I feel an energy that I haven't felt in a while - an energy that I've been missing.
Today is such a big day. It's my final final day. No, I didn't make a mistake typing "final" twice. This afternoon, I'm going to take my last test which marks the end of my college career. I'm done, finished, finito.
Yesterday was my last day as an intern. I'm no longer a student teacher. I wasn't sad to leave because, well, I'm not leaving. I have sub jobs lined up next week - and know there will be more the week after...so I'm not going anywhere....they haven't gotten rid of me yet.
It's so surreal to think that in two short days I will be a college graduate with my Bacholors degree!! I try to think back four years to when my journey to getting my teaching degree began. Graduating seemed so far away...so daunting...and here it is. I made it.
Despite my little hurdles I've been dealing with lately, I'm a completely different person to what I was four years ago. I'm different both on the inside and the outside.
Four years ago, I walked in to my first class nervous as hell. I was over 250lbs, wore a size 22, and felt 25 sets of eyes on me as I walked in and took a seat. I worked hard in my classes, but kept myself from ever really talking to anyone - or making any friends. I felt like I didn't fit in.
Then, shortly after starting school, I got pregnant with Jelly. It took a long time for anyone to notice I was pregnant because, well, I was so big to start with.
After having Jelly, I lost quite a bit of weight - but it didn't last long. The stress of school and working started the weight creeping back....up to my pre-pregnancy weight and then some. Until I finally topped the scales at my highest weight ever... 297lbs. Along with that weight came a size 24-26 pant.
Today, just two days from the end, I weigh 215lbs. It's not my lowest weight...I've faltered a little...but I'm still 82lbs lighter. I am now comfortably wearing a size 16.
I mentioned I'm also different on the inside. I started my college career as a quiet loner. I didn't really try to make friends. I was an active participant in class discussions - but that's as far as my talking went.
Last year, as my weight started coming off, my confidence increased. I started making friends. I started hanging out with friends. I'm going to graduate Saturday knowing that I now have lifelong friendships - we'll always be there for each other, and share life's joys and heartbreaks together.
I even like the way I look and feel about myself. I have begun to see myself as "pretty". I believe the compliments that are given to me. I don't cringe when I stand in front of the mirror in clothing that I would NEVER have even tried on four years ago.
The dress I bought for Saturday is beautiful. It's simple, fun, but it makes me feel good. Yesterday, I did something else I never thought I'd do.... I bought a pair of 5" heels to wear on Saturday. Four years ago, I would never or could never fathom wearing 5" heels. Not only can I wear them, but I can walk in them too!! My shoe size is something else that's changed. Since high school I've worn a size 11 shoe. Last year, my shoes started falling off of me and I had to move down to a size 10. Yesterday, the heels I bought are a size 9/10. That's crazy to me.
Yesterday morning, in my little "I'm not doing very well" pity party, I announced that I'm going to start making daily goals. My goals for yesterday were to eat less than 1500 calories and to drink 64ozs of water.
I'm happy to report that I ate a total of 1390 calories yesterday and drank 64ozs of water.
Not only did I eat 1390 calories, but I burned 2428 calories - giving me a deficit of 1038 calories!! That's close to 1/2 a pound in just one day. A few more days like that, and I'll be back on track.
Today, I'm keeping my goals the same. Being that it's my final class, my final day at school - there will be a celebratory lunch after. I'm going to work very hard to keep my calories and water in check. This is a challenge for me - and I'm ready for it.
I feel different today. I said that at the beginning of the post. My spark has come back to me. It wasn't some magic that appeared to me overnight. I know that my secret weapon is the cause for my sudden burst of re-dedication. What is my secret weapon, you ask?
My secret weapon is my friend, Adah. She was my challenge partner for the last Sisterhood challenge. She kept me going, she gave me support, she picked me up when I needed her. When I felt like I was losing my way - I reached out to her...and being the awesome person she is, she responded. We're teaming up again. Not to compete, this time, but just to be there for each other. We both liked the support - I know it really helped me more than she ever knew - and I now have her back!!
Watch out world - cause this girl is graduating college and this summer will become the thinnest and sexiest person she's ever been!!
Till next time. ;)
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