Last June, I wrote this post about the very same thing. I went out and bought all kinds of goodies to transform my drab side garden in to a small oasis for me to enjoy. Unfortunately, I waited until June to think about doing it, and it was already too hot by that point to do anything. So, I packed everything away and decided to wait until this year. And that time has come.
This is what my side garden looks like today:
Still very drab and boring. It's full of weeds, old mulch, and broken rock. It's going to take a lot of work to get it where I want it, but it's work I'm actually looking forward to. I have seeds, and decorations, and ornaments to make this drab little corner of my garden in to a relaxing, calming, wonderland.
But, before I think about doing any planting or decorating, I need to do some manual labor and clear out everything that's there. Get rid of the old mulch, weeds, and debris. I need to fix the broken rocks and bring in new soil. It probably won't all get done today, but if I can at least get a good start on it, I hope to have my seeds planted by next weekend.
My hope is that my garden will be my meditation place. When I'm stressed, I can dabble around by pulling weeds and watering and tinkering or I can just pull out a chair and enjoy the sights and sounds with a good book. Just a place all to myself, where I can get away from everything and everyone, even if it is 2 feet away.
Lord knows I've been feeling the stress, lately. I've been so darned busy, that it's completely wearing me out. That's not the part that's bothering me, though, it's the fact that despite how busy I am, I am still expected to keep up with all of the housework and the daily house duties without a single scrap of help from anyone else in the house.
Trying to get anyone to help me is like painting a wall with glue. I ask for someone to clean the kitchen, and it's arguing and fighting over who did it last or whose turn it is. If I ask for help clean up the house, they think that means their bedrooms. They won't think of touching any area that doesn't contain their belongings.
Yesterday afternoon, I lost it. I asked for some help getting the house clean so that I could enjoy a Sunday off without having to clean. Both older kids started cleaning their bedrooms. When I explained that I meant the HOUSE, one pottered around picking up things here and there and the other disappeared in to the bathroom. Jelly was the only one that offered any help by sweeping the floors.
For over 30 minutes I tried to get the kids to do SOMETHING. But, I ended up fighting more than getting anything done, so I did what I always do... just did it myself. A stupid thing to do, because those kids know darned well that if they push me hard enough, I will just do it myself.
I was so angry I actually got in my car and left. Drove off. I couldn't take one second of it anymore.
I love my children with all of my heart, but I have really dug myself in to a giant gaping hole by never wanting to be like my own mother. My brothers and I were always convinced that the only reason my mom had kids was so that she didn't have to clean her house. We did all of the cleaning and cooking and the sort when we were younger. I never wanted to be that way. I never wanted my kids to feel like their purpose for being on this earth was to wait hand and foot on me.
But, then I went the complete opposite direction, and ended up raising LAZY children. Children who don't want to do the slightest, minor chores because they've never really had to. The only "chores" my kids have is doing their laundry, keeping their rooms and bathroom clean, and the dishes every other night.
And that hardly ever gets done.
I'm so stinking angry about it because they are the reason I am so busy and don't EVER get home at a reasonable hour. They are the reason I spend $100 a week in gas for my car. They are the reason that I can't make any plans ahead of time because I never know if there's going to be track practice, ball practice, or some kind of game or meet.
Yet, what thanks do I get in return?
NONE. NADA. ZIP. ZILCH.
So, as you can see, I desperately need a place I can get away and be in calm and quiet for a while without any disturbance. That and some tough love thrown at my children to make them understand that I'm tired of being their personal chauffeur and maid. I am thrilled to be their mother, and be apart of their extra curricular activities, but I don't think it's too much to ask to get a little help.
My brain is so warped that I even feel guilty about feeling mad about the lack of help and support I get around here. I mean, I complain that I don't get any time off, but they don't get any time off either. We are ALL gone every day. The kids are tired by the weekends, too.
How messed up is that? I feel bad that they are involved in so many activities that THEY are tired.
But, the truth is, these kids need to start pulling their weight a little more around here. I have absolutely NO problem driving all over SW Missouri to attend games and practices, but they are going to have to help me out a little more so that I can at least have a couple of hours to breath on the weekends.
And, today, I am doing NOTHING except working in my garden.
I need a day off. I need a break. I am aware that today is Easter, and we'll have a little family thing this evening. But, today, it's my day. I don't want to hear a single whine, answer a single questions, or be asked for a single thing.
I'm going to build a garden....a place all to myself.