One thing I know about myself is that I'm a writer. And by that, I simply mean someone who loves to write. I may not be all that great at it. I'm not hilariously funny, or witty, inspirational, or motivational. But, I've had my moments where I think I've achieved those things.
I don't write for the amusement of others, I write for the therapy that it provides me. And, when writing almost every single day for the past couple of years (sometimes on two blogs), there's going to be times when I find it hard to come up with material to write about.
But, do you know what I've learned about myself recently?
When my life is in turmoil, I'm stressed, angry, frustrated, or sad, I am able to write the most thoughtful, thought provoking, and best pieces of writing I've ever written.
When I'm happy, content, life is good... I sit staring at my screen for a long time wondering what on earth to write about.
I mean, I'm not surprised that I do my best writing when I'm having the negative feelings. Again, my writing is my therapy. It's very easy for me to dig down deep and pull out my emotions and put them in to words. In fact, it's WAY more easier for me to write about my feelings than it is to express them in any other way. If I'm having a problem, I write about it until the solution to my problem pops in my head... or I just feel better.
What surprises me, though, is why it's so difficult to write happy, funny, and/or amusing posts when my life matches those feelings.
If I'm good at writing sad, deep, and emotional. Why can't I write happy, funny, and amusing?
I'm a reader of blogs just as much as I am a writer of them. I prefer to read blogs by authors who are witty and funny. And, I have a few on my blog roll that can have me literally laughing out loud just by sharing their normal lives. They have the ability of writing about life in general by making wise cracks, finding humor in just about anything, and keeping an upbeat and funny attitude. They even have the ability to keep the laughs coming even when life isn't so great for them. And, out of nowhere, they can write a blog post that has me crying and blubbering because there words are so touching, thought out, and emotionally captivating.
I envy those writers. And, have tried with all my might to be like them. But, I've faced the reality that I'm not like them. I'm me. I write about whatever is in my head, and that's how I like it.
This past week has definitely had me on an emotional rollercoaster. And that has been evident by my blog posts. Each morning, I've gotten up and had no worries deciding what I was going to write about.. the words just came.
What I didn't write about was the fact that the reading situation was one tiny aspect of the day. There was some good stuff happening in my classroom, yet I chose to focus on that one thing that was majorly stressing me out.
Then, I was able to decide how I was going to deal with that one little problem I was having, my mood switched gears, and I went from stressed to excited. Yet, once that switch came in my mood, I had no idea what to write about. I've already shared how I'm fixing the problems I was having... so now I'm happy, but now I'm not sure what to write about.
Here lately, I've written A LOT about teaching. In fact, it's started to kinda take over my blog. And, honestly, I'm OK with that. Life is good at home (now), the kids are good, the house is good, and really there's not much more to elaborate on than that. This blog is supposed to be about my life in general, and the majority of my life revolves around my classroom. It doesn't mean that my classroom is the most important part of my life, it just provides the best material.
It's so frustrating, though, that I can come on here and whine and cry about all the worries, but can't come on here and give anything more than "had a great day today", and that's about as much as I can muster in sharing the good stuff.
Like I said, I was stressing about the whole reading thing, but failed to mention the fact that I started the week off with having NO students that could multiply 2 digits by 2 digits, but ended the week with having only a few kids struggling with it. Or, the fact that for the first time since school started, 95% of my students turned in their spelling contracts, or that most of my kids passed their science test.
The honest truth of the matter is, negative feelings and frustrations only take up about 10% of my day... so why am I not writing about the other 90%?
This next week, I want to dig down deep and try and come up with more upbeat stuff to write about. I like to think I'm a pretty funny person. When I'm having conversations with people, I have the ability to make them laugh. OK, so sometimes they might be laughing at me instead of with me, but a laugh is a laugh. Surely, I can write something that does the same thing.
Moving in to this next week, I'm super excited about getting the new reading unit up and running. I've been working hard coming up with the new plans and new activities the kids will be doing. I'm sure there'll be some kinks that will need working out, I'm sure the kids won't understand everything all at once.. but my goal is to focus on the good that's happening, and not the "kinks".
I am not a negative person. I'm actually quite a positive person, having a positive look at most of my struggles. I'm not a person who just makes lemonade when thrown lemons, I also like to make lemon squares, cake, pudding, and throw a few slices in to the mouths of others... just so I can get a kick out of the expression on their faces when the sour hits their tastebuds.
So, this week, I want to really buckle down and bring some light and amusement in to my blogging world.
I'm sure it will be a challenge.
I know enough about myself to understand that I like to live in a world of rainbows and sunshine, and I have no need to write about that stuff, because I live it as much as possible. I only write about stuff I struggle with: Tough situations. If I see a raincloud coming my way, I write about it until it evaporates. But this week, I'm going to write about the sunshine and rainbows, even if there's rainclouds on the horizon.
I don't like being a whiner. I don't like being "poor me and my difficult situations". And, I actually cringe when I read comments along the lines of "hang in there", "you can do it", and "I'm sure it will get better". When, the truth of the matter is, it's not really as bad as I portrayed it to be, and I'm hanging in there, doing it, and making it better... but somehow have no ability to write about that stuff.
So, the challenge is on. I'm gonna have a go at being funny or at least upbeat. Not just randomly going on with babble... because I have nothing else to write about. But, actual, focused blog posts about GOOD stuff.
I can do it!!
But, right now, I have to finish up the work I still have to do.