I'm in one of those moods today, where I need to get some things off of my chest. Yes, I understand that I shouldn't air my dirty laundry for the whole world to see, but I also feel like it's good to get what I need to say out there. Hopefully, someone reading this can take away some good advice or relate to the situation I'm dealing with.
Jelly's birthday was Friday. I shared that. Everyone also knows that I'm not currently speaking to my mother. Something I've also shared, and the reasons why. Well, Jelly received a card in the mail from my grandparents with some money inside. I thought that was super sweet, and I had Jelly call and thank them. You know who she didn't receive so much as a card from? Yep, my mother.
I get that my mom is angry with me. I get that we aren't talking and that I have strong feelings about what she did to Peanut and I'm not willing to forgive the way she's treated me. But, what I don't get is why on earth my youngest child has to suffer from the backlash of me fighting with my mother. What grandmother does that?
Do you know how hard it is to answer the question from my seven year old daughter asking why Grandma didn't send her a card? What am I supposed to say? I did what I thought was best and told her not to worry about it, that she got plenty of presents and cards from others. I could have taken the opportunity to tell my daughter what I really thought of my mother at that moment, but I would NEVER bad mouth my parents to her. I would NEVER tell her that my mom is a child, herself, and is taking out her anger on me and redirecting towards her. I just wouldn't.
But, what all of this has done is made me realize some things that I would like to openly promise to my own future grandchildren. This post is something I want my children to read and hold on to, and if the time ever comes, use it to remind me of exactly my feelings at this point. Not that I would ever need to be reminded, but..well...just in case.
To my future grandchildren, I have this to say:
I am your grandmother, and I will ALWAYS love you. You will ALWAYS be welcome at my house. You will ALWAYS be able to pick up the phone or send me a text message anytime you want to talk. I spent a good part of your parents' lives making sure that they could talk to me whenever they needed to, and I hope that the solid and open relationship I built is still in tack. However, if something has happened, and for some terrible reason I'm not currently speaking to your parents, please know that I would NEVER take out that fight on you. There is absolutely nothing that you can do that would make me forget about you or change how much I care about you. None of my grandchildren will ever be more loved or special than any of my other grandchildren. I don't care if I see you every weekend or once a year, you can bet your bottom dollar that I'll be an active part of your life and I'll always be checking up on you. You can always count on me sending you birthday cards, birthday presents, Christmas presents, Easter baskets, Halloween goodies, and letters and surprises throughout the year. You can count on the fact that I will do everything in my power to come and watch you play sports, perform in the band, listen to you sing in the choir, or watch you accept awards and honors. I will proudly hang pictures of you in my home, and will be calling your parents to make sure that I get a copy of every school picture you take. My home will be your home, and whenever you're here, you will get spoiled rotten. That's the best part about being a grandparent, spoiling you and then sending you back to your parents. I don't care if you live in the next town or five states over, you can expect me to come and visit you as often as I can and I will expect your parents to let you come visit me. And, if for some reason I'm not fulfilling my duties as a grandparent, I fully expect you to call me out on your blog and let the whole world know that I am not doing my job.
You see, my beautiful future grandchildren, I had a couple of good teachers when it comes to being a good grandparent, and I also had a good teacher when it comes to being a bad grandparent. I have taken the lessons from these people, and as I'm writing this, I'm still learning and taking notes.
Your parents' Grammy is an AMAZING teacher for when it comes to being an AWESOME grandparent. She is always calling to check on your parents, she comes to school functions any chance she gets and gets angry with me if I don't call her to come to one. She never forgets their birthdays, Christmas, or any other holiday, and she goes out of her way to make sure that your parents are always welcome and enjoy being at her house. You will absolutely ADORE having her as a great-grandmother.
Your parents also have another grandma that's doing a really good job. At this current time, she's getting to know your parents because she spent the first fourteen years of her oldest granddaughter's life not knowing about her. But, since she found out, she's doing an amazing job. She calls a couple times a week to check on her granddaughter, and even asks about the two children who aren't really her grandchildren... but she doesn't treat them that way. We're going to spend some time with her over this Christmas break, and she's so excited about it. I know that she will be an awesome great-grandmother to you when the day comes.
And, unfortunately, I had some direction in being taught how NOT to treat you. I got a good lesson from my own mother about how grandchildren should never be treated, and I am taking lots of notes for things that I'll never do to you. And if for some reason I do stray and do something terrible to you like she did to your parents, I know that your other great-grandparents will give me a quick, swift kick in the rear and will point me back in the right direction.
Your parents are and will always be the most important people in my life, until you come along. Then you will share those spots with your parents. My grandchildren will always be important, loved, and cherished unconditionally.
And this is my open promise to you. Always.