Let's Get Back To Why I'm Here...Shall We?

Good morning, everyone!! 

It is a horrible, nasty 81 degrees in my house already this morning - and it's only 9am.  My AC isn't broken - it's just that freakin' hot outside already, that my poor, old AC is having such a hard time keeping up.  It has been weeks since the temps have been below 100 degrees - even with the small amount of rain we got the other day.  At night, it's barely getting down below 90 outside.  Our electric bill may be the financial ruin to our household.

I just want to say a quick THANK YOU to everyone that commented, emailed, or messaged me yesterday about my post.  Even those of you that strongly disagreed with me did so in a grown up, professional way.  There was no name calling, judgment, or disrespect - and that meant so much to me.  I seemed to have only lost 1 follower because of my statements - but I'm OK with that.  I'd much rather someone quietly take me off their feed list than to cause drama and say nasty things.

One thing this week has reminded me is that this blog is my outlet.  It's my way to express myself, say what I need to say - and it's not always going to be about weight loss.  And I prefer it that way.  Sometimes just being able to talk about topics that are really important to me help keep my mind focused, which help me release emotions that would usually send me running to the nearest junk food.

But I haven't really spoken about any form of weight loss topic at all this week.  And that's probably because it hasn't been on my mind AT ALL.  Which I know isn't a good thing.  And you know I will spew off some excuses right now - but.. I'm venting...remember that. M'kay?

It's too hot.  Yeah, I said it.  It's too freakin' hot for me to take one second of my day to think about doing anything involved with weight loss....especially excercising.  I'm too hot to eat, but I have forced myself to do it... but not as often as I should.  I have found that I have an appetite in the evening, when it's just a little cooler - and eating late at night is a no-no... I know that, too.  I don't want to eat anything that has been cooked for too long - because using the stove makes my house even hotter, and then I get even more ticked off and lose my appetite even more.  So, Hubby has been preparing not the best foods in the world because they are quick to prepare.  Yes, processed food has been in my diet this week.

I know that's a ridiculous excuse, because I could have been eating fresh foods all week - and most fresh foods don't need to be cooked to eat.  But, I have been very short on cash this past week.  Ridiculous excuse #2. 

I'm using the oldest excuses in the book - too hot and not enough money - but to be completely and utterly honest, I'm OK with it right now.  This isn't another start-up to my constant rollarcoaster of giving up and restarting - and my scale isn't being too horrible to me.  I know this may stir up some controversy - but I've realized that not thinking about losing weight 24/7 is OK.  At the end of the day, my losing weight is my choice - and I either make it a priority or I don't.  But, sometimes there really are more important things to worry about and take care of.  If I fail I only have myself to blame - but that's not going to happen.  Regardless of how my words sound to you right now.

Thankfully, today we are able to go and do some much needed grocery shopping.  Hubby and I have already decided that the meal plan for this week will be nothing but salads and sandwiches.  We're just not going to do much cooking at all until this heatwave subsides.  We are going to spend all of the money we have budgeted for food on fruits, veggies, deli meats, and whole grain bread. That's a big bonus for me - because I will be able to focus on eating fresh foods again.  It's amazing how different my body feels after eating the way I have all week.  I can't wait to have some of my energy back - and not feel so "ugh". 

What I have thought about a lot this week is how much I want to go out walking.  So many times I've just wanted to charge out of my house, with my iPhone in my ear, and let my feet bang out some of the frustration and anger I've had boiled up inside.  But, I can't.  When it's 108 degrees outside, I can barely breath out there - let alone try and walk for miles.  I seriously can not wait until this nasty weather is gone and I can start walking and jogging again.  See, see!  That's positive thinking, right? 

I have only five days until I go back to work.  My summer is officially over in 5 short days.  This is usually the time of the year where I whine about how fast the summer has flown by, and how I'm dreading going back to work.  BUT NOT THIS YEAR.  I can't flippin' wait!  My classroom is just about done, and all I have to do now is get my first week of plans ready - and finish up putting some posters on the wall. 

I never got around to sharing about the meeting I had with my principal on Wednesday.  It was GREAT!  It was so nice to get some time alone with her to explain some of my ideas, have her share some of her expectations, and get a better sense of what my year is going to be like.  One thing that I learned, that I'm really happy about, is that it seems we have a lot in common when it comes to the expectations and desires that we have for the kiddos in the school.  That's always a nice feeling to have. 
I know I'm all over the place this morning - but I'm trying to catch up on what I can.  Plus, I'm pretty sure the heat is melting my brain... I know that's not sweat dripping from my ears - it's my brain.

So, I'll call it a day today.  Got some errands to run and laundry to do.  And take about 8 cold showers.
Till next time. ;)

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Friday's Letters Link-Up

Wow, where has this week gone?  It seems to have flown by in the blink of an eye.  I hate that feeling when I write a reoccuring post, and it feels like I just wrote it a couple of days ago.  I guess that tends to happen, though, when I go through a week that has been as busy as this week.  So, it's time once again to do my Friday's Letters Link-Up.  When I'm finished writing all of my letters, I'll hop on over to www.adventuresofnewlyweds.com and link up with tons of other people who are doing the same kind of post.  You are more than welcome to join me.

Dear Motivation:  How are you, my dear friend?  I know that you've felt a little neglected this week - especially since I haven't gone to the gym at all this week.  But I have thought of you, a lot.  Please don't take my absence from my promised "gung-ho" work-outs as a sign that our friendship is failing... or that I'm leaving you behind.  That's not the case at all.  This week has been crazy busy - and I know that's a lame ass excuse.  But, I promised Peanut that we'd be in the gym on the weekends.  Just because I'm not logging any work-outs doesn't mean I'm not getting some exercise in when I'm working in my classroom.  You are still a big part of my life.

Dear Scale:  Has Motivation called you at some point this week?  It seems that the two of you are in cohoots to try and scare me or make me realize that I'm not as dedicated as I was a couple of weeks ago.  I say to both of you, that's not the case.  You can go ahead and show me a gain this week - honestly?  I don't really care.  Well, OK, of course I care, but I know that what you are showing me is the truth...and I deserve what I see.  I will accept my gain this week with grace and dignity - and use it to serve as a reminder that being busy is a lame excuse and I still have to find a way to make being busy and losing weight a part of my life.  I will get there.

Dear New Classroom:  I am so happy and blessed to have you in my life.  Unfortunately, though, you've taken up pretty much all of my time this week - and your new classroom smell has been a big distraction to my weight loss efforts.  I totally understand why my motivation, my scale, and some of my blog followers believe that you may be my downfall into going back to my old ways - of repeating the same excuses as to why I'm not working out or eating correctly.  But, that's not fair.  It's not your fault.  It's mine.  You may be the reason as to why I haven't gone to the gym.. but it's not your fault that I've slacked on drinking my water or eating every two hours.  That's totally all on me.  Today, I am making sure that Peanut and I bring food with us - healthy food, of course - to keep us going while we work.  I also have my 52ozs water cup that I will guzzle from like nobody's business.  I won' allow you to take the blame for my actions this week.  I can only work on making sure that I find a balance between you and losing weight.  I totally know I can do it.

Dear Gym:  Get ready.  Peanut and I are coming for you this weekend.  I am truly dedicated to making you a part of my regular scheduled programming on the weekends.  And, if for some reason - off in the future - you don't see me on the weekends, it's because I'm walking several miles.  Of course, you don't have to worry about that any time soon while the temps are so freakin' outrageous.  I know that, realistically, the chance of you and I seeing each other during the week probably won't happen... but that just means I have to make the time I do spend with you on the weekends count for something.  No 30 minutes on the elliptical and I'm done attitude....I'll be giving you some major time, some major dedication, and some major sweat.  Peanut won't have it any other way - and for that, I'm truly grateful.

Dear Peanut & Butter's Doctor:  Thank you so much for being so nice to my kiddos, yesterday.  Despite Butter having to have four shots, I really appreciate the talk you had with him about the importance of proper eating and exercise.  Even though I try to lead by example, it's obvious that I have failed to a great extent on that front.  I also appreciate you applauding him on his abilities to overcome his other medical issues, and giving him your encouraging support as he embarks on a new journey in to a new school.  On the same note, thank you so much for commenting on Peanut's perfection when it comes to her height and weight ratio.  She was so scared she was going to hear that she's overweight - and following in the footsteps of her mother was a very big concern to her.  I appreciate you noticing the work she has done to prevent that - and made note that her BMI (despite how stupid I think that thing is) is well in the normal range.  You've further instilled her committment to retain that status - and to push me harder to get to that status.

Dear Weatherman:  My Friday's letters just wouldn't be complete without a letter to you.  I am so mad at you right now, I could spit.  Yesterday, it seemed like every single town around me got rain...tons of it.  We got a 20 second sprinkle...if that.  What gives?  Do you know how infuriating it is to read statuses on Facebook from people only a few miles down the road from me boasting about all the rain they are getting, while I look out the window and don't even see so much as a drop?  So not fair!

Dear Hubby:  Thank you so much for the wonderful meal plan that you created this week.  You have no idea how much it means to me to come home from a day of working or a day of taking kids to appointments to have a yummy, fresh, healthy dinner on the table.  Even the littlist of gestures speaks in volumes - like making burritos with turkey instead of beef.  I love the way you have really taken on, once again, supporting my healthy eating habits.  It's so hard to express my appreciation to you.  I know that you've prepared a few things that you wouldn't eat in a million years if I hadn't been so persistant with my desires to eat cleaner - and the fact that you took a leap of faith to at least experiment and try it leaves me speechless.  You are amazing.

And finally....

Dear Blog Followers/Readers:  Like I have pointed out in my other letters, I know that some of you may be feeling that I've already lost my momentum that I had when I declared a brand new start for myself just three short weeks ago.  I know it's frustrating and disappointing to read that I haven't had the best week, or I haven't worked out, or I haven't eaten as perfectly as I should, or I'm going to see a gain on the scale.  In a world where any reason is nothing more than a stupid excuse - it's so hard to explain how something like getting my very first classroom inteferes with my plans.  If I was able to put in to words the delight and excitment I feel being in my classroom, it may be understandable why I have opted to be there rather than in the gym or working out some other way.  And it's no doubt going to be a huge milestone to overcome the balance between work and weight loss.  But, as much as I don't want to, if I do look back at my greatest weight loss achievements - I have the greatest success when I'm happy.  Being in my classroom, knowing that in a few short weeks I'll finally be a teacher, that makes me happier than I've been in WAY too long.  I know that my success is coming... I know it's already started.  I know it's way too early to already be having set-backs or bumps in the road - but I don't look at them that way.  I look at them as learning blocks.  I have to learn to adjust and compromise.  I have to find a happy balance.  And I know I will.  I'm just too darn happy with my life right now to stop believing that I will most definitely lose the weight.  Just don't give up on me.  Please.
Till next time. ;)

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Back to the Grind

I've been back home from my parent's house for a couple of days, now.  I've had a little time to adjust and get back in to the swing of things... and now it's time to get back to doing what I do.

This week is going to be pretty busy.

Today, I have to take Butter for his visit with Therapy Dude.  It's my his follow up visit post parent's house to see how I'm he's adjusting.  Therapy Dude blocked out an hour and a half for our visit today.  Does he know me or what?  He knows I'm going to be all up in there talking about my problems and stress.

Unfortunately, though, Butter has a lot to talk about too.  Some of his old behaviors are starting to rear their ugly heads - and that worries me.  I don't know if it's because of the stress of being at my parent's, being out of school, or knowing that he's going to be starting a brand new school in a couple of months.  Probably a mixture of all of it.  Whatever it is, I need to find a way to knock it on the head - now.  I understand that there's a lot going on right now, but we have to find a way to deal.  This momma has no problem admitting when it's hard to cope.

Starting tomorrow, I'm teaching a nutrition class for the rest of the week.  It's half a day each day, two classes per day.  For 90 minutes, I have to keep kids amused by discussing nutrition.  Luckily, I'm teaching the same lesson to 8 different classes. 

I've decided to teach about the importance of staying hydrated.  Sounds thrilling, doesn't it?  But, like I said a few posts ago - I don't want to be too much of a hypocrite.  I don't want to stand in front of a classroom of kids and tell them how important it is to eat healthy, when I am struggling with that myself.  Staying hydrated I do know a thing or two about.  Plus, I can incorporate playing around outside in the heat and following up with some good old H2O.  Yes, I totally plan on using this time for my own benefit of getting some exercise in as well as drinking some water.

Being at home has been weird.  I feel almost like a stranger in my own home.  I don't like the clutter or the mess.  I have some serious work to take care of.  Being at my parent's house somehow brainwashed me in to enjoying a clean house.  Even though I'll never really care for this house, much, I can at least work on getting it decluttered so I can be comfortable.  For now.

I've also realized that now it's time to put up or shut up in terms of getting back on my weight loss horse.  That poor ol' horse.  I sure do get up and down off of him way too much.  He's ready for a nice, long ride.  Not a gallop that only lasts a day or two before he's forgotten again.  Anyone else think it's weird that my weight loss horse is male?  No?  Okie dokie, then. 

I'm still determined to lose 20lbs before I go back to work.  I spent some time, yesterday, rearranging my closet and moving all of my summer clothes to the front and temporarily retiring my winter clothes to the back.  It was good for me to see the clothes I was able to wear last summer, but will have some trouble wearing this summer unless I do something about it.  I have so many cute summer dresses, capris, shorts, etc. that are dying to be worn again.  I could almost hear them talking to me.  "Oh, Joanna, do you remember how great you felt when you put me on last year?  Don't you want to feel that way again?"  Yes, clothes, I do.  I do.

My plan for eating is to go back to eating clean.  I tried doing it twice, and both times I had HUGE results very quickly.  The first time was the week before spring break.  I lost something crazy like 7lbs in a week.  Then, I did it a couple of weeks before school got out and lost 8lbs that time.  The problem is, I didn't stick with it.  I jumped off that horse way too fast...and so the weight crept back on just as fast as I lost it.

One thing I learned about eating clean is it's a do or die program.  After a few days, my body starts to adjust to the good things I'm pumping in.  That leads to a fast weight lost the first couple of weeks, cause it's unloading all the nasty toxins and water weight that's stored.  The problem is, though, if you don't stick with it - the weight comes back hard and fast.  I lost 7lbs in a week eating clean, gained it back in a week of not eating clean.  Lost 8lbs in two weeks, gained it back in two weeks. It goes to show that changing my eating habits has to be a lifelong commitment, or I'll be right back to square one in no time. 

I also learned that eating clean isn't expensive or really that difficult.  I'm just eating more natural products.  I'm avoiding white sugar and flour.  My taste buds really enjoyed the changes I was throwing down my throat.  AND, it's very easy to compromise with a family that isn't really on board with cutting out the foods they love.  If they are eating white bread, I eat multi-grain bread.  If they are eating white rice, I eat brown rice.  If they are eating something else I shouldn't have, I can throw a bag of steamed veggies in the microwave and have those instead.  There's plenty of room for compromise and adjustments.  One thing I love about my family, though, is that if I'm eating healthy - they are willing to eat healthy with me.  That part I have to be thankful for.

I have about 6 or 7 weeks before it's time to go back to work.  I'm not sure when my first day will actually be.  That's plenty of time to lose 20lbs.  If I eat clean the whole time, anyway.  If I had the results I did the first two times, anyhow.  If I really commit myself to working out a couple times a week, it should be easy sailing. 

I know I can do it, because I've done it before.  So, I need to do it again...and this time?  NO GOING BACK!

Till next time. ;)

I'm Ready For Ya, Monday!

Dear Diary...

Well, after a very eventful weekend, I'm now ready to begin the last full week of work before Summer Break.  Yep, you heard me right.  I just have this week, four days next week, and that's it.  School's Out For Summer!

Regardless how the dreaded job hunt goes this week, I plan on trying to enjoy myself.  I want to make the most of it.  I'm sure this week will go by just as quickly as every other week has this past school year - so I just plan on going with the flow and seeing what's in store for me. 

I went and did some grocery shopping yesterday.  It really made me realize how much I've changed in regards to my eating habits.  Not so long ago, when I grocery shopped I bought things because they looked or sounded good.  I checked calories, but if I didn't consider it too high - I bought it.  Now, I'm like Sherlock Holmes when it comes to shopping.  I look at the nutrition label, I read the ingredients.  The first ingredient that I come to that I don't know how to pronounce - it's thrown back on the shelf.  I'm learning to recognize "alternative" ingredients - like evaporated cane juice or brown rice syrup.  I know that they are forms of sugar, but when my options are something made with processed sugar and something made with either of those two... I'm going with the cane juice or rice syrup.  It may not be any better than sugar, but it's less processed.  I have to consider the lesser of two evils, I guess. 

My fridge is now loaded with fresh fruits and veg.  I've got whole grain pita wraps and whole grain bread to accompany my lunches - and some dinners - this week.  I've got unsalted almonds.  I've got my Kashi cereal.  I'm ready to go for another week of mostly clean eating. 

The amount of weight I've lost these past two weeks - since making the switch to clean eating - is unbelievable.  I can feel it, even though my clothes don't necessarily show it just yet.  I'm starting to recognize the changes I feel when I eat clean versus eating something that's not.  I can now identify cravings, and find healthy foods to satisfy them.  Late night snacking has basically disappeared.  The food I'm eating is keeping me satisfied and full.  It just pains me that it's taken me this long to discover the benefits I can have just by eating cleaner. 

Last night, I did some thinking about this summer.  How great would it be to go back to work - wherever that may be - in August, and look like a totally different person?  If I can lose 8lbs in two weeks by just changing my eating - just think what I can do with three full months on my hands?  I may end the school year off in a size 18... but is it possible to go back to work in a size 14?  I think it is.  I have the whole summer to make friends with exercise, again.  The first month I'll be in Oklahoma staying at my parent's house... but that doesn't mean I can just sit on my rear.  I'll be able to get up early and go out for a nice, long walk each morning.  Once I come home, I'll be able to disappear to the gym anytime I want... for as long as I want. 

The thought of what I can accomplish this summer excites me.  Depending on whether or not I find a teaching job, I'll have anywhere from 10-12 weeks off this summer.  If I lose 2lbs a week, that could equate to a loss of 20-24lbs.  There's so much possibility for more.  If I work hard enough.  I'm 43lbs away from being 200lbs.  That's a big number... but I sure would like to be in the vicinity by the time August gets here. 

I know, I'm getting ahead of myself - once again.  I know I have to take one day at a time.. but it's always good to have a goal.  Something to work towards. 

So, I'm ready for ya Monday.  I'm ready to start this week off on a positive note.  I'm ready to take on the challenges that lay in front of me.  I'm recharged and ready.  And that's a good place to be.

Till next time. ;)

Finally Friday

Dear Diary...

I know you're probably dying to hear how the interview went.  Am I right?  Well, sorry to disappoint but to say that I think it went OK is about the best I can do.  It's just so hard to gauge how an interview went.  I really won't know how well I did until I either receive a call for an additional interview or I don't. 

I do know that I was very nervous.  A lot more nervous than I recall being last year.  When I'm nervous, I talk.  A lot.  Yes, even more than when I'm not nervous - hard to believe, right?  But, that's what I did.  I probably talked too much.  There's a couple of times I remember rambling on, and actually having to stop and try and remember what the original question was that I was answering. DOH!

I interviewed with a principal and assistant principal.  It was very formal - one asked questions, the other wrote my responses.  Everything inside of my brain was screaming ideas and answers at me.  The thoughts were all jumbled in my head.  I wanted, more than anything, to show these two women how much I deserved to be in a classroom of my own - but words got messed up, ideas got scrambled, and I may have come off sounding more like a crazy woman than a teacher.  I know I'm going to be hard on myself.  It's possible I did a lot better than I thought.  But, only time will tell. 

This weekend, I'm really going to try and get my mind off of all of it.  I'm going to go out to a few craft fairs.  Do some walking.  Spend some time in the heat.  And, boy is there heat.  We're in some kind of crazy heat wave at the moment - that's sending the temps in to the upper 80s and lower 90s...already.  And it's not just heat, but heavy humidity.  That kind of weather that makes you hot and sweaty just walking out the door.  It's yucky.  But, I have to forget about all that if I want to enjoy my weekend. 

This week, I've done well on my eating.  Again, not perfect, but I haven't gone in to any stressful binge modes either.  Which, if I was going to do - would be this week.  All day yesterday, all I could think about was rushing off to the store and buying a huge bag of M&M's.  I wanted to drown myself in a chocolate binge.  I compromised, and ate a small handful of Hershey Kisses.  I got my sweet tooth fix, but didn't swallow 1000 calories of chocolate morsels, either. 

Yesterday afternoon would have also been a great day to get a walk in.  But, I was so hot and sticky by the time I got home - I decided laying on the couch in the AC was much more relaxing.  I'm pondering the idea of getting up early tomorrow morning and going for a walk before the heat really kicks in.  It might help clear my mind so that I can enjoy the weekend. 

All in all, I'm super surprised at how I've kept strong this past couple of weeks.  I knew this time would come where I turn in to Stress Woman - sucker upper of all things stress.  That also means Binge Woman - sucker upper of all things sweet and fried (Stress Woman's sidekick) - is usually right beside her.  But, not this time.  Stress Woman is definitely here.  She's a lot more grouchy and negative than I remember her being from last year - but maybe that's due to the disappearance of Binge Woman.  If I have to chose between being on the grouchy side or drowning myself in junk food - grouchy is going to win.  It probably sucks from everyone that has to come in to contact with me - but my waistline appreciates it. 

I just keep telling myself that if I can deal with this level of stress and still avoid junk food - there's fight left in me, yet.  Oh yes there is. 

Till next time. ;)

Probably One of My Biggest NSV to Date

 
Dear Diary...

I'm feeling much better today.  I managed to catch up on some sleep last night, and I think that helped shake free some of the yucky stress I've been feeling.  I got home from work, and passed out on the couch until 7:30pm.  Not something I'd planned, but it really helped.

After work yesterday, I did something I don't think I've ever done.  I'm pretty sure.  No, positive in fact.  It's so big I shocked the crapiola out of myself and left myself stunned all the way home.

Once a week, I take the kids to the gas station for an Icee - usually when I need to get gas.  It's something we've done all year.  EVERY single time we go, they get an Icee and some form of sweet snack - and I usually get some puppy chow or a doughnut or some chocolate chip cookies.  It's just become a habit.  One that the kids love, and I always regret because I eat a whole tub of puppy chow and then feel guilty for eating so much sugar.

Well, yesterday, I did NOT buy anything for myself.  The kids got their Icees and opted for giant brownies.  I walked around to see if I could find something somewhat healthy - but, hello, I was in a gas station.  When I realized there just wasn't anything, I didn't buy anything.  I looked at the donuts.  I looked at the puppy chow.  I looked at the chocolate chip cookies.  To all three I silently screamed "You're Not Worth It!"  And walked out of the store with a crazy grin on my face.  I just couldn't believe what I'd done.

I don't know what's happening to me.  Whatever it is, I like it!  Am I eating completely clean?  No.  But the choices I'm making are 1000 times better than the choices I was making a month ago - even two weeks ago.  The changes are huge.  I stood on the scale this morning (half week mark) and saw that I'm down another two pounds.  I've lost a total of 7lbs in a week and a half.  That's nothing to scoff at.  What I'm doing is working - the proof is in the pudding, well...not pudding, more like veggies.  

What's even more mind blowing is the fact that now that I'm in the most stressful time of the year, I'm finally pulling my big girl pants up and doing something about my weight.  For the first four months, while in La-La Land without a care in the world, I just couldn't get my act together.  Over and over I said I was going to make changes - and never did.  Now, I'm smacked in the face with the dreaded job hunt, the stress I'm in under with the other personal stuff that's going on, and I'm able to start changing my eating habits and lose some weight.  Crazy, isn't it?

In less than two weeks, I've already lost half of the weight I've gained in 4 months.  It's so sad to admit that I managed to gain 13lbs in 4 months...NOT the direction I was supposed to go.  January 1st, I weighed 239lbs.  Two weeks ago, I was up to 252lbs.  But, now 7lbs of it is gone - in less than 2 weeks.  I just can't wrap my brain around it.  When I saw 245.2lbs this morning, I laughed.  Out loud.  Well, it was more like a school girl giggle.  It was happiness.  It was pride.

I don't care about the weight I've gained.  It's all about what I'm losing, now.  It's about the choices I'm making, now.  It's about how I'm dealing with my stress, now.  There's no time for me to dwell on how much I've gained - only on how much I'm losing.

I'll be back in those size 16s in no time, my friends.  And then 14s.  And then 12s.  Nothing is going to stop me now.  

Till next time. ;)

Weekend Round-Up

Dear Diary...

I know I've said it many times before, but my goodness do weekends go by fast.  One minute I'm driving home from work on a Friday afternoon, and the next minute I'm getting ready to drive to work on Monday morning.  A whole weekend, gone, in the blink of an eye.

Peanut and I were up nice and early Saturday morning to participate in the Race for the Cure.  We got there around 7:40 and had almost an hour to kill before the race started.  We decided to walk around the mall and see what booths were already set up and stuff.  It was a beautiful day - perfect for walking 5K.

Peanut got a pair of bunny ears from a vendor, and decided she wanted to wear them for the race...

And here's a pic of the two of us right before we started...

The race got underway, and Peanut and I had already decided we weren't going to rush.  This was my first year of not running, which made me sad - but it was also my first year of walking along side my daughter.  I wanted to enjoy it.  So, we leisurely walked the 3.1 miles talking about all kinds of stuff.  It was nice to just have that time with her.  We don't get much time alone, so being able to do something like walking for charity is a huge deal. 

We ended up finishing our walk in a little over 52 minutes.  I only know that because their was a big timer at the finish line.  I didn't think that was too bad - not that I cared.  After that, we walked around and picked up a few goodies from some of the vendor booths and then headed to the car.  We decided to grab a quick bite to eat on the way home.  A bad bite - a slice of breakfast pizza and a banana nut muffin. 

Saturday was my free day.  I told myself I was going to treat myself.  Eating a slice of breakfast pizza and a muffin should have been plenty to satisfy my cravings, but alas - it was not.  Mom and I went out to play bingo for the evening, and we had an early dinner before we got started.  I ate a burger and fries.  It occurred to me before ordering that I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten a burger.  That, actually, made me feel pretty good.  But, it also led to me ordering said burger with fries.  Then, later in the evening I ate some chicken strips and ranch dressing. 

The saddest part is that while I was cramming my face full of sodium and fat, I was telling my mom all about my new found love of clean eating.  Stupid, isn't it?  I'm sitting there telling her how wonderful clean eating makes me feel - with a mouthful of processed burger and fries.  Lovely.  I truly amaze myself, sometimes.

Yes, it was a terrible day in terms of my food intake.  I'm not proud of the amount of crap I put in to my system - and I regretted it yesterday.  That tell-tale bloated feeling appeared.  I tried to drink as much water as I could yesterday.  I also made sure not to make the same mistake and get back on track.  I did pretty well...not perfect.  I ate some kettle corn from the craft festival that we visited... but that was the extent of my bad eating for yesterday. 

I also noticed how sluggish and tired I felt once I finally got home yesterday afternoon.  I ended up sleeping for 3 hours shortly after we got home, and was still able to go to bed at 9:30 and sleep all night.  That's just too much sleep!  . 

I've already decided that I need to limit my "free day".  I'm going to adjust to having a free meal on Saturdays - rather than spending the entire day living in Care-Free Land.  In a matter of one day, I was able to pile in enough calories to see all my hard work from last week disappear in the blink of an eye.  OK, I know I didn't really eat enough to gain 5lbs in one day... but it was enough to tell me that the bloating that has now reappeared is enough for me to gain the 5lbs back in one day. 

Oh, and if you didn't pick up on my subtle hint - I'm back to weighing myself again.  Not officially.  If that's possible.  More of a guidance tool...to keep me on my toes.  Some people are able to live without the scale - I'm just not one of those people.  The scale provides me motivation that I can't find from anywhere else.  Last week, I stepped on the scale a couple of times - and was thrilled at the results I was seeing.  I step on it again this morning, and was pissed to see the damage I've done.  The happiness motivates me to keep going, the anger motivates me to not make the same mistakes again.  The number this morning is what has made me realize that I can have one meal a week that's "care free" but that's it.  No more junk-food filled Saturdays for me!

Once I get back down to the 239lbs I started this year off weighing, I'll start reporting my weigh-ins each week.  I have a long way to go.  Ten pounds, actually.  It makes me mad that I've managed to gain 10lbs in 5 months rather than lose 20.  But, I'd managed to lose 5lbs of them last week (before my junk fest this weekend).  I'm confident that if I have another week like last week, and don't spoil it next weekend, that 10lbs will be gone in no time..and I'll be back to losing the weight I started this year off wanting to lose. 

Lesson learned, and all that jazz.  I'm going to put myself in to it 150% this week - which means making my rear end get out for the walks that I'm supposed to be doing every day.  If I can lose 5lbs just by adjusting my eating - then who knows what I can accomplish by putting a little pep in my step and walking for 20-30 minutes each day.  Guess we're going to find out.

Till next time. ;)

Hunger Games a Weight Loss Tool?

Dear Diary...

This week, I finally finished reading the first Hunger Games book.  If you haven't read it or seen the movie, I will refrain from giving away important information that will spoil either for you.  I haven't seen the movie, yet, it's on my to-do list for next weekend.

Common available knowledge will have you already know that the premise of the first book is about 24 kids that are called to fight each other to the death, until one comes out victorious.  Yes.  I said kids.  Fighting to the death.

There's a lot of controversy surrounding this book.  It's advertised as a teen-read, which has raised a lot of alarm among parents and teachers in regards to the barbaric story line.  Being that there was controversy - I had to read it.  Plus, I also heard that it's a FANTASTIC trilogy - so that made me want to read it, too.

I finished the first book in a matter of two days.  It really is a fantastic read.  I just didn't want to put it down - and found myself reading it while at work, and any spare moment I had.  Although, I will say that yes, there are some disturbing parts to the story that often made me question why I kept reading the book.  There are even a few parts that made me tear up and get knots in my stomach - something that has only ever happened when Dumbledore was killed in the Harry Potter series.  But this was worse.

If you feel like I have now spoiled Harry Potter for you - well, sorry, but there is a statute of limitations on how long I can keep information like that to myself.  The book and the movie in which that event happens has been out for years... so, you should have read it/ seen the movie by now.

Anywho, back to Hunger Games.  Something happened to me while reading this book that is hard to explain.  Well, it's not hard to explain - but maybe hard to understand.

This week, I have done a fantastic job at keeping to my clean eating.  I mean absolutely fantastic.  I've been eating tons of veggies.  I find myself craving fruits instead of chocolate or sugar.  I've been diligent on sticking with whole grains, lean meats, and checking labels to make sure I'm not being tricked in to eating stuff I shouldn't.  There has been no mindless eating.  I've been very aware of when I'm eating, how much I'm eating, and only eating when I'm supposed to (according to my meal plans).  I could sit here and say that I've done all this because I'm just awesome like that - and when I set my mind to something, I do it.  But, you all know me well enough by now to know the truth in that - am I right?  No.  There has been something else that has been aiding my efforts, causing me to be so mindful.  So, what is it that has been such an aid to me this week?  The book.  Hunger Games.

Again, not to spoil anything, but the book has many kids that come from places where food is scarce...to the point where many starve to death.  Hello, it's called "The Hunger Games".  In order to survive, kids have to go out and hunt for their food.  They celebrate at being able to eat fruits or veggies or freshly killed meat.  Cheese on a piece of bread is a feast. 

While I was reading, I found myself feeling guilty at the thought of being able to go to my fridge and eat whatever I wanted.  Yes, I know the story is fake.  I'm not that stupid.  But, reading about kids starving to death pulled at my heart strings.  How could I sit there and eat something that wasn't good for me, when I knew that imaginary kids were starving to death and then having to kill each other?  The book really started getting in my head.

While reading, I found myself craving the foods that they were eating.  Having some grapes with a piece of cheese was a treat.  Enjoying some cottage cheese tasted amazing.  Limiting and rationing the food I took to work started happening.  I didn't have to eat all my lunch, I could save some of it.  Crazy, weird things were happening to me.  Crazy, weird, good things.

So, what can I take from all of this?  A) I'm completely nuts and get way too involved in the books I'm reading.  B) I'm so desperate to find something to help me eat well, that I'm pulling my reading materials in as a floatation device.  C)  The Hunger Games is a book written to make people feel bad about their wealth and plethora of food, and to be more mindful and grateful of what they have. 

It could be any of those.  It could be all of them.  All I know is that while reading that book, I found a new appreciation for the food I had available to me, and was a lot more mindful at what I ate and how much I ate of it.  There's absolutely no harm in that!  Am I right?

While the book is fantasy, the harsh truth is that there are thousands and thousands of kids in this world living a similar lifestyle to these fantasy characters.  While I sit here and complain about how fat I am and how I can't stop eating junk food, there are kids starving to death, trying to find any scrap of food they can get their hands on just to survive.  Those kids would literally give their right arm to have some fresh fruit, veg, bread, and cheese.  Forget candy or chocolate or chips or cookies.  Some kids have never even heard of those things.  It's about survival to them.  What sustenance can they get their hands on that will help them stay alive?

Yes, some may believe that the book is barbaric and something children shouldn't be exposed to - but there are some very important lessons to be learned by reading the book.  I know that I've found myself with a completely different outlook on my eating behaviors and patterns.  The book has somehow plucked me out of the mindset of eating because I love to eat to, and shoved me in to the reality that I only need to eat to survive.  I should be grateful for what I have.  I shouldn't abuse it.  You never know, maybe, just maybe, the less I eat - the more that will be available to those that need it.  Probably a unrealistic way to look at it - but if it works for me.. I'm going to go with it.

So, if you haven't read the book and are struggling with your weight - I suggest you read it.  Read it and soak up the fantasy that's being laid out before you.  Think about those characters.  Lose yourself in the book - and forget the junk food.  There's definitely more to that story than meets the eye - if you allow it.

I'm going to keep reading the last two books.  I have to.  They are really that good.  And, they may be just what I've been needing to help me even more with my weight loss. 

Till next time.  ;)

Gonna Get Lean By Eating Clean

Dear Diary...

Picture this for a second... The inside of your body is a busy metropolis.  Cells rushing down the vein highways, trying to get to work at their Muscle and Organ buildings.  A school of mini cells are learning about the importance of running the body, working in the various places of the body.  The best educated will be given the responsibility of performing the important areas of the body, while the "slackers" could be sent down below - to the area no cell ever wants to end up.  The President is up in the control center with his important staff corresponding with the mayor of Heartsville to make sure things are running smoothly.

However, like all busy metropolis areas, pollution has become a concern.  There's trash lining the veins.  It's getting harder and harder for blood cells to get to work.  The oxygen is becoming laced with obvious signs of chemicals and toxins that are polluting the streets, the water, and other areas.  The workers down in Bowel Town are on the verge of a strike - there's just too much trash going down to their neck of the woods - and it's causing some major back-ups.  The mayor is concerned and has been relaying his concern up to the President.  The President, at first, wasn't too worried - but seeing the dismay of what was once a pretty clean, well running country - is now starting to have some serious concerns.

There's only one thing to do - send out for help.  Start organizing a clean-up on the Metropolis.  Call out for assistance from those that know how to flush out the damage and restore life to a clean, pollution free wonderland.  The trash has to be cleared out of the main arteries and veins.  More water is needed.  And the oxygen in the air needs to be filtered and cleaned.   What is the President and mayor to do?

No, this isn't the beginning of a truly fantastic children's book - although, now that I've mentioned it, consider it copy written.  Maybe one day kids everywhere will be begging their parents to tell them the ending of this magical story.

This explanation is the messed up way I think of my own body.  I think of actual living beings rushing around inside of me, working their hardest to keep my body moving.  Although it's a fantasy land - the problem is very real.  There is some serious damage that's been done to the inside of my body, and unless I get some help for it - my insides are on the road to disaster.  So, what can I do?

That, my friends, is where Clean Eating comes in. 

After doing some pretty intense internet research on the subject, yesterday, I think I've finally settled on a plan that's going to save my body and restore it back to a healthy, beautiful environment.  I can flush out the chemicals and toxins by just not putting anymore in to my body - and filling my body with good, wholesome ingredients.  And yes.  It really is that easy.

Clean Eating isn't a fad diet.  It isn't a get thin quick scheme - although many people report losing a ton of weight in the early stages of their clean eating transformation.  It's a simple way of life.  Don't eat anything that has processed ingredients.  Period.  That's it. 

At first, I was a little worried.  How am I going to be able to avoid foods that have processed ingredients?  Wouldn't that limit my food choices by about 300%?  Well, after my research, I found out it was a heck of a lot easier than I ever imagined.  Being that the country is trying with all it's might to help people lose weight - the amounts of unprocessed foods are vast.  Whole grain breads, pastas, and grains are much more readily available.  Even cereals are available that are made with unprocessed grains and natural cane juice - versus processed grains and refined sugars.  The lean meats, fruit and veg are easy - they've always been available.

You want to know what stuck out to me the most during my reading?  No more counting calories!  You all know how much I HATE counting calories, right?  I went back to doing it out of necessity.  The only way I could keep track of how much I was eating was by counting calories.  Well, guess what?  As long as I stick to three meals a day with two light snacks - that are all CLEAN - then I don't have to count calories anymore.  Is it really that simple?  Yes and no.  I definitely have to be mindful of my portion control and the amounts of protein versus complex carbs.  But, being that I'm moving to a more protein heavy - less complex carbs way of eating right now... I don't have to count.  YAY!!

So, I'm making the switch.  I'm moving to a Clean Eating lifestyle.  It won't be a complete transformation - yet - but I want to try and shoot for eating around 90% clean.  The 10% will come from dairy.  I just don't want to think about cutting dairy out of my diet.  I love it too much.  But, it's hard to find unprocessed dairy products - so the dairy stays.  But, 90% clean eating is a heck of a lot better than 0% clean eating.

As of right now, I've been eating clean for three days.  I would say my percentage is about 85% for those three days.  I've had some sugar.  But, for the most part, only clean foods have entered my body - and I'm already noticing a difference.  My bloated feeling that sticks with me pretty constantly is lightening up.  I'm starting to feel more energetic.  The cravings and urges have decreased - not completely gone, but aren't constantly in my mind, either.

I feel like Clean Eating is the best option for me.  It's the only way I'm going to retrain my body to not want the junk.  It's the only way I'm going to get rid of the fat - and keep it gone.  It's the only way I can really know that my body is getting healthier.  I'm excited about it.  I know I can do it.

There will be a happy ending to my story - eventually - and I can't wait to share it all with you.

Till next time. ;)