Friday, April 05, 2013

Day Two: Fears...and They Are Pretty Morbid

Welp, it's day two on my thirty day blog post extravaganza...yeah, that's what I'm calling it.  Yesterday was a  mash-up of twenty random facts about myself.  Some were well known, some not so well known... but all equally as hard to come up with.

Today, I have only three things to think about.  And they would be to describe three legitimate fears I have and explain how I got them.

I will warn you right now, my fears aren't happy or really that funny.  Which, then again, wouldn't really make sense.  Why would they be fears if they were happy or funny?

1.  Burying one of my children.

I'm pretty sure that if you polled every single mother out there, a very high percentage of them would declare this to be their top fear - or at least one of them.  It's almost like something that's released in to your system the moment you give birth.  The first words that are usually uttered from a new mother's mouth is "awww...look how tiny and precious he/she is".  That's because the fear has been released in to our systems and we instinctively know that the child laying in our arms is the most, or one of the most (if you have more children), precious thing you have....and you will do everything in your power to protect it.

2.  Dying before my children are fully grown.

Another huge fear of mine.  I, need to be here for my kids as they grow up.  I've worked very hard to be a supportive and dependable mother.  My kids depend on me and turn to me for everything.  To take that away from them would be...well, I just don't even want to think about it.  Just as the fear that's released in to your system when kids are born to protect them, I have to admit that something else released in to my system to protect myself in order to be there for them... for as long as possible.  Weird things happened to me after Peanut was born.  I no longer "took a chance" of driving to the store without a seat belt.  I no longer enjoyed crazy carnival rides or heights or large bodies of water.  Pretty much anything and everything that sends off the slightest cause for concern became a no-no.  I want to be there for graduations, weddings, births, and grandchildren's birthday parties.  I need to be there until every one of my children have reached the age that they can support themselves...and I know that I've done my job of raising my children to the best of my ability.

3.  Bugs.

No, not nearly as deep as my first two fears...and not even as close to.  My third fear is a very distant third.  And that's because everything else I'm scared of revolves around the first two fears.  This fear is genuine, but definitely doesn't cause the gut wrenching concern of my first two fears.  In fact, it actually comes with some laughs (from the mean people that live with me).  I have absolutely no idea how I got the fear.  I never had any form of traumatic experience that would cause the just happened.

Bugs are gross.  They make my skin crawl.  They make me scream and jump around like a crazy woman.  And some are worse than others.  Spiders, for example, can put me in to an almost frozen with fear state.  If it's a big spider, I will stand completely still - frozen in place.  My palms will become sweaty.  My blood pressure will rise...and I have gotten to the point where I've got light headed and nauseous from the sight of a spider.  I have, more times than I like to admit, pulled my car over on the side of the road because a spider has somehow gotten in to my car.  I will jump out of my car and won't get back in to the sucker is gone.  The same can be said for wasps, bees, and grasshoppers.

Ugh, grasshoppers.  Don't get me started with those nasty things, either.  Both Hubby and my kids have tried with all their power to warn me about a close grasshopper without causing me to go into a frenzy.  To no avail.  I remember the night we moved in to this house.  I was sitting by the fireplace, and Hubby...very calmly..said "you need to slowly get up and walk towards me".  That's all I needed to hear to jump from my seat with a scream and run across the room.  I didn't know what was behind me, but I knew there was something.  And it turned out to be a grasshopper, that I of course scared with my crazy screaming.  For the next hour, no unpacking was done while the great grasshopper hunt commenced in my house while I stood by the front door just waiting to run if I needed to.  Last summer, when the grasshoppers invaded, I would drive down my parent's driveway through a shower of grasshoppers.  I would then sit in my car for several minutes, psyching myself up just to go from the car to the house...knowing that there were literally hundreds of grasshoppers all over my car and the ground.  On more than one occasion, my little brother had to come out and drag me in as fast as we could run.  I hate them.

And that's the rundown of my three biggest fears.


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