Weekend Round-Up

Dear Diary...

I know I've said it many times before, but my goodness do weekends go by fast.  One minute I'm driving home from work on a Friday afternoon, and the next minute I'm getting ready to drive to work on Monday morning.  A whole weekend, gone, in the blink of an eye.

Peanut and I were up nice and early Saturday morning to participate in the Race for the Cure.  We got there around 7:40 and had almost an hour to kill before the race started.  We decided to walk around the mall and see what booths were already set up and stuff.  It was a beautiful day - perfect for walking 5K.

Peanut got a pair of bunny ears from a vendor, and decided she wanted to wear them for the race...

And here's a pic of the two of us right before we started...

The race got underway, and Peanut and I had already decided we weren't going to rush.  This was my first year of not running, which made me sad - but it was also my first year of walking along side my daughter.  I wanted to enjoy it.  So, we leisurely walked the 3.1 miles talking about all kinds of stuff.  It was nice to just have that time with her.  We don't get much time alone, so being able to do something like walking for charity is a huge deal. 

We ended up finishing our walk in a little over 52 minutes.  I only know that because their was a big timer at the finish line.  I didn't think that was too bad - not that I cared.  After that, we walked around and picked up a few goodies from some of the vendor booths and then headed to the car.  We decided to grab a quick bite to eat on the way home.  A bad bite - a slice of breakfast pizza and a banana nut muffin. 

Saturday was my free day.  I told myself I was going to treat myself.  Eating a slice of breakfast pizza and a muffin should have been plenty to satisfy my cravings, but alas - it was not.  Mom and I went out to play bingo for the evening, and we had an early dinner before we got started.  I ate a burger and fries.  It occurred to me before ordering that I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten a burger.  That, actually, made me feel pretty good.  But, it also led to me ordering said burger with fries.  Then, later in the evening I ate some chicken strips and ranch dressing. 

The saddest part is that while I was cramming my face full of sodium and fat, I was telling my mom all about my new found love of clean eating.  Stupid, isn't it?  I'm sitting there telling her how wonderful clean eating makes me feel - with a mouthful of processed burger and fries.  Lovely.  I truly amaze myself, sometimes.

Yes, it was a terrible day in terms of my food intake.  I'm not proud of the amount of crap I put in to my system - and I regretted it yesterday.  That tell-tale bloated feeling appeared.  I tried to drink as much water as I could yesterday.  I also made sure not to make the same mistake and get back on track.  I did pretty well...not perfect.  I ate some kettle corn from the craft festival that we visited... but that was the extent of my bad eating for yesterday. 

I also noticed how sluggish and tired I felt once I finally got home yesterday afternoon.  I ended up sleeping for 3 hours shortly after we got home, and was still able to go to bed at 9:30 and sleep all night.  That's just too much sleep!  . 

I've already decided that I need to limit my "free day".  I'm going to adjust to having a free meal on Saturdays - rather than spending the entire day living in Care-Free Land.  In a matter of one day, I was able to pile in enough calories to see all my hard work from last week disappear in the blink of an eye.  OK, I know I didn't really eat enough to gain 5lbs in one day... but it was enough to tell me that the bloating that has now reappeared is enough for me to gain the 5lbs back in one day. 

Oh, and if you didn't pick up on my subtle hint - I'm back to weighing myself again.  Not officially.  If that's possible.  More of a guidance tool...to keep me on my toes.  Some people are able to live without the scale - I'm just not one of those people.  The scale provides me motivation that I can't find from anywhere else.  Last week, I stepped on the scale a couple of times - and was thrilled at the results I was seeing.  I step on it again this morning, and was pissed to see the damage I've done.  The happiness motivates me to keep going, the anger motivates me to not make the same mistakes again.  The number this morning is what has made me realize that I can have one meal a week that's "care free" but that's it.  No more junk-food filled Saturdays for me!

Once I get back down to the 239lbs I started this year off weighing, I'll start reporting my weigh-ins each week.  I have a long way to go.  Ten pounds, actually.  It makes me mad that I've managed to gain 10lbs in 5 months rather than lose 20.  But, I'd managed to lose 5lbs of them last week (before my junk fest this weekend).  I'm confident that if I have another week like last week, and don't spoil it next weekend, that 10lbs will be gone in no time..and I'll be back to losing the weight I started this year off wanting to lose. 

Lesson learned, and all that jazz.  I'm going to put myself in to it 150% this week - which means making my rear end get out for the walks that I'm supposed to be doing every day.  If I can lose 5lbs just by adjusting my eating - then who knows what I can accomplish by putting a little pep in my step and walking for 20-30 minutes each day.  Guess we're going to find out.

Till next time. ;)

True Confessions Tuesday

Dear Diary...

It's that time of week, again, where I spill my guts of anything that I might have accidentally on purpose missed out on telling you this past week...

I confess that I'm really loving the new diet plan I'm on - if you want to call it that.  It's just eating better and writing more - but it works for me. 


I confess that I've done more writing and typing in to journals the past two days than I have in forever.  Yes, I write my blog every morning and have been doing that for almost 2 years - but I'm now doing a journal post before writing my blog, writing in a journal at work, and then coming home and typing in to another private journal.  Lots of writing - but lots of reasons.


I confess that even though I've eaten much better the past two days, I've still given in to temptation.  Sunday night it was two mini wheat muffins that Hubby made.  Bless his heart, he knew I'm not eating white flour now - so he made muffins with wheat flour. I wasn't going to eat them - because they still had a 1/2 cup of sugar in the batch - but I did.  I ate 2.  Then, yesterday, I ate a Milky Way Mini and two Snickers Minis.  Did you know that there's 45 calories in each of those tiny morsels of chocolate?  I didn't.  Until after I ate them.  Lesson learned on that!

I confess that even though I slipped up slightly each day, I don't feel horrible about it.  One of the things I love about the book I'm using is that it explains that ridding myself of the temptation is a slow process - and not one that will be fixed overnight.  If I can take my sugar intake down from what it was a week ago to a couple of mini chocolate bars... I'm doing fine.  Once my body really starts getting adjusted to the decrease in sugar, then it will notice the invasion of any amount of sugar... eventually...and that will help me stay clear of it.  The book calls it "Sugar Hangover".  The switch from an energetic body to a body that has sugar in it apparently feels just like a hangover.  Wouldn't that be interesting to experience?  My body is so used to sugar, that I don't know what that feels like - yet. 

I confess that I passed on burritos for dinner last night and opted for a huge salad, instead.  It was nothing but salad greens, grape tomatoes, green onions, a sprinkle of shredded cheese,  4 slices of ham, and 2 boiled eggs - splashed with balsamic vinaigrette - but it was delish! And oh my, was I full after I finished eating it.

I confess that I need to do more research on Eating Clean.  By the standards of The Writing Diet, eating clean just means not eating any white flour, processed grains, or refined sugar.  So, no white breads, pastas, or rice - and absolutely no sugar.  I can handle that - but there's sugar in a lot of foods... so I need help finding out what foods I can eat. 

I confess that I might do the research while I'm at work today - being that I'll be spending the day, again, in front of a computer.

I confess that I'm mentally telling myself that I want to eat more protein and really limit complex carbs.  I want to avoid breads and pastas as much as possible - because they are trigger foods for me. Even whole wheat/ whole grain versions.  I'm not a huge fan of brown rice, so I feel comfortable enough to eat that - so I might cook up a big batch of that to eat with some of my foods this week.

I confess that for the next few weeks, at least, I'm probably going to be talking about my diet plan - and not much else.  My blog, which also means those that read it, are one of my designated Body Buddies.  That means I will be talking about my feelings, my eating, my walking, etc. A LOT.  I can't promise that it will be much fun - but hopefully it will be insightful.  If I have good results, maybe it will inspire someone else to try it.

I confess that I haven't stressed about my job hunt ONCE since last week.  Can you believe that?  Since reading The Writing Diet, and beginning my constant writing escapade, I haven't really spent much time dwelling on the job hunt.  Don't get me wrong, I've thought about it - but not in a "OMG, I'm totally not going to find a job and that's totally stressing me out" kinda way. 

I confess that I'm very excited that there's only 17 days of school left, but then again I'm not.  That only leaves 17 days of certainty in my future left.  Yes, I know that I can come back to this job next year if I need to - but how freakin' awesome would it be to end this school year off knowing that I will be heading in to a classroom this summer to make it my own?  And no, I'm not stressing - just saying.

I confess that I'm really excited about the boom of kindergarten registrations my school district has received thus far.  Not that my school district shares that excitement with me - I'm sure.  But too many kids means not enough teachers.  Which, well, you know what that means, right?  I can't get my hopes up.  Who knows how each school will handle the influx of new kiddos.  But, it's at least something to keep my hopes and spirits up - for now.

I confess that I'm looking forward to my weekend.  Yes, already.  I will be walking the Race for the Cure Saturday morning with Peanut.  Then, we'll be heading to my mom's so that my mom and I can go spend the day at bingo.  P-Momma is also coming with us - which is going to be great!  Spending the day with my bio mom and my mom away from mom will be fantastic.  I'm sure we'll have a lot of fun.  Then, I'll be spending the night at my mom's house - and going out Sunday for a nice walk around her block.  Which, just happens to be out in the country - and equals a 5K.  So, could I possibly be walking two 5Ks in one weekend?

Alright, that's it for now.  As you can see, I'm feeling pretty upbeat and happy.  I'm still excited about what I'm doing.  I feel that I may be FINALLY on the verge of making some progress.  Wait, I'm already making progress.  Let me try that again... I feel that I may FINALLY be on the verge of continuing my progress to get some great results.  Yeah, that sounds much better.

Till next time. ;)

So Far, So Good

Dear Diary...

Well, I got through my first day of my new plan.  I feel that it was a good day.  Not perfect, but a huge improvement on my recent decision making when it comes to eating. 

I am very proud of some of my decisions from yesterday.  Like, my lunch for example.  I was meeting Sanity for coffee at noon - lunch time.  I knew I was going to want to eat.  We decided on meeting at Panera Bread.  Now even though Panera is a coffee shop with sandwiches, soups, and salads - I can easily pack some serious calories away by perusing the bakery or opting for a grilled panini with broccoli cheese soup - my usual go-to lunch.  I didn't this time.  I stayed well away from the bakery, and opted for 1/2 smoked ham and Swiss on milled rye bread with a classic salad - no cheese.  The total calorie consumption for lunch was under 400 calories.  I think that was pretty darn good.

That wasn't even the best decision I made for the day.  While driving to meet her, I was thinking about when I would get my walk in for the day.  I knew I'd get home early enough to go, but worried that I'd get home and want to do something very unproductive - like take a nap.  I then remembered that my gym bag was in the car - which contained my tennis shoes.  I was wearing comfy clothes, the weather was beautiful.  I grabbed my phone, gave Sanity a quick call and told her to wear the same - we were going to go walking after our coffee.

The whole time together was great.  We chatted for about an hour over coffee - regular coffee, by the way, instead of my usual mocha, and then headed over to the park to walk the trail.  As we walked, we chatted.  We talked about all kinds of stuff - including eating and trying to lose weight.  It felt so nice to have someone along side me while I was walking.  We ended up walking for about 45 minutes - double what I was supposed to.  But, when I really got to think about it - I doubt there will be many days where I only walk for 20 minutes.  That's about the time I'm just getting warmed up.

I also decided I'm not going to be a fan of writing stuff down in a journal.  I did write my food down, but as soon as I got home - I downloaded a journal app on my iPad.  It's not internet based, so it's my private journal.  I'll use the other journal for logging my food while I'm at work - or out somewhere else - but then I'll transfer everything...along with all my thoughts and feelings.. in to the iPad journal.  I write so much better when I'm typing.  The written journal will probably get quite a bit of use this week while I'm at work - I will write in it each time I get the urge to snack. 

I am loading up on salads and lean protein for lunch this week.  One day I'll go for lean meat, another day I'll go with tuna, and then on another day I might add egg.  I've also got steamed veggies to take - in case I want a change - but they take so darn long to cook in the microwave. I'm also stocked with fat-free cottage cheese, fruit, and Greek yogurt to use as my snacks.  I'm going to try keeping my protein intake up to help ward off hunger. 

At the end of the day, I have to keep what my good friend, Jenn, keeps telling me in my head: Progress, not Perfection.  That's what I'm striving for.  It's not about doing everything perfectly - it's about moving in the right direction.  As long as I continue to make better choices, things will start to move.  The scale, my clothes, my energy level...all things that will finally start moving in the right direction if I just keep making progress.  I have all the tools I need.  I've surrounded myself with journals.  One just isn't enough - and so I have no excuse.  If I feel weak, I have to write.  Simple.  Well, it can be. 

One thing that I have learned though my habits of starting this weight loss game over and over and over is that it's easier to stick with any plan on the weekends.  I know that sounds weird, but it's true.  When I'm at home, I feel more sense of power over my control.  When I'm at work?  I have so much temptation all around me.  Getting through this week - especially - is going to be a big obstacle to overcome.  I'm working in the computer lab.  That's a lot of sitting.  A lot of quiet.  A lot of time for my mind to wander to junk food and mindless eating.  But, if I can get through this week?  I can get through them all. 

I'm going to take one day at a time.

Till next time. ;)

Is It Possible That There's Actually a "Diet" Program Made For Me?

Today has been a funny day. Not funny as in "ha ha" funny, but funny as in something weird happened that doesn't usually happen.

I read almost an entire book devoted to weight loss. Never, in my life, have I ever picked up a dieting book and actually had trouble putting it down. Either I was so freakin' bored that I succumbed to the fact I had absolutely nothing better to do than read an incredibly boring book about dieting OR the book was really good. Like, so good I've never read anything like it.

Which one do you think it was? Yes. It was the book being so good spill. It really was - I kid you not. I read over 160 pages in a couple of hours. I had to do my actual job in between my reading time.

The book was the one pictured above. It's called The Writing Diet. And, it's the most awesome dieting book I've ever read. It may have something to do with the fact that it's the first dieting book I've ever read that uses writing as a way of coping with weight loss. Not just that, but it doesn't focus on Do This, Do That strategies - but rather options and suggestions I can put in to effect every day to make small, successful changes to my routine and eating habits.

The book was so good, in fact, that I've decided I'm doing the plan. Me. Doing a dieting plan. Can you say WHAAAATTT?? I know. I hate dieting plans. I hate anything to do with them. But this one? It's so different.

The premise of this book mixes my love of writing with the stress of weight loss. It brings about ways to meditate, reflect, find ways to deflect and avoid stress - or learn from it. It's not all eating plans and exercise plans - it's not that at all, actually. It's a plan that's completely focused on my fall backs, taking one step at a time, and learning how to get myself out of my funk. It's very similar to the Savor book I was reading - but with a plan and actual steps I can take.

I'm going to share the 7 tools the book suggests to use to better my lifestyle. If the tools sound interesting to you - then you MUST buy the book. Or borrow it from the library like I did. There's so much more than just the explanation of the seven tools - and it's actually worth reading the entire book.

So, I'm now going to share with you the 7 tools that I truly believe are going to change my life. In more ways than I ever could have imagined. Are you ready? Good! If you're a blogger, and you like blogging, you may find that this plan may work for you, too!

1. Morning Pages. Every morning, I have to get up and write about my feelings. Well, wouldn't you know this is something I do almost every morning. The key, however, is to write about whatever is on my mind. Some mornings I may do this on my blog. Other mornings, I will be jotting down my thoughts in a private blog. It's for the purpose of expressing my deepest feelings and emotions. Sometimes I don't want to or can't share them with the world. But, I will be writing them down each morning.

2. The Journal. This is a book that I have to carry around everywhere. A book that I'll actually write in, versus typing. Each time I eat or get the urge to eat, I have to write it down. Not for counting calories, but to count how much I eat. To show myself how much I eat. And to find a way to curb some of the mindless eating. When I get the urge to eat, I need to take a second and write about it. I have to write about the feelings behind the eating. Am I eating because I'm happy? Am I eating because I'm bored? Whatever the cause may be, I need to write about it BEFORE it happens.

3. Walking. Here's where some much needed exercise comes in to play - but not because it's exercise. Every single day, I need to walk for at least 20 minutes. The purpose is to clear my mind, recollect on my feelings from the day, and try and make sense of some of the things that may be troubling me. Although, don't we all know that this is exercise in disguise? And what a wonderful disguise it is. If I go out on a walk because I need to think and clear my head, I'm not really thinking about the exercise benefits. I don't have to thing "ugh, I don't want to work out today". Instead,I'll be thinking "I can't wait to get out and clear my mind on my walk". See how that worked? Freakin' genius, right?

4. The Four Questions. These are the foundation of the entire "dieting" plan. Each time I want to eat, I have to ask myself four questions: 1) Am I hungry? 2)Is this what I feel like eating? 3)Is this what I feel like eating now? 4)Is there something else I could be eating? At first, I will write these questions down in my journal to answer them - and the hope is that after a while, the questions will be second nature. I can stop binge eating often with the first question. But, if I am indeed hungry, I can mentally weigh my options of what I should or shouldn't eat. Smart, huh?

5. Culinary Artist Dates. This one intrigued me a little. The purpose and challenge is that one day, usually once a week, I go out and explore a new cuisine or eat foods I've been avoiding. I can either do it alone or with the family. We go to a restaurant and I get something I really want. I treat myself. At first it will probably be a cheeseburger or pizza, but as my tastes begin to change - and I get used to a healthier lifestyle - my hankerings may be for fancy, healthy cuisine. It's a learning process. One that will take time, but will be something I look forward to.

6. HALT. An acronym for Hunger, Anger, Lonely or Tired. Before I eat, I need to make sure I'm not eating just because one of these triggers are the cause. Am I bingeing because I let myself get too hungry? Am I eating out of anger? Am I eating because I'm lonely? Or am I eating just because I'm behind on some much needed rest? Again, more subjects for my journal - to write about before jumping on the snack attack bandwagon. I can use my journal and Morning Pages to evaluate all of these triggers, reflect on them, and learn to tame them. I will learn not to let myself get too hungry, find a better way to deal with anger, find a solution to being lonely, and get the sleep I need.

And last but not least...

7. The Body Buddy. Luckily for me, I already have lots of Body Buddies. That would be all of you. Those of you that comment, tell it to me straight, give me words of encouragement. As I was reading, my mind automatically went to Jenn. She comments almost every day - and when she does, it's stuff I need to hear. She supports me, lifts me up, but also points out any downfalls I may be submerging myself in. Everything I need in a perfect Body Buddy. So, congrats Jenn - you've officially been given the top job... but I can never have too many Body Buddies.

That's it. That's all there is to making my life better one word, one calorie at a time. So, I know you're probably wondering "What about the eating and calorie counting?" Well, this program is designed to work with whatever eating plan being used. However, for people like me who have no eating plan, the author gives some great insight in to Clean Eating. Meaning no white flour, pasta, or refined sugar. Very similar to what I did with my detox - except all the time. I focus on eating fruits, veggies, lean protein, low-fat dairy, and whole grains. I also eat three meals a day and two snacks - any more than that, and I'm bingeing. I need to write everything I eat down in my journal. I need to reflect on my eating. I need to make sure that I'm eating to eat because my body needs the energy - and it's the right energy.

That's why you need to buy the book if you're interested. There's just so much more to it than the 7 tools. But, the 7 tools and the rest of the information is what I'll be using.

I've decided to start on Sunday. Only because it's the beginning of a new week. Tomorrow I'm going out with the fam for a destress day - and I need tomorrow to clear my mind ready for my new adventure on Sunday.

I haven't felt this excited in such a long time. It will help keep my mind off the job hunting, and may even end up helping me cope with the stress I'll be going through.

Well, I just had to share. I may not be posting in the morning because of my day out - so I had to do this now.

Have a great Friday night and Saturday!!

Till next time. ;)