What's the Point?? Am I Worth It?

I've been spending a lot of time lately, reading blogs.  It's becoming one of my favorite things to do.  It's a great way to learn about other journeys, get tips, and get to know people in a similar situation to myself.

In the past few days, I've read some interesting posts about self-worth, the labels associated with over-weight people, and the feelings associated with being on a weight loss journey.  They all got me thinking - hard - about the journey that I've been on for 18 months.

In December, 2010, I posted a year in review post.  I outlined how I had managed to lose over 70lbs in a year - after losing 91lbs and then putting 21lbs back on.  I did great from January - September... but then fell off the wagon and gained some weight back....a lot of weight.  Going from 206lbs up to 227lbs in a matter of a few months.

January, 2011 started a new year...a time to refocus and recommit.  On January 1st, I weighed 227lbs.
Yesterday, after over six months of "refocusing and recommitting", I recorded my weight at 217.6lbs.  Meaning I've lost 9.4lbs in 6 months.

It's disheartening to see that in print in front of my eyes.  Last year, I was losing 9lbs in a month.

So, what's the point?  My point is, a few years ago - progress like this would have made me throw in the towel, admit defeat, give up.  Why spend so much time and energy trying to lose weight if I lose less than 10lbs in 6 months?

But I haven't given up.

Last night, I watched Extreme Make Over: Weight Loss Edition.  While I don't really care for that type of extreme weight loss...the contestant on last night's show said something in the beginning that really had me thinking.  She mentioned having an addiction to food and said "When alcoholics give up alcohol, they stay away from it.  You can't stay away from food when you're a food addict - you need it to survive" 

At the end of the day, I am a food addict.  It's something I've admitted from day one.  Food addiction is just a real addiction as drug addiction or alcohol addiction... but there's no way to avoid food - to rid it from your life the way drug addicts and alcoholics can. 

There is one thing, however, that they all share: Making the realization that "the bad stuff" just isn't worth it.  I am worth more than poisoning my body, damaging my health, and affecting those I love the most.

When life is rough - I turn to my drug: food.  I forget my self-worth, I just bury myself in getting a "quick fix" and making myself fell better... but then I don't feel better, I feel worse...and then I turn to food again....and it's a vicious, vicious cycle.

At the end of the day, I have had to realize that I can't let the scale or my moments of weakness define me... my efforts do.  OK, I have bad days, weeks, and even months... but realizing that I can't give up, I have to sober up, and start over?  That's winning the battle.

So, yeah, losing 9lbs in 6 months isn't the greatest success in the world.  The fact that I'm sitting here still writing about not giving up...still committed to fighting and losing weight and getting healthy...that shows that I know I'm worth it.

I don't think I will ever be able to claim that I'm no longer a food addict.  Food will always be a part of my life.  I'm sure there will be many times as I continue on this journey that I will falter - I will do things I'm not proud of....I will binge.  It's how I react after - that brings the success.

I have received many comments from people praising my "upbeat" attitude towards admitting things.  Some people may say that I don't really care when I falter...and may be the cause of my slow progress. 

To the people that support my attitude: Thank you. 

To those that don't:  It's not that I don't care.  I've found that wallowing in self-pity is a clear shot road back to self destruction.  I'm not perfect - and I've never claimed to be.  I've had more than my fair share of "set backs"...and maybe I should "care" more about my set-backs...but what does that get me?  Nothing.  It's all about knowing how much I'm worth.  My worth means leaving the mistakes in the past, focusing on the future, and becoming one hot, fit sexy mama....on my terms. Even if it takes years....I will get there.  I will never give up.

Till next time. ;)

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Burst Into Summer Week 3 - Weigh In

I've been dreading this day since getting back from my camping trip. 

As much as I loved my first camping adventure - I hated getting back to reality knowing how many mistakes I had made since being away. 

I almost had a heart attack when I stepped on the scale Monday morning to see just how much damage I had done.  Still a little swollen from dehydration - I waited for the numbers to roll...and then a number popped up that almost caused me to lose my balance.  The number looking back at me was 220.2lbs.

I freaked.  Not even a week before I weighed 214lbs.  Now because of some bad food choices, and not drinking water...I had gained 6lbs.  I knew the number was somewhat flawed -  but it was a terrible disappointment all the same.

Since Monday, I've tried to correct some of my mistakes.  I've been drinking TONS of water.  Cup after cup after cup.  I didn't work out Monday because I was swollen and felt miserable...plus I was exhausted from the trip.

Last night, I went for a run.  I ran a mile, and then decided to do sprint bursts.  Those things wear me out...but I love them.  It was great to feel the air whip my face as I gave the sprint everything I had.  I ended up doing eight 15 second sprint bursts with a 1 minute cool down in between.  I tried to sprint for 30 seconds... but I just haven't gotten there yet.

This morning, I was super nervous about my weigh in.  I knew I was going to have a gain - but was it still going to be around 6lbs?  Luckily, it wasn't... but it's still a pretty bad gain.

Starting weight:  214.8lbs
Last weigh-in:  214lbs
Weight this week:  217.6lbs

I've gained 3.6lbs.

I'm a little upset and disappointed - of course.  That kind of gain in a week is NOT good.  Any gain isn't good... but over 3lbs?  Not good at all.

On a positive note, the mini-challenge for this week was to eat breakfast every day.  I can say that I did that.  In fact, I'm getting into the habit of eating breakfast... because I know how important it is.

Today, I'm going to my mom's for the night.  I plan on doing boot camp this evening while I'm there - because I can jump in the pool right after I'm finished.  It's going to be a hot mo'fo tonight!!

I chalk this whole week up as a learning experience.  I knew how important it was to drink plenty of water - and I let it slip by me at one of the most crucial times to stay hydrated.  I used the "I'm on vacation" spill to excuse the bad food choices I was making...even though there were preventions I could have taken to make sure I didn't over do it. 

Getting a little gross - I now also know that going 2 days without doing #2 can really mess up your system.  I've been having "issues" since getting back....and I still haven't cleaned out all of the pipes yet.  Yeah, I know...that's gross and you don't want to hear about it - but it's the truth.

I know I made some serious mistakes.  I learned the hard way.  The only thing I can do about it, now, is to learn from it all - and make damn sure I don't do anything like that again.  I just have to pick up from here and do my best to try and get those numbers back down in the coming weeks.

The good thing is, it's only the second weigh in.  There's still 9 weeks left to go...I still have time to make my team-mates proud, bust my booty, and make myself proud. 

Here's to the next 9 weeks being much better!!

Till next time.  ;)

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True Confessions Tuesday

I've really come to enjoy Tuesdays.  It's the one day that I can get my "mishaps" out in the open, then move on.  True Confessions isn't about sharing guilt or shame...it's about admitting my mistakes, learning from them, and giving myself a list of things that I can work on.  It's not all "mistakes" either... true confessions also gives me a chance to brag on myself a little.  There are some confessions that I'm proud of...not every week... but most weeks.  Let's do this...

I confess that this week I'm 100% sure I'm going to have a gain on the scale tomorrow morning for the Burst into Summer challenge.  Probably not a small gain, either.  That's one of the down falls of being involved in a team challenge - I hate letting my team mates down.  I will say, though, that this past weekend was the first vacation I've had in 2 years...so the fact is I confess I wasn't really thinking about the challenge while I was away.  I'm sorry, team mates. :(

I confess that my meals while camping where far from good.  I ate steak, potatoes, and green beans Friday night.  I ate fried eggs, bacon, sausage, and beans for breakfast both mornings.  I ate hog dogs and hamburgers...yes plural...for dinner Saturday night.  I ate too much at meal times because I didn't eat during the day... because I was too dang hot.

I confess that despite not going for a jog or doing any yoga while camping - the two things I had really looked forward to - I made a couple of extra trips to the Bug Motel bathrooms....just so I could get some exercise.  I went up there when others needed to use the bathroom - even though I didn't - just because of the burn the walk gave me.  I mentally decided that if I wasn't going to do any "real" exercise all weekend...the few short walks up the 90 degree hill of death would give me something.

I confess that I ate s'mores for the first time in my life Saturday night. 

I confess that I don't like S'mores.  Please don't start gathering your pitchforks.  I know that it's probably un-American to not like a roasted marshmallow covered with melted chocolate and sandwiched between two graham crackers... but I didn't.  Believe me, I was just as shocked as you are. 

I confess that my camping trip taught me a valuable lesson about the importance of hydration and eating small meals throughout the day.  I learned the hard way what happens if you don't drink enough water - while being out in 100 degree weather.  I also learned that regardless of my "being on vacation" it's no excuse not to plan my meals - be conscious of when and what I'm eating.  I over ate because I didn't break up my meals.  I only ate breakfast and dinner... but at both meals, I probably consumed enough calories to feed a family of four.

I confess that yesterday - my first day back in the "real world" - I did absolutely no working out.  In fact, I spent most of the day lazing on the couch.  That means that I didn't do Day 1 of week 2 of boot camp.  I didn't do my Supreme 90 Day work-out... I did NOTHING. 

I confess that now I feel like I have to make up for lost time.  I woke up early this morning - excited about getting all of this off my chest - and planning what work-outs I was going to do.  I've decided on doing my Supreme 90 Day this morning, and boot camp this evening.  My Internet is finally working again, so I can watch all of the videos and do the exercises.

I confess that in my excitement about getting on the "exercise horse" again - I averted a bad dinner choice.  Hubby suggested chili dogs for dinner...and I responded with "urm, no thanks...are you crazy?"  Being the awesome Hubby he is, he looked in the freezer and said "how about I grill you up a piece of chicken for dinner?"  That's more like it!!  I'm back...no more crap for me, thank you very much!

Lastly, I confess that despite all of my bad decisions and "sins" that I committed this past week... I don't feel guilty.  I know that I could have made better choices, I know that I could have done things differently.  I know that a trip out in 100 degree weather for the weekend could have been a great stepping stool to a good weight loss this week.  I know, I know, I know.  Dwelling on all of the should haves and could haves will get me nowhere.  I learned my lessons... now it's time to move on, do what I can to not repeat the same mistakes.  All of these confessions mean nothing unless I learn from them, right?


OK, now it's your turn.  Want to get something off your chest?  Then confess all...and share your blog in the comments.  I want to read them.  Right now, though, I need to get some Tabata Inferno out of the way.

Till next time.  ;)

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The Life Lessons of Camping

I'm BACK!!!  Did you miss me??  I hope so...I know I missed all of you.

What a crazy, fun weekend I had.  I never thought I'd like camping so much - but I did...I LOVED it!! 

Being that my weekly confessions post is tomorrow - I'm not going to confess all today.  I am going to point out some of the mistakes and lessons I learned, though.  I also want to highlight my trip - cause I had a good time, and that is the most important thing.

We arrived at our camp site around 5:30pm Friday. Our site couldn't have been more perfect...big shade trees, private lake access....it was beautiful. The camp site, itself, sat up away from the water, but there was a trail that led to a private beach area. The resort was packed with people - but we managed to snag the one spot that was secluded. There were no other campers close by, so it felt like our own private spot.

As soon as we arrived, we started setting up camp. My parents had bought a 3 room tent, so we all had to help putting the monstrous thing together. Once the tent was up, the air mattresses had to be blown up and everything else had to be unpacked. Then, it was time to cook dinner. My dad fired up the grill, started a camp fire, and in no time we were chowing down on steak, potatoes, and green beans...not the kind of food I think of when camping - but it was delicious.

Friday evening, my dad and little brother fished and the girls (me, my mom, my sister, and Peanut) told stupid ghost stories and jokes.  After dark, we decided to take a walk up to the bathroom "facilities".  I realized that I hadn't peed since leaving my mom's house - and it was close to 10pm by this point.  The walk up there was a killer.  It was uphill the whole way...and I mean UPHILL.  It felt like I should have climbed up there on all fours - cause as far as I was bent over...I wasn't far from it.  It was the steepest hill I think I've ever climbed in my life!

Now, let's take a break from my play-by-play retelling of my weekend to talk about the restrooms.  Holy mother of Hell!!  The bathrooms....well....to say they were disgusting would be an understatement.  I have never seen so many bugs inside a building.  The whole place was crawling with roaches and daddy long legged spiders, killer mosquitoes, and gnats.  There were so many gnats you couldn't even see the ceiling or the sinks...they were completely covered in them.  Oh, and let's not forget there wasn't a single bit of air flow.  The inside of that building felt like a sauna...and that's where people took showers!! CRAZY!!  Getting the heeby geebies yet??  Good, take that feeling and multiply it by 100...and that's how I felt.  I performed the quickest pee imaginable and ran out of there like my hair was on fire.

Shortly after midnight, we all decided to call it a night and retire to the tent.  Six people in one tent was...well...amusing.  We talked, laughed - and no one fell asleep until at least 1:30am.  It was hotter than Hades in the tent.  Nobody used any blankets...and we all sweat our balls off all night.

After finally getting a little sleep, I was wide awake at 6am.  I got up, took the steep climb to the bug motel to use the bathroom, and walked back.  The weather was beautiful.  I considered going for a jog for about 3.2 seconds.  Then, I realized, I had a hard enough time getting up to the bathroom...and the rest of the camping resort was a further uphill climb.  Fishing with my dad and my brother sounded a lot more appealing..so that's what I did.

The entire second day was spent fishing, or trying to stay cool in the shade.  I did take a short break from that to do some paddle boating with my brother.  It's amazing how much work it is to paddle a small inflated boat against the current of the lake. 

Once back from the paddling, I decided to wade out in the lake.  The lake was a little murky, and I didn't like not being able to see the bottom....or what was swimming around me... so my lake swimming was short lived.

Then it was back to the closest shade, and time for a little snooze.

The second evening, everyone was hot and exhausted.  We called it a night around 11pm...and I don't remember being awake very long.  I passed out fast.


Sunday morning, I woke up at 6:30am.  I sat up, stretched, and felt weird.  My skin felt tight and I couldn't bend my fingers or toes.  Upon inspection, I found that I was swollen from head to toe...think water balloon.  Then it hit me... I hadn't drank ANY water since arriving Friday night.  I had drunk a few beers Friday night, only drank 2 cups of coffee and a soda on Saturday...and the whole time I'd been out in 90 degree weather.  Can you say IDIOT??

I took the long climb to bug motel and then it was back to the camp site to start chugging down water.  Glass after glass of water I drank.  My poor fingers, toes, and ankles...I looked terrible. 

After everyone else getting up, eating breakfast, and packing up the campsite - it was after 11am...and 97 degrees.  We decided to head home.

This morning, I decided to step on the scale.  Wow.  That's really the only word to describe it.  A BIG GAIN... no, a HUGE gain.  6lbs to be exact.

Now, I know that water retention is going to play a part of that.  Chugging down 60ozs of water after realizing I didn't drink any for two days...while being out in 100 degree heat...isn't going to fix that problem quickly.  I still had a little swelling when I woke up this morning. 

Also, there's the TMI fact that I haven't done #2 since Friday.  Hello...I was not ABOUT to use the bug motel to do my "business".  After spending two days eating steak, hamburgers, hot dogs, eggs, bacon, sausage...and all the other crap food I ate while there...and not letting it out?  Yeah, that's going to affect my weight.

I'm chalking the whole experience up to very important lessons learned.  I will NOT do that again.  I will camp, but I will make sure I'm guzzling down water like it's going out of style.  The #2 issue?  That probably won't change.  I just can't do that stuff in a public restroom...can't help it.

Well, that's it....this was way longer than I thought it would be - but hopefully I haven't bored you all completely to death.  I'm so happy to be home.

Till next time. ;) 

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Time to Bring Some Crazy...BYOC!!

It's Friday.  That means only one thing for my blogging time... some BYOC (Bring Your Own Crazy).  I've been waiting anxiously for Draz to post the questions...and it's finally time to get 'er done!!

Again, this week, I'm adding my own question...to try and keep with the whole "weight loss thing"... all the other questions are what Draz posted this morning.  Feel free to link up and share on your own blog...I love getting to know people better.  Here we go...

1. What’s your favorite room in your house?

Hands down, my favorite room is my office.  Maybe it's because it's a "kid free zone" and there are no toys to fall over or step on.  Maybe it's because I'm surrounded by all of my teaching stuff- and it makes me feel like there is hope that I will soon be able to transfer it all to my own classroom.  Maybe it's because it's the one place I can sit and think...share my thoughts, connect to friends.  I just love my office, and can (and have) spend hours and hours in here and be totally comfortable.

2. Picture question (or describe if you don't have a camera). Show us a pic of your current favorite earrings!

I actually don't have my ears pierced, so I can't participate in this question.  I have had my ears pierced twice in my life - and both times ended up with horrible infections and me just deciding it's not worth the hassle. 

I am only able to wear "real gold" earrings.  I don't like the way gold jewelry looks on me..never have, never will.  Silver, or any other material, gives me an allergic reaction in my ears.  My ears are the worst... but I've also discovered that when I wear steel (belt buckles, mostly) I break out in nasty hives.  The only piece of jewelry I wear is my engagement ring - it's silver.  I love silver.  I occasionally wear necklaces... but not very often.  Jewelry just isn't my "thing".  Now, give me a pair of heels or a purse...and... well....now you are talking!!

3. What’s your dress code at work? If you stay at home and went back to work outside the home, what dress code would you prefer?

Right now, I'm at home...so my dress code is jammies all day long!!!

Once I start working, I'm hopefully going to be teaching, so the dress code will be "business casual".  I will wear dresses and slacks.  I like wearing comfy button up shirts.  Fridays I will probably wear jeans.  I have to say, I'd much rather wear a comfy dress than jeans - any day. 

Before losing the weight - I NEVER wore dresses.  I love them now, and I'm not sure why.  I don't wear tight dresses - I prefer the "flowy" summer type dresses.

I actually like dressing up a little for work - and stripping my clothes off the minute I walk through my front door.  It helps keep the separation from work and home.  To me, there's just nothing better than coming home after a long day and changing into some jammies.

4. (New question)  Most of the people that read my blog are on some form of weight loss journey.  What is your favorite healthy treat?  Do you incorporate a "cheat day" into your plan that allows you not to worry about what you eat?

Let me start off by saying that I didn't pick this question to start any controversy.  I chose it because, lately, I've been reading A LOT of blogs - and I'm noticing that several people have a "cheat day" in which they throw caution to the wind and are able to eat whatever they like.

When I first started my journey, I had the same thing.  I made sure I stuck to my food plan all week long, and then one day over the weekend - I didn't plan.  That was my day that I could eat pizza or burgers or ice-cream or whatever other "off limit" food I had been missing.

I enjoyed looking forward to that one day...and I worked hard to not "cheat" all week - so that I could reward myself for my hard work.  It was a great tool to start out with.

I don't do it anymore.  It's not because I don't believe in cheat days - or think they are bad.  I just realized that rewarding myself with food I considered to be off limits was not the best way to permanently change my eating habits.  Now, I don't consider anything to be "off limits".  My focus now is more honed in to portion control...easier said than done.

For me, it's about making the right decisions.  I try my best to make rational decisions about the food I eat..."Am I hungry?" "Why am I choosing to eat this?" As long as the answers are rational...it's OK to me.  As long as I'm not eating because I'm bored, or upset, or I'm too lazy to look for something else...it's OK.

I've also learned that eating a piece of pizza doesn't mean I've "fallen off the wagon" or a bowl of ice-cream has completely sabotaged my weight loss efforts.  I indulge, occasionally...then move on.  It's been hard, but I'm finally able to separate guilt from my eating.

As far as my favorite snacks?  I'm so in love with Fiber One bars, Chobani yogurt, strawberries, and dried apricots right now. 

5.  Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

Real life?  I took Jelly swimming, twice.  That was fun.  I'm preparing for my first camping trip today...looking forward to that.  I have started a new exercise program... Supreme 90 Day.  It's asskickingly fantastic!!  After doing a 30 minute work-out called Ultimate Ball, my hips felt like I had just given birth to a baby elephant.  I'm really starting to enjoy my time off work by focusing on me a little more - and doing some more exercise.  It's so funny that it's becoming a great activity for Jelly and I to do together... being that my other two kids have their own stuff going on.

Blog land?  Pretty good.  I love that I have more time to read more blogs and comment more.  I'm still working on emailing people - but coming to find out quickly that a lot of people don't have an email address available.  I'm really focusing on my True Tuesday posts as a way of getting things off my chest, and basking in my successes.  It's therapeutic..and I love it.

This week was my first weigh-in check for the Burst into Summer Challenge.  I feel a little disappointed that I had a very minimal loss... but happy it was a loss.  I'm really upping my game on strength training - and know that can have some effects on my weight loss at first. 

I found out yesterday that my dad printed off the blog post I wrote for Father's Day...that was special.  A few years ago, it was a mutual family decision that I wouldn't buy gifts for my parents for holidays (except Christmas) due to financial reasons.  Being able to write something for them on here gives me a way to give something from the heart.  It makes me feel like a little kid who spends hours making that perfect homemade card.  I was also very upset to find out that my other siblings (minus the two kids that are still living at home) didn't even call my dad on Father's Day.  Sometimes I wonder if those three are adopted!!  He has done so much for them - and to not even have 30 seconds to pick up the phone and say Happy Father's Day just pisses me off in more ways than I can share.

Anywho - I digress..... That's it for BYOC!!  I really hope you link up and let me know when you do... I promise I will read the responses. 

This will be my last post until probably Monday.  I will miss you guys... but gonna have a great time camping.

Till next time. ;)

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Heading Off to the Wilderness

It's official.
I'm going camping this weekend.

Sleeping in a tent.  Cooking food on a camp fire (OK, camp side grill - but close enough).  Spending all day outside.

It will be for the first time in my life....well, minus this one time in band camp high school that I slept in a car, because I was too afraid to sleep in a tent.

Up until this year, if you had asked me if I had the desire to go camping...I'd respond with "not no, but HECK NO!"  Why on earth would anyone want to sleep outside, with the bugs, the hard ground, peeing in the woods, stuff like that?

I don't know why I became so interested in camping this year.  I will say, though, that when I think of going camping - there's only two things that come to my mind:  Yoga as the sun comes up by the lake, and running trails.

How f'in cool is that??  When I think of doing something like camping, I think about the exercise opportunities I have.  My, how I've grown.  I didn't think about s'mores once, honest!!!

I am happy to report that I'm going to a camping "resort"....which means it's equipped with showers and bathrooms.  Phew!  I was NOT looking forward to popping a squat....there's lots of things I don't mind doing - peeing in bushes is NOT one of them.

I was supposed to be going camping with some friends - but after not being able to pull it all together - my parents invited me along on their trip.  It will be my parents, my lil' brother and sister, and Peanut.  Butter is going to spend the weekend with a friend - and Jelly is staying home with Hubby.  Hubby is NOT the camping type.  He's in Hubby Heaven, though, cause that means a full weekend to watch movies, play video games, and do a whole lot of nothing.

Today, I'm going to get my iPhone ready with the MP3 version of my Yoga DVD.  Now that I've gotten used to the DVD, I can listen to the MP3 and will know what to do.  I've learned the names to all of the contorsions moves.  I'm taking my Yoga mat with me...and I am so excited to wake up and experience Yoga outside.  Not for exercise... but for the pure peaceness of doing it out in the open...full tranquility.

There is a concern with the trip.  The concern is the food.  It's very hard to be mindful of healthy eating while camping...at least when my parents are in charge of the food.  Mom has already warned told me that the menu includes steak for dinner Friday night, a fried breakfast Saturday morning, hamburgers and hot dogs Saturday night, s'mores, and a TON of snacks (her words, not mine).  Oh, and beer.  What camping trip would be complete without some camp fire beer?

My plan is going to revolve around portion control.  I already know that I can eat that stuff, if I have to - it's how much I eat that's important.  I just have to be mindful about how much is going into my mouth.  Finding opportunities for hiking and jogging will also help out, too.

The plan to do this all happened last night - after I had already made plans to take Jelly swimming today.  That means, today, I have to do my Supreme 90 Day work-out, laundry, and take Jelly swimming.  I'm not leaving until around 3pm tomorrow afternoon - so I should have plenty of time to get everything clean, packed, and ready.

Being out in the wilderness will mean that I won't get to blog all weekend.  Dry your eyes, my friends, I will be back....

I will be doing my BYOC post in the morning....then I will be back Monday morning giving you the full experience.  Admit it.  You can't wait - can you?

What's your favorite part of camping?  Any tips for a "newbie" like me?  Is there anything I should make sure I take that I might not have thought of?  Any and all suggestions would be great!!

Anywho - time to get to my Tabata Inferno work-out...whatever the hell that is....sounds scary, doesn't it?  Yeah, I think so too.

Till next time. ;)

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Burst Into Summer Week 2 Weigh-In/Update

It's the second week of the Burst into Summer Challenge hosted by The Sisterhood.  I've been very determined about this challenge since hearing about it a couple of weeks ago.

I have three other awesome team mates...supposed to be four, but haven't heard from one of them.  They have been giving me encouragement and support...and I really like the "team spirit" that's building from this challenge. 

Yesterday, I did my confession post and let out some of the confessions about my past week...and my slight lack of "team dedication".  I hadn't worked out as much as I'd like, I hadn't participated in the first boot camp, I had even seen a gain on the scale....all true, and all had to be gotten off my chest.

There's something about doing those confession posts that always make me feel better.  They give me a swift kick in the rear to fix them..so I'm not confessing the same thing week after week.

After writing my post yesterday, I did a 30 minute work-out with my Supreme 90 Day...it was Ultimate Ball.  The whole work-out was on my stability ball.  I made the mistake of not inflating it all the way (cause blowing the dang thing up with a hand pump is a work-out in it's self!!).  I paid for that mistake....I was in pain by the time it was all over. 

Then, I decided to do the parts of the boot camp that I knew how to do.  I still can't get the videos to load... I found out my modem is on it's way out, a new one should be here today, so hopefully by tonight - I'll be back on track.  Holy Cheese Balls!!  This morning, I'm feeling it.  My hips are sore, my arms are sore...and I feel FANTASTIC!!

I'm also happy with what I saw on the scale this morning.  Yesterday morning, I stood on the scale and saw 215.6 - a 1.8lbs gain since my last weigh-in.  I was so scared I was going to have to report a gain this morning.  Well, the weight loss gods were apparently happy with my confessions...cause they rewarded me with a second chance this morning....here are the results...

Challenge Start Weight: 214.8lbs
Today's Weight:  214lbs

Loss of 0.8lbs

OK, so it's not huge loss... but by golly, it's a loss - and I'll take it!!

This week's mini-challenge was to stay hydrated and drink plenty of water...and that I did for the most part.  There were a couple of days - mostly this weekend - where I could have drunk more... but the rest of the days I was chugging between 60-80ozs of water.

Today is my "rest day" for Supreme 90 Day - but it's the 2nd session of boot camp.  I had originally intended to do the boot camp Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday this week... but if my modem is here today, and I can watch the videos, I will be out doing the second session tonight.  Even if it's not here - I will be out tonight doing what I can.

Today, I'm going to be pretty laid back (until tonight).  I'm going to be reading about everyone elses experience with the first week, catching up on responding to my commenters, and later I have to take Jelly to Wal-Mart to buy her a "work-out ball". 

Jelly has been my work-out partner every day...and for a 3 year old, she's a dang good motivator. She wasn't happy yesterday when Momma got to work-out on a cool ball, and she didn't have one.  I swear, I have a personal trainer in the making with her.  She has already informed me this morning that she wants to do Yoga...and who am I to deprive her of something like that??

Alright - time to get busy....what are your plans for today?
Till next time. ;)

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True Confessions Tuesday

It is Tuesday, right?  It seems like my days have become lost in the fact that I'm now staying home... it's so weird...good, but weird.

It's time, once again, to get some things off my chest...to lay it all out there...and CONFESS!!

I confess that I did not do boot camp last night.  This is my hardest confession... because it was the one thing I was looking forward to the most this week.  I didn't do it because I couldnt' get my stupid computer to load the videos to show me how to do the exercises.  Could I have just gone out for some sprints, and done the exercises I knew?? Well, of course.  Did I?? NO!! UGH!! I am planning on doing it tonight, though...even if I can't get the videos to load.  I figure doing it Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday this week isn't the worst thing in the world, right?

I confess that I'm very upset with my scale this morning.  My first weigh in for my Burst into Summer challenge is tomorrow - and if my weight is what it was this morning...I'm going to fail my team for the first week.  It's so frustrating, because I have done really well with my eating (except for last Friday) and my water drinking... but the weight is going in the wrong direction.

I confess that I have not worked out much since last Wednesday.  I ran last Wednesday night, I did the Shred on Thursday...then I slacked off for the weekend.  I did start a new program, yesterday, called Supreme 90 Day that gave me a good full body work-out... but I feel like it just hasn't been enough.

I confess that, starting yesterday, I'm going to really start working on strength and endurance training.  The Supreme 90 Day work-out yesterday was tough...really tough... but I got through it, and I felt stronger just doing that one work-out.  The weights I used weren't really heavy enough - so I'm upping them today.

I confess that this morning, for breakfast, I made the most yummy protein shake.  Strawberries, blackberries, protein powder, and 1% milk...oh, and a dash of whipping cream...and I was in protein shake heaven.

I confess that I usually hate protein shakes.  I tried them last year when I was doing boot camp - and I just never found a taste for the protein powder.  Don't ask me what's changed now, cause I don't know, but it was different this morning.

I confess that I haven't been able to stop thinking about my interview on Saturday at the Catholic School.  I'm having an inner battle with the whole thing.  I was really excited about learning about the school - but I keep judging myself on why I wouldn't be a good teacher there (certain things in my life that would be extremely "frowned upon" in the Catholic church).  It's actually kept me awake the past two nights...and it's just...well, not like me, to worry about stuff like that.  I think I will be an AWESOME teacher - but do I really want to teach in a school that I feel will judge me because of having kids out of wedlock, or having a tattoo, or not being "legally" married.... it's tough.

Lastly, I confess that I watched Extreme Make-Over: Weight Loss edition last night...and was..well...kind of disappointed.  I mean, I know the title of the show explains the premise..its "extreme weight loss", but losing 313lbs in one year while having an extreme protruding ulcer?  Not exactly the "healthy lifestyle" message that I think people should be getting. 

The more I travel on this journey, the more it bugs me when I see shows like this one.  I mean, who really has the time to work out 6 hours a day?  Is it really healthy to do something like that?  I, personally, think there should be more shows that highlight "normal" people like us - who commit to making a lifestyle change, and conquer our battles the healthy way.  Just saying.

*OK, getting off soap box*

That's it for today...what confession would you like to make? 

Till next time. ;)

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Time to Get Ripped!!

The day has finally come for Shrinking Jeans Boot Camp to start.  Am I excited?? Oh, you have no idea. 

I have been longing to go back to boot camp since I did it last year... but just didn't have the funds.  Now, the amazing gals (and guys..sorry, Sean) have given us members of Shrinking Jeans the opportunity to get boot camp FOR FREE!!

The boot camp work-outs have been put together by certified fitness professional, Wende Leuba.  It is going to focus on Bursting...which is doing intervals of exercise.  It sounds very similar to the camp I did last year.  There will be sprints, followed by circuit type exercises... lunges, push-ups, squats, plank extensions...whew, I'm getting tired just writing about it.  All the memories of the circuits I used to do in boot camp are coming back to me...YAY!!

Due to the sprinting that's involved, I'm going to be replacing my evening jogs with boot camp.

When I did boot camp last year, I lost 4% body fat, and lost 1/2 - 1" off every part of my body.  That was just doing the boot camp 3 times a week for 6 weeks.

Those are good results - but I've decided that this time... I'm going to up the ante.  Yes, call me crazy.  I may be.

Yesterday, I bought Supreme 90 Day.  I heard about it from Kat's Blog after she did a review of it.  In her first 30 days of using the system, she lost 8lbs and 2.6% body fat. 

What is Supreme 90 Day?  Well, it's a set of 10 DVDs that offer an array of target focus areas.  The set comes with a 90 day plan, showing you which DVD to use on what day.  You just need some hand weights and a stability ball.

I decided to give it a go as a supplement to boot camp.  Then, I realized, it's going to be like doing 2 different boot camps... but I'm ready for the challenge.  If it works out to be too much..then I'll back off a little.

I am going to be reviewing the system here each week.  Each Monday, I will post my review of the week's work-outs.  I'm going to measure myself today - and then post updated results every 30 days.

Starting today, here's my line-up for the next 7 days:

Monday (today):  Chest/Back
Tuesday:  Ultimate Ball (stability ball I'm assuming)
Wednesday: Rest
Thursday:  Tabata Inferno (have no idea what that is.. but sounds scary)
Friday:  Shoulders/ Arms
Saturday:  Cardio Challenge
Sunday:  Legs

So, as you can see...quite the array of target areas.

The program also comes with a 90 day nutrition guide.  I'm going to use it as a "guide" but not stick to it entirely.  I'm going to stick with my BodyBugg recommendations on calorie intake, but break my meals up more.  I'm going to work on eating 5-6 times a day, but maintaining the calorie specifications BodyBugg gives me.  I will also be adding more protein - like protein smoothies -  due to the muscle work I'll be doing.

Alright.  Ready for the starting measurements?  Okie dokie...

Neck:  14"
Bicep:  15.5"
Forearm:  11"
Waist:  40"
Hips:  47.5"
Thigh:  25"
Calf:  17"

I'm hoping that with 6 weeks of boot camp and 90 days of Supreme...I should be able to make a nice indention on those numbers.

I'm so tired of being stuck at this weight....and the fact that my body just isn't changing.  I'm running the same distance I was running a year ago.  I'm running the same speed.  I'm performing...well, the same.  I want muscles, strength, endurance, stamina....I want to be athletic!!  I know, in order to get those things, I have to work for them....so that's exactly what I'm a gonna do!!

Alright...time to get to movin' and groovin'

Till next time. ;)

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Father's Day Love

Sunday?  Again?  Wow - my days are all blurring together.  This week has gone by so fast.

First off.  If you want to know how my interview went yesterday, you can check out my post on my other blog Traveling My Mind.  That's what that blog is for - this one is for my weight loss... most of the time.

So, after that...it's only right that I mention Father's Day - right?  Of course!!

I can post about Father's Day - because it has more to do with my weight loss than you'd think.

Let's start with Hubby.  I don't even know where to begin. 

Seven years ago, this man came in to my life.  He came at a time I was lonely, I wanted companionship - but never thought I'd get it.  I weighed close to 300lbs.  Who would love a woman that big?  Well, he would.  He loved me at my heaviest, and now loves me at my smallest (since we've met). 

Not only that, but he loved me knowing that I had two children - and loved those children as his own.  From day one, he took on the role of "daddy".  He helped fill the void in their lives, and showed them what it was like to have a dad - a real dad.  A dad that would support them, care for them, and be there for them...no matter what. 

He also shows the importance of independence - being themselves... notice the pink hair?  That's a message he sends loud and clear to the kids - be themselves...embrace difference.  I think it's a great message to send them....even with the pink hair.  HA!

A few years in, along came our little Jelly.  Hubby had always told me he never wanted children of his own.  He was happy with his "ready made family".  You would never believe that now.  Jelly is  a Daddy's girl through and through.  To her personality, her independence, and her love of video games - the child is a mini-Hubby.

Hubby gave me the opportunity to go to school to pursue my career dreams.  He picked up the financial slack, he took care of the children while I was studying or working or in class.  He cooked for them, cleaned up after them, and made sure all was well - so that I could focus on school.

On top of all that, he has also supported me 100% on my weight loss journey.  He helps with making healthy foods for the family to eat.  He's conscious of the foods he brings in to the house - knowing to look at labels.  That's not a "father's duty" but he needs a shout-out for it anyway.

The man is my best friend.  I couldn't ask for a better person to father my children.

Now, let's get to my father.

I have often heard that a girl chooses a life companion in a man that reminds her of her father.  While I always thought that to be gross sounding...it's actually true.  Hubby reminds me A LOT of my own father.

My dad is...well...amazing.

He's hard working.  He's supportive.  He would do anything for his children.

I know that I could talk to him about anything and receive no judgment. 

He is a man of few words - but the words he uses are always the right ones.

I know, without a doubt, that he would risk his own life to do anything for his children.  He is our protector.  No man will ever "mess" with his daughters - none of his sons would ever harm a woman.  If that were to happen...well, you get the idea.

I couldn't ask for a better dad - or a better grandad for my children.  They adore him.  He is firm, but loving.  He spoils them to death - but keeps them in line. 

Like Jelly is a Mini-Hubby - I consider myself to be my dad's Mini-Him.  My personality, demeanor...pretty much everything... it is all a reflection of him.  I have his temper.  I have his thought process.  I have his ability to not take everything so seriously - live carefree, and enjoy life. 

I have truly been blessed by having a dad as great as I have. I don't know what I'd do without him.

To both my father and Hubby - I love you very much!!  I hope you have a great Father's Day... you deserve it.  :)

I hope everyone has a great Father's Day!!

Till next time. ;)

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Not the Best Choices... But I'm OK With It

Yesterday was a...well...weird day. 

It started off like it always does... me sitting in front of the computer.

Then, Jelly wanted to go out - and I have to say, the poor kid has been stuck in the house all week.  It's only fair I find something to do that gets her out for a while.  However, it was 90 degrees outside.  Where could I go that wasn't too hot, where she could play, and burn off some energy?

Well, the McDonald's Playplace of course.

I know - who takes their kid to McDonald's to burn off some energy?  I do!!  They are the genius people that came up with putting an awesome playground inside their restaurant - in the AC!!

So, we took off to McDonald's.  Of course, we have to eat while we're there.  I opted for chicken nuggets.  No, not the best choice - but not the worst either.  After enjoying lunch, Jelly wanted some ice-cream....and McDonald's now has a Rolo McFlurry. 

Now, Rolos have been one of my favorite chocolate candies since I was little.  I love them.  I decided one little splurge wouldn't kill me - so Jelly and I had a Rolo McFlurry for our after lunch treat.  It was delicious!!  I loved it - and I didn't feel guilty that I had it.

While Jelly was playing, I got a call from a friend.. post ice-cream.  She asked if she could take us all out for dinner that night.  No special reason - kind of a Father's Day/ Birthday/ Mother's Day celebration catch-up all rolled into one.  Who can say no to the offer of dinner?? Not I.

So, later that evening, the whole family took off to Mama Fu's for dinner.  Now, I could have opted for a brown rice/protein dish. Is that what I did?  No.  I went with a Thai Basil noodle bowl.  That's after having a beef curry roll and calamari for appetizers.  Yes - I ate way too much.

Now, why am I spilling this all out? It's not Tuesday - not time for my confessions.

I'm getting it out there for one...to be accountable.  Two?  Because I don't feel bad or guilty about it at all.  I've done really well the past couple of weeks with my food and exercise...and water.  I had water with dinner last night.  It was a one day thing - not the beginning of a downward spiral of binging and bad eating.  I enjoyed the food, I didn't worry about what the scale was going to say.... I just realized that once in a while, it's OK to have something that's not that healthy for you.

Of course, I noticed a gain on the scale this morning - but I expected it.  I'm OK with that, too.  It wasn't outrageous... but enough to say "OK, you enjoyed your day yesterday... now it's back to reality". 

In other news...I got a very unexpected call yesterday afternoon.  A girl I graduated from college with called.  She got a teaching job at a private school, and I found that out a few weeks ago...that's not why she was calling.  She was calling to tell me that her school was looking for another teacher...a 3rd grade teacher (my dream grade).  She was out with one of the teachers she was going to work with...they got to talking about the kind of teacher the principle wanted to hire for the new position...and my name got mentioned.

She called me to tell me to apply for it.  I tried calling the school - got a message that the school was closed for the summer. CRAP!!  I tried to call my friend back - no answer.  DOUBLE CRAP!!  I decide to call the school back and leave a message.....only, this time, someone answers!!  It was the assistant principle, and she just happened to stop off at the school and decided to answer the phone. 

Long story short - had a nice conversation with the assistant principle, she took my information, and told me she'd talk to the principle.  Ten minutes later, the principle calls and asks if I can interview today at 10am.  I, of course, said ABSOLUTELY!!

So, I have an interview in a little over an hour and a half.  It's a private school - a Catholic school, actually.  Now, I'm not Catholic... but this is the first religious private school I've found that doesn't require religious teachers.  They teach religion as a subject - but by a religious teacher.  I'd be responsible for teaching the normal Arkansas standards. 

I'm excited.  I'm nervous.  I'll be posting later, I'm sure.  Everyone say a prayer and keep your fingers crossed for me - M'Kay??

Till next time. ;)

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BYOC - Time to Get Crazy!!

I'm starting to feel like my Friday posts are becoming my favorite.  Mainly because the questions are random - and I don't have to think of them - plus, you get to know a little more about me outside of the world of weight loss... I LOVE me some BYOC.

Once again, I'm leap frogging off of my buddy Drazil's questions.  Today, I might add a question of my own...hope that's OK, Draz. 

You wanna hear something terrible before we start?  To show you how much I love BYOC?  OK.  This morning, Draz made a post about an eye problem she's dealing with.  The post was great - like always - and I felt really bad for her.  Then, caring, loving, supportive me leaves her a comment saying "No BYOC today?"  How terrible is that??  Sorry, Draz - you know I love you.  :)

OK, time to get down to business.  Feel free to link up and copy on to your own blogs... it's always fun to have a BYOC day.

1. Do you make your bed every day? Tell us about or show us a picture of your bed comforter?

I could basically copy Draz's answer to this word for word.  I, too, have a Hubby that works 3rd shift.  I see absolutely no point in making a bed when he's going to be getting in to it an hour later.  He only sleeps for about 4 hours each day - but I still don't see the point of making the bed at 2 in the afternoon... so, my bed NEVER gets made. 

Wait, that's not true.  The bed does get made every couple of weeks when I wash the sheets.

We don't have a comforter on the bed, right now, because it's summer.  We use sheets - and each of us have our own sheets because...well...I'm a sheet hogger.... plus, I like my sheet to smell all girly and fresh.  That doesn't happen if my "sleep like a bear in hibernation" Hubby gets a hold of it and sweats all over it... Ewwww!!!

2. Johnny Cash or Elvis? Thin crust pizza or deep dish? Coke or Pepsi? Beer or wine or neither?

No death threats, please... but I have to go with neither on Cash or Elvis.  I don't particular care for either... unless I'm at a karaoke bar and someone is trying to destroy either of their songs.  That's always fun.

Definitely a deep dish girl... give me that soft, thick, warm, yummy crust.  I can't stand thin crust.  I don't want my pizza to "crunch" in my mouth...I want my mouth to be lost in that super awesome thickness.  Yeah...so re-reading that makes me sound super perverted....that's OK...it's how I feel about pizza.

Pepsi!!  Don't even think of handing me a Coke.. YUCK!!  I can't stand the smell or the taste of Coke.  The only time I'll even consider drinking Coke is if it's drowned in Jack...and even then, I'm not too happy about it.

Same with BEER!!  Give me beer any day.  I'll drink wine, if it's all that's available - but there's nothing better after a long day than sitting down with an ice-cold beer.  It's the Redneck in me.

3. I recently went through my list of blogs I follow and was at my limit so I unfollowed bloggers who haven’t blogged in at least 6 months. I want to start following some more new blogs. Who’s your fave lately? Funniest? Most inspiring? Can you link them for me??

Wow, this is a toughy for me...cause, well...I have so many blogs that I LOVE.  I will say, though, if you don't follow Draz - YOU MUST!!  The amount of times I've been so happy I didn't have a mouthful of coffee or water while reading her posts....my poor laptop would be toast.

I started following a new blog yesterday that had me laughing hysterically, too...and that is Alexa's blog called The Curvy Nerd.  Like Draz, she has a way of explaining things that really make you laugh out loud.

Inspiring favs:  Colleen at Bee Fit, Colleen (different one) at Goodbye, Fat Girl, Christie at Average Moms Wear Capes

4. (New Question) If you had the opportunity to go on a reality TV show, which one would it be and why?

A year ago, I would have said Biggest Loser without a blink of an eye.  Getting the chance to be at the ranch with Bob and Jillian, working my behind off...literally...for the chance of $250,000?  Yes, please.  Then, this season, it was the first time - ever - that I weighed less than any of the starting competitors.  OK, so I've had some trouble getting from where I am now...but I no longer consider myself "Biggest Loser worthy".  I've managed to kick 80lbs on my own...and even though I didn't do it in 4 months...I did it.

Now, with that same question, I'd say Survivor.  I would love the chance to camp out with total strangers on a deserted island with snakes and spiders... Wait...who am I?  I think I'd chose Survivor because of the endurance factor.  To test my strength - both physically and mentally.  Of course, no one wants to see a 200lb woman walk around in next to nothing for weeks on end... but if I could, I would.  The challenges they do are similar to the things I did at boot camp last year - I think I could do it.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
Blog land?  Pretty darn great.  I've found my niche again with working out and eating healthy...and loving blogging about it each day.  I have time to read other's blogs, and comment.  I've started a new challenge and I have team mates - I'm so excited about that. 

My other blog has also had a little turn of direction.  It's no longer whiny and sappy...my positive attitude is shining through there, too.  If you want to read that one it's http://travelingmymind.blogspot.com/  It's pretty much everything BUT weight loss.

In real life - well...I will admit, not working is driving me a little nutso.  I love being home - but because of the heat, Jelly and I have been staying at home.  Butter is going to summer camp every day, and Peanut is still at my mom's...I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get her home again until the week before school starts. 

I realized the other day that all of the jobs I've applied for in the public schools are gone...that was very disappointing.  I applied for another job - that's different - but it's a very long shot I'll get that one.

My house looks like...well...it's bad.  Jelly has strung out just about every toy she owns - and she owns A LOT - and I just don't feel like picking them up only for her to bring them all out again the next day.  My working out and running has been my saving grace in getting me moving away from my computer and doing something.  I am hoping to go camping a couple of times this summer - both with and without the kiddos... so that's something to look forward to.

OK - now it's your turn.  Leave a comment if you're going to participate.

Till next time.  ;)

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Am I Unhappy Because I'm Fat?

This morning, I woke up, grabbed my coffee - like I always do - and sat down to read my blog roll so that I could steal get some ideas for this morning's blog.

I stumbled across this amazing guest post over at Kenlie's blog All The Weigh.  Go read it! Right now!! If you don't,  you won't really get where I'm going today.  The guest post was written by Alexa from The Curvy Nerd.  I'm not going to rewrite what Alexa wrote - because well, you can just go read it for yourself -but I found the post very interesting, and immediately started applying it to myself...and this is what I came up with.

In high school, I weighed between 130-140lbs - and I was the "fat girl".  I'm not going to tell a long story about how miserable my life in high school was.  I had friends, close friends... I even had boyfriends.  However, I was "fat" because I was not like the popular girls.  The girls that weighed about 90lbs soaking wet.  I was friends with most of the popular girls, and they weren't like those girls you see in the teen movies.  I was friends with the jocks and the popular guys, too - but date them?? Not on your life!!  I even had one boy who I had a HUGE crush on tell me one night - while we "secretly" talked on the phone - that he liked me, but couldn't date me because..well...his friends would make fun of him.  Oy!  I just have to mention at this point that I've seen recent pics of this boy - who is now a man, of course - and guess what??  He's not so skinny anymore.

It's ironic to me, now, that my goal weight is 150lbs.  I look back at photos of me from my high school days and think "damn, I'd give anything to look like that again".  I tell myself that if I get down to 150lbs, I'll be happy.

Does that mean I'm not happy now? 

After reading the post this morning, it really sunk in how many times I've told myself that I'll be"happy" once I get to goal weight.  Then, I started to think about what that means.  When I look in the mirror, am I happy with what I see?  No.  Does that mean that my life is depressing, and lonely, and withdrawn?  Heck no.  I'm not an "unhappy" person just because I'm overweight.

Weight and self image are very controversial topics.  There are so many people out there - mostly "normal" sized people - that claim being fat is a choice.  I can't tell you how many times I've heard people say or read in articles how "overweight people make the choice to fill their lives with unhealthy foods, lack of exercise, and lead themselves into weight problems and health problems". 

I don't know about you, but I didn't wake up one morning and declare "I'm going to eat as much as possible and never work-out so that I can be fat!"  That, my friends, is making a choice.  The truth is, I've never been "skinny".  Is that because my parents fed me a terrible diet when I was young, forced me to eat junk day in and day out until I ballooned up?  No.  So, they weren't nutritional experts - and I had my share of junk - but I was a chunky baby, a chunky toddler, a chunky kid, chunky teen...you get the idea.

In fact, I've been told by doctors that my healthy weight is 150lbs due to a large frame.  That puts me in the size 6-8 region.  Anything less than that would be considered unhealthy.  So, even after losing the weight - I'm still destined for a size which some (mostly media) may consider on the "larger" side.

I'm getting off track, here...I'm supposed to be focusing on the topic of "being happy".

I will admit, I got to my highest weight after a very difficult time in my life.  I turned to food as comfort.  That was a time in my life when I was truly unhappy - and food made it tolerable.  Just like people turn to alcohol or drugs when times get tough - I turned to food.  Did I think about what I was doing to my body?  Did I think about the weight piling on with every binge?  Of course not.

It was my unhappiness that led me to the food, not the food leading me to unhappiness.

Seven years ago, I met the man I plan on spending the rest of my life with.  I was heavy...very heavy.  My bad luck was over, I met a man that loved me for who I was, and my life was well...perfect.  I was happy.  But wait - I was also fat, is that possible??

The point of all of this is that when I think about my weight...it's not a topic of happy vs. unhappy.  I didn't consciously choose to be fat - who would do that?  I did, however, make the conscious decision that I want to be healthy. 

When the media and society label overweight people as being "unhappy" (Biggest Loser, Heavy, etc.), it makes me so sad.  On the reverse, I hate it when media and society label overweight people as being "jolly" or the butt of jokes in movies and on TV.  The comedic value always comes from the expense of an overweight actor/actress having to eat, problems getting in to clothing, difficulties doing any kind of physical activity.   Are all overweight people like that?  Urm...no.

I currently weigh 214lbs.  I'm obese.  Yes, I'm trying to lose weight - but not because I'm "unhappy" it's because I want to be healthy.  Being overweight comes with it's fair share of medical issues - I don't want any of them.  I'm also a 214lb girl that LOVES to run.  Yes, me - the fat girl - loves doing an physical activity. I don't even do it for the exercise value - I do it to destress.  It's an enjoyable activity to me.

Being skinny or fat shouldn't be labeled with an automatic emotion of happy vs. unhappy.  Just because a person isn't overweight doesn't mean their life is a bed of roses - pure perfection - nothing can go wrong.  On the reverse, just because a person is overweight doesn't mean they are depressed, they hate themselves, or their life is miserable.

My life is great.  I have a wonderful family, amazing children, I finished my life-long dream of going to college...getting the teaching job would be nice, but well, you know....I am happy.  I am one of the happiest people I know.  My weight doesn't control my life.  It doesn't define me.  I am who I am, and I love who I am.  My weight does NOT change that.

Till next time. ;)

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Weigh to Go Wednesday - Bursting Into Summer



It's Here!!  Finally!! The first day of the new Sisterhood Challenge... Burst into Summer.

I'm excited.  More excited than I've been about any of the challenges.  Maybe it's because I get to be a part of a team.  I have four other people in my team...and we all have to work together to accomplish our goals.  Maybe it's because we're getting the chance to do a 6 week online boot camp TOTALLY FREE!! Hello...I know how much it cost me to do boot camp...hearing the word "free" makes me all fluttery inside.

Last week, I reported that I managed to get my butt back up to 218lbs...and then down to 216.8lbs by Wednesday.  I am so happy to report that today's starting weight for the challenge is 214.8lbs!!

I've lost 2lbs this week, and I am so happy with that.  I've worked out, I've eaten pretty good, I've been drinking lots of water...I've been preparing myself for the next 11 weeks!!  Yes, the challenge is 11 weeks long - did I not mention that?

I like the longer challenges, because I really feel like I have plenty of time to make some drastic changes.  When a challenge is only a month long - I don't really feel the changes that my body makes.  This time - I'll have almost 3 months to lose some weight, get in shape, and see the benefits of my hard work.

The first mini challenge for this week is to drink lots of water.  That's something I've never really been good at...until this past week.  I've been doing some major chugging this week.  Mostly because I've been working out quite a bit...and also because it's freakin' HOT outside!!  I've also developed a taste for PowerAid Zero.  It's flavored water - and not super high in "additives".  It's very refreshing after a hot run, that's for sure.

In other news, got another bit of disappointing news yesterday.  Sanity got a job interview at the last school I was waiting to hear from.  I'm very happy for Sanity - she deserves a job... just disappointed for me, cause that means that I didn't get selected to interview at that school.  That was the last school I was hoping to hear from...all the other jobs I have applied for are gone.  Now, it's time to start thinking about other options...that's scary in it's self.

I was disappointed to get the news, it almost brought me to tears.  I felt guilty for not being able to show my happiness for Sanity - and upset that all of the doors I've been knocking at weren't answering.  To top it all off, I was on my way to Wal-Mart to do grocery shopping when I got the news...YIKES!!

Despite my near confrontation with tears and emotional eating - I made sure to stick to my shopping list.  I made myself conscious to the things that were being put in my cart, avoided the "temptation aisles" and just remained focused.  All the focus on how well I was doing made me feel a little better about the job stuff.  So, it was a NSV that I was able to get out of the store after being given upsetting news - and didn't grab a SINGLE item that wasn't good for me.  YAY ME!!

Alright, that's it for today.  It's an at-home day for Jelly and I... which means some shredding is in my near future.  Also means I'm going to the track tonight for a run - being in the house all day gives me the urge to run more than anything.

Before I go, just a quick THANK YOU!! to those of you that voted for me on Flogmyblog.net.  I am currently in the lead..YAY!!  If you didn't get to vote..click on the link, and on the left side bar of the page is a poll asking for you to vote on a feature blog.  Just click on my blog, and that's it.. you're done!!

Till next time. ;)

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True Confessions Tuesday

Ahh..that time of the week to spill my guts, lay out my sins, and cleanse myself of all the dirty little secrets I've been bottling inside.  Don't get too excited - as far as "dirty" goes....there's not many...

I confess that this past weekend's dinner choices were anything BUT healthy... Friday? Hot dogs.  Saturday? Cheeseburger and fries.  Sunday? Pizza.  I know - the three main food groups from my old ways.  Somehow, I still managed to stay under my calories though... huh.

I confess that I was disappointed, once again, when I received another "Dear John" letter from a school - telling me I hadn't even been selected for an interview.  Rat Balls!! 

I confess that despite getting the Dear John letter, I didn't run to the fridge for an emotionally driven snack.  I let it go.  Did you hear that?? Yes, I said I just let it go.

I confess that after making a plea on my Facebook page and my Twitter for people to vote for me for a featured blog spot on Flogmyblog.net, and only getting one vote, (THANK YOU WHOEVER YOU WERE) I felt a little disappointed.  Having my blog as a feature on a website like that means a lot to me.  So, maybe I didn't give enough information....

I confess that I would LOVE for you to visit flogmyblog.net and vote for my blog.  All you have to do is click on the sidebar poll.  You don't have to register.  You don't have to give your email address.  If you're a blogger - you can sign up... but it's not mandatory.  It takes 3 seconds.  PLEASE???  Pretty, pretty please?  I already confessed a few weeks ago that I'm an attention whore - so you understand, right?

I confess that I'm super excited about the new challenge that's starting tomorrow over at shrinkingjeans.net.  There's going to be teams, there's going to be boot camp... I'm going to be held accountable for my actions.  Win! Win! Win!  It's called Burst in to Summer.  You should go check it out.

I confess, that despite saying I would NOT get on the scale until my weigh-in...which is tomorrow... I got on the scale this morning.  I'm not going to tell you what it said - cause that would ruin my post for tomorrow... but I had to confess that I didn't wait like I said I would.

I confess that I've used the "L" word to describe working out.  I'm not talking about running, either, I'm talking about 30 Day Shred.  The L word?  LOVE.  Can you believe it?  I've used that word to describe working out with weights, and jumping jacks, and ab work.  Holy rat balls...what's happened to me?

I confess that when I bought a new bathing suit on Sunday to go swimming at my friend's house - I got that "ugh, you look so fat" feeling when I looked in the mirror.  I hate that feeling, but it sure does motivate me to work-out even more.  Maybe by this time next year, I will be confessing how much I love looking at myself in a bathing suit.  HA!

I confess that after watching two episodes of Master Chef, I got this urge to start cooking.  Saturday, I tore through my healthy cookbooks and found some cool dishes to try this week.  All of the recipes are healthy.  I don't usually like to cook - but I need something to do with my time, and I might as well add some cooking to my mix.

Lastly, I confess that I want to try some new things this summer.  I've had this urge to go camping - even managed to score a tent from Freecycle.  Not sure if all the poles are in it.. but it's a start.  I want to be outdoors more, I don't want to sit in the house, I want to do some fun things... and fun includes hiking, and fishing, and maybe even swimming in a lake or river.  Yikes!!  On this confession I should add that I'm not usually into that type of stuff..at. all.  Bugs?? No thank you.  Going to the bathroom in the woods? Not on your life.  But, yeah... now, all of a sudden, I want to go camping.

OK.  Now it's your turn.  Go confess your sins - or confess your brags...that's always fun, too.  Come back and leave a link in the comments...

Last plug at trying to get you to vote for me at Flogmyblog.net.  It really only does take 3 seconds.. I timed it. (not really, but I'm gonna try anything). 

Alright, time to get ready for some grocery shopping, and exercising. 

Till next time. ;)

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Oh Energy, How I Have Missed You!! And Other Great Reasons to Exercise!!

**This is a public service announcement.  If you are a guy, you may want to bypass this post... there will be a short "womanly" discussion taking place.**

I am still totally fascinated by the effects exercise can have on your body. 

Just a little over two weeks ago, it felt like I was always tired.  Yes, I was working A LOT - but I was so tired all of the time.  I would literally have to drag myself out of bed at 5am to get ready for work - and then be passed out asleep on the couch at 7pm. 

I'm not just talking about a few days a week, either.  For almost a month, I was passing out on the couch between 7 and 8pm and not wanting to get up at 4am when my alarm went off...and hit snooze for over an hour!!

I knew it was because I had stopped exercising.  When I'm exercising regularly, I don't get as tired.  I have a lot more energy.

This past week, I've been up almost every night until 11pm...if not later...and I'm willingly getting up between 7-8am.  This morning? 6:15am!  There's no alarm clock - I'm on summer break!!  Yet still, I'm up drinking my coffee and writing my blog each morning - early.

**HERE COMES THE TMI INFO... YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED...although I will be using my "code talk"**

Also, last month, when Aunt Flo came to visit - she was here for 3 days...and I hardly knew she was here.  It was the shortest visit I've had in over a year!!

Last Thursday, she came back.  This time - she's making her visit VERY known.  It's day 5 of her visit, and she's just now starting to pack up her bags.... bout damn time!!

Isn't it funny the effects exercise has on our bodies?? I love the energy I've gotten back - my "I want to move" attitude.  I love being able to sit up late at night and enjoy some quiet time watching TV.  I love getting up early in the morning and wanting to do Yoga.  I'm ecstatic that I crave my run in the evenings - and even shredding with Jillian in the afternoons.

The Aunt Flo visit? Not so much... but I'll put up with her if it means getting to be so active and full of life.

Something else I've noticed?  My allergies.  This time last month, my allergies were KILLING me.  I was waking up with my eyes stuck together, my nose constantly running.... I could barely see through the watery eyes and the constant sneezing.  My chest was always tight - and I was having some tough times breathing.  I dreaded the thought of going to the track to run, because I just knew that my allergies would kick in to overdrive....and I would be miserable for the rest of the night.

Then, I remembered something.  I've always had the WORST allergies.  I mean.. bad!!  Since high school, there has hardly been a year where I haven't ended up in the ER due to a seasonal asthma attack... or on a nebulizer because my breathing would get so difficult.  Up until last year.

Last year, when I decided to start exercising - and joined boot camp - I noticed that I really didn't have any allergy problems.  A couple of sneezes here and there...a few cases of watery eyes... but had no trouble with my breathing AT ALL. 

My doctor told me it was because I was exercising - opening up my air ways, and exposing myself to the allergies. 

My doctor said that people who suffer from seasonal allergies often avoid situations that expose them... like being outside.  Because I was spending so much time outside, and building up endurance in my lungs, my body had basically building up an immunity to the allergies that were giving me the seasonal asthma.  How F'in cool is that?? 

Same thing this year.  A month ago?  On the verge of breaking out the nebulizer.  After a week of exercising?  Hardly any allergies!!

It hasn't taken forever for these benefits to kick in, either.  Like I said - I've been working out for a week...that's it.  Already I'm noticing these benefits.. minus Aunt Flo, but I can live with her.

I could go on with reasons why exercising is so important... but I'd like to hear what your benefits are.  What are some of the effects you notice from exercising? 

Now - it's time for me to get to my Yoga!!

Till next time. :)

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