True Confessions Tuesday

My favorite support site shrinkingjeans.net has been hosting True Confessions Tuesday forever.  I never participated, cause..well...I'm always very honest.  Then, a couple of weeks ago, I attempted a confessions post of my own...it was harder than I thought.

Today, I decided to have a go at joining in for True Confessions because...well...I have plenty to confess today.  It's not about being humorous...today, it's all about coming clean, admitting some problems - and hopefully helping me get over them.  So, here goes...

I confess that this past weekend was AWFUL!!  I ate JUNK...lots of it.  Peanut M&Ms, Choco Tacos, chili dogs, Golden Coral buffet breakfast, praline pecans... Junk, junk, and more junk!!

I confess that I did NOT workout once this past weekend.  Yep, after writing my "Big Plans" post on getting out of my rut and really dedicating myself 110% - I didn't do a single damn thing on my plan all weekend.  I spent about an hour playing around with Jelly yesterday afternoon outside - but spent more time standing than moving... UGH!!

I confess that I had planned on getting through the weekend, and just starting over yesterday...and then let my emotions prevent that from happening.  Yesterday morning, I was geared up for getting back on the horse and forgetting all of the "mistakes" I had made all weekend.  I had planned on going out to the park yesterday afternoon and really getting a good run in.... then my emotions got in the way.  I noticed that the school I interviewed for last week had reposted the job I interviewed for.  Immediately, I realized that they would only do that if they didn't like anyone that they interviewed... total deflation.

I confess that I'm feeling sorry for myself because of the job situation.  I have had several people tell me that I don't know for definite that I didn't get the job.  That's true.  I haven't had a phone call, email, or letter saying that I wasn't hired for the job.  HOWEVER, in my mind, I don't understand why they would interview for an entire week - only to post the same job the following week.  If there was an additional position that opened up, wouldn't they just pick someone else from who they already interviewed?  I think so.  The whole thing has left me winded.  I really got my hopes up - when I told myself not to.  It's my own fault, but now I feel cruddy...just eh.

I confess that before I went to bed last night, I gave myself a good talking to.  Oh yeah, I got mean... I got nasty... I went below the belt several times, but I had to hear it.  I looked at myself in the mirror and said this...

"You're acting like a baby.  So, you didn't get the job - big whoop.  You knew that it was A HUGE possibility you wasn't going to get that job - or any job this year.  You had your mind set for subbing next year... you were OK with it.. now you're going to let this one set back destroy all of that?  Let's not even forget the self-sabotage you've done to yourself this weekend.  Last week, you were so pumped about losing 6lbs in 3 weeks.  You got down to your lowest weight..and now?  It wouldn't surprise me if you stand on that scale in the morning and every bit of those 6lbs are back.  You're supposed to start training someone next week!! What kind of example are you going to set if you can't get your own mind in control and stop with this crap?  This has to stop - this second!!  Do you hear me?"

I did hear me.  I heard me loud and clear.

I confess that I re-strategized my plan last night, and have decided to let all of my self-loathing go.  I feel miserable this morning - but not just about the job.  I feel miserable because I have let myself get to this place.  I'm falling faster and faster into old habits - and I don't like that feeling.  Despite not gaining what I thought I would after the weekend, I know that it's only a matter of days before the scale starts to show my mistakes.  I can't let that happen.

I confess that I'm going to kick my own ass this week.  Yep, tonight I have big plans.  I'm going to the track - but not just to run.  I have a full work-out planned.  A lap of lunges, a lap of high knees, a break of push-ups and sit-ups, a lap of sprinting, a lap of bicep curls while jogging (that will require coordination, right?) Then repeat.  I'm taking back control - for real this time.  I'm done with the pity party, I'm done with feeling like a let down to myself....there's only one person that can change all of this... ME!!

I feel much better letting all of that out.  I needed to - maybe True Confessions might be here to stay... who knows.  Right now, I've decided to take one day at a time.  I'm going to breath.  I'm going to really push myself.  I'm going to do better.

Till next time. ;)

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