"Back" In Business

I know, I know.  It's been several days since I've shown my face.  I bet you were all thinking I'd thrown in the towel, huh? That I'd decided my blogging days were over.  Well, I can assure you, that's definitely not the case.

Sunday morning, I woke up with a little twinge in the bottom of my back.  The kind of twinge one receives from sleeping awkwardly.  It was a little uncomfortable, but nothing major.  That's why I was able to finish up the last blog post I'd been working on.  Well, that little "twinge" had turned in to full-blown, unbearable, tear inducing pain by midday.  I was in so much pain that I couldn't sit.  At all.  I had to stand or lay flat in order to get any relief.

I spent some time laying completely flat on my laminate floor.  It helped keep the pain at bay, but it didn't help when I had to stand or sit up.  The pain shot from my mid-back down to my toes on the right side.  Any time I tried to just sit on a chair or on the couch, the pain intensified.  It was more like trying to sit down on an electrical current, being that the pain would just shoot through my body.  I was fine when I was standing straight up, but any time that I bent at the waist it was game over.

I did manage to get out and do some grocery shopping, but trying to do any of my school work was almost out of the question.  I couldn't sit at my computer.  Finally, I decided to pad my bed up with pillows, find the most comfortable position I could tolerate with my computer, and laid on my bed for as long as I could in order to get some work done.  It wasn't very long.  I had to give up, and just lay on the bed with pillows supporting my back for the rest of the day/night.

The next morning, I hopped out of bed totally forgetting why I was completely encased in pillows.  The jump out of bed quickly reminded me, as I felt that tell-tale shot of pain fly down my right side.  I hobbled around after that getting ready for work.  The drive to work was MISERABLE.  Trying to sit on the driver's seat was already hard enough, but every pot hole and bump felt like I was trying to drive over craters and canyons.

The entire day at work, I was fine as long as I didn't sit down.  Which is good for a teacher.  I don't spend much time sitting down during my day.  Lunch was a little painful, but I made it through.

Monday night, I had softball practice.  I forgot about my back several times, but was quickly reminded when I tried throwing a ball or catching one.  The only time I actually felt some kind of relief is when I decided to be totally idiotic and hit a ball to run the bases.  It was a painful run, but the stretching on my back actually felt pretty good.  I finished up practice, though, regretting what I'd done.

Monday night was another evening of laying on my bed, propped with pillows.  Tuesday, I was still in pain, but I had noticed the pain had decreased some.  It was still uncomfortable to sit, but not unbearable.  I started to think that maybe running wasn't such a bad idea, and that it'd actually helped my back.

Tuesday I had to go to Jelly's Family Night after school and that lasted until 7PM.  I then had to drive to Joplin to pick Peanut and Butter up from a track meet.  It was almost 8PM when I made it to them, and by the time we had some dinner and drove home, it was 10PM when we were pulling in the driveway.

Yesterday, I was basically back to my old self, but after getting home so late I didn't feel like getting up to blog.  I stayed in bed.

So, today I'm back.  And I will be honest and say that I'm really not too sad that I didn't get to blog the past few days.  I really did need a break.  Blogging, lately, has become more like a chore than an enjoyable hobby.  I got up every morning feeling like it was something I had to do, a part of my routine, and not much thought was being put in to what I had to say.

Also, with as stressed as I've been lately, it's probably a good thing I had a few days off.  I haven't had the best luck, lately, with writing stuff that hasn't somehow or in someway been misconstrued and either hurting someone's feelings or painting me in a light I don't wish to be painted.  While I love to write without really thinking much about it, and letting my feelings and emotions flow, I know I can't and really have to work on monitoring and adjusting when necessary.

The week is coming to an end, and I have one extremely busy and fun weekend coming up.  Peanut has a band trip to Kansas City, and I'm tagging along as a chaperon.  We are going to World's of Fun, and I decided to book a cabin and spend the night instead of riding the bus back.  Peanut has invited her friend to stay with us, and we're going to spend Sunday doing some sightseeing in Kansas City.  I'm very excited.  It's been YEARS since I had a vacation, weekend away, or even just a trip to a theme park.  So, I plan on making the most of it.  PLUS, it will be a great way to prepare for the week of testing that we're facing next week.

It blows my mind that today is the 1st of May and that there is only 23 days left until we get out for summer.  That's only 18 instructional days.  Three and a half weeks.  Totally crazy.  But, I have to admit, I'm ready.  Very ready.

OK, that's it for me today.  It's that time to get ready for work.  I have to say that it feels good to be back, and I don't plan on making a habit of disappearing for days on end.

I'll be back tomorrow.  Hopefully.  It is another track meet night, but I don't think I'll be home so late tonight.

Have a great Thursday!!

Day Eighteen: Thankful for My Health and the Journey to Stay Healthy

                       

It's weird for me to know that the one and only reason that this blog ever got started in the first place was so that I could motivate myself to lose weight.  That was three years ago, and even though I haven't lost near as much weight as I need to.... today, I am very thankful how healthy I am despite how heavy I am.

A few years ago, I was teetering right around the 300lbs mark (top left picture).  Despite only being in my mid twenties, I often felt a lot older simply because of the limitations my body had due to it's size.  There was no running around, staying on my feet for more than a few minutes, and even a walk around a grocery store warranted a couple hours rest and relaxation after because of how tired it made me.

Since that time I've lost a substantial amount of weight (top right picture), gained a substantial amount back, and lost some again (bottom two pictures are most recent).  I went from not being able to walk for 15 minutes to running 3 miles back down to walking 3 miles with occasional jog intervals.  It's weird for me to look at those top two pictures and know that I am three years younger in the picture on the left than I am on the right.  Although, I look much older with all that added weight.

But despite gaining weight back, I never gained the sloth like demeanor back.  I refused to go back to being a person that could hardly get around.  And at 31 years old, and still very much overweight, I have held on to the ability to run around with the kiddos, stand on my feet all day long, and walk for miles and miles when I want to.

And even though I have the want to continue to lose weight, my actions have hardly been keeping up with that desire... yet, I am still very thankful that I am healthy.

I do not have diabetes or even pre-diabetes.  I have high cholesterol, but not near as high as someone my size typically has.  I have no blood pressure problems.  I have occasional, mild knee problems that stem from an old injury, but all of my other joints are fine.  And, my body has the ability to fight off most colds and viruses without the use of medications.  In fact, I don't get sick very often at all due to an over active immune system.

Being healthy is very important to me because one of my biggest fears is not being alive long enough to see my children grow up.  Just typing that sentence was enough to put a lump in my throat.  I just don't want to even imagine what life would be like for my kids without me.  Which is why I often want to kick my own behind for not committing as much as I could to losing weight and making sure that my weight isn't the cause of an early demise.

But, even after all these years of trying, I'm not anywhere near ready to throw in the towel and just "accept" that I'm overweight and will be forever.  As long as I keep the desire alive, I will continue to work at it.  And I don't think it's too bad that I've lost over 20lbs since August just by changing some of my eating habits.  As long as I get on the scale each week and see a lower number on the scale, I'm happy.  I will keep fighting until I'm in a "healthy weight class".  

It's not just my weight, though.  It's also my family history.  I count my blessings everyday that I don't have some of the ailments that have struck my close family.  There is history with diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems, and super high cholesterol in my family.  So, I count my blessings each and every day that I have, at the moment, avoided such problems.  

Despite my weight, being healthy is very important to me.  Being healthy, in my opinion, is avoiding medication as long as I possibly can.  I am "one of those people" that hate taking any and all forms of prescription or over the counter medication.  I pretty much have to be in unbearable pain for me to put some kind of medication in my body.  

When I have a cold, I rest and drink honey tea with lemon to help break up congestion in my nose.  When I have a headache, I rest and sleep.  When I have a stomach bug, I let it run it's course while sticking to a liquid diet.  And I'm a firm believer that because I do these things, I don't get sick near as often as I should.  Or when I do get sick, it doesn't last near as long as other people or seems as bad as what other people inflicted with the same illnesses experience.  

Working in a school, I'm bound to pick up germs pretty frequently.  There is always some kind of sickness going around, and I find myself very thankful and fortunate that I'm able to avoid about 98% of it.  My track record pretty much speaks for itself.  In the middle of my second year in my current school, I haven't missed a single day from being sick.  *Knock on wood*

So, today, I am very thankful to have my health...being healthy.  Being able to run and play and get through my day without any health issues standing in my way.

Something I am thankful for everyday, and hope to be thankful for for many years to come.

Well, That Wasn't So Bad....

My suspicious mole saga is over.  Finished.  It's gone...and now I don't have to worry about anything, unless the pathology report comes back with something.  And the doctor's not expecting that at all.

And, I can't believe I was so nervous about having the procedure done.  It was the most easy "procedure" I've ever had in my life.

When I'm told that I need to have something "surgically removed", I think green gowns, face masks, gloves, needles, and blood...always blood.  

But, there were none of those things...besides the gloves.  All doctors wear gloves just to come in to the room...if he didn't, I would have hit the bricks wondering what on earth he was thinking.  

I'm getting a head of myself.

After finishing up my blog yesterday, I got dressed and Hubby and I hit the road a little before 7am.  My appointment was at 9:20... but we expected for the drive to take about 2 hours.  We were traveling up to Joplin, Missouri, because one of the benefits of teaching in a Missouri school is Missouri health insurance and Missouri in-network doctors.  There are about a dozen dermatologists within a 30 mile radius of where I live, but none of them fall under my insurance plan.  Figures.

So, we make the long trek to Joplin...which turned out to not be so long because we got there at 8:30.  

I wasn't nervous at all during the drive, but for some reason, the minute we pulled in to the parking lot, I started getting a little worried.  I felt the same way before having my wisdom teeth pulled a couple of months ago.  Any time I know there will be needles in my vicinity...and a strong possibility of seeing my own blood... I get nervous.  And a little woozy.

I got in there and all signed in, and thanked myself for bringing a book a long.  It was something to do to pass the time while I was waiting, and that helped calm my nerves.

I finally got called back.  Hubby came back with me, and we were shown in to a sterile room.  One plus was that there was a TV in the room.. Fancy!  While we waited about 20 minutes for the doctor to come in, I was able to watch some HGTV.  I love me some HGTV.

Doctor came in, with an APN, and a nurse.  They all introduced themselves and got right down to business.  I expected to have to change in to a gown, but the doctor just asked me to lay on the table and pull up my shirt just enough to show them them mole on my boob.  It was on the underside of my boob, so I was able to show them without flopping the whole thing out.  The doctor and the APN hummed and haad for a few minutes, poking and prodding.  Then, the doctor told me he wanted to remove it and send it off for testing "just to be on the safe side".  They checked all over my back and my arms for other moles or skin tags that could be a call for concern, but didn't find anything.

The doctor assured me that he doubted very much that the pathology test on the mole would bring anything back.  The test would be more for my peace of mind.  And a bigger hole in my pocket.. but that's neither here nor there.  Can't put a price tag on health, right?

So, he told me to lay back again, pull up my shirt, and it was time to get it done.  He forewarned me of what was to happen...he'd be injecting some local anesthetic that would sting.  A lot.  He would then slice off the mole and burn the opening to stop any bleeding.  

Can you say "check please?"  I was more nervous then.  Really nervous.

I just laid there and held my breath.  I felt his fingers, and he told me he was starting.  I waited a few minutes...expecting the stinging sensation to start...and then he suddenly turned on this thing that looked like a welding tool...zapped it to my skin and told me he was all done.

What the What?

I hadn't felt a thing.  Not even the injection to numb me.  All of two minutes and it was over.  I had a tiny bandaid placed on the mole sight and was told I was all done.

He'd stuck a needle in my boob.  Cut off a mole with a scalpel.  Burned my bleeding skin.  And I didn't feel so much as a scrape.

That's what I'm talking about!!

We were up and out of the door in less than an hour.  And I could have driven myself and it wouldn't have mattered a bit.  No fuzzy side effects.  No pain.  Popping a zit hurts worse than having a mole removed.  

Of course, once I heard the words "we'll bill you", I knew that the pain would come.... when I received the lovely bill in the mail.  But, I'll just wait until that happens.

Hubby and I decided that being that we'd driven all that way, we might as well go do a little exploring around Joplin.  I've only ever been there once before, and that was an in and out type of thing back when I had to get my teaching license transferred.  We went to the mall, and grabbed some lunch, and visited the new Walmart that was built after the nasty tornado took out the last one.  It was much fancier on the outside, but the inside looked just like every other Walmart I frequent.

On the way home, I stopped at my school...being that I had said I'd go in to work yesterday afternoon. I didn't really feel like working, and being that Hubby had been up for close to 24 hours, I didn't think it was fair to make him sit very long in my classroom.  So, I sorted a few supplies that had arrived and we came on home.

I really expected some pain to start once the local anesthetic wore off, but I still haven't felt a thing.  I haven't looked at it yet.  The bandaid is still on it...and I'll have to take it off soon.  I was told to keep it on for 24 hours...that time is just about up.  I guarantee that removing the bandaid will probably be the most painful part of the whole experience.  It's no cheap bandaid they put on me.

All in all, though, not a bad experience at all.   Don't know why I was so worried.

Today, I have the Back to School Block Party going on.  Before I go, though, I have to get some grocery shopping and laundry done.  So I better get to getting.

My summer break is officially over tomorrow.  Monday morning, I'm back to work for the 2013-2014 school year.  

This summer has flown by, but I'm ready.  

But, now... I just have to go and get ready.

A Routine Doctor's Appointment Leads to a "Procedure"

I have to make it a pretty quick one today, because I have to take a trip an hour and a half away to be at an appointment by 9:20 this morning... thanks to the doctor's appointment from yesterday.

The doctor's appointment was good.  Pretty routine...nothing for me to get my heart racing about.

I was really nervous going, for some reason... but I apparently calmed down enough by the time my blood pressure was taken, because it was really good.

All of my vitals were good, actually.

I had to have my blood drawn for my diabetes and cholesterol screenings...and that only took them sticking me 5 times to find a vein.  Ugh.  

I hate having blood drawn.  I have the deepest veins, and then they roll.  I know this because after having 3 kids, I've spent a good part of my adult life playing the role of a pin cushion.  Being stuck five times is nothing, though... my record is 14 times.  On the same day.  By the same nurse.

I only got one popped vein out of it, too.  Again, nothing I'm not used to.  Record being 4 popped veins in one sitting.

I've had several nurses tell me that at least I could never be a drug user.  Isn't that awesome?  I know that nobody's suspecting me of taking drugs when I go for a doctor's visit... because who would go through so much trouble with veins like mine?

Anywho... I finally get my blood drawn and will have to wait a couple of weeks to get the results.  I'll get a letter in the mail.  Unless it's bad...then I'm sure they'll call me.

After all the routine check-up stuff took place, the APN came in to check out the mole.  She took one look and agreed with my mother and my kids' doctor - it didn't look good.

Awesome.

She told me it was probably nothing to worry about, but she wanted it removed ASAP...just in case.  She explained all the signs that make it a cause for concern, and my mole checked off everything in her box...asymmetrical, jagged edges, dark color, and almost 6mm in size (it was 5mm, but she considered that close enough).  Also, it's on the bottom of my right breast...so it's a little weird for a mole to show up there.  It's not a sun exposed area, so she's not really sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

Decision was made straight away that I needed to be referred to a dermatologist for a better review.

So, that's where I have to go this morning.  To a specialist that just happens to be over an hour and half away (thank you network insurance requirements).  

I'm not sure what is actually going to happen today.  My APN recommended for it to be removed, but I'm not sure if they'll actually do it today or if they'll just look at it and make me go back another day.  I'm praying it's not the latter, because a) it would be cheaper to just get it done today, b) I don't want to have to take time off of work when it's something I could have done before I go back to work, and c) if it's so bad, then surely the sooner it comes off the better.

I'm not sure if the doctor will decide to biopsy or not.  I'm figuring he probably will, just because it checks off all the "bad" markers.  

I kinda expected to feel a little more freaked out than I am.  I mean, having a mole that raises so much concern should freak me out, right?  But, I have always been a firm believer in being optimistic.  OK, it's a nasty looking mole.. but maybe it's just a nasty looking mole.  Maybe it's a nasty looking mole that could one day turn in to something more.  My views are going with it's nothing, and getting it taken off is just being precautionary.  

It's not worth getting all frantic until there's something to get frantic about, right?

AND, a sick mind can lead to a sick body.  

I truly believe that.

So, your thoughts are requested today as I go in for this kinda sorta scary procedure.  Hubby is going along with me for moral support...even though he hasn't slept all night.  He works 3rd shift, but he doesn't want me going alone.  Good guy I have, right?

I'm sure my mom would have gone with me if I asked her, but she's got enough going on with getting 6 kids up and ready for school (they've already gone back in Oklahoma) without having to worry about getting to my house in time to make the long drive to my appointment.

I'm just ready to get it over with.

So, I better go get ready so I can do that.

First Trip to the Doctor When Nothing's Wrong

It's been a long time since I've been to the doctor.  A really long time.  In fact, I don't remember having been to the doctor for any other reason than to have my lady parts checked once a year...but that's a different doctor entirely.

I just don't go to the doctor unless I'm sick.  

Which doesn't happen very often because I don't get sick hardly ever, and when I do...it's not sick enough for me to feel the need to go and see a doctor.  I battle it out on my own.  With the mentality that if I'm still sick a few days later, then I'll go.  But that never happens.

I'll admit, I'm a little nervous.

Nervous about going when I'm not sick.

Because it's not something I do.

It's one thing to go when you kinda already know what's wrong...it's something totally different when you're going hoping that they don't find anything wrong.

Which is what's happening today.

I finally have decent enough insurance where I can go to the doctor just to get checked over and make sure everything is OK.  And not just because I'm sick.

I normally still wouldn't do something like that... but as my mother keeps reminding me, I have three children to think about - and staying healthy for them should trump my mentality that going to the doctor is a waste of time unless there's a reason to go.

And I do kinda sorta have a reason to go... I have a mole that's scared the bejeezus out of my mom.  It's one of those moles that get people all nervous and frantic.  It's not symmetrical.  It's raised.  And what ever else the signs are for not-good moles.

I first noticed it a little over a year ago.  I thought it was a tick...and being the idiot I am, tried to pull it off with tweezers.  That ended up causing a piece of it to be pulled off...which led to it not being what a "normal" mole should look like.

Honestly, I'm not that worried about it... but my mom and my kids' doctor think I should get it checked out.  (My mom's doctor and the kids' doctor is the same person... my mom just had to show a picture of it to him the last time she saw him, and then when I took the kids in he mentioned that I should get it removed.)  

Since having the mole, it hasn't changed or gotten bigger.  Those are good signs.  But, to appease my mother, I'm getting it checked out...on top of getting my whole self checked out because it's been so long since I've done that.

It's been so long since I've had a "wellness check" that I don't even know what they are going to check.  

I'm not against going to the doctor.  I would have gone sooner if it wasn't so darned expensive.  I think that routine check-ups are good.  I'm just not a person that thinks about stuff like that unless I have a reason to.

I think it's pretty sad that something like going to the doctor just to make sure I'm healthy isn't an option unless I have insurance to do so.  I mean, up until now it hasn't been an option because I've only ever had insurance that covered something bad happening.  If I just wanted to make sure I was OK, I'd have to pay full price unless my huge deductible had been met.

That's messed up.

I think everyone should have the ability to go to the doctor for preventative measures.  And it shouldn't cost an arm and a leg to do so.

And, I still have to pay $133 a month now in order to get the benefits of getting preventative check-ups and services.  Times that by 12 and I end up paying $1596 a year.  The preventative check-ups are free... or should I say check-up...but anything else is going to require meeting a $1500 deductible.  So, if I need to cover that.. I end up paying $3096 a year just to get the insurance to start picking up 70% of the tab.

I'm pretty sure if I just put the $133 a way each month I'd be able to go to the doctor when I needed to.. but that's not how it works, is it?  If something bad does happen, I will be thankful that I don't have hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills.  Those bills will be reduced...not gone... just reduced.  So I pay over $1500 a year just to have the peace of mind that if I end up in a major car wreck or with a major illness... I'll only be out of pocket $3000 plus 30% of my bills.  

That's a lot of math...and a lot of money...still.

I'm one of those people that wish we had national healthcare.  I lived in England for 12 years, and going to the doctor or the dentist or whatever was never an issue.  It was just done.  My parents didn't have to worry about how much it would cost or when would be the best time to go..so that it could be afforded.  We went when we needed to.  

I often hear fun made of English people and their teeth.  Well, I have no idea where that came from.. because everyone I knew in England had good teeth because they had regular visits to the dentist.  Moving to America, I was exposed to my first sightings of people that had missing teeth and decaying teeth and thought we'd moved right in to a horror movie.  And then I heard that people had to live that way because they just couldn't afford to go to the dentist, and dental insurance was an added expense to their regular insurance that most people just didn't justify paying for.

I know so many people that have just removed all of their teeth and now have dentures because it's just cheaper to do it that way.

In England, dentures were for old people.  Period.  And I'm talking old as in their 70s or 80s.  Not people in their 20s and 30s like I see so much of here.

But, ranting aside, it's something I need to start doing.  Going to the doctor.  Checking to make sure I'm still healthy.  

The way I look at it, I'm paying to have those benefits... I might as well put them to good use.  Otherwise I'm wasting all that money each month.

So, I better go and get ready.  

Healthy Mind, Healthy Body....and Vice Versa

I know I've blogged about this before... but I haven't really made a "health" related post in a long time, so I'm a gonna write about it again.

I am a firm believer in a healthy mind leading to a healthy body.  In fact, I verge right on the edge of being a gung-ho naturalist in terms of never putting medicines in to my body to fight sickness.  I like for my body to use its natural defenses to fight off infection and viruses.

At a young age, I found out I was a "carrier" for illnesses.  My body may pick up colds and bugs and sickies, but I don't present the typical symptoms but still have the ability to pass them on.  Because of the fact that I never appeared to be sick, my body received very little in the form of any kinds of medicines growing up.  I now have a over-active immune system.  I'm still a carrier, but the doctor told me once that my chances of picking up common illnesses would be a lot less likely for me because of the defenses my body has built up over time.

And I can prove my point a thousand times over.

It's not like I don't ever get sick.  But, my symptoms and problems are mild and last a lot less time than most.  Take the flu epidemic for example.  I sat around while my poor students dropped like flies.  I literally sat under a five year old that was sick close to two weeks with the stuff.  My other two kids got sick and I was taking care of them.  Me?  Nada.

I truly believe that a lot of my health comes from my mind.  I don't let myself get caught up in the possibility of becoming sick, or worrying about it, or thinking about it.  When I do start to feel a little weak, I can usually thank some form of stress that's going on in my life that has allowed me to get off my game...and it comes out through my body.  If that happens, rather than run to the first box of Tylenol or NyQuil I crack open a bottle of honey, make some lemon tea, and sleep.  I can count on one hand the amounts of times I've taken medicine over the past few years.  And that would be two.  Both being for a toothache.

But, the point I'm getting to with all of this is the fact that I am sick right now.  It started yesterday.  I was burning up, even though it was only 40 degrees outside.  I had the windows open in my classroom for as long as possible before the teeth of my students started chattering - and I was still feeling like the room was a sauna.  When I took my sweater off, I started getting chills.  My nose was running.  My throat hurt.  And I could have curled up in bed and slept for a week - I just know it.  A quick check from the nurse confirmed my suspicions...I was running a low grade fever.

And why am I sick?  Because I'm stressed to the max.  My defenses are down because I'm spending so much time worrying about stuff that it's caused my body to break down and require some TLC.  And what happens when my body starts to break down?  I become susceptible to sickies.

Thankfully, my symptoms are mild.  I'm tired.  My nose and throat are sore from sneezing.  And that's about it.. but that's still an inconvenience that I don't want to deal with.  I would consider taking a sick day to recover if I could bare being away from my students.  But, I can't.  And I know that if I were to take a sick day, I'd end up stressing even more and that would just make things worse.  I need to keep myself busy.  I need to stay focused.  And I need to get rid of this stress.

I guess it's good that it's Thursday and I only have two more days left this week.  Then I can get some rest over the weekend.  Plus I can do some de-stressing.  I'll be able to spend some time with my Momma, enjoy some birthday celebrations, and take my mind off of stressful stuff.

Sounds much better than medicine from a bottle.  The medicine of life!  Can't beat that!

I'm going to try really hard today to take a few deep breaths, let the worry slip away from my body, and hopefully it will take away these nasty sniffles.

Take care of your mind - it's what keeps your body healthy!