Tomorrow morning, I will wake up at 5am. I will dress in my running clothes, wake up Peanut - and then the two of us will be heading to the Race for the Cure. I'm sure my nerves will be even worse at that point.
I wasn't this nervous this time last year. That's because I was delusional this time last year. I thought I was ready to compete in a 5K run...and I wasn't. This year, I still don't know if I'm ready.
I know, I've ran 5K many times. I've competed in a 5K race since last year - and did pretty well. But now, for some reason - I'm petrified of how I will do tomorrow.
A lot of it has to do with the fact that I haven't run in over a week. A week and five days to be exact. I know that not running for that long is not good when going up against a situation of having to run 5K. I'm scared that I won't be able to run as much as I'd hoped. I'm nervous that for some reason my knee will start giving me grief again. I'm terrified that I will start running and watching hundreds of people pass me - losing even more confidence in myself - and ending with a time of over 50 minutes....when my goal is to finish in less than 45.
I know I'm being stupid. The whole point is to finish - no matter how long it takes me. But I've worked so hard...I've trained myself to be able to run for 15+ minutes at a time...yet, I can't shake the feeling that once I actually get out on that 5K track I will lose my steam and end up walking more than I run.
One good thing I can take away from tomorrow will be the fact that I can prepare myself for what's to come next Friday. Yep, next Friday - I'm doing it all over again. Another 5K race.
A month ago, I was so excited. I felt ready - almost ready. I felt that I was going to really up my game and do better than I've ever done before... but now, that feeling is gone. I know what you're going to say - I'm being too hard on myself. I agree with you. But I have to be. This isn't just about finishing for me anymore - it's about putting all my hard work to the test...see how far I've come, how much I've progressed. I'm going to be so upset if I finish tomorrow with the same time I finished last year - when I had to walk the whole way because my knee gave out on me.
Oh well, I guess I'm just going to have to see how it goes. Tomorrow afternoon, it will all be over with. I will be attending my first graduation party. I'm so excited about that.
I have a plan to completely zone out while running. I'm going to play my Couch to 5K program while I'm running and think about interview questions. That's what I've been doing for all of my training runs - and I've managed to go distances I never thought I could do. Maybe, just maybe that will work for me tomorrow.
Everyone keep me in your thoughts tomorrow morning - and send good, hard, ass kicking vibes my way.
Till next time. ;)
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