I managed to get some sleep last night, after a horrible headache hit me about 8 last night. I'm sure the headache came from only getting about an hour's sleep the night before, and it was my body's way of saying CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SLEEP, WOMAN! So, I did. And I slept really well. No bad dreams, no waking up for no reason, just sleep. And this morning, I feel much better.
I did have one dream that was actually pretty good. I dreamt about having a family get-together at my house. Everyone was hanging out by the pool. All of the kids were playing, the adults were talking, and I remember looking in to the pool seeing my children in the pool enjoying a game of something with some of the guys, and they looked so happy. It was one of those dreams that gave me the warm and fuzzy feelings. One thing that I do remember about the dream is the fact that all the people at our family get-together weren't my blood family, but they are most definitely my family.
Here lately, I have been building strong relationships with Peanut's dad's family. They were the people in my dream, enjoying the family get-together. They have become a very important part of my life. Daily, I talk to his aunt either through text or phone call. We have become very good friends, and we have such a great relationship. We can talk about anything and everything and find some humor in it. We laugh and joke around together, and it's almost like having an older sister. His mom calls me a couple of times a week, just to check in and see how I'm doing. Just like a mom, really. She asks about the kids, how school is going, how work is going, and we talk about what's going on in her neck of the woods. Her phone calls can be quick 5 minute conversations, but it means so much to me that she takes time to call. His grandparents are just two of the sweetest people I know, and they have told me many times that I am now their granddaughter. I love going to see them, and I love how comfortable they make me feel. I absolutely adore them. His brother and sister-in-law open up their home to me when we visit and have always been so nice to me. His dad and step-mom are the same way. And I could keep going on and on with this.
With everything that I've been going through lately, it's been so nice to know that I have a strong family support system behind me, and it's even more special being that they have absolutely NO obligation to me. Sure, they are Peanut's blood family, but that doesn't require them to treat me the way they do. OK, I am the mother of their family member, but just being nice would perfectly suffice. But they have gone above and beyond to make me feel like I'm also a part of the family... and I don't think they realize how important that's been for me.
Not having a relationship with my parents during all of this turmoil definitely took it's toll on me in the beginning. When S and I first broke up, I felt so alone. Who could I turn to? Who could I talk to? But, I didn't have to worry about that for long. I was absolutely flooded with support and comfort during my time of need by people that didn't have to do what they've done for me, yet they did. Willingly. Openly. No strings, no rhyme or reason except for the fact that it speaks volumes to what amazing people they are.
I know how important it is to have a good relationship with an ex's family. I mean, it's good to keep an open relationship with family so that the kids don't suffer. But, every single person in that family knows me well enough to know that it wouldn't matter how they treated me, I'd never stop Peanut from having anything to do with them. Yet, even knowing that, they still treat me as if I'm part of the family anyway.
The dream I had last night definitely opened up my eyes to some of the blessings I have. I know that I never have to feel alone. It has nothing to do with having people to talk to about my problems, it's not like that. Our relationship isn't like that. It's not about having people to lean on in my time of need, it's about having people that take away the need to have someone to lean on. I don't talk to them about the bad situations that are going on in my life, I don't spill my problems on to their shoulders, and that's because they make the bad seem a whole lot less. Just talking about my day, how the kids are doing, and hearing about how life is going for them is enough. More than enough, really. They take my mind off of some of the scary stuff I'm facing. They are my support system without even knowing how much support they're giving me.
What I do know is family doesn't have to be about blood. It's about the bonds and ties you make with people that care for you, and that you care for. It's seeing how you're treated not during the good times of your life, but during the harder times. And I know that I feel the way I do, as good as I do right now, because of all of these amazing people that have helped me so much without knowing it. They have no idea how much their love has touched me, how important they are to me, and how important they have been in keeping me focused and whole.
Sometimes we don't realize what we have staring us right in the face. We don't understand the blessings we have in life. We often focus on the bad, the negative, and the hard and overlook the good, the positive, and the supportive.
I'm not sure if any of them read this, but if so, I want to say THANK YOU! You have absolutely no idea the impact you've made on my life. You probably have no idea how your simple gestures have helped me overcome some of the battles I'm facing. You probably have no idea how important you've been to me. And, it really means the world to me.
OK, sappy stuff over with... now time to get ready for work.
Have a great day, everyone!