Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Thank Goodness for Facebook

This morning I realized one very important thing when it comes to Facebook.  Whether you love it or hate it, it does serve a purpose.  That purpose being that it allows people to find out stuff you wouldn't find out unless you have Facebook.

Recently, a few people have told me about finding out personal stuff through Facebook that has shocked them.  Long held secrets, finding family members, connecting with school friends you haven't seen in years, and big announcements.

Just a few days ago, I connected with C's ex-wife who found out about Peanut being C's child through Facebook just a couple of weeks ago.  Well, actually, Peanut's half sister finding out about Peanut and then relaying that information to her mother.  

That was a bit of news C's ex-wife wasn't expecting.  I mean, she wasn't angry at me, or Peanut... the exact opposite in fact.  We were able to have a great chat, and I appreciate her reaching out to me.  But, I can only imagine her shock to find out that her daughter isn't the oldest daughter of her ex-husband and that her daughters had a 14 year old sister walking around.  I can imagine it was even more shocking to Peanut's sister.  That's not something she planned on seeing or finding out about on her father's FB page, I'm sure.  

We got to meet Peanut's little sister when we went to Tennessee.  And it was there where I found out about how she had found out her sister existed.  It made me a little upset that she had to find out that way.  I mean, it's great that C wanted to put pictures on his FB of Peanut and share with the world his excitement on connecting with his long-lost daughter... but he I thought he might have told his other daughters about it first.  Peanut has three other half sisters, and she's been able to meet two of them.  The other one we're hoping to meet when we go back in October.

This morning, I got to feel exactly what it feels like to find out important news on Facebook.  

Thanks to a post on Facebook, I got to find out that my youngest sister had her baby this morning.  I didn't even know it was time for her to have her baby.  So, I guess I'm an aunt again.  Thanks for the news, FB!

Not that I can be angry or upset finding out that way.  I mean, I haven't spoken to my mother or my sister in several months, now.  I knew that I would eventually see the news at some point posted on FB.. but now that I have seen the news, I now know what it feels like to find out the "important stuff" through social media.  It stings. 

Now my mother has her new grandbaby.  The long anticipated grandbaby.  I'm sure both of my parents are ecstatic about the new arrival, and I'm happy for them.  I'm sure the little guy will be very happy.  I just hope I am able to break the news to my own children before they see it on Facebook.  I'd like to be the one to tell them, rather than them finding out something like that by scrolling through their newsfeed this morning.

What would some of us do without Facebook?  I mean, really.  

Peanut probably wouldn't have connected with her bio-dad if it weren't for FB.  I wouldn't have been able to connect with all of his family.  I wouldn't still have some contact with people I went to school with.  I wouldn't be able to keep up with the lives of family members that live in England.  And I wouldn't find out about my sister giving birth to her first child. 

It really is a miraculous piece of technology, if you really think about it.  Most people get their news about the world through the internet, so it makes sense that people also get their news about their family and friends in the same manner.  

I often wonder if my mother ever checks up on me through FB.  Does she know all about Peanut and her recent family adventures?  Does she know about me being in graduate school?  Does she ever wonder how her other grandchildren are doing, and use FB to find out?  Is she even able to do that stuff being that we aren't even friends on FB and I keep all of my stuff private to friends only?

I mean, I wouldn't have found out about my sister's baby unless my aunt (that I am still friends with) hadn't posted it.  I saw her post about my sister going in to have the baby, and then saw another post from my sister confirming that the baby had arrived.  

I know that some people will read this and then question me as to why I don't just bury the hatchet if stuff like this bothers me.  But, it's really not that simple.  I guess some people will think of it as a pride thing...not being the one to "cave in" first.  That's not it.  It really isn't.  I'm still hurt, I'm still angry, and I still have my reasons as to why I believe that this separation in our relationship is necessary.  I have really learned a lot about myself and my family's relationship during this feud.  I have become a stronger person and a better mother.  I look at the relationship my mother and I have and use it to drive my own decisions with my children, to ensure they never feel the way I feel.

I just broke the news to Peanut about my sister, and I'm not surprised about seeing the hurt on her face.  My sister and Peanut used to be very close, and I know it upsets her that they don't have any form of a relationship left.  Deep down, it's why I think it meant so much to Peanut to reach out and connect with C's family.  Because she wants grandparents that love and support her, that make her feel important.  She has expressed to me how grateful she is for P-Momma being a grandmother to her, but I know she felt like she was missing out on that connection with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins that she used to enjoy so much.  

Butter has also felt the weight of the argument.  His granddad means the world to him, as does my brother.  But, because the women in the family can't get along, he's had to suffer the backlash.  My dad also stopped any contact with me after my mom and my falling out, even though I have absolutely nothing against my father or any ill feelings toward him.  Butter has been the one to be pushed in to the crossfire because of that.  Thankfully, Butter stays in contact with my brother... and even though my brother really wants us all to let everything go so he can have his nephew back in his life again, he understands my decisions and decided to stay talking to Butter through phone calls and text messages.  

Jelly, thankfully, hasn't had to deal with too much of all of this.  After my mom adopted my niece and nephew, Jelly never really spent much time at my parent's house.  It's a sad truth that Jelly looks to P-Momma as her grandma, and P-Momma has returned the sentiments.  Jelly absolutely ADORES that woman, and her "Grammy" is her everything.  Jelly's always asking to go and see her and spend time with her, something she never really did when it came to my own mother.

At the end of the day, though, this is about Facebook...and finding out about important stuff.  It is what it is.  We all choose our own paths when it comes to family and relationships.  But, thankfully Facebook is there to help keep a window in to the lives of people we have distanced ourselves from... for whatever reasons.  

Regardless of family drama, I'm happy for my sister.  I know that she will be happy and that her baby will be well taken care of.  I'm happy that my parents now have another grandchild.  A grandchild they can help raise, and be there for, and apart of his life.  That's good.  I'm happy for all of them.  I will remain on this side of the window, looking in from time to time.  

OK, I should probably go and wake the other two kids up and get ready for work.  It's my class day, so it'll be another late night for me.

Have a great day, everyone!!


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