel a little sad.  Because even though we live in the country that promotes Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness, when I turn on the TV or read through the headlines I see nothing but people complaining about their rights, freedom, and life being controlled and dominated by either government or religion.  

Complaint after complaint after complaint is all I ever seem to read about.  And if it's not complaints, it's one side versus the other side about which rights and freedoms should be or are being corrupted.

"Take away all guns"

"Don't take away our constitutional right to own guns"

"Gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry, it's against the Bible"

"Gay people should be allowed to marry, because this decision shouldn't be based on religion"

"Companies and their owners should be free to run their businesses as they see fit"

"Companies and their owners should not be allowed to include religious beliefs in their company practices"

"Government should not be allowed to impose healthcare on its citizens"

"The government is providing affordable healthcare so that all people have access to medical care."

And on, and on, and on it goes.

It's very depressing, really. Yet, all these complaints and whining and non-stop bombardment of opinions proves to us one thing:

We have the RIGHT to complain.  

Regardless of what side of the table you sit, each and every person has the right to agree and disagree with whatever the hot topic of discussion is that particular day, and broadcast said opinions to the whole world via social media.  And it's one right that SO MANY people choose to publicize.

Is our country perfect?  Absolutely not.  But, it sure would be nice if everyone, at least today, stepped back and realized how good they actually have it.

My story is one that's as old as this country itself.  

Twenty years ago, my parents loaded me up on a plane and took me away from my home, my extended family, and my friends to pursue "The American Dream".  

No, life wasn't horrible for us back in England, but moving to America was a new start.  A fresh start.  One that would grant us more freedoms, a better life.

Now, I was one of the lucky ones.  Having a mother that was already an American citizen helped.  I didn't come to this country as an illegal, I came with the full rights bestowed on citizens, thanks to my mother's birth.  Some of my extended family are not so lucky, and have been waiting 15+ years to have the opportunity to move here.  But, that's a different story for a different time.  

I don't have some horrible back story to share about how I lived the life of poverty, and moving to America was away to live the American dream of a fresh start and new horizons.  But, in my twenty years here there are a lot of points I can make... points that make me 110% sure that I'd never move back to England or to any other country, if given the chance. 

I am, now, a 32 year old woman.  A mother to three children.  I am not married.  (In some countries, those points, alone, would be enough to get me locked up.)  I went to college and I'm a teacher.  I am buying my own house.  I am paying for a car, two actually.  All of those things are now possible because I spent several years getting government assistance until I was finished with college, and employed with a pay that could support my family.  

I am over $175,000 in debt thanks to a mortgage, car payments, and student loans, yet I am living comfortably, and that debt is not lingering over my head.  It is apart of the American Dream.  All my bills are paid, on time, and I even pay more than what is owed each month to help carve it away faster.

All three of my children are free to go to school each and every day.  They have the right to a good education.  They have the choice to continue that education and pursue a career of their choosing.  

My family is free to attend any church, mosque, temple, or place of worship we want to.  We also have the right to attend none of them.  

I have the right to spend money with whatever companies I want, and avoid those I don't like.

I have the right to get up each morning and spend the day wearing whatever clothes I deem to be appropriate, even if others disagree.  I have the right to cut my hair, color my hair, apply make-up, and trim and wax any hair that I don't find to be "attractive".  

If I am sick or injured, I can walk in to any hospital and receive medical treatment.  Will I walk away with a bill?  Sure.  But, my insurance also provides me the piece of mind that the bill will only be about 30% of what it could be.

Now, am I allowed to do all these things if I lived in England?  Yep.  But, I could list off several countries that don't give those same freedoms.  Take a second and think about it, I bet you could come up with a few.

Now, again, this country isn't perfect.  There are far too many people in this country that are unemployed.  There are far too many homeless people.  There are far too many kids being abused, adults, too, for that matter.  There are far too many people living off of government assistance and reaping benefits that they shouldn't be reaping.  

But, if you are sitting at home, on your computer or smartphone or tablet, reading this blog post, I'm sure you can come up with some positive things to say about the country you live in.  The good you have in your life.  The freedoms that you are allowed to pursue.

Especially if you are one of those people that make post after post after post on Facebook about the injustices that are forced on to the people of this country.  

Let me enlighten you with my opinions on those stories you so love to share with the world...

Guns kill people.  But, they need a person pulling the trigger to make it happen.  Outlawing guns will only take guns away from those legal to carry, and put more power in to those that aren't legal to carry.

Women's rights are not being continuously taken away.  Women, like myself, are working, making their own decisions, having as many children as they deem fit, have access to drugs that can prevent pregnancy, are voting, and are spending WAY too much time on Facebook complaining about their rights being taken away.

America is a melting pot of cultures and religions.  If you don't like the color of the skin of your neighbor or co-worker, then you're in the wrong place.  Same thing if you don't agree with the religious beliefs of your neighbor.  But, don't worry, you still have the right to make those points known... even though it's ridiculous.

Religion has no place in the laws that control this country.  If a man chooses to marry a man, or a woman chooses to marry a woman, a Christian principle should NOT control that right.  There is not a non religious argument out there that can't stand toe to toe with heterosexual couples to prevent this right.  Heterosexuals cheat, divorce, and many can't produce children.  Heterosexuals can't explain how or why they fell in love with their partner.  It just happened.  They felt a connection.  And no amount of brainwashing or "cures" are out there to help heterosexuals from loving people of the opposite sex, so why would there be one to stop homosexuals from loving the same sex?

But, again, my opinions.  My right to express those opinions.  On THIS day, Independence Day.  The day that I'm free to do so.... oh wait, I'm free to do so any day.

So, instead of continuing the constant bickering over rights, religion, and freedoms, how about we celebrate this day thanking our lucky stars we have them?  Any of them.  All of them.

Because, at the end of the day, you should be thankful for everything you have in your life.  You could live in a country that offers you none of those things.  

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, EVERYONE!!

Jumping on a Bandwagon....With Some Actual FACTS!!

Oh yes.  It's another one of those days where my britches have been burned by comments and accusations that have been made about public schools, and it's caused this rant for today.

Yesterday, yet another news story was reported about a bus driver from a local school district who is in jail for sexual assualt against a minor.  The story is very vague.  In fact, here's the ENTIRE story from the website:

ROGERS -- A man who works as a bus driver for Rogers School District has been arrested on sex assault charges.

According to the Benton County Jail records, Stephen Betts, 51, faces a single charge of sexual assault. He was booked into the jail Friday afternoon.

Investigators say they got a report that Betts had inappropriate sexual contact with a girl, starting with when she was 9-years old and continuing until she was 13. The incidents started about thirteen years ago.

Rogers Public Schools says Betts was a worker in the transportation department as a driver trainer and transportation clerk. He turned his resignation in on Friday afternoon.

Betts also works at Monte Ne Baptist Church.  They declined to comment on his arrest.  On his Facebook profile, he lists his position with the church as Student Ministries Pastor.

He is being held at the Benton County Sheriff's Office awaiting a bond hearing.

So, from this report we can gather that he is currently in jail, is being charged for a sexual assault that started about 13 years ago, works for the school's transportation department, and is possibly a youth minister (if we're using his Facebook page as a source).

That's it.

It says nothing about if the charge has anything to do with a child on a school bus, a child from his church, or a child he knew some other way.  It doesn't even say if he knew the child.  There's NO INFORMATION other than what is given here.

Yet, after this story posted, the hate and accusations started flying.  People starting screaming that they were going to homeschool their children, they were done with public schools, enough is enough.  Others bashed the Christian faith stating that it was safer to be non-religious than it was to trust people that "claim" to be servants of God.  

Me, being the "can't help but add my 2 cents" kind of person that I am decided to write this comment:

As a teacher, it makes me so sad that stories like this come out and everyone starts screaming "homeschool!!" Do you know how many sexual assaults we deal with on a daily basis that happen at home?? By a FAMILY MEMBER!!! They just don't get reported to the media!!! I really wish news casters would spend a small amount of time highlighting some of the wonderful, heart-melting, amazing things teachers and school employees do EVERY DAY to protect and help children. Please do not bash the entire school system when you only ever hear the bad and NONE of the good, or none of the bad that we deal with when it comes to abuse and neglect that happens at home!!!!!!!

Very similar to what I wrote in my blog just a couple of days ago, in fact.  It makes me so mad, sad, and disappointed when people jump on a bandwagon when there is no real facts to back it up.  They bad mouth and drag public schools through the dirt because of the few stories that show up in the media.  If not that, they immediately go to religion and bash away at that.  And, I will say that ANY story about a school official committing sexual abuse is one too many, but for every one story that is publicized about a school official, 100 go by about a parent or family member abusing their kids that you never get to hear.

Yes, folks.  The truth of the matter is, teachers, principals, school counselors, and other school personnel deal with this type of horrifying news DAILY!  Except all of the reports we make don't go straight to the headlines, they are locked up safe and sound with Child Protective Services.  It's very sad to say it, but if the news only reported child abuse claims made by EVERYONE, it would be on a 24 hour constant roll.  I'm sure of it.  And, 98% of those accused would be a family member, friend of the family, or an acquaintance of the family.

And, let's not even get started with false accusations.  I've heard about kids who have falsely accused a parent or guardian because they were mad, and completely destroyed lives in the process.  Or, they fabricate stories, just a little, and what comes out is deemed abuse - even though they have no idea that their words are being misconstrued that way.  I'm not saying that ALL sexual assault claims shouldn't be investigated and prosecuted to the full extent of the law, but sometimes...just sometimes... there are people being punished for crimes they didn't actually commit.

Not very long ago, I spoke with a counselor who shared a horrific story about a guy who basically lost his entire life thanks to a false accusation.  A six year old child accused her uncle of "inappropriate touching".  Or, at least, that's what he was charged with.  And do you know what "evidence" they needed to convict? Her word.  That's it.  No DNA, no photographs, no video, just her testimony given to a trained counselor.  Not to get too graphic, but the report stated that he touched her genitals, while laughing, and asked her if it felt funny when he touched her.  That was enough to have him charged with second degree sexual assault, 6 months in jail, and life-long sex offender registry.  Do you know what his story was?  While babysitting (he was caring for her and his own daughter at the time), she wet her pants.  He took off her wet clothes and used a cold wet wipe to clean her up.  When he was cleaning her, she screamed and laughed from the cold, and he apologized to her and asked her if she was OK, and if she felt OK.  Of course, again, that was just HIS side of the story.  And, nobody was buying it.  Why would a six year old lie about something like that?  A few months after the guy was in jail, it somehow came about that his story was in fact ACTUALLY what happened.  The little girl had basically no idea what all the fuss had been about, and during her court ordered counseling had explained to the counselor the actual events of the day, and it was used to get him released.  Still, a few years later, his life is not the same.  His wife divorced him, she got full custody of their daughter, and even though he was released, no judge seemed to be willing to "take the chance" of letting him have anything other than supervised visits with his daughter.

And just as horrific as it is that there are so many sexual abuses taking place in this country, it's just as horrific that so many are false accusations.  And, the sad part is, many of them stem from something quite innocent getting blown up to gigantic proportions.

I most definitely AM NOT defending child abusers.  Anyone that intentionally harms a child in any way should have what's coming to them.  And I have my own opinions on that, that differ quite a bit from what the federal government and the state courts think.

What I am getting at, though, is you can't make rash judgements on one story or even several stories that are reported to the media.  

Take the homeschooling rant I've seen pop up over and over again on this story, alone.  OK, so a parent doesn't like the fact that a school employee gets arrested for sexual assault and decides that homeschooling is the only way to protect their child.

Let's take a look at some statistics on that, shall we? (I got my information from rainn.com, victimsofcrime.org, and trainings that I have attended)

2/3 of reported sexual abuse happens from a person who knows their victim.  More than half of those reported are by a family member, friend of the family, or a family acquaintance.  58% of the sexual abuse happens IN THE HOME!  

Over 50% of sexually assaulted children reported not feeling comfortable telling a parent, but DID feel comfortable sharing it with a teacher, school counselor, or school official.

Many sexually assaulted children do NOT come from bad homes, and the parents are completely oblivious to the abuse.  They often reported some changes in behavior, mood swings, and changes in sleeping and eating habits - but other than that, had absolutely NO idea that sexual assault was even a possibility.

School personnel are often trained to identify signs of abuse, how to approach the topic of abuse without causing discomfort to the victim, and often have a higher chance of getting a victim to report the abuse.

17% of sexual abuse happens between siblings, cousins, or peers, and while the law defines the acts as sexual abuse, the perpetrator is unaware of wrong doing and is often confused or sexually curious.  Children falling in to this category are still subject to juvenile sexual offense charges, and can be incarcerated in juvenile detention facilities and/or have their name placed on a national sex registry. 

There's some facts about abuse, but what about homeschooling in general?

Even though I am a teacher in public schools, I am not against homeschooling.  AS LONG AS the right decisions have been made, research has been done, and the parent/guardian is aware at what they are getting in to.  

Homeschooling is a very tough endeavor.  If a parent or guardian uses an accredited method of homeschooling, there can be a lot of success.  There are many options out there when it comes to homeschooling.

My problem comes when a parent, who has received no real training, believes they can do a better job "teaching" their child than an actual teacher can.  They make the decision because of something like we're discussing right here - they don't feel "safe" sending their child to school.

OK, let's look at that scenario in a different light.  If that's the case, why aren't we treating and performing surgery on our own family members right at home?? Do you know how many people DIE in the hands of physicians and surgeons?  Do you know how many doctors and nurses are charged all the time for sexual abuse, malpractice, and other forms of abuse?  Then why hasn't an uprising occurred on not taking our kids to hospitals and doctors?  

Do you know why?  Because even if there was a story reported EVERY DAY about a doctor who sexually abused his/her patients, or a doctor that overdosed his/her patients, or a medical specialist who liked to take extreme risks with the lives of his/her patients, people aren't TRAINED to perform medical procedures at home.  This happens, and people just take their kids to another doctor.  Simple.  Because, they wouldn't even fathom performing medical procedures at home... where it's safe.

Educators are trained professionals.  Just like doctors.  We know how to teach, what to teach, and the skills that children need in order to succeed in the future.  When another parent screams "homeschool" and has absolutely no idea what homeschooling actually entails, that's just another slap to the educator's face that our career is worthless...means nothing...anybody can do it.

And the truth is, no.  No, not anybody can do it.  Not correctly.

I have seen my share of kids who have been homeschooled correctly versus those children whose parents just wanted their children to be "safe".  Correctly homeschooled children are being given the correct skills, learning the content they need to learn, and are socially adapted.  That's because those homeschooling parents have joined with a TRAINED organization to provide those skills.  Parents that sit at home and think they know what's best, and go to Barnes & Noble and pick up a few curriculum books and sets of flash cards are highly missing the mark.  

DO NOT judge the public school system by what the media has to say about it.  Research, learn the facts, TALK TO EDUCATORS that have been doing this a long time.  

But, unless you plan on putting your child in a plastic bubble, locking them in a safe room, and letting them have absolutely NO contact with the outside world, do NOT scream that homeschooling or keeping your child out of church is the only way to protect them.

Remember, for every one bad story you see on the news, there are THOUSANDS of GOOD stories you're not seeing. Because they are boring.  They're not "newsworthy".  

And take a second to learn some facts before you bash an entire system of people that have dedicated their lives to protect, care for, and love the children you send in to our classrooms.

OK, rant over.

Since When Did Going to School Become a Punishment??

                                         

This morning, I am fired up and ready to spill out some personal opinions and cold hard truths.  Some may be offensive.  Some may cross the border of "professional".  But, after what I read on Facebook last night, I really don't care.

It all started last night when a local news station decided to post the question "Do you think snow days should be made up on Spring Break".  

Now, the news station was doing what they do best:  Stirring up controversy.  Snow day make up is a hot button of discussion around these parts, being that most school districts have had about 14 days of missed school due to snow.  That equates to almost three weeks of instruction that has been missed due to Mother Nature.

And, I'll say right now, I wasn't shocked to see the majority of people voting NO.  People make vacation plans and travel plans and other kinds of plans on spring break.  Heaven forbid that trip to Cancun gets cancelled for something as stupid as GOING TO SCHOOL!  (Offensive statement #1)

But, that wasn't the real beef I had.  That wasn't what got my blood boiling and me ready to scream at people for being the cause of the nation's education problems.  

No, that all came from the following two statements that I saw over, and over, and over again in some form or another on that thread last night (these are two actual statements made):

"Why should kids be PUNISHED for snow days, and have their BREAKS taken away?"

and, my favorite...

"Why is it fair that my kid has been assigned work to do on the snow days while the teachers sit home doing nothing and enjoying their days off?  Don't give them work on snow days and then ask them to make up the missed days.  That's "doubling up" and it's not fair.  Teachers don't have to work on their days off - including snow days.  I'm not sure what the labor board would say if teachers were made to work when they weren't at school teaching?"

To add some further fuel to the fire, I saw parents making these statements (and these are copied and pasted from Facebook, by the way..fixing some errors in spelling and grammar, naturally):

"NO! Because all the teachers care about is teaching to that stupid test.  I couldn't give a rat's a** how my kid does on that test, it doesn't tell me anything.  My kid is going to enjoy her snow days AND enjoy her spring break.  No school is going to punish my kid just because there's snow."

"Why on earth should the kids HAVE to make up the snow days?  My kid makes all A's, so I'm not concerned about them learning what they need to know before next year.  My kid's teacher just needs to work a little harder to make sure they cover everything in the time they have.  It's not like they don't have plenty of time off to plan for this sort of stuff."

"No, don't make them go on Spring Break!! Kids have enough school!! They won't learn anything, anyway.  All the teachers do is play movies and let them goof off.  Just add the "movie days" on at the end.  It's not like any teachers teach anything once those tests are over anyway."

And, all I can say to that is..

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME???

I thank all things holy that these comments were made by people FAR AWAY from my school district.  I could almost guarantee you wouldn't hear many statements like that from our parents (in the amount of droves I saw last night, anyway).  I am actually blessed to work in a school district that respects and supports the teachers and the school.  Thank goodness!!

And, I'm also very happy that I work in a school district that doesn't do the usual spring break.  Instead, we are given long weekends each month between Christmas and end of school.  But, do you know what happens to those "breaks" when the snow days start adding up?  Yep.  They're gone.  No ifs, ands, or buts about it.  Because our administration recognizes that three weeks of snow days equates to plenty of "breaks".

But, being that these comments were made by people that live in my area, I'm going to point out a few cold, hard truths.

1.  It is the GOVERNMENT who dictates how many days kids HAVE to be in school.  In many areas, that's 178 days.  LESS THAN HALF THE YEAR!!  One hundred and seventy eight days to teach the extensive list of standards that are deemed necessary for a child to learn before moving on to the next grade.

2.  No matter how much anyone hates those tests (teachers being at the top of that list), they are required BY THE GOVERNMENT to measure a school's success.  School funding and other important aspects of the education world are dictated by the test scores.  Nobody that's actually in education like them, they loathe them in fact, but we also want to make sure that our kids are getting the education they deserve.  And, if the government mandates that with a test, then we are going to do whatever we can to prepare the students for those tests, so that they can continue to receive a good education.  Don't like it?  Take it up with your elected officials.  DO NOT BLAME THE SCHOOLS OR THE TEACHERS.  They don't actually get to make the rules that affect your child's learning.

3.  A parent that looks at school as a "punishment" will raise a child that looks at education as a "punishment".  Instead of whining and complaining about how their breaks are going to be taken away from them because "the mean old school" is making them go because of the snow days, how about explaining to your child that their education is first and foremost the priority?  

"I'm sorry, Johnny, but we're not going to be able to have our trip this spring break because it's more important that you learn everything you need to this year, so that you can be successful next year.  We can always take the trip next year, whereas your education just can't be done over.  We have to support the school's decision in wanting to make sure that all of their students get the education they need.  Your education will help you, one day, be able to take your own family on nice vacations during spring break... and that's far more important."

4.  I can't speak for ALL teachers, but I will tell you that ALL of the teachers I know most certainly DO NOT stop teaching the minute the test is over.  In fact, I would go out on a limb and say that the most fun and meaningful learning happens AFTER the test.  Because even though the majority of teachers I know do not "teach to the test", their hands are tied in timing and standards that have to be covered in order to prepare the students for the tests.  Once the test is over, the teachers are pretty much free to turn back in to the creative, Pintrest loving, and educationally (not test) focused teachers they first set out to be. Because they no longer have a test looming over their heads.  Fun, educational, and meaningful projects start coming out.  Kids are challenged to think outside the box for fun endeavors of creative learning, experimentation, and imaginative projects.  I know that I would rather poke my eyes out with blunt pencils than play a movie every day for the remainder of the year.

5.  Contrary to popular belief, teachers don't work the cushy 8-4 Monday to Friday job that everyone thinks they do.  They are contracted for 180-185 days a year.  Meaning that's how many days they are PAID to work.  And, sure, teachers get holidays, weekends, breaks, summer, and snow days off... but do you really think they spend that time doing nothing?  Again, I won't speak for all teachers, but I will speak for the teachers I know (myself included) that are up until ungodly hours of the night grading and entering in grades, writing lesson plans, creating units, and going through the standards with a fine tooth comb deciding how on earth they are going to fit them all in when almost three weeks of their teaching time has been taken away by snow.  Please, madam, complain about your child having to do an assignment on a snow day and cry and whine about how "unfair" it is that your child has to work when the teacher doesn't.  But, please think about how much a teacher works while not in a classroom.  Think about the teachers that sacrifice time with their own families in order to make YOUR child's educational experience the best it can be. Please compain.  Do.  I dare you!

6.  How are snow days any different than days missed by a child because of illness?  Every child that is absent from school is required to make up any work missed while gone.  They don't automatically get a "free pass" just because they were sick or had a death in the family or went on a vacation during school days.  So, explain to me why it's SO unfair that kids are asked to do work on unscheduled, missed days like snow days?  Of course I'm not saying that teachers should assign kids all the work they are missing while at home, but does it really hurt to have them do some reading or math practice while they are cooped up at home?  And like a very wise professor shared on my Facebook this morning, the parents complaining about work being assigned during snow days are probably the same parents complaining that their kids are bored and have nothing to do.  I'm sure you think it a lot more FAIR that your child spends the entire day in front of the TV or video game, but how about taking a pointer from #3 and stress the importance of their education.  The schools nor teachers control the weather, so they are doing their best in a bad situation.  The weather may keep the kids from school, but is it really so bad to send the school to the kids?  Keep their brains focused with some reading and math practice, it won't kill them.

7.  America is one of the few countries that have so LITTLE time in schools.  Look to the countries that have AMAZING educational scores and success.  They are in school an average of 200-250 days of the year.  They have longer school days and far less breaks.  While I haven't visited any of these countries, I will go out on a limb and say that you probably won't see parents complaining about making up 14 days lost in a 178 day calendar.  They put education first and foremost, and believe that taking a kid away from school for too long (like 3 months in the summer) is a detriment to the educational process.  Kids regress and lose some of their skills during such a long time away from school.  On average, the "summer break" in most countries is 4-6 weeks.  And they are not receiving 2-3 weeks off every other month.  I, for one, can attest that when I went to school in England, we had 2 weeks off for Christmas, 6 weeks off for summer, and several days off throughout the year for major holidays.  And even though England averages about 192 days of student/teacher school days, their days off are spread out throughout the year to minimize regression.  I know that it won't change how things are done here, and I'm not saying that any drastic changes need to be made to our school year (even though I think we are out too much), but I definitely think that making up 14 days is IMPERATIVE to giving our kids the very best education they can receive.

And, I think that about covers my rant points this morning.

Once again, I just like to point out how truly blessed I am that I work where I work.  Situations like I complained about above are not a cause of concern for me.  I don't get parents whining and complaining to me about "punishing" their child for going to school.  I get nothing but support.  Most of the kids I teach come from backgrounds where education is a gift, not a right.  The parents embrace it, make it a top priority, and want their child to receive the best education possible so that their child has a chance of making something of themselves and breaking the poverty cycle.  For that, I am truly thankful.  

It just hurts my heart when I know teachers who are teaching in the schools those parents are complaining about.  Some were my mentors.  I received my training in passion and motivation from those very teachers being bashed and condemned.  And, that makes me sad.

What it really boils down to is the fact that I don't think parents are fully aware of what goes on behind closed doors.  They don't get to see the amazing teaching that's taking place.  They don't get to hear about all the mandates and rules that government officials hand down to school administrators.  They don't understand that the teachers and administrators and doing the very best they can with the rules and laws they are given.  And, at the end of the day, I don't think people (parents) realize just how much teachers care about their students education, and the true desire they have for their kiddos to succeed and make something of their lives.  

Again, I can't talk for all teachers.  I'm not naive enough to look over the fact that there are a few "bad eggs" out there.  Some teachers have gotten to a point where they are so sick of the government interfering, or the high (almost impossible) expectations that are put on their shoulders, that it turns them in to drones that just go about their day in a robotic stance running the motions.  

But, in my experience, I haven't met any of them.  I have been in three of the four major school districts in my area over the course of the past five years, and EVERY SINGLE teacher I interacted with or observed or learned from had their students' needs first and foremost.  Sure, some were tired and wilted by the lack of support they received from parents, but that didn't stop them from doing what they do and making sure their students didn't fester the same attitude.

And, I will also say that I have met MANY parents who do have their child's educational future first and foremost in their list of priorities.  They support the teachers, administration, and school's decisions.  

I'm not judging all parents.  Nor all teachers.

But, it just makes me very sad to see SO MANY comments like I saw last night.  

I was appreciative of the comments that were thrown in out of support for teachers and the schools.  I was melted by some of the kind words said about me (by complete strangers) as I went on the defensive last night.  I am thankful and for my job, and no Negative Nelly's will have any impact on how I look at my job and the importance it has on our future.

If anything, there has been some good to come out of all this negativity.  

It has further instilled to me how blessed I am to have my job.  To work for the people I work for.  To work with the people I work with.  To be one of the lucky ones that gets to see what happens behind those closed doors, and the magic that takes place.

And I know, that no matter how many snow days we get, it will be my TOP priority to prepare my students, and provide them with all they need to know in order for them to be ready for next year.  No matter how many hours I put in outside of the classroom, how many changes and adjustments I have to make.  I will gladly do it.  Because Mother Nature will NEVER stop me from doing what I do best.

Impacting and improving the lives of our children.

Are You There, God? It's Me, Joanna

                       

                 

This blog has always been an outlet for me.  A place I can come and share my feelings, my adventures, my day-to-day happenings, and my general opinions on life.  My blog, in a way, is my therapist.  I can tell it all of my problems, and it won't judge.  It won't give me opinions I'm not asking for.  It just listens...and sometimes that's all I need.  

I've always said that my blog is an open book.  I share things that are sometimes pretty deep, sometimes pretty private, sometimes just boring.  But, it's who I am.  My life.  Or at least the parts of my life I choose to share.

With my "open book" there are also subjects I try my hardest not to touch on.  Politics, religion, sexual preference, direct opinions on any subject that causes any amount of turmoil, really.  

In a way, I'm a chicken.  I have given my opinions on certain "touchy" subjects before, but I prefer to stay away from anything that might offend or shock large groups of believers.  I may sit and hide behind my blog wanting to scream what I truly feel about Obama, gay marriage, and various religious groups... but I don't.  I try to keep the peace.  Because I know that my direct opinion may offend or upset people I am close to, and I don't want to do that.... even though it shouldn't matter what my direct opinion is.  It doesn't change the person I am.  If anything, I am the person I am because of my opinions and beliefs.. so if you liked me before you knew how I felt, what difference does it make after?

Which is EXACTLY the reason I choose to stay away from those topics.  Because, the harsh truth is, there are lots of people out there that don't agree with some of my opinions, and it would change how they perceive me..what they think of me... I would automatically be added to their dislike list because I don't feel the same way they do.  

And that's sad.

One thing I am extremely proud of is the fact that I am a very tolerant person.  I embrace opposing opinions, different beliefs, and making my decisions on liking a person by the way they treat me and the people I love.  I don't automatically cast judgement on someone's lifestyle if I find out they are an Obama supporter or not an Obama supporter, if they are gay or believe in gay marriage or not, if they are Christian or Muslim or Jewish or atheist.  Those topics have absolutely NO bearing on my feelings or opinions about a person.

Unless, that person uses those opinions or lifestyles to judge me or other people.  But even then, I tend to judge on how that person treats others... not why they treat others differently.

What I'm rambling on about is the fact that one trait I absolutely love about myself is the way I can respect the opinions and lifestyles of others WITHOUT casting judgement or making opinions.  

Let me give some examples.  

When I was younger, I went to a school that had a large Hindu population.  While some of my white friends often used derogatory slurs towards my Indian friends, I embraced learning about their culture.  It interested me.  I wanted to know what traditions they held, what ceremonies they participated in, what foods they ate, and so on.  I was fascinated.  It didn't hinder my own beliefs, but I loved spending time learning about a culture and religion I knew nothing about.  

When I moved to America, and moved to Podunk, Oklahoma, I didn't have much religious tolerance to deal with.  In that town, you were a Christian or you lived somewhere else.  Period.  But, the very first person to really talk to me was a boy, that I knew right off the bat, was gay.  Take that as me passing judgement, if you will, but he was.  And told me so.  He was in high school and thought it was extremely neat that a girl from London, England had moved to a small, rural town in Oklahoma.  While other kids also thought it was pretty cool, there were also those kids that chose to make fun of the way I talked, told me to "go back to my own country", and weren't very nice.  To this day, I am convinced they treated me that way because they just didn't know any better because nobody "different" ever moved there.  But, the boy who took me under his wing knew a little something about being singled out, being the end of jokes and cruel names, and did what he could to get to know me.  Him being gay had absolutely no bearing on what I thought of him.  I liked him because he was nice to me.  

Since growing up, I have come in to contact with many different cultures and religions, and it has always fascinated me to learn more about those lifestyles.  I have spent a great deal of time reading about Paganism, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and Catholicism.  Even though I was raised with certain Catholic beliefs, by a some-what Catholic family... I still had lots to learn.

I have emerged myself in to these cultures, learning everything I could.  In doing so, it didn't rip me away from my own beliefs, or persuade me to believe anything different, but I very much enjoyed learning how all these different people live their lives.  

One thing I did take away from learning what I did?  They all focus around faith.  Faith in a higher power.  Faith in a Savior (or Saviors) that deliver us from evil, protect us, and keep us believing that we live our lives for a reward in the afterlife (or new life, if reincarnation is the belief).  

In many ways, these religions and cultures are different.  But, in so many ways, they are the same.  

This past year, I have spoken a lot about the "blessings" that have been bestowed on to me.  My wonderful job, my new house, my new car, the awesome Christmas we just had.

But they aren't blessings.  Those are materialistic items that I have worked hard to get.  I walked in to an interview and was given a job.  I worked hard in that job, fixed my credit and was able to buy a new car and a new house.  I used credit cards to get me through Christmas.  Hardly blessings, right?

Then there are the true blessings...

Three amazing children who are smart, loving, caring, and healthy.  A man that works hard to support his family, takes care of us, and loves us.  A family that I stay in close contact with.  A mother who fought through cancer and is now on the mend.. but alive and healthy.  Students who, despite their various living situations, come to school every day eager to learn, overcome obstacles, and bless my life everyday by allowing me the chance to teach them.  Friends who are always there for me with a kind word, a shoulder to cry on, and honesty.

They are true blessings.  

I chose not to share my own personal opinion on religion because I know that there are many people that would disagree with the way I live my life, and how my spirituality can be interpreted.

But, I will say, when I am having a really rough day, I close my eyes and I pray.  When my kids are dealing with something that I have no power to fix, I close my eyes and I pray.  When my mother was diagnosed with a life threatening illness, I prayed.  And again when she had her tests.  And again when she had her surgery.  

I pray for strength.  I pray for answers.  I pray for guidance.  I pray for sanity.  

I can sit here and write an entire book about how many times my prayers have been answered.  But, I also know that those prayers have been answered because I don't take anything for granted.  

With as many prayers that are answered, there are struggles to overcome.  With as many blessings that are bestowed on my life, there are tests that I must pass.

And here's the parts that may shock some people that know me...

Sometimes, I believe God is watching out for me.  Sometimes, I feel like karma is paying me a visit.  Sometimes I think that Mother Nature is sending me a message.  I chose to have faith in my heart, and sometimes that faith is delivered in different methods.  

I don't wake up every Sunday morning and go to church. 

I don't believe that my relationship with God is affected due to my attendance record or membership with a church.  I was a committed member of a church while living in Texas and LOVED that church.  I loved the people, the services, the groups and classes.  When I moved back to Arkansas, I tried to seek out a church that offered those same feelings.  What I received in return was rejection.  Because I was a woman living in sin... with two children out of wedlock.  I was told I could attend services, but could not join any groups because I didn't "fit in" with the life of a God fearing Christian woman.  Had I been divorced, the reception would have been different.  And while I know that there are churches out there that would gladly accept me for the way that I am, I am OK with my current situation.

I am a firm believer in living my life as a good person.  Doing good things for others.  Respecting and embracing ALL opinions... it's not my place to judge.  

I have never and would never force my beliefs on others, and respect the beliefs of others.  It doesn't bother me one bit if you pray to God, Allah, Ganesha, Shiva, The Goddess, Buddha, Oankar, or any of the other thousands of deities.  I also don't care if you chose to not pray at all, because you don't believe in any God or aren't sure there is a God to pray to.  My feelings towards you would NEVER be based on or changed due to what you believe or don't believe.

I openly support all religions, and in no way, shape, or form believe that my being OK with other religions harms my own religious beliefs.

I honestly believe that if there is a heaven, I should get in because I have chosen a lifestyle like the one I'm living.  Being a good person, helping others in need, not casting judgement, not committing crimes, being honest, and keeping my relationship with God in my own way.

I have read most of the Bible, and believe there is room for interpretation (I skipped over a lot of the Old Testament, but have read all of the New Testament).  Some denominations believe in living through the literal words from the Bible, others pick and choose the parts they deem appropriate.  I think that with our ever changing times, there is room for some interpretation and some give and take.  I believe you can't just make statements about certain versus to suit the needs of certain situations.  While the Bible does provide some guidance, it was written a VERY long time ago, contains quite a few hypocrisies, and can't possibly be taken at a word-for-word literal sense in this day and age.

I don't consider myself or others who don't regularly attend church to be "lost and broken".  Like I've said, I keep faith in my heart and I'm not looking to be rescued.  How I chose to keep my religious beliefs is my own business.  With that being said, I will NEVER reject someone's offer to pray for me, pray for situations I'm dealing with, or someone asking me to pray for them.  

I love my life, and believe that I have been truly blessed.  The people that are in my life are here for a reason.  The situations I've dealt with have been given to me for a reason.  My hardships are tests, my rewards are signs of passing the tests I've been given. Each day provides a new test, and a new way for me to pass them.  I wouldn't change anything that has happened to me in my past, because everything has helped in molding me in to the person I have become.  

And, my words on this blog today are in NO WAY, SHAPE, or FORM a direct message to specific people.  These are all my own personal feelings and ramblings.  I'm not trying to pinpoint anyone out or make anyone think I'm talking about them.  These are generalizations only.  

I know that some people close to me will read these words and feel some sadness or disappointment about my attitude... but, I hope that I can also reiterate that I'm happy.  I'm OK with living this way.  I respect the way you live your life, and appreciate any prayers you might want to send my way because you're now worrying about my religious beliefs.  But, I also hope it doesn't make you look at me any differently, judge me, or feel like I'm not a good a person as you thought I was.  I am the person I am because of the way I live my life, the beliefs I hold in my heart, and the people that I chose to surround myself with.

So, if you are one of those people... I believe you were brought in to my life for a reason.  Not to change my opinions on the way I live my life, but because having you in my life makes me a better person just from knowing you.

And to think, this entire blog post came from the fact that I prayed for snow a few days ago.  Prayed that even though I really wanted to go back to work, I wasn't ready to give up the wonderful time I'm having with my family.  This morning, I woke up to 2" of snow on the ground and it still coming down in droves.  

A simple prayer request.  Answered.  

That led me to this post coming out of me.

Coincidence?  I think not.

Have a wonderful Sunday, everyone!