Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Let it Go, Let it Go! The Cold Never Bothered Me Anyway


Ah, Frozen.  Probably one of the best Disney movies made in a very long time.  I've been lucky enough to see it twice, and I can't wait for it to be released on DVD.  I know that it will get plenty of use in my house.

I have never heard a Disney soundtrack that had so much power or such a strong message as the song "Let it Go" from Frozen.  When I hear the song, I get those goosebumps all over my arms and that tingly feeling in my throat.  And, I will admit that since seeing that movie and hearing that song, I've tried to live by a "Let it Go" mentality.

                                     The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
                                                       Not a footprint to be seen
                                                         A kingdom of isolation,
                                                    And it looks like I’m the Queen.
                                    The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside

                                            Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried

Oh, how I know how that feels.  Being the Queen of isolation, feeling completely alone.  Sometimes.  No matter what the problem, or who's there to listen, I have often felt like there's just not anyone that can really hear my troubles or understand what's really bothering me.  And, my normal way of dealing with those situations is to just keep it all inside, pretending that everything is A-OK.

                                                 Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
                                               Be the good girl you always have to be
                                              Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
                                                             Well, now they know

What others think of me has always been one of my major problems.  I try and put out this front that I'm Miss Goody Two Shoes.  Having problems is a sign of weakness.  Sharing my problems is even worse.  It's far easier to pretend that I'm someone I'm not, or pretend that nothing really bothers me.  But, what ends up happening is that people end up realizing that it's all just one big production, and then they know that I'm...well...normal.  I have problems.  I have weaknesses.  I have struggles.

                                                               Let it go, let it go
                                                       Can’t hold it back anymore
                                                               Let it go, let it go
                                                       Turn away and slam the door

These words have a double meaning for me.  Sometimes, I've held in my problems for so long that I finally just Let it ALL go.. in a whirlwind of sadness and frustration.  The most minor of things can set me off and I'm going to Let it Go on whoever the helpless victim is that said the wrong thing at the wrong time.  And, then there's the other side of that where I'm learning to Let it Go before it even gets to the point of it bothering me.  Rather than holding it in, I let it out.  I share my problems and feelings with those I can trust, and I'm able to move on and keep the problems from interfering with my normal day to day life.

                                                                  I don’t care
                                                         What they’re going to say
                                                            Let the storm rage on,
                                                The cold never bothered me anyway

This is my way of separating those that matter and those that don't.  No matter how much I try or how hard I try to pretend it's not happening, there will be those that truly care and those that don't.  There will be those people that are nice to your face, and then judge and condemn you the moment you turn around.  The secret is, though, to let them just keep doing what they're doing... let them gossip, let them judge, let them talk.  Because very few of those gossip trains really know the truth about what's going on, and it just goes to show their true character if they act that way.  The best way to deal with those situations is to just keep moving on, cause they don't really matter.  

                                                       It’s funny how some distance
                                                      Makes everything seem small
                                               And the fears that once controlled me
                                                            Can’t get to me at all

The power in this verse is UNBELIEVABLE.  How funny it is to me how minor some of those major problems I've dealt with in life now seem.  Once some time passes, it seems like it was nothing.  At the time, it feels like the earth could just fall away from my feet, but once I've got through it I can look back and laugh.  I'm a person that has gone through being ripped from my home country and moved to a completely different world, teen rebellion, teen pregnancy, an abusive relationship, homelessness, being a single parent, working pay check to pay check, worrying if I should pay the bills or buy food, wondering if I would ever make it through college to better my life, and most recently a parent with cancer.  And, still, a problem that pops it's head can feel like one of the worst situations I've ever been through.  I just really need to remember that if I can get through all these obstacles and still come out on top, I can pretty much get through anything.  

                                                        It’s time to see what I can do
                                                   To test the limits and break through
                                                    No right, no wrong, no rules for me
                                                                         I’m free

This applies to me in my classroom.  Everyday I try and test the limits and see what I can do.  I'm not sure I can entirely go with the "no rules for me", but I can push the boundaries just a little and see what happens.  I tend to doubt myself and my abilities far too often, and I'm my most happiest when I just say "BLAH" to that and go with my gut instincts.

                                                                 Let it go, let it go
                                                       I am one with the wind and sky
                                                                 Let it go, let it go
                                                            You’ll never see me cry

                                                                     Here I stand

                                                                  And here I'll stay
                                                             Let the storm rage on

I don't know about never seeing me cry, but it is highly unlikely unless you're one of my "trusted ones". The people I trust to take my problems to.  The people I use as my shoulder to cry on.  They are very few people in that inner circle, because no matter how much I try and let go of the twisted mentality, I still consider crying as a sign of weakness.  Everything inside me tells me that it's stupid to think that way, but it doesn't change the way I deal with certain situations.  When I want to do nothing but cry, I find a way to push through and just let the power to deal with my problem push through.  Recently, I have been amazed at my utter willpower to not let my guard down, and just the "storm rage on" with me at the wheel driving through whatever the storm blows my way.

                                        My power flurries through the air into the ground 
                                          My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around
                                            And one thought crystallizes like an icy blast
                                                             I’m never going back,
                                                            The past is in the past

Every single day is a new beginning.  It brings about new challenges, new opportunities, and new situations for me to work through.  What's important is letting go of the previous challenges and struggles before trying to take on new ones.  I have power, strength, and confidence.  I just sometimes forget about them, or let problems build up until they start to crack the surface of that power, strength, and confidence.  I can sometimes feel like I'm being pulled in a thousand different directions, and one kink can throw everything out of whack.  But, I just have to keep pushing through, moving on, and leaving any lingering effects die.  There's no use dwelling on the past.  It's OK to refer back to them once in a while to show how far I've come, but there's no going back.  Ever.

                                                               Let it go, let it go
                                                 And I'll rise like the break of dawn
                                                               Let it go, let it go
                                                          That perfect girl is gone

                                                                   Here I stand

                                                               In the light of day
                                                           Let the storm rage on,
                                               The cold never bothered me anyway

And the final mantra to take with me.  Just LET IT GO!  I'm not perfect.  I will make mistakes.  I will struggle.  I will fall.  People will judge me.  People will stand with me and against me.  People will be there for me when I need them.  But, no matter what, I just have to keep moving on.  I have to keep fighting.  I know that no matter what's thrown my way, I will work through it.  I thrive on challenges, and they are what truly keep me going.  If there were no challenges in life, life would be pretty darn boring.

So, let them all come.  Let them all rage on.

Cause in the end, I know that there is warmth, and love, and kindness, and care, and compassion in my heart.  They are what take me on each journey, lead me down every path, and battle all that come my way.

Plus, anyone that knows me truly knows, the cold never bothered me anyway.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Tell me what's on your mind - I love to hear from you!