Had a Great Fourth...Now On to Vacation Prep

                                         

Well, we managed to have a fantastic 4th of July.  The kids and I went up to the park, that's just down the street from our house, and enjoyed the town's 101st Freedom Fest.  Even though we've only been living in this town a year, we've been coming to this celebration on and off for years.  It first started way back when the kids were small, and we lived in this town then.  

The park fills up with car shows, tractor shows, vendors, inflatables, and local bands for a day of fun, food, and small town togetherness.  

We spent a couple of hours looking around, playing, and enjoying ourselves that can only be explained further with the pictures that I took...

Our first stop was to look at the animals that were on show by the Wilderness Safari that's located a little outside of town.  They brought a trailer full of monkeys and had some more "farm friendly" animals for the kids to touch...

Jelly petting a calf, and as you can tell, not too sure about that...

                                       

Jelly touching a baby llama (or alpaca, I can never tell the difference)

                                      

All three kids petting the baby donkeys...

                                     

Some bunnies...

                           

And some piglets...

                                       

After that, Jelly took some time to enjoy the inflatables...

                                     

                                     

                                     

Then, we took a ride downtown on the back of a tractor wagon...

                                      

                                      

                                      

And before we left, the kids took a picture with the giant gorilla...

                                       

That was the end of the first trip up to the park, but after being there for a while, we were hot and ready for some swimming.  The original plan was to come home, swim, eat dinner, and then go back to the park for the concert and fireworks that started at 7PM.

When I say that was the original plan, I mean the plan got changed a little.  When I got home and discovered that EVERY. SINGLE. swim towel was ONCE AGAIN stuffed in the laundry basket to be washed, I may or may not have had a little baby tantrum and declared that I was NOT going swimming.  I then went in to my room to "cool off" for a second, and the next thing I know Hubby was waking me up and telling me dinner was ready.  And, low and behold ALL of the kids had to be woken up as well.  Apparently, after my little fit, they all decided to lay low in their rooms and all fell asleep.  So, even though we didn't swim, we did all enjoy a nap.

Hubby had grilled chicken and baked potatoes for us to eat, and after enjoying every bite of it, it was back to the park for a free concert and fireworks.

Jelly opted to go back on the water inflatables for a while...

                                        

Peanut and Butter were enjoying the nice weather and decent music...

                                        

                                         

And they even decided to have a little "planking" competition to amuse themselves...

                                          

Jelly made up a comfy spot on the grass when it was time to get ready for fireworks...

                                          

She didn't stay there long, though, and opted for a chair.  She doesn't look very happy, but that's only because the flash caught her offguard...

                                          

The other kids kept a smile on their faces all night...

                              

And finally it was time for the AMAZING fireworks.  I'm only going to show two pictures, because the pictures I got don't do the fireworks any form of justice...

                               

                               

We had a great time, and despite my little fit throwing, enjoyed our entire day together.

Today is all about getting ready for our vacation.  We're leaving bright and early tomorrow morning, so I have a lot to get done.  I need to make sure everyone's clothes are clean, make sure everything we need is packed, run to the store and pick up the few essentials we need to take with us, and clean the house so that we can come home to a clean house.  

I bet Hubby can't wait for us to all be gone.  He has to stay behind, but that's like a vacation for him anyways.  He'd much rather stay home and have an empty house than gallivant off with us to theme parks, shows, and water parks.  Which, despite being sad he won't be there with us, I am relieved that someone will be here to watch the house and the cats while we are gone.

The kids are all uber excited.  This is our first family getaway since Jelly was 6 months old... so about five and a half years.  Even if we are only going to Branson, which is just a two hour drive from where we live, it's a vacation in their eyes.  In all of our eyes.  A giant resort, indoor water park, shows, miniature golf, and Silver Dollar City.  And we even plan on doing some shopping at some point at the giant outlet mall I've never been to that's located in Branson.

Our trip was supposed to be three days and two nights, but I've already decided that we're going to add another night because there's just no way we can do everything we want without rushing and squeezing it in... so another night will help lift some of that.

I'm taking my iPad with me, so I might be doing some blogging while I'm away.  Not making any promises, but I'm thinking in the evenings it will be nice to have something to do once all the fun of the day is over.  

OK, can't spend anymore time sitting here...so much to do and so little time!!

Have a great Saturday, everyone!!

Let's Celebrate Our Freedoms...At Least For a Day

                              

Today is the 4th of July, or otherwise known as Independence Day.  A day where our country can rejoice and celebrate all the freedoms it has to offer.  Not that anyone from any other country would understand that, if they spent just a few hours reading some of the Facebook news feeds of some of the citizens of this country.

In 1776, America claimed its independence over Britain, and Democracy was born.  The most famous line from the Declaration of Independence reads...

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

And, I have to admit, that when I read that line I feel a little sad.  Because even though we live in the country that promotes Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness, when I turn on the TV or read through the headlines I see nothing but people complaining about their rights, freedom, and life being controlled and dominated by either government or religion.  

Complaint after complaint after complaint is all I ever seem to read about.  And if it's not complaints, it's one side versus the other side about which rights and freedoms should be or are being corrupted.

"Take away all guns"

"Don't take away our constitutional right to own guns"

"Gay people shouldn't be allowed to marry, it's against the Bible"

"Gay people should be allowed to marry, because this decision shouldn't be based on religion"

"Companies and their owners should be free to run their businesses as they see fit"

"Companies and their owners should not be allowed to include religious beliefs in their company practices"

"Government should not be allowed to impose healthcare on its citizens"

"The government is providing affordable healthcare so that all people have access to medical care."

And on, and on, and on it goes.

It's very depressing, really. Yet, all these complaints and whining and non-stop bombardment of opinions proves to us one thing:

We have the RIGHT to complain.  

Regardless of what side of the table you sit, each and every person has the right to agree and disagree with whatever the hot topic of discussion is that particular day, and broadcast said opinions to the whole world via social media.  And it's one right that SO MANY people choose to publicize.

Is our country perfect?  Absolutely not.  But, it sure would be nice if everyone, at least today, stepped back and realized how good they actually have it.

My story is one that's as old as this country itself.  

Twenty years ago, my parents loaded me up on a plane and took me away from my home, my extended family, and my friends to pursue "The American Dream".  

No, life wasn't horrible for us back in England, but moving to America was a new start.  A fresh start.  One that would grant us more freedoms, a better life.

Now, I was one of the lucky ones.  Having a mother that was already an American citizen helped.  I didn't come to this country as an illegal, I came with the full rights bestowed on citizens, thanks to my mother's birth.  Some of my extended family are not so lucky, and have been waiting 15+ years to have the opportunity to move here.  But, that's a different story for a different time.  

I don't have some horrible back story to share about how I lived the life of poverty, and moving to America was away to live the American dream of a fresh start and new horizons.  But, in my twenty years here there are a lot of points I can make... points that make me 110% sure that I'd never move back to England or to any other country, if given the chance. 

I am, now, a 32 year old woman.  A mother to three children.  I am not married.  (In some countries, those points, alone, would be enough to get me locked up.)  I went to college and I'm a teacher.  I am buying my own house.  I am paying for a car, two actually.  All of those things are now possible because I spent several years getting government assistance until I was finished with college, and employed with a pay that could support my family.  

I am over $175,000 in debt thanks to a mortgage, car payments, and student loans, yet I am living comfortably, and that debt is not lingering over my head.  It is apart of the American Dream.  All my bills are paid, on time, and I even pay more than what is owed each month to help carve it away faster.

All three of my children are free to go to school each and every day.  They have the right to a good education.  They have the choice to continue that education and pursue a career of their choosing.  

My family is free to attend any church, mosque, temple, or place of worship we want to.  We also have the right to attend none of them.  

I have the right to spend money with whatever companies I want, and avoid those I don't like.

I have the right to get up each morning and spend the day wearing whatever clothes I deem to be appropriate, even if others disagree.  I have the right to cut my hair, color my hair, apply make-up, and trim and wax any hair that I don't find to be "attractive".  

If I am sick or injured, I can walk in to any hospital and receive medical treatment.  Will I walk away with a bill?  Sure.  But, my insurance also provides me the piece of mind that the bill will only be about 30% of what it could be.

Now, am I allowed to do all these things if I lived in England?  Yep.  But, I could list off several countries that don't give those same freedoms.  Take a second and think about it, I bet you could come up with a few.

Now, again, this country isn't perfect.  There are far too many people in this country that are unemployed.  There are far too many homeless people.  There are far too many kids being abused, adults, too, for that matter.  There are far too many people living off of government assistance and reaping benefits that they shouldn't be reaping.  

But, if you are sitting at home, on your computer or smartphone or tablet, reading this blog post, I'm sure you can come up with some positive things to say about the country you live in.  The good you have in your life.  The freedoms that you are allowed to pursue.

Especially if you are one of those people that make post after post after post on Facebook about the injustices that are forced on to the people of this country.  

Let me enlighten you with my opinions on those stories you so love to share with the world...

Guns kill people.  But, they need a person pulling the trigger to make it happen.  Outlawing guns will only take guns away from those legal to carry, and put more power in to those that aren't legal to carry.

Women's rights are not being continuously taken away.  Women, like myself, are working, making their own decisions, having as many children as they deem fit, have access to drugs that can prevent pregnancy, are voting, and are spending WAY too much time on Facebook complaining about their rights being taken away.

America is a melting pot of cultures and religions.  If you don't like the color of the skin of your neighbor or co-worker, then you're in the wrong place.  Same thing if you don't agree with the religious beliefs of your neighbor.  But, don't worry, you still have the right to make those points known... even though it's ridiculous.

Religion has no place in the laws that control this country.  If a man chooses to marry a man, or a woman chooses to marry a woman, a Christian principle should NOT control that right.  There is not a non religious argument out there that can't stand toe to toe with heterosexual couples to prevent this right.  Heterosexuals cheat, divorce, and many can't produce children.  Heterosexuals can't explain how or why they fell in love with their partner.  It just happened.  They felt a connection.  And no amount of brainwashing or "cures" are out there to help heterosexuals from loving people of the opposite sex, so why would there be one to stop homosexuals from loving the same sex?

But, again, my opinions.  My right to express those opinions.  On THIS day, Independence Day.  The day that I'm free to do so.... oh wait, I'm free to do so any day.

So, instead of continuing the constant bickering over rights, religion, and freedoms, how about we celebrate this day thanking our lucky stars we have them?  Any of them.  All of them.

Because, at the end of the day, you should be thankful for everything you have in your life.  You could live in a country that offers you none of those things.  

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, EVERYONE!!

It's National Best Friend Day!!

                                      

I often get quite tickled by the "National" days that spring up on my Facebook feed.  Every single day of the year has some kind of special meaning, according to Nationalholidaycalendar.com.

Friday was National Donut Day.  And you can bet your bottom dollar that I drove the kids and myself to Krispy Kreme to take advantage of choosing ANY donut for FREE.  Peanut and I went for a traditional raspberry filled glazed, Butter tried one of their new Brownie Batter donuts, and Jelly went for her usual colorful, sprinkled ring donut.  Not a bad day to celebrate.  Thank you, Krispy Kreme, for being a good sport and indulging the good people of Northwest Arkansas by not taking a single penny for your glorious creations.

But, did you also know that Friday was National Gardening Exercise Day, National Yo-Yo Day, National Drive-In Movie Day, or National Applesauce Cake Day?  NO?? Good heavens, why not? 

Probably, because you're a normal person, like me, and have no idea about these crazy "holidays" unless someone posts it on your Facebook feed and you decide to do a little digging to find out if that's actually true, or just someone trying to start a new trend.

Yesterday was National Chocolate Ice Cream Day (do Snickers Ice-Cream bars count?), National Trails Day, and National VCR Day.  Seriously? Where do they come up with this stuff.  Does anyone even own a VCR anymore?

And how do you celebrate something like that?  Buy the VCR a brand new, never opened, "vintage" video tape for it to chew up?

While most of the days are completely hysterical and go by without me giving them the slightest bit of thought, today's Facebook National Day reminder caught my attention.  

Today is National Best Friends Day.  

It's also National Upsy Daisy Day (what the heck is that?) and National Name Your Poison Day... really?  Well, if you're curious, according to the website National Upsy Daisy Day is supposed to promote people to get up and go "gloriously, gratefully, and gleefully".  Urm.  OK.  This fat girl gets up every day as gloriously, gratefully, and gleefully as she can possibly muster.  Sometimes it's quite comical to see me roll out of bed.  Other days, it would be best to pretend you never saw it.  And be thankful you are saved from that sight each day.  Seriously.  Be thankful.  

National Name Your Poison Day relates to "naming your poison" when it comes to picking a drink in a bar... OK, now I'm interested.  But, the actual meaning is to celebrate making a decision or a choice.  I'm going to celebrate making the decision to not celebrate some of these cockamamy holidays.  How about that?

Except, today, I am willing to take...no scratch that, I need to take some of my time today to celebrate National Best Friends Day by giving a little shout-out to the people I consider my very best friends.

Up until a few years ago, I really didn't have a best friend.  In fact, I hadn't really had a "best friend" since high school.  My definition of a best friend was someone I spent all of my spare time with, talked to constantly on the phone, knew every intimate detail of their lives and they knowing mine.  And I didn't have that.  Nobody filled that spot.  Sure, I had friends and acquaintances, but they were really just co-workers.  People I spent time with because we were forced together because we worked together.  That's it really.  

But then, I started my last two years of college.

If you've been around these parts, reading my blog for some time, you all should recognize and know Sanity and Hope (the two pictured with me above and the middle picture on the bottom). They have been my best friends since my sophomore year of college.  We became fast friends after being put together to work on a group project.  We realized we enjoyed each others' company, and our group work then turned in to dedicating one day a week to "hang out and destress" from the toll of college work.  That then led to us spending weekends together, doing "college student" like activities like going to nightclubs, singing karaoke, and just having an absolute blast with each other.  In fact, I would go out on a limb that I spent WAY more time with Sanity and Hope than I did with my family, those last two years.  

Shortly after we graduated, I was given a framed picture of the three of us in our caps and gowns.  That picture sits happily and proudly on my desk at school.  I look at those girls every single day and think about how much we went through, how we supported each other, and how I probably would have never made it through without them.  

Since graduation, our time together has been interrupted with stuff like having to work.  Which sucks, big time.  All three of us work, have families and other friends, and don't get to see each other near as much as I'ld like.  

In fact, Hope just gave birth to a stunningly beautiful little guy.  He was born premature, and has been fighting a tough battle, but he's pulling through like a champ.  It breaks my heart that I have yet to go and see her, see him, see them both.  But, because it's been so long since Hope and I saw each other, I figure it best to give her space with her closest family and friends, and then I'll make it over to see her in a few weeks when her little bundle of miracle has completely pulled through and up for more visitors.  

Sanity is doing what she does, and I keep up with as much as I can through Facebook.  I did enjoy a well overdue chat with her, yesterday.  We're both determined to spend some quality time together this summer.  That's happening.  I'm not going through an entire summer without being with her at least some of it.  I don't think I'll have too much trouble convincing her to come spend some time with me, in my pool.  HA!!

Then there's E.  She's the newest of my "best friends".  Our friendship has just developed over the course of this school year.  When I was going through a really rough time, she was there to listen.  We hadn't been close, really, before that... but I somehow felt cosmically called to her to lean on.  She was a ray of fresh air on a very tough and thick raincloud that was hanging over my head, and I will always love her for that.  And since then, I've had no trouble going to her when I need to be told not just what I want to hear, but what I need to hear.  In my opinion, that's the definition of a true friend... someone that will be honest with you, doesn't sugar coat, but always does it reinforcing the fact that she's doing it because she cares.  I don't know how many nights we've spent texting each other through our certain situations.  I don't get to spend near as much time with her outside of work as I'd like, either, but again... I have plans to make that happen this summer.  She hasn't been informed of these "plans" yet.. but I know she reads this, so... SURPRISE!! We're hanging out this summer as much as possible, FYI.  :)

And then last, but definitely not least, there's P-Momma.  Best friend isn't exactly the right title for her.. she's like a mother to me.  She has been and always will be a grandmother to my children.  That woman has gone above and beyond to make us a part of her family, and I know she's always a phone call or a short drive away.  She calls me or texts me several times a week just to see how I'm doing, opens up her home to my crazy crew for get-togethers or just when I'm in serious need of some P-Momma time, and has always made me feel like I'm a daughter to her.  I can and do tell her EVERYTHING that's going on in my life.  She gives me motherly advice, best-friend advice, and just plain ol' lets sit down and chat time. I will always love her and she is a very important person in my life.  

I have learned over the course of the past couple of years that I am blessed with many friends.  The people I work with are more than co-workers.  We know about each others' families and special events and general stuff that's happening in each others' lives.  So, I definitely can't complain about how happy I am for having such amazing people in my life.

But, there are always those select few that you know you have a special bond with.  The feeling doesn't necessarily have to be mutual.  Meaning, I might consider these ladies my absolute best friends, but they have different people they place in that category.  And that's perfectly fine.  Just knowing that I was picked to be a part of their lives is a great honor, and one that I don't take lightly.  

Each of them, in their own way, have had a hand in shaping, molding, and guiding me through these later years of my life.  The good, the bad, the crazy, and the exciting.  When I think of the really big moments that have happened these past several years, at least one of them are a part of it.  They are all apart of one or the other.  

I can never, truly repay them for the kindness, support, love, and honesty that they've each bestowed on me.  But, just knowing that I care for them, appreciate them, and honor them on this day is my small token of showing them what they mean to me.

So, Sanity, Hope, E, and P-Momma, THANKY YOU for being the best friends this girl could ask for.

I love you all!!

HAPPY NATIONAL BEST FRIEND DAY!!

Oh, and don't forget to enjoy National Upsy Daisy Day, and Pick Your Poison Day... cause, you know.. I suppose there's someway you can get up "gracefully" or make some form of decision.

Well, Hello 2014!!

                     

My intent after ringing in the new year, last night, was to get a family photo.  A picture of all of us together.  The last picture of 2013.  But, I quickly realized that it's impossible to get three children, a man that hates pictures, and me all together for a photo when there isn't anyone left to actually take the photo.  So, I did the next best thing and took selfies with each of my kiddos and Hubby.

All of these pictures were taken right before the ball dropped...so close enough to New Year.

We had such a fun time last night.  Just the five of us, at home, enjoying each other's company.  We played games, we laughed, we ate, we drank, and it was a fantastic way to start our new year together.  As a family.  I realized I don't need loud music, tipsy people, and partying to have a good time.  I had a fantastic time with what was taking place in my living room.  And I'm a firm believer in starting the year as I mean to go on... so I started out with having a good time with the people I love.

I've really been going back and forth with whether or not to make resolutions this year.  I mean, I wrote my not-as-funny-as-they-were-supposed-to-be-but-completely-realistic resolutions a few days ago, and when I wrote them I had every intention of writing some deeper resolutions.  

I think it would feel kinda weird for me not to write some resolutions... because it's a part of my tradition.  Even though I know that 90% (if not more) of them will fall to the wayside at some point or another throughout the year.  

The way I look at it, though, is writing out my resolutions is a way of starting the year off with good intentions.  No, I might not keep to those good intentions, but I don't ever recall a new year where I look back at resolutions I made the year before and feel like my whole world has fallen apart because I didn't do everything I had intended.  In fact, I realize that I still had a pretty darned good year and would have made some of the awesome stuff that happened a part of my resolutions...had I known that stuff would happen.

In fact, if I look at last year's resolutions... 

On December 31st, 2012 I wrote the following resolutions:

Lose Weight

Make the most of my time

Become more financially responsible

Create more memories and traditions

Be happy!

There were specific bullet points added to each resolution, that didn't necessarily get checked off the list... but, if I look at the main resolutions....

In 2013, I did lose weight.  And then gained some back.  And then lost a bunch.  Then gained some of that back.  Then lost a few pounds more.  But...there was definitely weight lost throughout the year.

I made the most of my time.  I spent a good deal of time enjoying myself, spending time with the kids, having family get-togethers, going to sporting events, etc.  I'm still the worst when it comes to procrastination, but everything that needed taking care of was taken care of, and I was never in a situation where I had wasted time and not done what I needed to do.

I definitely became more financially responsible in 2013...kinda had to when we bought OUR NEW HOUSE!!  Not sure why that wasn't a resolution, but it fits nicely with this one.  Buying a house is a very grown up thing to do, and has a tight hold on the budget.  So, in order to make it work, we really had to be more financially responsible.  Still have to be, really.

I can definitely say I created more memories and traditions.  We started some new traditions during the summer when the pool was all cleaned out and ready to go.  I have a feeling that we'll do the same thing this summer.  I made some great memories with the kids going to their games...Peanut with volleyball and Butter with football.  Butter even had his first major sporting injury.  Jelly and I went to the theater and saw our first live production together.  Peanut and I went to see a college team play volleyball.  I took Peanut and Butter to homecoming.  Lots of great memories, and a few new traditions?  Check!

And I can definitely, without a doubt say that I was truly happy last year.  WAY more than I wasn't.  In fact, I would say more happy than I've been years prior.  We accomplished so much this past year that has truly made us all happy.  The house was a big motivator for that, but also with work and school and family...there has been a ton of happiness.

So, looking at that, I actually accomplished ALL of my resolutions.  I guess making them to be broken isn't always the way it plays out.  Huh?

I guess it's time I now move on to the 2014 resolutions.  What do I want to focus on this year?  

1.  Well, it just wouldn't be right if I didn't start out with lose weight.  

For as many years as I can remember, this has been my number one resolution.  It probably will be for the rest of my life.  I am convinced that one year, I will actually succeed in losing the weight I want to lose... but each year after that will have to include keeping it off.  In terms of MAJOR accomplishments, I think this might be the year where my weight might get some limelight.  I mean, a few years ago, stress from college was the reason I couldn't lose weight.  The year after, stress from not being able to find a job.  The year after, stress from getting a new job and wanting to buy a new house.  This past year, I got the new house, but that was pretty stressful.  This year, thinking forward, I think the only stress I should be enduring is the stress of losing the freakin' weight and making it stay off!  No life altering plans for this upcoming year, so what will my excuse be if I don't succeed... or do a lot freakin' better this year?

2. Exercise, exercise, exercise.

I know one of the main reasons I don't lose enough weight is because of my lack of exercise.  I'm one of those people that gets all excited about something, and the novelty soon wears off.  A few years ago, I got all crazy excited about a boot camp I did.  That lead to a love for running.  Before I knew it, I was participating in 5K races.  And wouldn't you know, that year I lost 80lbs!!  I tend to enjoy exercising when I'm actually doing it, but it's the getting to the part where I'm actually doing it that's the problem. I would really like to do the Susan G. Koman Race for the Cure again this year, but there's one race I REALLY want to do.  That would be the Cancer Challenge 5K that comes around in September. I did it one year, but that was it.  This year, I want to do it because I have a very good reason to:  My Mom.  She is going to be my motivator this year to participate in cancer related races.  And, as crazy as it sounds, I'd kinda like to try a Mud Run this year.  No definite plans, but something to think about.

3.  Reduce Some Debt

Up until 2012, I had awful credit.  And I mean bad.  I couldn't even buy a car from a used car lot without a co-signer.  If I applied for some form of credit card, I could just hear the chuckles and stifled laughs come through the phone line as the person helping me tried to contain themselves after looking at my credit score.  I was so relieved when I could start doing that stuff online, to save myself the embarrassment.  But, after a lot of hard work, I started to repair my credit in 2012.  By the time 2012 was over, I had my first small credit line credit card and even purchased a brand new car (with a co-signer).  Thanks to the credit that the new car provided, I was approved in 2013 for a home loan.  All by myself. Without the need for a co-signer, but Hubby and I bought our house together because it increased the amount we could borrow.  I was approved to finance the new furniture that we bought for our house.  I also got not one, but two more credit cards.  It seemed like the more credit I was given, the more I could get.  

I was pretty financially responsible in 2013, however, and just because I had the credit didn't mean I maxed it all out and used it willy nilly.  But, thanks to a pretty awesome Christmas... I did a little more spending than I probably should have.  This year, I want to reduce some of the crazy amount of debt we have.  That starts with paying off one of our vehicles and zeroing out all of the credit cards.  That will be done at tax time.  No lavish spending sprees...using the money we get back wisely to decrease some of our debt.  Then, I'm going to start working on using some of the money I usually spend on paying that car payment and credit card payments to apply a little more to the other car payment to help that one be paid off faster.  By this time next year, I'd like to have a lot less debt...but, without going all crazy, silly.

Which leads me to...

4.  Not stress about money.

I know with number three, this is kind of negating what I just said.  But, I truly believe I can eliminate some debt without going all crazy about it.  Be more financially responsible with paying off some bills and getting rid of a car payment is a great way to reduce debt, but I still want to be able to afford a little fun.  Nothing extravagant, but if we want to eat dinner out occasionally, or catch a movie, or take a day trip somewhere.. I want to do that.  

I'm pretty sure we're going to need some money before the summer to do some work on the pool.  We noticed a few cracks and missing tiles that need to be replaced.  We need to do that.  We had a leak in our bathroom and a couple of floor tiles got damaged.  We need to take care of fixing them.  We really need a new shower in our bathroom, and we might need to take care of that too... but, this year, I'm not going to stress too much about money.  Be sensible, yes.  Be stingy and tight?  No.

5.  Be more organized.

I'm a procrastinator.  I load way too much stuff on my plate that leaves me running around like a headless chicken.  I enjoy a fast paced lifestyle, but often blow off what I consider to be less important, or forget stuff that needs to be taken care of because I'm so busy all the time.  I want to do something about being better organized.  Rather than just relying on to-do lists and charts and planners, I want to get myself more in a routine of taking care of stuff that needs to be taken care of.  Doing stuff like taking care of what I need for the next day at work before I leave each evening, grading papers throughout the week so it's not all piled up to do over the weekend, writing lesson plans daily rather than doing it all on Sunday evening, get in to a routine with housework so that the same things are done each and every week on the same day... so there's no trying to fit it in when I can.  All stuff that would help me be more organized.  I really envy those people who live in the fast lane, but always seem to be so put-together, calm, and have an immaculate house to boot.  How do they do it?  Well, maybe this year I'll find out.

6.  Spend more time with family.

In 2013, I can definitely say I spent a lot of time with my kids.  Doing stuff together, going places, enjoying quality family time.  But, in 2014, I want to make more time for my extended family.  Not going an entire week without calling my mom to see how she's doing, not going a month before we see each other, not letting weeks and months pass before I see P-Momma.  Apart of my organization resolution will be including time to spend visiting and hosting family.  Whether it be inviting them over for dinner, or going over to visit them a few times a month, or planning a day where we can all go out and do stuff together... I don't want to feel like I need to "fit them in" at some point.  Just a natural, normal flow of time spent together... and more of it.  

7.  Date night!!

I don't remember the last time Hubby and I went out and did something romantic or fun with just the two of us.  Well, actually I do.. last year between my birthday and his.  We always seem to get one date night between February and April to celebrate both of our birthdays.  That usually includes the kids spending the night at my parents' or P-Mommas while Hubby and I go eat dinner at Red Lobster and then go home and enjoy some quiet time alone.  This year, I don't want to just get our one birthday dinner.  I want more time for us to spend some quality alone time together.  Peanut is old enough to babysit, now, and so I don't see any reason why Hubby and I can't go out for dinner now and then, maybe go out and watch a movie, or go out with some friends for an evening.  I devote a lot of my time keeping my kids amused and running them here and there for events and stuff they want to do.. I think it's high time Hubby and I get to cash in some of the chips I've been adding up to do some stuff alone.  

8.  ENJOY OUR YEAR!

This one should be easy.  I just want to enjoy the year.  Another year of life.  Making the moments count, laughing, trying new things, enjoying old things.  Not being too serious, and just have fun.  Before I know it, my kids will be all grown with lives and families of their own.  I just want to make each and every moment count while I still have them under my roof.  Peanut will be heading off to high school this year, Butter will be heading in to 8th grade, little Jelly is going to be moving in to 1st grade.  They grow up so darned fast!!  I just want to create more memories, live life to the fullest, and end this year with another round of "had a fantastic year!"

OK, I think that pretty much does it for me.  I really need to get to getting with cleaning up the house after all the fun we had last night.  I didn't get to take the tree down, yesterday, because I was out and about with Butter and Jelly for most of the day... so that's the first thing on my agenda.  

Hope everyone had a great time last night, and I wish you all a Happy and Prosperous New Year!!

2013 Has Been Pretty Good to Me

                       

The plan for today's post was to do a "year in review" kinda thing.  I even sat down, last night, with a notebook in hand so that I could go back through the year's blog post and make notes of the moments that I could recap.  About two months in, I realized that if they were truly memorable, and worthy to be recapped, then I should remember them.  Without the need for taking notes.

So, rather than just go month to month and highlight what I did during that time, I'm going to share my memorable moments from 2013 that are fresh in my mind.

First thing... my birthday.  The day I turned 31 years old.  For the first time in a REALLY long time (we're talking years, here), my birthday was made a big deal.  Not by my family.  Not by my friends.  But by my students and co-workers.  

My students showered me with little gifts, which they all worked together to coordinate in to a gift basket.  I received two beautiful plates of treats delivered by the last student I would ever expect to get me something so fancy.  A parent made a trip to the school to deliver me a Diet Dr. Pepper and a candy bar.  And, I had my heart melted when a student coerced with the school counselor to buy cupcakes for the entire class.   My co-workers also made me feel very special on that day with cards, treats and well wishes.

I will definitely say that I will not easily forget the first birthday I had as a teacher.

The next big event that happened during the same month of my birthday was the first time I walked in to my new house.  It was February, 2013 that I first walked in to the house that would become my dream home.  It was on a cold, rainy/snowy day.  I remember it very well, and no notes were needed to recall the way that day played out.

After a month of looking at different houses, none of which had any of the items both Hubby and I could agree on, my realtor set up three showings on one day.  All in the same town, all with similar amenities, all in the price range we were looking for (or close enough).  After looking at a couple of houses out of town and out of our price range, Hubby had finally agreed to consider a house within city limits.

Even before stepping foot in to the house, I knew it was the one.  My realtor had sent pictures of all the houses we were going to look at, but I knew which house was the house for me.  In fact, I had seen the pictures many times before, when I had done my own online searches for a house.  But, each time I had looked longly at the pictures, the house had been listed at too a high a price.  The pictures had shown a gorgeous brick home with laminate wood flooring, an updated kitchen, four spacious bedrooms, a large living room, dining room, and den, a huge back yard, a huge front yard, and a pool.  

Then, a few days before the showing had been set up, my realtor had sent me an email letting me know that the house had been drastically reduced in price - enough to be in our budget - and that we should move quickly if we wanted to look at it, because it wouldn't last long at that price.  Looking at the other two houses was just for me to really compare what we would be getting for the money.  I had absolutely no interest in those houses whatsoever, but I wanted to provide some choice for Hubby's sake.  

I had watched enough House Hunters and heard enough stories from people to know that I would walk in to the house I wanted and feel it immediately.  I would picture our belongings in the home, our family enjoying the space, a feeling of being home.  And that's exactly what I felt when I walked in to this house.  

Even though we looked at the house in February, it was March before our offer was accepted...after some negotiating.  But it would be a few more months before we would actually have the house in our possession.  

It was April that I gave my first MAP test as a teacher.  The big kahuna of yearly tests.  For four days, I read from prompts given to me in a workbook, and walked around the room for what seemed like hours as I watched my sweet little things color in circles to the answers of the questions.  I had been a part of Benchmark testing several times before, but this was the first time that my name was attached to those tests.  It wasn't just the kids being tested, so was I.  I was, in a way, going to find out exactly how good a job I had done teaching those kids what they needed to know.

Finally, in May we were able to close on our house.  It was May 10th, to be exact.  A couple of weeks before school got out for summer, which was pretty stressful.  Trying to move in and finish up the school year at the same time.  For the past few months we had been negotiating, filling out paperwork for our loan, having inspections done and then repairs, more paperwork, more inspections, and finally after I was about to rip my hair out from stress.... we walked into a small room, signed our names about a thousand times, and received the keys I had been waiting so long to have.  Thanks to an extremely generous loan from my grandfather, we were able to take care of paying all the costs we needed to pay on closing day, so we had absolutely nothing to worry about once we received those keys.

For the next couple of weeks, we slowly moved stuff in.  And thanks to an extremely generous gift from P-Momma, we were able to buy all new furniture for our new home.  New couch, love seat, arm chair, entertainment center, and rugs.  She also got all of us brand new mattresses for our beds, with new pillows.  She did so much for us when we moved in to our house.  Something I won't quickly forget.

Shopping was one of my most favorite thing to do while the moving was taking place.  I bought all new towels, bedding, and little things to make our house more homely.  I was so happy to get rid of so much stuff from our old house and replace it with new.  Buying our home was a new beginning for our family.  It wasn't just a major milestone, it was a fresh start.  To finally call a place home.  To have a place that was ours.  To have everything we'd wanted in a house, and then some.  To feel pride when inviting people over.  

At the end of May, I finished up my first year as a teacher.  It was tough saying goodbye to my very first class.  The students that had given me such an amazing first year.  I had been very blessed when I got those kids as my first class.  I never had to worry about behavior problems, stealing, lying, bullying.  They were all so nice to each other and to me.  They were honest, and caring, and always worked hard.  They gave me the confidence to know that I was definitely where I needed to be, and that I would spend years and years enjoying my profession.

You would think that once school got out, I'd be able to focus on moving in to our new house.  Yeah, I got a whole week to do that before I went on to my first ever experience of teaching summer school.  Being that we were in the middle of moving, I only volunteered to teach two weeks rather than an entire month... which is how long summer school lasts.  

Teaching summer school was one of the most fun experiences I've had.  For two weeks I taught Jr. High kids how to play frisbee.  It started out pretty rough.  The kids knew me as a 4th grade teacher, and tried to test my boundries.  But, it only took a couple of days of playing "mean teacher" that they started to warm up to me, and I started to warm up to them.  I found out some of their interests, and adapted my summer school curriculum to something they'd enjoy doing.  And Frisbee Football became the focus of my classes.  By the end of summer school, I was voted "most fun teacher" and had built lots of new relationships that would follow me in to my new school year.

For the remainder of the summer, my family and me enjoyed our new home.  We spent many days playing in the pool, having barbecues, having friends and family over.  On the 4th of July, I hosted all of my family for a day of fun.  And it really was a lot of fun.  No fights, no arguments, no drama.  Just kids playing in the pool, adults talking and laughing, and ending the evening off watching a huge firework display.  

It was so important to me that we find a house that gave the kids a place that would provide years of memories.  In my mind, the way to do that would be to find a house that gave them their own rooms, room to play, and a place where friends and family could visit and stay comfortably.  

We got that.

We had one of the best summers we've ever had, and there was no need for fancy vacations or expensive day trips.  We had our own vacation right in our own backyard.  

The summer flew by, and before I knew it I was heading back to work.  A brand new class of students, and my second year as a teacher.  If I'm being completely honest, I will say that starting off my second year was far more difficult than starting out my first year.  And that's mostly because I had something to compare to.  If my new kids didn't act the way I expected them to, it's because I was comparing them to the class before.  If they didn't know as much stuff, compared them.  If their behavior wasn't near as good.... it's because they weren't as well behaved as my first class.  

Once I pulled myself together and realized that my new class was not my old class, I realized that starting the new year off with a new set of students was my chance to shake it up each year.  Try new things, explore new possibilities.  Once I did that, I was able to get myself in to my groove...and fall in love with a new set of unique kids that had their own talents, interests, quirks, and challenges.  

We have had a lot of fun together the first half of the school year.  I have absolutely LOVED the fact that I've got to keep all of my students all day (something that didn't happen last year).  We are completely self-contained this year...and I love it.  I feel like I've got to bond with my kiddos more, got to know more about them, and have let them be more of a guide to my teaching styles and the way I deliver the content.  We've had a lot of fun together, and we still have another 5 months to keep the momentum going.

In November, the first and only bad thing of the year happened.  My mom was diagnosed with a life threatening illness.  It was like sitting on top of a mountain, and then being whacked off by a giant plane.  After spending a year full of rainbows and sunshine, my whole world starting closing in on me.  Fears surfaced that I never thought I had.  Fear of losing my mother.  My best friend.  My confidante.

I took off work to be with her while she visited with doctors and had tests performed, and after many sleepless nights or nights crying myself to sleep, we received good news... it was curable, with surgery.  

A few weeks ago, we had our first bout of snow.  Snow that kept us out of school for a week.  Had this happened in my old house, I would have ripped my hair out and wanted to stick hot pokers in my eyes.  But, thankfully, I didn't feel that way in our new home.  I didn't get bored or inherit any cabin fever.  In fact, I went through the first four days just enjoying the rest and relaxation. 

It was also the week that my mom had to have surgery.  I think that snow was sent from the Man Upstairs so that I could get through that very trying time without the stress and worry about having a sub, and taking care of my students, and trying to figure out logistics of getting to work and back and to the hospital.  He was watching out for me during that time, and a week of snow days was His way of making sure that I could be with my mom.  I haven't prayed so much in one week.  I was able to be there the day she had surgery, and the next day, and the next.  I even got to spend the night with her for one night, so she wouldn't be alone.  It was a time that I could rebuild the relationship with my mom that had been a little tattered and worn. I kissed, hugged, and told my mom I loved her more in that week than I have done in the past ten years.  

I also want to point out the love, kindness, and prayers that were received by my co-workers.  During such a difficult time, it felt so nice to have that support behind me.  It brought fresh tears to my eyes each time I opened up my phone and read a text message or a Facebook message from one of my co-workers sending their well wishes.  They were such a major factor of helping get me through such a tough time, and I don't think they know that.

And finally, I just celebrated one of the best Christmases I've had in years.  A Christmas in our new home.  A Christmas full of surprises for the kids, and love, and happiness.  A Christmas Eve spent with P-Momma enjoying our time together.  A Christmas Day with my parents, despite a few kinks.  Just having my mom healthy and home was a gift in itself... something she had to remind us of, unfortunately.  But, Christmas just isn't Christmas without a little conflict, right?

Which leads me to this point.  Sitting here, drinking my coffee, comfortable and relaxed.  It's fun thinking back to how amazing this year has been.  The challenges I've overcome.  The obstacles I've fought through.  The happiness and blessings that have found me.  

It will be very hard for 2014 to top this year, but I'm all about trying.  Each year has been better for the past several years, so why stop the momentum now, right?

I truly have so much to be thankful for.  

This year hasn't all been roses and rainbows, but it's been a darned good year.  We've had our ups, we've had our downs... but we've had it all together.  

I have no idea what 2014 will bring.  I hope it is as good, if not better than 2013.  New adventures.  New challenges.  New goals and dreams to achieve.  

Yet, one thing that will remain the same?  The love I have for my family.  For the time we will spend together... the memories that are yet to be made.

I'm ready to get this new year started.

Nothing Like Ending 2013 With a Bang

                               

On this last day of 2013, I've decided this is my last chance to get a few things off my chest.  Stuff I've wanted to say for a very long time, and not such a long time.  Stuff that I normally wouldn't say, because I always try and be so "politically correct" and non-combative.  But, stuff I want to leave in 2013.  Once it's said, it's said.  Done.  But, now is the time I move away from that "be nice" mentality and finally release some of the feelings I've been holding in for a while.

What I'm about to say expresses my general feelings, and some things I've wanted to say to some of the people in my life.  It's not with the intent to cause any harm of bad feelings... but enough is enough.  It's time to move on, leave the past in the past... but not before I've had my chance to let it all out.

If I'm going to start 2014 off the right way, then it needs to be with a fresh slate.  Hopefully you've got a fresh cup of coffee in hand, cause this one is going to be a long one.

So here goes....

First, let's start with my sister shall we?  The youngest one.  

You, my dear, are heading down a very dark path.  I've tried to be nice.  I've tried to be supportive.  But, enough is enough!  Whatever has happened to you that has turned you in to the person you have become, I don't know.  Maybe it's because you feel like you haven't gotten enough attention.  Maybe it's because you have some serious issues that need to be addressed with professional help.  Maybe it's because you're so dang spoiled you feel like the world owes you.  Whatever it is, it's not my problem...and I will no longer make it my problem.  It is VERY much your problem, and I wish you would consider finding someone to help you with it.  Because apparently, your family isn't good enough or trained enough to help.

One thing I hope you realize is the damage you have done not only to yourself, but those that care for you.  One being a very special 13 year old that would and has done everything in her power to try and be there for you.  You have caused my child more pain and grief than any other person she has ever met.  Ever.  And for that, I can never forgive you.  The sad part is, though, she would make me forgive you.  She would ask that I let bygones be bygones if you ever come to your senses.  Regardless of the pain you've put her through, she still has hope for you.  She still wishes that you'll realize the choices you are making are bad, and turn your life around.  I hope that for you too.  But, I truly believe that until you've had a small taste of the pain and agony you've bestowed on others... you will not understand the bridges that you are burning along your path of destruction.

But, one thing I can thank you for is that you have filled my child with the passion to NEVER turn out like you.  She has made it her early life mission to keep her head firmly secured on her shoulders, keep family first, and never allow herself to treat others the way you treat them.  And for that, I really do thank you.

Moving on...

While talking about my daughter, I'd like to make a statement to anyone that has or is treating my daughter unfairly.  And by that, I mean judging her, hurting her, or anything but giving her a chance to show you what a wonderful, smart, caring, loyal, and loving girl that she is.

Of course, I think she's perfect.  She really is.  She has a heart bigger than anyone I know.  She carries around worries and stresses that no thirteen year old should carry around.  She does so because she cares so much.  While she has inherited her mother's sassy mouth, her actions are ALWAYS motivated by passion.  Passion for her education.  Passion for her relationships.  Passion for what others think of her.  

No matter how much I try and convince her that it doesn't matter what others think of her, I know that I fight a losing battle each time I utter those words.  At the end of the day, what others think of her is a HUGE part of who she is.  She tries everything in her power to get people to like her.  She will bravely stand up for what she believes in.  She will defend against bullies, she will honor and protect her friendships, and she will fight tooth and nail to earn respect.  

My daughter doesn't have an ill bone in her body.  And anyone that chooses to push her out of their life is making a huge mistake.  She's not asking for anything but a chance.  A chance to show you that she cares.  A chance to show you that her heart is in the right place, and she has no intention of causing harm on anyone.  And I gladly stand by her and support her.  

The relationship I have with my teenage daughter is a rare one.  She really does tell me EVERYTHING.  I don't say that with naivety ...believing or hoping for it to be true.  I can say with 100% certainty that my daughter comes to me and shares all aspects of her life with me. The good.  The bad.  The ugly.  The scary.  The silly.  The awesome.  ALL OF IT.  I will never do anything to harm that relationship.  I trust my daughter.  I allow her to think for herself, make mistakes, and lead her in the right direction.  Sometimes I have to stand by and watch results play out...that I might have already foreseen... but apart of learning in life is learning through mistakes.  My daughter has made a few, but has learned from all.  

She is an awesome kid, and anyone that doesn't want to have anything to do with her is really missing out.

Moving on....

I, like my daughter, happen to care a little too much about what others think of me.  I try, sometimes too hard, to get others to like me.  I try and play fair, speak the truth, and show respect where respect should be given.  

But, sometimes, despite my efforts I know that there are people out there that will smile to my face but would gladly shove a dagger in my back the minute it's turned.  

To those people, I just want to say... it's OK.  I understand.  You don't think there aren't people I want to do the exact same thing to?  Maybe you are one of those people.  I encounter lots of situations where I have to "play nice" because it's what expected of me.  But, that doesn't mean I have to like everyone I encounter.  What I'm trying to say is to those of you that can't stand my guts... I have no ill feelings towards you feeling that way.  I am a tough nut to crack.  I know that.  I'm one of those people that you either love or hate.  And I'm totally OK with that.  And to those people I really don't care for, I will never disregard there being a chance that somehow my feelings could change.  I believe in giving everyone their fair chance.  I just wish others would do the same for me.

I've spent WAY too much of my life trying to please others just so they'll like me.  Well, I have no intention of becoming a nasty, bitter woman anytime soon.  I will continue to keep a smile on my face no matter who I am with... but the butt kissing to get others to like me?   Yeah, that's going to stop.  From now on you love me or leave me.  Period.  

I will gladly hand over any help I can offer.  I will do whatever I can to mend and repair relationships, or keep relationships in tack.  But, I will no longer be going to the ends of the earth to try and make people like me when I know I'm fighting a lost cause.  

If you are only polite to me because you have to be, I know.  If you are only friendly to me when others aren't around, I know.  If you act like you can tolerate me one minute, but give me the cold shoulder the next... I know.  I'm not stupid.  I've just chosen to fight through those situations because somehow, someway, I think that I might finally win you over and make you understand that I'm actually a really nice, fun person to be around.  But, not anymore.  I mean, I'm still going to be a really nice, fun person to be around... but you'll just miss out on knowing that.

Moving on....

I think it's time to bring my bosses in to the mix.

Let's start with my assistant principal.

Before August, I didn't know you.  I had met you when my daughter was in track, but that's it.  I knew nothing about your managerial skills, your professionalism, or how you would treat someone you didn't know.  

What I quickly found out is, you're pretty awesome. 

I just want to take this opportunity to just say THANKS.  For being there when I needed a situation taken care of.  For giving me words of encouragement.  For taking a second to discuss my kids (both biological and non-biological), and let me know that you have my back.  It means a lot to me, and I haven't told you that.  So, I figure I'll tell you now... even though I know you won't read this.  HA!

And my principal.

I can honestly say that I have never, EVER had a more caring, passionate, tell-me-like-it-is and move on boss than you.  I can always count on you to pick me up when I'm down, pull me down when I'm too far up, and JUST BE HONEST.  You have no idea how refreshing it is to just have a little honesty... regardless of how brutal it may be.  

I've counted my blessings a million times over since hearing you tell me that you wanted to hire me to be a teacher for you.  But, I had no idea how many blessings I was really getting until I really got to know you better.  

I'll admit, you intimidated the heck out of me my first year.  I walked around on eggshells because I wanted nothing more than to please you.  But this year, I can truly say that I think of you so much more than just a boss.  You are a friend.  A dear friend.  

What you've done for me these past few months has gone WAY above any expectations I had.  You've supported me, cared for me, looked out for me, and I don't know how I could ever repay you.  More than that, you have done something to my children.  Something amazingly good.  They absolutely adore you.  You are responsible for my youngest overcoming her fear of school.  She can't wait to get to school everyday just to see you, and can't wait to see you the minute she gets back.  You are responsible for keeping my son on the straight and narrow.  Not only that, but you managed to do something I never thought would be possible:  Make him LOVE school.  You have instilled a level of passion in my oldest daughter to be an independent and strong young lady.  I believe I had a fair share in instilling that in to her heart, but you have definitely instilled it in to her mind.  She looks up to you with high regard, and knows that even as she moves on to high school next year, you'll be watching out for her.  

For all of that, I truly thank you.

(And how many people thought I was going to commit career suicide?  HAHAHAHA!!)

I forgot to mention that this post isn't going to be all bad, didn't I?

While I am on the good stuff, let's send a message out to the few people that have taken the chance to get to know me this year, and seem as though you do actually like me.

One person has always been nice to me, but up until a few months ago I would have just referred to us as friendly co-workers.  But, I feel like that relationship has grown, and you are one of few people that has actually taken the time to get to know me a little better.  It all started during a touchy situation that happened with Peanut.  You spent the evening listening to my concerns, providing your own opinion on the situation, and helping me realize that sometimes stuff is blown way out of proportion.  Since that day, we have enjoyed almost daily chats at the end of the day....and I really look forward to our time together once work is over.  We have quite a bit in common, and I love the way you're always willing to provide your input to a situation..and are OK with me giving my input.  I just want to say thanks for being one of the few that has actually opened up to me and let me in.  

Another person is a mother to one of Peanut's friends.  It's so nice to actually have friends that are parents of my kids' friends.  We have a lot in common, and enjoy each other's company.  She makes me laugh, and I know that she is and will continue to grow as a very good friend.  Someone I spend time with, hang out with, do stuff together.  She's always willing to help out anyway she can, and I appreciate everything she's done for me this year.

And I have several other people that I could single out right here that have made this year so much nicer for me.  

Another mother of Peanut's friend, who I actually started a friendship with last year when her son was in my class.  So nice, so caring, and even though I don't get to see her near as much as I did last school year, I very much enjoy her company.  Team members who are ALWAYS there for me, not just for work related stuff, but stuff that happens outside of school.  Checking on me, offering words of encouragement and support, sending a quick message just to say hi and that they miss us if we're apart.  And so many others, during the tough time I was going through with my mom that offered words of support, care, and encouragement...and genuinely meant it.

Which brings me back around....To my parents.  Both of them.

I love my parents, more than anything... but there's so much I want to say to them.

First, this year has been tough.  Especially these past couple of months.  But, before that I was having a really hard time with our relationship.  I hate knowing that I pushed everything I was feeling aside because of a bad situation that happened.  Yes, bad news tends to bring people together... but not necessarily for the right reasons.  I am so thankful we were able to mend any broken pieces to our relationship, but it doesn't negate the fact that they were there.

Call me selfish, but I envisioned your home being a place where all of your kids would grow up and move out leaving you with time together.  A place where your kids would visit, often, and grandkids would spend weekends with their grandparents.  Where holidays are always spent together, either at your house or mine.  Mom would finally get out and start participating in some activities she enjoys.  Dad would spend his free time working on the odd jobs around the house and doing stuff that he enjoys doing.  And then, time would be spent with both of you together doing stuff you enjoy, together.  Traveling, maybe.  Or getting out of the house together just to do something.  

And I know that once you became the full-time parents of two of your grandchildren that my envisioned plan wouldn't happen.  And maybe my plan would have no appeal whatsoever.  But, I honestly didn't expect it to get to the extreme that it did.  Sure, the foster kids you have right now are good kids.  But when do you get your time?

Also, you have got to take the ownership of your house back.  As hard as it is for me to admit, I can say that too many of the decisions in your house are not made by the people that SHOULD be making them.  You guys.  At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what my brother or sister want...or me..or anyone else that feels the need to add their two cents... you are the adults.  You are the ones in charge.  So you might upset them/us... big whoop!  

One thing I learned from my childhood is that I often thought you treated me unfairly, not letting me do everything I wanted to do.  You know what I figured out, though?  I was a kid.  I needed direction.  I needed rules.  I needed boundaries.  I couldn't always have what I wanted, and that was a good thing.  It taught me responsibility, dependability, and that I have to fight and work hard for what I want.

And when you do have problems, they need to be worked out.  Not buried over, pushed aside, or swept away.  Those problems need to be worked out between you both.  Not with me putting in my input, or your other kids sticking their noses in... but you both sitting down, hashing it out, and coming to a compromise.  I know that you both have so many pent up feelings that you need to get out... but you don't.  You just let them fester and grow.  That's not healthy.

Mom, what happened to you this year was a severe blow.  None of us could have ever expected it.  But, you know what I got from it all?  You were given a second chance.  We were all given a second chance.  You are still so young and have a long life ahead of you.  Now is the time to start thinking about things you want to do with your life.  When you were going through the upset and fear, did you ever stop and think about all the things you wanted to do with your life that you never had the chance to do?  If you did, well then it's bloody well time you did them!!

You are going to get better.  Get your strength back.  And then, when you do, start doing whatever it is that you want to do.  There's no time for feeling sorry for yourself, living with regrets, wishing how you'd done things differently.  NOW is the time to get out there and do something for YOU.  Take classes, join a club, be a part of a cause... I don't know.  But, whatever it is... DO IT!!!  I would actually love to be apart of it.. I'm always up for doing new stuff.  And if you sit there reading this with a list of reasons why you can't...then start working on eliminating them.  

Dad, what mom is going through effects you too.  Nobody has actually stopped and asked you how you feel with all of this.  And if they have, I doubt you were honest about how you actually feel.   I know you were probably scared, maybe you still are.  I know that you love Mom, and sometimes you have a hard time expressing your true feelings.  That's often misconstrued in to thinking that you don't care, or you put up a front shielding everyone from knowing what's really going on inside.  

I know that you would gladly lay your life on the line for Mom.  You'd do it for any of us.  And just know that your rugged strong exterior isn't fooling me.  I know how you really feel.  While you weren't diagnosed with the illness or had to go through a nasty surgery... you also have your own healing to do.  You deserve some of the love and care that's being given to Mom during this time.  

I wish you would both take a second to realize how much you love each other, and when push comes to shove... you couldn't live without each other.  

Money isn't important.  Who's doing what around the house isn't important.  There are no sides to take.  Neither one of you are more important than the other.  

You are a team.  A couple.  Husband and wife.  You are parents and grandparents.  Stop worrying so much about what you can or can't do for the other, but work together.  Stop letting the minor be major.  Stop letting small disagreements become huge wars.  

You love each other....and it's time that you started thinking about that and how to show it.  It's OK to be young at heart, carefree, and careless sometimes.  You don't have to be so darned serious all the time.  ENJOY YOUR LIVES TOGETHER!!  

I want 2014 to be one of the best years yet.  Building stronger friendships, repairing and building stronger family ties, keeping in mind what is important but also embracing the not-so-important.  I truly feel that my life has been so blessed because of my ability to find the good in the bad, facing challenges head on, and not letting anything or anyone stand in the way of enjoying my life.

And, now I feel like I can get 2014 started with a clear conscious, a clear mind.  I've said what I've needed to say.  I've let out what I've been feeling.  

My intent with this post wasn't to hurt or upset.  It was to free myself.  If I want to spend 2014 caring less about what others are thinking about me, and focusing on bettering myself...then I had to let some of this go.  

Writing really is therapeutic.  I truly feel better. 

That's exactly what I need for my fresh, New Year.