A Little More Waist Removal

                                      

This past week has NOT been a good week for me in terms of eating healthy.  In fact, it's been down right terrible!  Last Friday I took the kids to eat lunch at Red Robin, Friday night we grabbed a couple of pizzas from Dominos for dinner, Saturday Peanut and I ate Wendy's during her debate competition, Wednesday I ate at Burger Time with my team during our plan day, and that afternoon I ate chips and a cupcake at the baby shower.  Bad, huh?  Embarrassing as well.

I never usually go out to eat that much in one week.  It's just been such a crazy, busy week that it's required for us to grab food on the go.  And I still haven't been able to do away with the urges of ordering the wrong food.  

So, I figured I better just accept the fact that I was going to see a gain on the scale yesterday during our weigh-in.  It was inevitable.  I mean, there's just no way I can eat that much junk food and still lose weight, right?

WRONG!!

Somehow, some way, I still managed to get on that scale yesterday and lose 1.2lbs.  OK, so it's just 1.2lbs, but it was a loss!  

At first I was ecstatic, then I started to think about how much weight I would have lost had I eaten better all week.  That's never a nice feeling.  It felt similar to receiving a back-handed compliment.  I lost a little over a pound after eating like a total pig all week.  Nice.

But, one thing I had to remind myself is that a loss is a loss, and I've still managed to go through these past five weeks showing a loss each and every week.  In fact, I'm the only person on my team that can say that.  Last week, I was the only one on my team to lose any weight so I kinda chalked myself up to the fact that it would be OK if I saw a small gain on the scale this week.  I know that sounds bad, and it is.  I shouldn't think that way.  So, I am very thankful that I didn't break that cycle and I'm still seeing losses each week.

Now, my total weight loss in the past five weeks is 10.2lbs.  That averages out to be about 2lbs a week, which is a good weight loss pace.  However, I had set the goal to lose 20lbs during this challenge and I only have three weeks left.  If I have any chance of losing the other 9.8lbs, I really need to buckle down over these next couple of weeks.  

I have taken this week as a good learning week.  Like I said earlier, if I can lose 1.2lbs after eating terribly all week, then I can lose a lot more if I go back to eating healthy.  I need to lose 3lbs a week for the next three weeks if I have any chance of meeting my goal, and that's a pretty tough order.  I haven't lost that much in a week since my first week when I lost 4lbs.  All the other losses since then have been pretty minimal.  I need to really buckle down, eat clean, drink more water, and move a lot more if I have any chance of losing 9lbs in three weeks.  But, with the results I've been seeing with the minimal effort I've been putting in, I know I can do it.  

I am still soda free, after five weeks.  That's a huge non-scale victory.  I don't think I've ever gone this long without touching a drop of soda.  In fact, the only drinks I've consumed in the past five weeks are coffee, water, and flavored water.  A part from one flavored water that Hubby accidentally bought for me that was NOT zero calories, I haven't had anything else.  I have been buying the naturally sweetened Fruit 2O waters from Sam's and keeping a case in my classroom.  There are no artificial sweeteners, no sugar, and no calories.  Plus they taste great.  That's always a bonus.  It's really hard for me to drink regular water for some reason.  But, I can down a couple of fruit flavored waters in no time.  

I attended Butter's wrestling meeting last night for the parents.  One thing I was glad to hear was the coach explain how important healthy eating habits are going to be for Butter while he's wrestling.  I won't be able to go to his competitions and take the kids to eat fast food anymore.  Butter will require a much more healthy diet in order to keep his weight stable.  That will be beneficial for all of us.  Rather than eating Chinese or burgers, we'll need to either pack food to eat or eat at Subway.  I think we'll do a mixture of both.  And the best thing is, he's not just doing this for a couple of months.  Wrestling will now last for the rest of the school year, so I'll be able to partner up with Butter to make sure that we're both eating better while he's wrestling.  

Of course, the logistics of him wrestling for the rest of the school year is an entirely different story, but that's for another blog post.  

Right now, I need to think about getting ready for work.

It's HALLOWEEN!!  A day full of candy! YAY!! Ugh.  

This morning, we're taking all the kids on a parade through downtown.  The kids will gather candy as they go.  This afternoon is our school parties.  There will be plenty of sweets for that.  Tonight, I'm taking Butter and Jelly Trick or Treating around the neighborhood to collect more candy.  Kinda negates everything I just said, huh?  But I'm going to be good.  I can get through this, I know I can.  

Have a fantastic Halloween, everyone!! And stay safe!

 

The Wonders of Weight Loss

I totally forgot to share the results of this week's weigh-in with you all, and that's probably because I was trying to forget about the results of this week's weigh-in.  But, I need to hold myself accountable, so I'm going to post my results today.

This week, I lost a whooping 0.2lbs.  So, my total weight loss for the challenge is 9.2lbs.  I really wanted to see a better number this week, but it is what it is.  I am just thankful I was still able to lose, because many of the participants gained this week.  My team, for example, ended up gaining 5lbs collectively.  So, even though I lost, it didn't do much for us. What did feel good, though, (as bad as this sounds) is the fact that I was the one that was able to lose something despite all of the issues that arose this week.  Unfortunately, the team's gains bumped us down to third place again.  So, we have some work to do in the next couple of weeks if we have any chance of winning.  

Many of the participants blamed parent-teacher conferences for their gains.  And the conferences probably were a big factor in a lot of people gaining.  We had a pot-luck at work, and most people were grazing all evening or trying to cram in food whenever they had a free second to do so.  My biggest accomplishment came from the fact that I was sensible with my food choices, opting for soup and salad on Monday night and a sandwich on Tuesday night.  I ate no sweets, no chips and dip, and no junk.  In fact, I'm 100% positive that my measly weight loss came from the fact that I retained water because I didn't drink near as much water as I should have.  I know this because when I got home each night, my ankles were swollen.  It's easy to forget to stay hydrated when you're working that late, I suppose.

Another clue that I retained water is the fact that I've lost a couple of pounds since Wednesday.  Now that I'm hydrated and all of the swelling is gone, I've seen a difference on my scale at home.  That will hopefully mean a good loss for me on Thursday.  

I am very surprised by how different I already feel with only losing about 10lbs (actually that number is closer to 12lbs according to my scale this morning).  There are some obvious effects to the weight loss that I'm starting to recognize.  The first being my boost in energy, and feeling less tired all of the time.  

After a long week at work (or even long, short week), I usually go to bed extremely early and spend the first day sleeping in until 10-11AM.  In fact, thinking back, I don't remember the last Friday night where I stayed up past 10PM and was up before 10AM.  I was just exhausted.  This week, however?  Wednesday night I was up until almost midnight and then was up at 9AM yesterday morning.  Last night, I was up past midnight and was up at 8:30 this morning.  Not only that, but I didn't sit on my rear all day like I usually spend my first day of a weekend (or break). 

I will be honest and admit that I'm pretty lazy when I'm at home.  Normally.  On the weekends, I like to relax on the couch or sit at my computer and work.  Yesterday, I found that I couldn't sit down.  I started out by cleaning the living room, vacuuming, and straightening up.  Then I moved in to the den and cleaned my desk that has been piling up junk for months.  Then I swept all of the floors in the house.  Once the cleaning was all done, I did sit on the couch and crocheted for a while.  Then, I decided I was going to cook dinner.  While I was cooking, I cleaned dishes.  After dinner, I spent some more time crocheting until Hubby left for work around 10PM.  Then, I got another burst of energy and spent the next two hours cleaning my bedroom.  I sorted out my closet, packed up my summer clothes, got out my fall wardrobe, and cleaned all the junk that had piled up in my room.  Definitely not something I would normally do that late at night.  

This morning, I'm full of energy again and plan on going out and doing some shopping.  When I get home, I'm going to clean out Jelly's closet and room and get rid of all the clothes that she's outgrown. Do you know how many weekends I've said I'm going to do that?  Too many.  But, you know what?  I know that I will get it done today, because I feel energized to do so.  

It's amazing how different I feel with just losing a little bit of weight.  I still have a long way to go, but I don't want to lose the feeling that I have right now.  I need to hold on to it, and remember how awesome it feels.  

Another accomplishment has been with how much better my clothes are fitting.  On Tuesday, I put on a pair of pants that were extremely too tight the last time I tried to put them on.  On Tuesday, they went on with ease and I even had a little wiggle room.  I also noticed that my jeans fit much better on Wednesday.  I also received the new shirt that I ordered on Tuesday, and was very worried if it would fit.  Being that sizes above XL cost an additional $2, I decided when I ordered the shirt that I was going to order the XL.  I normally need a 2XL, but I'm tired of paying more just because I'm too big to fit in to an XL.  So, I decided to order the smaller size and have it be motivation for losing weight.  Well, I don't need much more motivation, because the XL fit perfectly.  In fact, I think a 2XL would have been too big.  That was an awesome feeling.  Now the next step is to get my dress size back down to where I don't have to shop in the plus sized section of stores.  

I have been so shocked at how easy it's been to lose the weight.  My normal routine is to eat minimally for a couple of weeks, force myself to give up eating the stuff I want to eat, drop a couple of pounds, and then realize that I'm hungry, I'm missing the stuff I've been avoiding, and just want to eat.  Then, I lose my motivation to continue trying to lose weight and just give up.

This time around, I can really tell how much I want it because I feel so fantastic about doing it.  I don't feel deprived in the slightest.  I'm eating everything I want to eat, looking for healthy alternatives rather than not eating, and I've noticed that my cravings for sweets and junk food have become non-existent.  And the times I have given in to temptation and eaten something loaded with grease or sugar, I feel gross and bloated after.

I've gone over a month without touching a drop of soda, I'm choosing foods that I normally wouldn't eat, I'm eating a lot more regularly, and I'm finding that I'm craving stuff that's better for me like fruit and veggies.  

Wednesday, for example, I had my "free day" because that was weigh-in day.  I bought some brownies for a couple of kids in my class that were eating lunch with me that day.  I also got a tray from the cafeteria instead of eating lunch that I brought from home.  I ate some of the food on my tray, and I ate a brownie, but I didn't enjoy it.  In fact, I would have been much happier eating a pile of steamed veggies than the small helping of mashed potatoes and gravy that I ate.  The brownie actually made me feel nauseous.  A small little brownie, and it was enough for my body to say "NOPE, you don't need or want that".  

Yesterday, I cooked dinner, and all I could think about was what I wanted to cook that was healthy and delicious.  I moseyed around the kitchen looking for some ideas.  I picked out some chicken breast, sliced it up, seared it in a little olive oil, and then baked it in the oven.  While the chicken was baking, I made a sauce out of salsa style tomatoes and some seasonings.  I then cooked up some garden rotini (squash, spinach, and tomato pasta).  I served the chicken on a small bed of pasta and topped it with the sauce.  The kids and Hubby all loved it, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Healthy and delicious? Check! I was also full and satisfied after I ate.  That's another thing I've noticed about eating better.  I no longer get the desire to eat in the evenings.  I'm eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and there's no desire to snack in between meals or before I go to bed.  

Overall, I think I've finally found the motivation I've been looking for.  I'm actually enjoying this process of losing weight, instead of looking at it as a chore or necessity.  I think my problem has always been thinking about the fact that I have to lose weight, instead of wanting to.  Now, I want it. Really want it.  My clothes are fitting better, my energy level has increased, I feel good, so why on earth would I give that all up?

I'm so thankful to the friends that talked me in to doing this weight loss challenge (Sheila, Nicki, and Suzanne), and I really owe all of this success to them.  I was so skeptical about doing it, and I really thought I would end up letting my team down.  What I realized, however, is that I needed a team to cheer me on, and for me to cheer on.  And at the end of it all, win or lose, I know I've already won.  I've found that spark of motivation I had so many years ago, that desire to succeed, the desire to lose the weight.  This time, though, I've found that I'm not struggling, I'm not fighting urges every single day, and there's absolutely no reason whatsoever that I can't continue seeing this thing through and keeping the weight off.  

I'm a winner by being a loser.  

And that's something I plan on continuing. 

Have an awesome Friday, everyone!

Waist Removal Weigh-In

                                        

We are four weeks in to the team weight loss challenge at work, and I'm totally shocked at how long I've lasted.  I've done individual weight loss challenges several times now, but I've never been able to really last.  I end up losing the first week or two, and then by week three I start to see the scale slowly starting to climb back up.  

But not this time!

Everyone that talked me into doing the challenge was absolutely right:  Being apart of a team has helped me stay motivated and really make an effort.  I haven't touched a soda in four weeks, and I've been sticking to coffee and water.  I've had two Gatorades in the entire four weeks, and last night I couldn't even drink all of the second Gatorade, because I found it too sweet.

So, how am I doing?

Well, yesterday I weighed in and I'm down another 2.8lbs!  That puts my total weight loss, so far, at 9lbs.  And, I think that's pretty darned good for four weeks.  That's an average of a little over 2lbs lost per week, and that's totally how I want to be losing weight...slowly but surely.  There's five weeks left in the challenge, and I'm just one pound away from being at half way to my challenge goal of losing 20lbs.  I have a percentage of weight loss of 3.36%, and I'm very happy with that.  Our team is now in 2nd place, and there's only one tenth of a pound separating us from the first place team.  

It's amazing to me that I've lost 9lbs by doing nothing more than cutting out soda and lowering my portion sizes.  I haven't put myself on any special diet, and I'm just choosing foods that are better for me, or give me more bang for my buck.  I'm not counting calories, but I'm watching how many calories my food contains and limiting myself to much smaller portions of the normal stuff I eat.  

I did have a startling discovery last night, however.

I've dedicated Thursdays as my 'free days'.  That simply means, I can indulge on something I wouldn't normally eat.  Yesterday, I had a few too many "indulgences".  I ate two chocolate chip cookies and a small handful of candy corn mixed with peanuts during a meeting at school.  Not long after eating them, I started feeling a little blah.  My stomach didn't feel right, and I put it down to the fact that I haven't eaten that much sugar in over a month.  Even though it wasn't really THAT much, it was enough for my body to let me know it was getting used to not being bombarded with sweets, and that I should just stay away.

Then, for dinner, we ate at one of our favorite diners.  I had a cheeseburger and onion rings.  I've dedicated Thursday nights to our dining out night, yet this was the first time since starting the challenge I went with something completely fried.  Last week, we ate Chinese food.. which is technically fried, but I avoided the heavy stuff and stuck to eating meat and veggies.  The week before, we ate Subway.  

Well, after we ate last night, we went to Butter's last football game, and the whole time I felt completely miserable.  My stomach felt bloated and uncomfortable.  I felt a little sick to my stomach, and totally drained of energy.  I chalk it up to my body making some changes, and not being used to taking in that much fried food after spending three weeks eating a lot cleaner and healthier.  

I have quickly realized that I should listen to my body, and not overload with junk food at any time.

They say it takes 21 days to create a new habit.  We've been going at this weight loss challenge for 28 days, and so my body has finally started getting accustomed to me eating better.  Which means, when I sabotage that hard work with fried food and sugar, my body is going to quickly let me know that I'm making a mistake... and I don't want to fall back in to old habits.  

I don't think there's anything wrong with having one day a week in which I can have something I wouldn't normally eat... like Chinese food and sticking to meat and veg, Subway, maybe a piece of cake or a small bowl of ice-cream... but I need to stay clear of too much sugar and grease.  It makes me miserable, bloated, and lethargic. I don't want to feel that way.  I'm enjoying the increase in energy that I've been feeling, and I don't want to walk around like a zombie because I ate too much.

So, I think from now on, my Thursday indulgence will include a lot less indulging.  

Being that we're out of school next Thursday and Friday for Fall break, I don't have another weigh-in for two weeks.  That means, there won't be a "free day" next week.  I'm actually happy about that.  I can add another two weeks on training my body to not want the toxins I was so used to pumping in to my system.

Something else I did this past week was wear a pedometer.  We had an individual challenge to wear the pedometer and see who could log the most steps.  Well, I didn't win the challenge, but I was very happy to turn in the 40,000+ steps I had accumulated on the pedometer.  That equated to around 19 miles of walking in the past week.  I understand that the miles weren't logged doing strenuous activity, and just consisted of me doing a little more walking than I'd normally do while doing normal activities, but I'm still pretty happy about that number.  

The next challenge is to have the most steps in two weeks, and I'm setting the goal to get 100,000 steps in those two weeks.  And that's easily reachable if I just add in another 5 miles each week.  I can totally do that if I actually go for the 3 mile walks I've been telling myself I'm going to do... but never seem to get around to doing.  

One thing I do know is that my body has been losing weight because of the changes I've made to my diet.  But, that won't last for very long.  I'm getting rid of the excess that has stored up from drinking soda and junk food, but eventually I'm going to have to start incorporating some exercise in if I want to really see the weight come off and stay off.  I'm really focused on the fact that having a couple of days off school next week will motivate me to get out and get moving.  

The weight loss challenge ends on November 18th, the week before Thanksgiving.  But, our weight loss organizer isn't going to let us sabotage all of our hard work during Thanksgiving or Christmas.  In fact, she's already sent out a new challenge for us to keep us motivated and stay on track during the holiday season.  Those that want to participate just have to come back to school after the Christmas break weighing less than they did before at the end of this weight loss challenge.  The person that has the most weight loss will win a prize.  Then, we'll start our next team challenge.

At first, I read the email and laughed.  I thought to myself, there's no way I'll be able to keep the weight off over Thanksgiving and Christmas.  But, then I thought:  Do I want to throw away all this hard work because of two holidays?  The quick answer is no.  Why on earth would I put all this effort in to retraining my body, to just throw it away and start back at square one in January.  

So, I'm taking the challenge.

I figure, I will still have my "free days".  Thanksgiving is a Thursday, so I'm good there.  I'll enjoy my Thanksgiving dinner (within reason) and stay on track for the rest of the holiday.  During Christmas, I'll eat Christmas dinner and indulge in a few sweet treats, but I'll make sure I listen to my body and focus on the before and after to ensure I keep my weight on track.  

Instead of thinking about how much I'm going to eat during those times, I'm going to focus on other aspects.  Family, fun, relaxation, and keeping the weight off.  

I want to lose another 11lbs before this challenge is over, and I want to have lost another 10lbs by January 1st.  So, when I start the next challenge, I'll be 30lbs lighter than when I started this challenge, and will only have 40lbs to go before I'm down to weight I want to be.  

Totally doable.

OK, that's enough from me for one day... it's Friday, and there's lots of fun coming our way, I'm sure.

Have a great day, everyone!!

Waist Removal

                                      

Yesterday was another weigh-in day for the team weight loss challenge.  Our team has come up with the name "Waist Removal", and I think it's very fitting.  I tell ya, I feel much more motivated being a part of a team challenge.  It's bringing the competitiveness out in me that I need to get stuff done.  

This week, I didn't have a great week though.  I weighed myself before leaving for work yesterday, and saw a 2lbs gain on the scale.  I put it down to not drinking enough water and not doing any form of exercise.  I lost 4.6lbs the week before, but this week the scale had barely moved and when it did, it wasn't in the direction I wanted it to.

However, when I got to work and stood on the scale I was shocked to see a LOSS of 1.6lbs.  Which is only a percentage of 0.61%, but it's sure better than the gain I was expecting.  That means that in two weeks, I've lost 6lbs!  I think that's awesome, and I'm very proud of that.  

As sad as it sounds, I'm happy that everyone had a tough week this past week.  Nobody gained, which is awesome, but I wasn't the only one to see a small loss.  In fact, our team moved from last place in to tied 2nd place.  The percentage between the first and second place is only a few tenths of a percentage, so it's a very close competition.  

As an added incentive, our coordinator decided to throw in a little individual challenge for the next week.  She gave us each a pedometer and told us that the person with the most steps by next week is going to win a prize.  As a teacher, it's amazing how many steps I take in a day.  I mean, they aren't the type of steps that help me lose any weight, but I clocked almost 7000 in a little over 4 hours.  I found myself walking a lot more and making myself go and visit people across the building so that I could log a few extra steps.  I don't know if I'll win this challenge, but I'm going to try.  I might as well, even if it's just to see how many steps I take in a week.  It should be very enlightening.  

I had planned on walking around during recess today, but that's not going to happen.  It's absolutely POURING rain right now, and has since early yesterday evening.  That's going to mean indoor recess for us, so I'll just have to make do with walking laps around my classroom all day.  

Speaking of pouring rain, I didn't get to log any steps last night because I spent the ENTIRE evening in my car, driving.  Butter had a football game in Mt. Vernon.  That's about an hour and twenty minute drive from where I work, but almost two hours from where I live.  Peanut, Jelly, and I left school around 4:30, and decided to start making the drive.  Not long in to our trip, we saw some very ominous clouds on the horizon.  As we drove in to the town where we were going to grab dinner, the rain started POURING down.  It was so hard, I could barely see in front of us.  I texted Butter to see what the weather was like in the town they were playing ball, and he told me it was raining.  Great.  

Now, football players play ball in the rain.  Rain won't stop them from playing.  The only thing that stops them is if there's lightning in the vicinity.  We didn't see any lightning until about 30 more minutes in to our trip, and it was extremely bright, close lightning.  When we finally arrived at the ball field, it was around 6:30PM.  It had poured rain on us the entire drive, causing me to drive a lot slower than I normally would.  The 7th grade boys were playing in the pouring rain, and it was nearing the end of the 3rd quarter.  The girls and I decided to stay in the car, because I wasn't going to sit in the bleachers in the pouring rain.  Well, just as the 8th grade players started warming up, and the 7th grade team had a little over a minute left of playing time, a bolt of lightning lit up the sky overhead causing the refs to call the game immediately.

The original plan was to wait 30 minutes to allow time for the storm to pass before the 8th graders played, but that decision got nixed after about 5 minutes due to the fact that the radar showed no sign of the storm stopping any time soon.  So, the 8th grade game was cancelled.  

So, we waited for Butter and began the long drive home.  It was a little after 9PM when we pulled in the driveway.  I can't even imagine what the time would have been had the game actually gone on.  That's still a pretty late night when Butter's team didn't even play.  And it rained and stormed ALL. THE. WAY. HOME.  The drive home was long, but it was pretty.  I saw some of the brightest lightning I've ever seen in my life.  At one point, a bolt of lightning hit the road just ahead of me, and it was so bright it left my vision a little blurry for a few minutes.  It hasn't stopped since, and right now you can't tell where my yard stops and my pool begins.  There's water everywhere, and it's still coming down extremely hard.  Thank goodness for covered patios.  

Jelly was supposed to go on a field trip today, but they went ahead and cancelled that yesterday and have rescheduled it for next week.  Butter's football practice has also been cancelled.  Peanut is going on a debate overnight trip tonight, so that means we get to come home early!! Woo-hoo!!  That hasn't happened since school started.

But, before I can come home early and relax, I need to get through this rainy day.  I'm going to have a great day, and end the week with a bang.  I've got some great stuff to share about what happened in our classroom yesterday, but I'll save that for tomorrow's post.

Have a great day, everyone, and try to stay dry!

First Team Weigh In

                                       

Last week, I told you that I was going to have another go at losing weight.  So, I decided to take part in a team weight loss challenge at work.  Last week, we weighed in and got put in to our teams.  We also had to individually make a goal of how much weight we want to lose over the eight week competition.  I decided to go with 20lbs.  I thought that would be a pretty easy and attainable goal for 8 weeks.   There are four teams of four all competing for a cash prize.  Being that the entry fee was $15, that means there's a chance of winning $60 per person, plus any money collected for pounds gained.  There's a penalty fine of $1 per pound gained if anyone puts weight back on.

I decided in order to pace myself and not ending up losing momentum, I thought I'd try something new each week.  This week, I decided to start off small and just cut out soda and add more water.  I also, of course, lowered my calorie intake and watched what I ate.  

Well, I'm very happy to report that after one week of those slight adjustments earned me a loss of 4.6 pounds!! That's a percentage of weight loss of 1.72%.  That's also almost 1/4 of my weight loss goal completed.

Collectively, my team lost 24lbs.  I was happy with that number.  Unfortunately, we are in last place even with such a great first week... but only by a tiny percentage.  

One thing I know about these weight loss challenges is that it's often hard to keep the momentum.  The first week is always a good week for everyone, because everyone is so pumped and motivated.  There were some extremely high numbers lost by my competitors this week, but the first week is not an indicator for how the rest of the competition will go.

I know that slow and steady wins the race.  There's no way that my competitors will be able to lose, individually, 8-12lbs each week.  Which is what some of them lost this week.  I think that's amazing, and I'm very happy for them.  But, it doesn't make me disheartened.  I figure I can lose close to 5lbs each week pretty easy, as long as I keep upping the intensity.  

Last night was my "free night".  I've decided that on each weigh-in day, I'll treat myself to something I wouldn't normally eat.  Mostly because Thursday nights just happen to be Butter's football game nights, and we always eat dinner out on Thursdays during football season.  

Well, I'm very happy to report that even though I told myself I could eat anything I wanted last night, I didn't go crazy.  The kids and I tried a Mexican restaurant that we've been wanting to try.  Now, my usual go to at a Mexican restaurant is the chimichanga.  It's deep fried, loaded with meat and cheese, and delicious.  But, last night I told myself that couldn't happen.  Instead, I went for fajitas.  Still not the ideal weight loss food, but better than a chimichanga.  The best part was the fact that I couldn't eat it all.  When I got full, I stopped eating.  And I was shocked, because I can usually down a plate of fajitas and all the fixings with no problem.

I limited the amount of rice and beans I ate, and focused mainly on the pico and meat.  I have been trying to limit my carbs.  Not cut them out, completely, just keep a tight squeeze on how many I eat.  Because carbs are my worst enemy.  I have to really train myself to be able to handle eating carbs without overloading, so I'm trying to start off small with how much I can eat.  When I do eat carbs, I have only been eating the whole grain variety.  

I feel like I'm doing very well in the food department, and I haven't touched a soda since the competition began.  Even when we went to SDC last Saturday, I drank only water.  I have been drinking my coffee in the morning, and water for the rest of the day while I'm at work.  Giving up soda was a pretty easy task for me.  Because even though I love a Diet Dr. Pepper every now and then, I never really drank it too often.  I don't feel like I'm depriving myself without the soda.  

Next week's goal is to focus on some exercise.  One of my teammates and I will be working out after school two days next week.  Nothing too crazy, just a start for adding in some exercise.  We've decided that even some laps around the gym is better than nothing.  We can always up the intensity each week as the weight continues to drop off.

Being in the team mentality has really boosted my motivation.  There are some people that think it's unhealthy to be "competing" for weight loss, and they are entitled to their opinion.  Yes, I know that losing weight should be only focused on me wanting to lose weight, and being in a competition is only a short-lived experience, but it could be the springboard I needed.  I do well in a competition environment, more so when it's team oriented.  I don't like to let people down, and there are people counting on me to do my best.  Plus, I really think my recent upbeat attitude has played an important part in all of this.  Eating is one of my stress coping mechanisms.  I eat when I'm stressed.  Being that I've eliminated a lot of the negative stress I was feeling, I feel like I've been able to stay upbeat and positive with my weight loss efforts.  

So, here's to another awesome week of losing weight.

Have a great Friday, everyone!!

Team Weight Loss Challenge

                                    

I started this blog five years ago for one purpose and one purpose only:  To document my weight loss efforts.  It seems hard to think that for the past five years I've been writing in this blog, that originally started as a weight loss blog, and I'm not that much lighter than I was five years ago.  Of course, the blog has gone off in a much different direction than when I first started, but it makes me sad that after five years I haven't really succeeded in the one thing I set out to do when I first decided to start an entire blog about it.  And that would be to lose weight, and keep it off.

Five years ago, this blog was called Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman.  I started off slow, posting here and there when the surge of motivation rushed through me to, once again, try and tackle my weight issues.  I had been told by countless weight loss professionals that blogging was the way to go to really hold myself accountable.  Of course, if there's going to be someone to prove the professionals wrong, it's going to be me.  Not that I'm proud of that.  I mean, I'm not happy nor proud that I followed the advice of so many professionals about how to go about my weight loss efforts and still sit here, some five years later, weighing only a few pounds less than I did back then.

Of course, there has been some major success along the way...it's been holding on to the success that I've struggled with.  Four years ago, when my blogging really took off, I was at my highest weight and determined to get it down.  And I did.  I lost 80lbs in 2010 in to 2011.  I got down to my lowest adult weight, and I was doing amazing things.  I was able to run 5K, I completed fitness bootcamp, I was faithful to exercise and healthy eating, and I no longer shied away from a camera but kept my blog and Facebook updated with constant photos of my ever changing body.  

Not only did I do those wonderful things, but I did them all during the height of the most stressful times of my life.  The last year of college.  While it should have been the time where I binged and ate due to stress, it was the one time in my life that I stopped myself from using stress as a crutch and used it as my motivation to succeed.  If I was stressing about class expectations, student teaching, creating a portfolio, or what would happen after I graduated, I just got up and went for a run.  And I ran until I felt better... less stressed.  And I walked across the stage on my graduation day weighing less than I've ever weighed during my adult life, in a dress that I had picked out to highlight my new curves, and in 5" heels that I never thought in a million years I could even take a few steps in, let alone walk across a stage in.  

But, unfortunately, my new found confidence and smaller dress size didn't last very long... and slowly the weight started creeping back.  

I have tried over and over and over again to get back to that girl that took her stress to the track and pounded the pavement until it was gone.  I've tried so many times to find that motivation that made me beat all of the odds and overcome the cravings and desires to eat junk food.  Yet, I still have yet to find her.  She's in here, somewhere, dying to come to the surface once again.  I just have to reach deep down and pull her out.

Which leads me to my new weight loss effort:  A team challenge.

In the two years I've been teaching, I've participated in several weight loss challenges hosted by our school nurse.  She arranges and coordinates the weight loss challenges, oversees all of the weigh-ins, and keeps track of everyones progress.  And, not one of those challenges has even gotten me close to any form of good weight loss.  I pay a fee to join in, yet my motivation is short lived and I end up paying out week after week because I gain instead of lose.  I don't know why.  I mean, it's not like I deliberately try and gain weight after I join in one of those challenges, but it has always seemed to have gone that way.

So, why on earth would I put myself through trying it again?

Well, this time it's a little different.  This time, I'm not doing it alone.  This time I'm not the only person accountable for my success.  This time, I will have a team of people counting on me as I will be counting on them to see us through to weight loss victory.  Our school is doing a team weight loss challenge.

When I think back to the time that I decided enough was enough and I really needed to lose weight, I joined a fitness bootcamp.  I went to a gym three times a week and worked out with a group of people that were counting on me to be successful.  If I failed, we all failed, and we all paid the consequences.  If I didn't log my food, we were doing sets of grueling calisthenics.  If I complained about the exercise being too hard, I was pushed even harder.  Yet, if I was able to overcome and obstacle I didn't think I could do, I had an entire team pushing me to do it and helping me every step of the way.  And overcoming some major obstacles was what I really think pushed me in to overdrive to continue succeeding.  As I watched the young, fit people run circles around me, I told myself that I could do anything they could do.  They could do pushups?  Well, then I was doing pushups.  They could run through the obstacle course in record time?  Well, then I was staying on their heels giving it my all to beat their times.  Anything they could do, I would do.

Being a part of a team is really what pushed my motivation in to high gear.  If I know one thing about myself it's the fact that if there's no one counting on me, I have no one to let down.  I have no one to answer to.  If I don't succeed in a weight loss challenge, I have only myself to blame...and I'm OK with that.  But, throw in a group of people that are going to be counting on me to (excuse the pun) pull my weight?  That's a game changer.  I don't like to let anyone down, and I'm not about to sit back and bring a group of people down because I can't be bothered to find the motivation I need to succeed.  

So, I'm going to give the team weight loss challenge a try.  Maybe, just maybe being a part of the team was the root of my success back then, and it's been the missing factor ever since.  Maybe, just maybe having people counting and depending on me is what I need to succeed and show them and myself that I can lose the weight (again).  Maybe, just maybe I can finally find some success and hold on to it.

I just don't understand how I can be the woman that has overcome so many struggles in her life, yet can't control this one tiny hurdle.  Losing weight isn't really hard, if I put my mind to it.  It just requires motivation.  That's it.  Motivation to stop shoveling food in to my mouth, motivation to get up and exercise, and motivation to change my habits so that I stay on the path of success.

I have overcome teen pregnancy, poverty, an abusive relationship, put myself through college, followed my career dreams, juggled work, school, and family.  Yet put down a donut or drink water instead of soda? Those are the things that I haven't been able to do.  Seems kinda silly, huh?

It is silly.  It's ridiculous, in fact.  There is no one, valid, viable excuse I can use that can explain why I am so able to overcome every single life obstacle thrown my way... except losing weight.  It doesn't make any sense, and it's high time I stopped being so stupid.  

I can do this.  I know I can.  And, I am excited about having a team of people to work with, encourage, get encouragement from, and succeed in losing weight.  Again.

First weigh-in is today, and I hope it's the last time I ever have to look at that number again.  I hope it's the last time I have to write one of these sorry blog posts about not being able to lose weight.  I hope it's the beginning of a new attitude, a new outlook on my abilities, and a new me.  

Today is the day!!

And I hope it's a great day.

A Pool Day!!

                                         

Yesterday was HOT!  One of the hottest days we've had so far, this summer, so it was only fitting that I spend the day in the pool.  It's only the second time since we got the pool opened up that I got in. I mean, I know I've talked a lot about spending time in the pool... but what usually happens is the kids go swimming, and I sit on the patio watching.  It just hasn't been hot enough, yet, for me to want to get in there. But, yesterday, that all changed and I enjoyed cooling off and getting some sun.

The water has finally got to a tolerable temperature, so that when I get in I don't have to ease myself in slow and steady.  To me, there's nothing worse than getting in to a FREEZING cold pool.  I don't want warm, but I like it to be comfortable.  And the pool is at a cool, refreshing 86 degrees.  Perfect!

I spent some time swimming a few laps (got to get in some exercise) and then dug out my giant lounger so that I could relax.  Peanut spent another night with her friend, so it was just Butter, Jelly, and me.

                                         

                                         

As you can see in that last pic, Butter is making use of my lounger while I'm out taking selfies.  I'm too nervous to get my phone anywhere near the pool, so I make do by taking photos from outside of it.

We spent over an hour in the pool before Hubby came out and threw some pork chops on the grill.  As I floated around the water, I thought about the fact that THAT was what summer is all about.  Swimming, grill fired up, smelling the awesome aroma of food cooking.  I don't need fancy vacations or expensive day trips to really enjoy myself.  Just being with the kids in our backyard is like our own little vacation.

Peanut wants to have a pool party, soon, and I think it will be a great tradition to start.  An annual pool party for the kids' friends, some of my friends, and opening up our home (or backyard) for some fun.  It sucks that we live so far away from all of the kids' friends, but maybe a pool party once a year will be a way to give the kids some summer fun with them.  

The next couple of days are supposed to be much cooler.  In fact, the highs are only supposed to creep in to the 70s.  That's too cold to go swimming, but it'll give me a chance to get out and do some much needed gardening. Around the pool has really started to grow, with all the rain we've had.  Also, my little garden in the back is being overrun with weeds that need to be pulled.  I've heard that gardening is one of the best exercises, so I'm going to get my hands dirty and burn a few calories while the weather is cool enough for me to do so.  

Speaking of exercise, I'm already down 5lbs from when I got back from vacation.  That's a 5lbs loss in 4 days.  I'm pretty sure a lot of that is water weight that I retained while on vacation.  I spent almost 4 days walking, and not staying very hydrated.  My body, apparently, conserved water that needed to go once I got home and started hydrating myself correctly. 

I've also been eating MUCH better.  Vacation dining means throwing caution to the wind, and eating pretty much everything in sight.  That did NOT do me any good.  So, now that I'm home, I've been a lot more cautious about what I'm eating, and how much I'm eating.  I'm trying to limit my carb intake, and last night we ate pork chops (grilled) with beans.  Plenty of protein!  

While grocery shopping on Saturday, I picked up some Hormel ready-made meals.  They are only 240-320 calories per meal, and they are actually really tasty (for a prepackaged meal).  I got them to try out for when I go back to school, and the couple I've tried so far have been great.  I eat them without still feeling hungry after, and they only take 1 min to heat up in the microwave.  There's nothing worse than taking food to school that takes FOREVER to heat up.  When we only get about 20 minutes to eat, a five minute time to heat food up can really dig in to that.  Especially when we have to wait in line for the microwave.  Plus, they are only $2 each.  So, cheap, easy to make, delicious, low calorie... need I say more?

I know myself well enough to know that strict dieting doesn't work for me.  I do much better when I LIMIT myself.  Tell myself that I'm not allowed to eat something just makes me want that something even more. But, if I allow myself to have something, even just a tiny amount, I succeed and do much better.  Besides, every decent medical expert I've ever spoken to will tell you that you can't cut something completely out of your diet. Your body actually needs protein, carbs, and even small amounts of fat.  It's all about balance... something I know like the back of my hand, but don't exactly have the best history of following.

Most importantly, I'm trying to be sensible.  Crash diets work for a while...so do weight loss pills... but they don't have lasting results because they can't be used forever.  The only thing that's ever lasted is just being sensible, moving more, and not letting my emotions control my eating.  Easier said than done, but as long as it's maintained, it really does work.  

I'm really my own worst enemy when it comes to losing weight.  I KNOW everything I need to do, but I'm like a stubborn child that has to be forced in to it.

One thing I'm really looking forward to is the fact that I'm going back to college in August.  When I lost 80lbs, before, it was when I was in school, trying to hold down a job, and taking care of the kids.  It was a non-stop, crazy busy, don't have a second to think lifestyle.  And it's what really gave me my most success.  I know that sounds crazy, but it's true.  And, yes, my life has been pretty crazy busy for the past couple of years... but NOTHING like it is when I'm throwing in college classes to the mix.  

Something about being so stressed gives me the desire to get out and clear my mind.  There's only once place for that to happen that's away from EVERYTHING...the track that I walk/jog on.  That's how I used to study, back when I was in college.  I would do whatever homework I needed to do, then go out for a run to rethink and remember every thing I had done.  

And that's exactly what I plan on doing this time around.

Wow... I had no intentions of getting so off track and making this so long.  But, well...that's what I do I suppose.  I better stop here, though.  It's Monday, so there's errands to run, laundry to do, and appointments to get to.

Have a great Monday, everyone!!

What Day is It? The Day for Action!!

So it's happened.  That time that comes during my summer break where I start to lose track of my days, and have no idea what day I wake up in.  I've only been off work, technically, for two weeks.  I didn't finish teaching summer school until June 27th and that time has flown by.  Yet here I am, getting up and making plans and realizing I can't do certain things because it's not the day I thought it was.  

Today, for example, I got up and decided this afternoon I would run by the bank and stop by the library to get some more books.  My lazy butt didn't get up until 11AM, so I need a cup of coffee (or four) before I can get started with anything.  Then, I sit down and see on my iPad that today is Saturday.  The bank and the library both close at noon.  

Sure, I could rush around and make it to both places before they close in 25 minutes... but I'm not going to.  Because that's not what I want to do.  I don't want to have to rush around to do anything.  

I do have to cut down my patio sitting time today to go and do some grocery shopping.  We've been home from vacation for two days, so that's just enough time for the kids to clear out the cabinets of all food left in them.  So, a restock is in order.  Which is good timing for me.  After being at home for two days and doing nothing, I'm ready to get out of the house for a while.  It doesn't take long before I start getting bored and antsy.  

This evening, I'm going to a birthday party.  I'm excited about that.  Dinner, some dancing, good time with friends.  An excuse to put on something other than shorts and a t-shirt, fix my hair, and put on a little make-up.  It's just what I need, really.

I've been in somewhat of a funk since the whole I can't get on a roller-coaster because I'm too fat ordeal.  I mean, I know I'm a big gal.  I know I've got several pounds to lose.  I know I don't like the size of clothing that I wear, or how certain outfits make me look.  Yet, up until that day, when I looked in the mirror I didn't see a ginormous woman staring back at me.  I saw an overweight woman.  One that had too much cushion, but could still get around and do everything her kids were doing.  One that could still run, climb, get on giant roller-coasters, and walk miles and miles around a theme park without even breaking a sweat.  

Yet, one stupid lap belt took all of that away from me.  

From that moment, my image has changed quite a bit when I look in the mirror.  Now, I see every bulge, every layer of fat, every piece of fabric that holds on to me in a way that is far from flattering.  I scold myself for letting myself get this way.  I scan through recent pictures of myself, and cringe at what I see.  I have hit the "Delete" button for several of those pictures, because I just can't bare to have them out there for the world to see.

It's amazing how one tiny situation can make my whole outlook on myself change.  

It takes me back to the days when I was hovering around 300lbs.  That was such a long time ago, and a place I swore I'd never get to again.  And, I'm not there.  Yet.  But, if things keep going the way they are... it's a strong possibility.  I don't want that to happen.  It can't.  I won't allow it.  

I want that other girl back, the one that ran 3 miles a day, got a taste for shopping in stores that sold "normal sized" clothing.  I worked so hard to get myself there... for what?  To throw it all away.  

I spoke to an old friend, the other night, on Facebook.  We haven't seen each other since high school, and we joked around as if it's only been a few weeks that had passed.  We were close. Best friends, in fact.  Which is why it wasn't difficult for us to speak as if the 14 years apart were nothing.  Yet, when a comment was made about how I looked back then, I couldn't help but cringe at the idea of what it would be like if we saw each other again.  I am twice the girl I was then.  Literally.   The pictures I looked at on my friend's profile shows the same person, just a little older.  My pictures?  The same person, wearing a fat suit.

So, I have an important decision to make.

I can sit here and wallow in my self pity.  Beat myself up for letting myself get this way.  Stare at myself in the mirror and hope that I can learn to love who I am, and just get over it.

Or...

I can do something about it.  Again.

I remember the literal blood, sweat, and tears it took for me to rip 80lbs off of myself just a few short years ago. I'm older now, it'll be harder... but there's no reason I can't do it again.  I have the willpower.  I have the desire.  I just need to make it happen.  And remember that if I don't hold on to that person, and keep the hard work up... I'll be right back at square one. Again.  And again.  And again.

I have already made up my mind that the weight has to go.  I'm dubbing my little challenge as Operation: Outlaw Run.  The name of the roller-coaster I couldn't get on.  My short term goal is to lose enough to get on that ride without any problems.  My long term goal is to stay that way.  Not allowing temptation and laziness to take hold of me, anymore.

I love being active.  I love doing stuff I didn't think was possible.  It's time to break that girl out of her shell, once again, and beat all the odds.

And that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I'm Cursed!!

Yesterday just wasn't my day.  It started off just fine, but things did not seem to go my way as the day went on.

First... hottest day of the year so far.  Temps flew in to the 90s in a matter of a couple of hours.  Would be a great day to jump in the pool with the kids and cool off, right?  Wrong-O.  Of course Aunt Flo would stop by for a visit.  And, yes, I'm perfectly aware that I can swim if Aunt Flo visits by using certain feminine devices.. but I don't use them.  And now you know way too much information about me.  Aren't you happy now?

Second...After spending two grueling hours in the heat watching over the kids while they laugh and frolic around in the pool, it's time to get out and head inside for me to cool off.  I go out in to the kitchen to get something to drink, and I walk in to a puddle of water.  That's never good when the puddle is right in the middle of the floor.  Not that a pool of water is good in any place, but an actual pool... but you know what I mean.  It's not by the sink or the dishwasher, so I could rule those things out.  Hubby comes in and starts digging around only to find there's some kind of leak coming out of the bottom of the refrigerator.  Awesome.  Thankfully, he fixes it pretty quick.

And then...I'm sitting in the living room wondering why on earth I'm really not feeling like I'm cooling down.  I'm still sweating... and I should be feeling nice and relaxed after being in the house almost an hour by this point.  Not even two minutes after having that feeling, Hubby comes to inform me that our AC isn't working.

Really?

Awesome!

I swear, I think I have some kind of Air Conditioner Curse.  It doesn't matter what house I'm in, something ends up causing our AC to break down.

At first, I'm thinking it's no big deal.  Our AC unit is only 4 years old, so surely it's still under warranty, right? YEP.  It is.  For the parts.  The warranty doesn't cover the labor that will be involved for actually replacing whatever parts are actually broken.

And to put some icing on the cake, all of this happens at 5:28pm.  Normal service hours for the local AC repair place is 5:30pm.  A service call before 5:30 costs $82.  A service call after 5:30pm?  $123.

Could things get any worse?

Actually...no.  My parents called and asked if we wanted to go eat dinner with them.  I jumped on the chance, being that I was sweating like a banshee and needed to get out of the house for a while.  Hubby stayed behind.  He wanted to fiddle around with the AC some more.  He was convinced that the problem was a burned out capacitor.  Which, buying the part and fixing it ourselves, would only cost about $30... had any of the part stores been open.

When I got home around 8:00pm, it had barely started to cool off outside.  The temps outside were still in the high 80s, but the temps inside the house were higher... so it was time to open up all the windows and doors to let in some air.  It was at that point I thanked all things holy that we have so many patio doors in our house.  We have four.  One on the front, two on the back, and one off of our bedroom.  Opening up all of those bad boys lets in some nice cross breezes.

We brought with us all of our fans from the old house, thankfully, so we had fans to get us through the night.  Hubby was up bright and early to get to a dealership to buy the new part for the AC.  It only cost him $27.. much better than what it would have cost had we had a repair man come fix it.

It took Hubby all of two minutes to replace the part and.......?

Wallah... we have AC again.  YAY!!

I guess I should be thankful that our problem happened on a Tuesday and not a Saturday evening.  I guess I should also be thankful that it was a small job that was easily fixable by the not-so-mechanical hands of Hubby.

That's because today is a new day!  Yesterday wasn't such a great day, but today is going to be better!

I didn't get any feedback yesterday when asking for opinions on whether or not I should dust off Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman.  So, I did anyway.  I dusted off the old blog...gave her a fancy new paint job, updated the header, and deleted the post that directed traffic to this blog.

AND... I decided not to go with the Wordpress format.  I'm going back to my original domain name... and just starting off fresh.

I've decided that I'm going to keep this blog as my day to day happenings.  Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman comes back to talk only about my weight loss efforts.

I'm excited and a little nervous about embarking on that journey once again.  What will it be like?  Will I have any success?  Will my old blogging persona come back in full force making me kick butts and take names in the process?

One can only hope.

I'm ready for my journey to begin again... I really feel like I am.  I've had a couple of years off.  It's time to jump back on the band wagon.

And, right now... it's time to start jumping...right on over to my other blog.

Come see me there!!  But don't leave here!!

Two blogs.  Two personalities.  Both the reflections and thoughts of me.

Here... The Life and Times of Jo

There... Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman

Life.  Love.  Family.  Stress.  Crazy.  Work.  Weight loss.

There's just too much of me to fit it all in one place.  It just makes sense to open up some space that's been vacant for way too long.

Here I go!!

Blast From the Past

Welp, I had a great ME day yesterday.  I finished up my blogging, jumped in the shower, got dressed, and headed out in to the world for groceries... and lots of them.

I'd almost forgotten how nice it was to just walk around a grocery store without kids asking for stuff, scanning through a list to make sure you've got everything only to realize that you've forgotten something in the back of the store and walk alway the back, and not having to compete with weekend crowds.  It was an enjoyable grocery shopping experience - and I don't get to say that too often.  I don't think many people do.

A couple of hours and $250 later, my trunk was stuffed to the max with a week's worth of groceries.. maybe a few days more.  Chicken and pork loin and beef and fish and veggies and sides.  Also some stuff for lunches and breakfasts, even though we won't be eating them here after Wednesday for a couple of weeks.

Once I got home and unloaded everything, I was a hot mess.  It finally got in to a summer like temp here yesterday, so there was only one place I wanted to be after that: The pool.  The kids and I swam for a while with my favorite tunes blasting from the speakers that Hubby hooked up.  It's so nice to have some music while we're out there.  I swam several laps, took a break by lounging in pool lounger, then went back to swimming laps.  It felt amazing.  I'm thinking that's going to be a fast daily routine if the weather stays as hot or hotter than it was yesterday.

Hubby's brother and sister came over once I was out of the pool, so I cooked up a huge pot of spaghetti and fixed some garlic bread for everyone.  A cheap meal when feeding seven people.  Everyone enjoyed it, and after stacking the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen I was done for the day.

So, there's my recap of my Me day... but not what I really wanted to blog about today.

After I finished up blogging, yesterday morning, I took a few minutes to read through some blogs... like I usually do.  I noticed that my brother-in-law had started a blog, so I wanted to check it out.  It's a Wordpress blog, and when I clicked on the link, it asked for my username and password.  I knew that I had created a Wordpress account at some point... but when I got in to my account, I discovered something I'd totally forgotten about.

Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman is still alive.

In Wordpress format.  

Apparently, back in 2011, when I was kicking butt and taking names in exercising and losing weight, I tried converting my blog in to a Wordpress blog.  I vaguely remember a time when I was having issues with Blogger, and thought it might be better to switch to a different provider.  Apparently, Blogger fixed the issues I was having... or I didn't want to lose all of my followers... because once I uploaded all my past posts over there, I never did anything else with that blog.

I don't care what anyone says, Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman was my greatest blogging persona.  I had a mission, purpose, and drive that gained interest from many weight loss bloggers and people on the hunt for a blog that offered real life results, struggles, and commitment with weight loss.  And I think I delivered when I blogged as The Mad, Fat Woman.  

Once I started messing around with changing the name of my blog, not once but twice, I started to change right along with my blog.  I no longer held the same passion and drive.  I no longer offered the same insights and commitments.  I teeter tottered so much between losing weight and not losing weight, that it was enough to make anyone's head spin.

Don't get me wrong.  I enjoy my blogging very much right here on this blog.  This is my life blog... what happens day in and day out as a fiancé, mother, and teacher.  But a lot is missing from this blog that I had when I was the Mad, Fat Woman.  My followers... the comments... the support... the community feeling.  I still have a few faithful followers that have followed me around as I've made all the changes.. and to those people I'm very grateful for their support... but it's still not the same.  I used to be involved with other bloggers on a more personal level, I was involved with the happenings and goings on in the weight loss world.  I no longer feel I have that.  I'm out of the loop... another name on the wall that fell off the weight loss train and stayed and took up the life of blogging in a new town.  

Apart of me wants that old feeling back again.  The feeling I had when I blogged constantly about my weight loss progress, both good and bad.  I somehow managed to write for over a year about nothing but weight loss, and always felt like my writing had meaning and a set purpose.  It was much harder when I wasn't having that much success, which sometimes pushed me harder to do what I needed to do - just so I had something to write about.  

But then, I just gave up.  I hung up my Mad, Fat Woman jacket and said goodbye, thinking it was gone forever.  

And then a quick blast from the past tells me... she's not dead.  She's not gone.  She's alive, but lying dormant on another blogging host.  

Is it a sign?

Did I see it, yesterday, because I have been wanting to get back to my weight loss lifestyle but not sure how to approach it now that I've made so many changes here?

I can't say anything for sure... but I have a feeling I'm going to be dusting off some cyber cobwebs pretty soon.  

I'm not naive enough to believe that a certain blog was the reason I had so much success in my weight loss efforts.  I'm not stupid enough to think that just because I go back to blogging as the person that gave me the most success is going to have the same results... maybe even better results.  But, I do know with utmost certainty that when I said goodbye to Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman I said goodbye to that girl that blogged with the only purpose of losing weight and sharing the experiences as each pound fell off.  

I have a lot to think about.  

But, right now isn't that time to think about it.  Butter has a doctor's appointment in an hour and I'm still sitting here in my pajamas.  Better think about getting ready to take him.

But, I will ask you all.  If there are any of you out there that knew me as The Mad, Fat Woman and followed me here...what do you think?  Do you think I might see more success if I think about weight loss blogging again?  Do you think I've changed from who I was then to who I am now?

You're insights are greatly appreciated.

And for the record, if I do dust off the old blog, I won't be leaving this one.  This will stay my day to day life - that blog would be strictly weight loss.  But, I'm very curious to see what people think... especially those people that have been wonderful enough to stick with me for all these years.

Till next time...

Jo   

Time For a Me Day

I got up at 7:30 this morning.  Not because anyone woke me up, not because I had to... but because I know everyone else in the house is still sleeping - and it's been so long that I could just sit and enjoy my morning peace and quiet.

I'm sitting on my patio, with my iPad and coffee, listening to the birds sing and the earth wake up.  I've waited for so long to enjoy moments like this one.  Not another soul out here with me... just me and my thoughts, and the little humming bird that occasionally stops by to say hi.  No kids asking for stuff, no Hubby rambling on about stuff he wants to buy, no chance of my phone ringing from someone who just wants a quick chat.  Just ME.

While I'd much rather blog from my computer, where all of my tools and formats are at my fingertips.. using my iPad so that I can enjoy times like this are OK.  I have a fancy keyboard thing, so it's like typing on a laptop... and even though it doesn't format the same way as it does on my computer - it gets the job done.  I have a feeling that most of my summer blogs will come from this very spot, and I have no plans of permanently moving my inside computer outside.

So, in case you were wondering, my mouth is healing up nicely.  Still a little swollen, but I haven't taken any pain pills in two days so that's a good sign.  I've had no pain, really.  Even when I have to sneeze or cough.  My sneezing is very dramatic, because I don't want to risk holding in any pressure... so I end up sneezing all over myself.  It's gross.  But, not painful.  I'll take gross over painful any day.

One amazing benefit I've had since having my teeth pulled is that I've lost a few pounds.  Which is not surprising being that I spent two days eating nothing but yogurt, and when I did start eating regular food it's very small, slow bites.  Last night, it took me almost 30 minutes to finish my dinner because I ate so slowly and made sure to chew my food up very well.  It's also caused me to drink a lot more water.

I discovered while taking my medicine on the first day that the water in my house actually tastes good. I mean the water from the tap.  Regular tap water.  Do you know that last time I've been able to drink water from the tap?  At my old house, a glass of water tasted like I'd just stuck my glass in a lake and took a big drink.  It was gross.  But here?  It's not that much different from the bottled water Hubby bought for me on the first day.  No dirt taste or chemical taste.  So, I've been adding tall glasses of water to my daily routine... several of them actually.  

Just this morning, the first thing I did when I got up was drink a big ol' glass of water.  Of course, I'm on to coffee now.. but a glass of water to start my day was a good feeling.

Anywho, there's a reason for my blog title and what I planned on blogging about today:  ME day.

Like I first started out explaining, it's been a while since I could enjoy my morning me time.  In a few days, I won't have to worry about that because I go back to work to teach summer school for two weeks.  For two weeks, I'll have my morning blog time back.  But, since school got out, it's been a totally different experience.

I've been getting up, and doing Mommy things.  Cleaning, washing dishes, laundry, supervising the kids while they play or swim, more laundry, some cooking, more dishes.  I've turned in to Susie Homemaker.  Don't get me wrong, I've loved every minute of it.  In the old house, I had absolutely no part in household duties.  Hubby did all of the cooking, the kids did the dishes, OK I did laundry and stuff... but only because I needed clothes to wear.  Regular cleaning was a wasted chore in my opinion.. no matter how much I dusted and vacuumed and straightened up, I could never get it to look the way I wanted it to.  But now?  It's a whole different story.  It's almost like I've done a complete 360.  I have to be pottering around constantly putting something away or cleaning something.  And it's just fine with me.

Except for the fact that I've been doing it for two weeks straight, and I'm starting to feel little pangs of needing some me time.  Just me.  No kids.  No Hubby.  Just me.  So, yesterday, I decided that today would be that day.  I'm going to go out today, all by myself, and enjoy some alone time.  OK, so I'm only going to get out and do some grocery shopping and run a few errands... but I can do so with the radio blasting my music, taking my sweet time, and not feeling pressured by anyone or anything.

I'm also doing something I haven't done in a very long time:  I'm going grocery shopping without a grocery list.  Now, grocery shopping by memory and sight used to be the norm for me.  In the days before Hubby when my life revolved around filling my cabinets and freezer with the easiest of meal ideas.  I'd aimlessly walk around the grocery store deciding on the stuff that looked or sounded good and loading up.  Then, Hubby and his OCD and my desire to eat more healthily, caused me to start meal planning and grocery shopping from a strict list.  Despite my weight loss plans falling to the wayside, the meal planning and structured grocery list stayed.  Up until the point where it didn't and we started buying groceries day by day... and Hubby or I would wander to the grocery store every day with our list to purchase the ingredients needed for that specific meal.  That's been going on for the past month or so, and it's finally gotten to the point where it's driving me nuts!

Being that I'm now morphing in to Susie Homemaker, I've decided to try something totally different today.  I'm heading out with one purpose in mind:  Fill our freezers and cabinets with an array of meats, veggies, and sides so that we can get creative in the kitchen and start preparing fabulous meals without the daily chore of deciding what we want to eat.  I want to be able to walk in to my kitchen, open up the freezer, and just get inspired to create a great home cooked meal right there with what I have to work with.

I know... doesn't sound like me, does it?

Being that I'm totally digging the fact that the scale is going down, I'm keeping that in mind while I go out for my grocery treasure hunt.  Lots of chicken and fish and lean pork will make it's way in to the cart, I'm thinking.  Along with rice and couscous and steamable veggies.  I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

Wow, it's been a long time since I wrote this much.  See what a few minutes alone does for me?  I can't believe anyone is still reading... but if you are THANKS FOR STICKING WITH ME!

In all honesty, I'm really starting to get lots of pangs.  The Susie Homemaker pangs.  The alone time pangs.  And, surprisingly enough, pangs similar to what I had a few years ago when I really jumped in with my weight loss efforts and had great success.  While working in my bedroom yesterday finishing up the unpacking of the last few boxes of stuff that were waiting to be unpacked, I came across all of my workout clothes.  I looked at how small some of them were and it made me realize how far I got, and how far I've derailed since then.  Luckily, I kept all of my workout clothes:  The beginning ones and the end ones.  My hope is that I can start out, once again, in the larger ones and get down to those smaller ones again.

And before I hear any comments of "here we go again", let me say that I'm not making any promises. I'm not committing to anything.  I'm just sharing the fact that it's been on my mind.  A lot.  I don't know what I'll do with these pangs... but the best thing to do would be to start going with them and seeing what it gets me.  If I get the desire to go for an evening walk, well then I'm going to go.  If I get the desire to jump in the pool and swim for a while, I'm going to (when my pool gets above freezing..HA).  I know that as long as I just sit and think about it, nothing is going to happen.  There's a strong possibility that the thoughts and desires will pass.. but I should take advantage of them while I have them, right?

Take the gardening.  I haven't started that yet.  Something else I need to get to doing.. before it's much too hot and dry to get anything done out there.  Maybe something to do when I get back from my grocery shopping?  We'll see.  

I know I've said all of this stuff a few times since moving in, and I still haven't followed up on it.  I'm going to throw in the fact that I had three teeth pulled just a couple of days ago that had dampened my desire to do much physical activity... but it's healing nicely, and I think I've past the restriction time.  Now it's time to put my thoughts and desires in to reality.  Don't you think?

Well, we'll see.  But right now, I better go before I end up writing an entire book.  My Me Day won't start it's self.  I have to jump in the shower and prepare for some fun in the sun.  Or grocery stores.. whatevs.

Have a great Monday!

Jo 

Day Ten: What Popular Notion Does the World Have Wrong?

Look!  No list today!  An actual blog post, with actual explanations and thoughts and feelings....and a topic that kinda makes me think pretty deeply about the world around me.

Awesome!

So, when I saw that this was my blog topic for today, I kinda panicked.  The first thought I had was to list the top five...and then I thought NO!  Not another list.  There has to be something I can come up with to talk about... cause Lord knows there's so many to choose from.  Am I right?

The first thing that popped in to my head was the absolute obsession with body image.  And, in all honesty, it really has become an obsession.  As long as I can remember, there's always been this notion that beautiful people are thin... but the journey to achieve "the perfect body" has become more and more of a formality.  A basis for success and happiness.  If I'm not skinny then I can't be happy.  I can't have a good job.  I can't have nice things.  If I don't conform to the ideal of the perfect body image, I'm not the best person I can be.

Now, I understand I'm a little of a hypocrite here.  Since getting out of high school - and even before - I've been convinced that I didn't fit in to the model body image club.  I've cussed and cursed clothes shopping.  I've fallen in to abysmal depressions about how much happier I'd be if I was just skinnier...which has then led to diet after diet after program after program to reach that sweet body I should have.

And, I've failed just as many times as I've tried.  I'm still not anywhere near "skinny"... if anything I'm further away than I've been in several years.

Every time I've fallen off the wagon, I've realized it's because something else has taken over the obsession.  It was the pursuit to my degree.  Then the pursuit to finding a job.  And this year the pursuit to finding a new house.  And it dawned on me.... I managed to finish school being a large woman.  I managed to find a job being a large woman.  I'm in the process of finding a house, and I haven't met a realtor that's said to me "oh, you can't buy this house... you're much too overweight".

Realization:  My body image doesn't define who I am....except to those people that judge me based on it.  And those people are the people that are suffering, really.  If they look at me and see an overweight woman that has to be terribly miserable because her body is so out of the realm of "normal", then I'd have a harsh truth for them.  I still have a very happy life despite my body image.  In fact, the only time it makes me unhappy is when I have to buy clothes for it - and that's because I'm having to conform to society's ideal of the perfect shape and size.

Now, I have had one time in my life where I had MAJOR success with my weight loss.  That was just a couple of years ago.  But, my focus was different.  I wasn't focused on being thinner - I was focused on being fitter.  Totally different.  I wanted to run and do exercise and be able to perform crazy hard yoga poses.  In that pursuit, I became successful with changing my body image.  I felt better about myself not only by the way I looked, but the way I felt.  I felt strong and powerful.  Yes, I had lost a lot of weight, but I had gained so much more in my abilities to push my body to do feats I never thought I could.

Even today, as I sit weighing closer to the highest weight I've ever been, it's not the returned fat that's upset me... it's my lack of stamina and athletic ability that upsets me.  I've tried a couple of diets this year - missing one special focus:  The exercise.

Which leads to another notion the world - mostly this country - has wrong.  By forcing laws and restrictions on people about what they can eat isn't going to fix the problem of obesity.  States are popping up new laws all the time about posting nutrition information, providing healthier choices, even stopping the sale of "excessive" soda amounts in convenient stores.  Just like the drug laws don't stop drug users, and the gun laws won't stop shooters... food laws aren't going to suddenly make everyone get thin.

I have had several comments from my students this past year about my ability to play dodge ball with them, or do a push-up, or just last week I ran down the hallway to retrieve a student's coat she'd left in the classroom and needed before getting on the bus.  I returned to a group of students standing at the end of the hall that had watched me run there and back with looks of utter shock on their faces.  They have been astounded that a woman my size is able to do those things.  No, I can't do any of those things as well as I could a few years ago... but my returned weight hasn't stopped me from believing I can.

It all goes with another popular notion that fat people are unhealthy, stagnant, and are eating up the healthcare system.

Guess what?  This fat woman hasn't been to the doctor for any form of illness since... well... I can't even remember.  My blood pressure is normal.  My heart is healthy.  My cholesterol is high, but not high enough to require medication. My blood sugar is normal and I have no signs of pre-diabetes.  I am, in the words of my doctor "healthy as a horse...a normal sized horse".  HA!

Yes, I know I need to lose some weight.  I know that in the long run, my weight may catch up to me and cause some medical problems.  But, it doesn't define who I am... I am NOT one of those nasty statistics that has caused this country to get in an uproar.

I know that losing weight isn't going to be about what I eat... it's going to be about how I move.  I know that I need to move more.. I long to move more.  Time has affected that a little too much for my liking - but summer is almost here, folks.

But, regardless... this wasn't a post about when I'm going to start losing weight again, it's about my belief on the notions of losing weight.  And that I've explained.

Now, I've got lots of important weekend stuff to take care of... which does, actually, include some physical labor.  FUN FUN!