I Can't Save Them All.. But That Doesn't Mean I Won't Still Try

It has been a very emotional, terrifying, and sad past couple of days for me.  For the past 48 hours, I've walked around almost in a comatose state.  I've been running the motions, watching the world move around me, and have kept that "happy face" imprinted on me.  Everyone around me has seen a normal, cheerful (I guess) me...while on the inside everything around me has been nothing but a blur running in slow motion creating a low humming sound that has been almost deafening.

On Wednesday, I told you all about the Love & Logic training I attended.  It was a good training, one that gave me some great information to use... but after the past couple of days that I've had, there was one statement made on that day that I absolutely REFUSE to listen to.

"At the end of the day, you have to remember that you just can't save them all."

And that sentence was made in reference to troubled kids.  Kids that have behavioral issues or trauma issues or attention issues.  Those kids that come from backgrounds that have history of abuse, neglect, lack of parental support, or just from a home where basic needs just aren't being met and all the child cares about is if there will be enough food to eat or enough blankets to keep them warm.

Unfortunately, ALL of those issues are very apparent and prominent in the field I work in and even more so in the town where I teach.  

But, being in that environment, around kids with those issues, and seeing and hearing the backgrounds of some of the kids I work with has made me realize one very important thing about myself.

I may not be able to save them all, but that doesn't mean I won't EVER stop trying.

You see, the situations that have unfolded in my life over the past 48 hours have made me apparent to one important thing I've learned about myself.  I absolutely, 150% believe that I was put on this earth to care for children.  Not just care for but nurture, support, be a refuge for, and a provider for the kids that I work with.  It's engrained in to my blood to just want to make a difference in the lives of my kiddos, to somehow help them rise above the struggles and the issues and the downright horrifying situations.

Absolutely NO child that ever walks through my classroom door will EVER be considered a "lost cause" or a child that just can't be helped.  I may not be successful, I may not be able to give that child the ability to deal with or cope with their situations... but what I can do is let them know that I am not going to give up, I'll keep pushing them, pushing myself, and be front and center ANYTIME that they need me.

Even if the only thing I can do is provide a safe haven for 8 hours a day, where they can take their minds of their situations for a short time, I'm OK with that.  I may not be able to swoop in and make all the bad disappear from their lives... but I CAN make it disappear for as long as they are in the confinement of my classroom.

I will confront their troubles right along with them.  Standing strong on their side.  Accepting their issues, and guiding them with situations that helps them understand that while they are in my care, they will get all the love, support, and guidance I give my own biological children.  Because, you see, for those 8 hours a day, I don't have 3 children of my own... I have 25 of them.

I can only imagine that going through what I've gone through the past couple of days is somewhat comparable to what some of my kiddos live with day in and day out.  A comatose state.  Just running the motions.  Not really aware or even caring what's going on around them... but just putting on that "happy face" so nobody knows about the pain that's reeling around on the inside.

And my issue is a minor inconvenience compared to some of the horrors that plague some children.

But, as a person that has love and support at home, all of my basic needs met, no abuse or neglect happening to me... I can only imagine that what I've felt is a tiny portion of some of the burden some of my kids carry around on their shoulders.

I may not be able to save them all, but can't I at least take some of that burden away for a few hours a day?  Can I not help them be OK with taking off some of the burden and handing it to someone else so that for 8 hours a day they can be a kid, enjoy themselves, and feel safe for just a little while?  Can I not confront them, push them, and challenge them to want to rise above their issues in order to break the cycle and WANT a better life for themselves one day?

In my classroom, my kids have grown to understand my motto:  NO EXCUSES!

That's the mentality I live by, and enforce in all aspects of what I do.  It goes from being as simple as no excuses for not turning in an assignment, to no excuses for being mean to people, to no excuses for giving up, and no excuses for not trying.  

And the kids that I challenge the most are the kids that really do have valid excuses.  But, if I can get them to adopt a mentality of "no excuses", then there really isn't ANY excuses.  If they are able to rise above their challenges, problem solve to prevent excuses, and just care enough so that they will at least try... I've achieved a major accomplishment.

Some kids are very aware of the struggles that are facing them.  They have almost engrained it within themselves that they aren't worthy for someone to care enough about whether or not they do their homework, or show up for school, or try a few math problems that they absolutely don't think they can do.  They don't understand why I care so much... nobody else does.  They've been led down a path where their struggles have been a crutch for them to lean on, depend on, and convince them that it's just not worth the time or hassle.  

Guess what?  I absolutely DO care, and absolutely REFUSE to continue the cycle of letting them slip under the radar, or let them skate by because what's happening at home is far more important than what I'm offering up in my classroom.

Some of my kiddos just aren't used to the kind of force and resistance I show them.  They are used to not doing an assignment and just taking the zero.  Big whoop.  They got an F.  Who cares?  They are used to not coming to school if they don't want to, nobody is going to notice, nobody is going to care. They are used to being mean to others and knowing that they'll end up in the principal's office with maybe a paddling or suspension, and they can just go right back to doing it the next day because they know the routine and if that's the only attention they can get... that's OK with them.

But not in my classroom.

If they don't do an assignment, I'm going to be on their case... pushing them, hounding them almost until I find out why the assignment wasn't done.  Most of the time, it's the "who cares?" attitude, some of the time it's because they just don't have a clue what to do and don't see any point in trying.  So, I have to make them realize that I CARE.  It's important to ME that they do well.  I am noticing and even if they aren't that bothered by their grades, I am...and failure is not an option.  I will help them, if needed, I will guide them until they are comfortable, I will praise them when they make the slightest of successes... because that's pretty foreign to them, and when they realize that at least one person cares if they succeed, it's enough to keep them motivated.

If they don't come to school, I notice.  I am hounding the assistant principal to call their house, speak to their parents, and even drive to their house to pick them up.  Because they have to understand that I want them there.  I want them to not miss out on what's going on in the classroom.  That I think they are important enough to worry about, and those hounding phone calls and follow up when they finally return to school are my ways of telling them that SOMEONE cares and notices when they are gone.

If one of my kids is mean, there's no cycle of visit to the principal's office for them.  They are getting me, in their face, wanting to know what's going on inside that's causing them to feel like they have to be mean to someone.  They're not going to get yelled at or immediate punishment... I'm going to TALK to them, problem solve with them, guide them through figuring out what it is INSIDE of them that's causing them to want to cause hurt to someone else.  

So, there's not a part of me that can accept that I can't save all the kids that step in to my room.  I can accept that I won't make all the bad disappear.  I can accept that I won't succeed in helping them do better in school or even want to do better in school.

But, not for one second will I EVER accept that I can't at least try.  Every single child that I ever come in to contact with is at least deserving of that.  Someone that will try.  

I can accept my own failures....as long as I know that I've done everything in my power to succeed.

The minute I look at a child and just throw my hands in the air and accept that they can't be helped, and that it's not worth my time to try.... my time in the classroom will be over.

And, I don't see that happening ANY time.  Ever.

Love & Logic, Part II

                                      

Yesterday was my final, and last, professional development training of Love & Logic.  And, I'm happy to say that it was just as good..if not better..than last week's training.

It was a day full of learning strategies and tools to use with kids that, sometimes, just don't want to cooperate and how to offer choices, put problems back on children to solve for themselves, and make the life of a teacher much less stressful and/or frustrating.

One thing I know about myself, as hard and embarrassing as it is for me to admit, is that I tend to be somewhat of a "drill sergeant" teacher.  I hand out orders and commands as if they were candy.  I expect structure, order, and control of my classroom.  I sometimes use intimidation tactics to get the result I'm looking for.  And when faced with resistance, I plan strategic attacks to eliminate the problem.

Am I necessarily proud of this truth about myself?  No.  Well, not anymore.

You see, I have solid classroom management.  I've been observed and told by others that I have amazing classroom management skills, and that my classroom runs like a well oiled machine.  I have implemented my expectations and rules, and "trained" my students to follow them.

They know when it's appropriate to chat while working.  They know when it has to be silent.  They know how to line up and walk down the hallway.  They know the procedures for gathering materials and transitioning from one lesson to the next.  They know that I have a "no excuses" mentality that won't falter regardless of what the reason is.  

For that, I am proud. Because behind all those procedures and protocols I truly know that my students respect me and do what I ask them to do because I also respect them.  

Well, that's what I thought up until yesterday, anyway.

My kiddos do respect me.  For the most part, they love me as their teacher.  For the most part, I know that almost every student in my classroom will do anything I ask them to do.  That's not something that starts on day one, it's earned throughout the school year.  They start off nervous and unsure of this "drill sergeant" standing in front of them, marching up and down telling them HOW it will be, WHAT I expect, and the CONSEQUENCES for disobeying the rules.  But, over time, I lighten up because I can.  I don't have to be intimidating because they get to know me and realize that under that hard exterior, I'm really quite the softy on the inside.  

But, what I learned yesterday, is that I don't have to be so rigid with my expectations and still get the same result.  I can still have high expectations, and can still have the students reaching them, without coming off as "weak" or intimidated myself.  And the most important lesson I learned, yesterday, is that I can earn the love and respect of all my students much more efficiently by giving them the belief that they have some control and get to make some of the decisions that take place in the classroom.

As we read and discussed and watched movies, I read phrases such as "effective teachers can get the toughest kids to do what they want", "the toughest kids are the kids most needing of a loving relationship, even though they won't admit it", and "the toughest kids just want to know that you won't give up on them".

That is me.  I am able to get the toughest of kids to do what I ask.  But, was I doing it in the right way?  

When I'm trying to reach the toughest kids, and by tough I don't mean gang member or threatening I mean tough because they are defiant or have some trouble following the basic rules, I feel like I'm sending them the message that I won't give up on them.  I will keep on them, pushing them, until they realize that I'm in it till the end, plan on seeing it through, and my ultimate goal is to get them to care enough to not want to be defiant.  I actually treat defiance as a cry for help.  They want or need attention, and they are somehow programmed to believe that negative attention is just as good as positive attention.  When I'm mad and upset that they didn't do their work, won't stop talking, or don't ever seem to be paying attention...they get MY attention.  

And, for the most part, I'm able to succeed.  Last year, I had several kids that didn't do their work or gave up or didn't pay attention simply because they didn't think they COULD do the work.  I was able to reach those kids by giving them tasks I knew they could accomplish.  I set up the learning environment so that there was no room for failure...and those students flourished throughout the year.

This year, I have some similar situations.  I don't, however, really have any behavioral issues.  OK, I have a few kids that seem to NEVER do their work and are perfectly content with F's as their consequence, but I don't have kids that are mean, or disrespectful, or seem to do the exact opposite of everything I ask them to do.

If someone does something wrong in my class, they will admit it.  My #1 rule is honesty, and I back that up with rewarding honesty no matter how bad the situation is.  The consequences are ALWAYS far less severe when honesty is at play, and my kids know that.  In fact, it's so good, they will come to me and admit stuff they've done before I'm even aware that something has been done.

That part I am very happy and proud of.

But, what needs to change is my "drill sergeant" mentality when it comes to not doing work, not being prepared for class, or other minor issues that tend to come up.

NOW I'm going to start offering my kids some minor choices so that they feel like they have some control on their learning.

For example, when I give them a math assignment, I will let them choose if they complete the odd or even problems.  Their choice.  Doesn't matter to me.  They do ten or so problems still, and it's no harder when grading because we'll just go over each problem.  

Or when I assign the spelling contract, they can choose to turn their activities in each day or wait and turn them all in on Friday. I won't grade them until the weekend, anyway, so what difference does it make if they want to turn their activities in each day?

I am also going to STOP using "I won't", "you won't", and "you will" statements.  Those aren't good.  They automatically tell the students that I'm barking orders, and the defiant students will perk up and wait for the opportunity to not do what I'm asking or do the complete opposite of what I'm asking.

By using "I will" statements, I get to set up the limits and expectations and then throw the responsibility back on them if they don't follow through.

For example... "I will grade the assignments that are turned in tomorrow", "I will grade the assignments that I can read", "I will take my class to lunch when they are quiet".

When I get "I didn't do my homework", they are reminded of the statement I made, and are then forced to realize that I gave them the expectation and they made the decision not to follow through.  

And my most favorite part of the training was learning how to put student problems back on themselves to solve.  This is, by far, one of my biggest weaknesses.  I always feel like it's my duty to "save and solve" all the problems that come my way from my students.  

For example... a kid comes to me and tells me they can't do the work, they don't get it.

My normal response would be:  "OK, let me show you how to do it again, I will sit with you and go over and over it until you get it."  And, if they are still struggling after a little while, I just tell them to pack it away and we'll try another time.

Instead, my response should be:  "Oh no!! What do you plan on doing about that?"

When the student doesn't have any clue how to fix the problem, I can offer to provide some suggestions on what other students would do in that situation.  

The strategy, though, is to offer a couple of bad choices and one good choice.

For example:  "Some students just give up, how do you think that will work for you?"

The hope is that they will respond with that not helping because they won't learn how to do it.  So, then I can offer another suggestion...

"Well, some kids just take a zero, how do you think that will work for you?" 

The hope is that they will respond with not wanting to make a zero.

Then, I can offer "Well, some kids ask their friends for some help or go to homework help in the mornings to try and get more practice, how do you think that will work for you?"  

And then, hopefully, they will take that opportunity.  

But, if they don't?  If they choose one of the other options?  I let that play out...and then have them confront the new problem as it arises, hopefully building their ability to problem solve and identifying that bad solutions or "easy outs" never really pay off and just create even more problems.

I LOVE IT!!!

I plan on incorporating ALL of this new stuff in my classroom today.  I have barely scratched the surface of the great techniques and information I got yesterday, but it's that time when I have to get ready for work.

So... I'm gonna try the new stuff, and I'll be sure to let you all know how it works for me.

Until then, though, it's off to get ready for another great day of learning!

There Is No Place Like My Home Away From Home

                                      

So, yesterday, I was down.  Feeling sad, frustrated, a little scared.  I had a lump in my throat that no matter how much I tried to cough and drink and swallow, just wouldn't go away.. because there wasn't actually anything in my throat... it was just tears I was trying to contain.

But, I made a promise to myself that the minute I walked in to the school, I would keep the tears contained.  I would "put on a happy face", and try not to let what was going on outside effect my mood inside that school building.  

The first stop I made once I got to work was Mrs. P's office.  Had to give her some information about what was going on because 1) there was a possibility I would have to leave at some point during the day and 2) even though I wasn't comfortable talking to people about my problem... I knew I could talk to her.  I could tell her what was happening, how I was feeling, and know that she was my first point of support and encouragement.

And I was right.  

She listened, told me everything was going to be OK, and gave me a hug. And it was during that hug that I realized everything really WAS going to be OK.  At least for the time being... because I was in the one place that wouldn't allow my bad mood to take over, wouldn't allow for my sadness or frustration to take hold, or allow for anything BUT support and love to be shown to me in my time of need.

After getting my classroom set up for the day, I went to visit with my team... to give them a little head's up about there being a possibility I might have to leave at some point during the day.  I also knew that I could confide in them about what was going on, because they are like family to me.  And family are there for each other through good times and bad.  They support each other.  And I know that my 4th grade family.. Mama Bear, Papa Bear, and Sweet Little Baby Bear all have my back.  

Even though I wasn't going to tell anyone what was going on, I knew that Mrs. P and my 4th grade team had to know.  If nobody else on the planet could be told about something going on in my life, that would NEVER include those four people.  I honestly believe there isn't anything I couldn't tell those ladies.  Scary stuff, embarrassing stuff, bad stuff, downright terrible stuff... they get to hear it all, because I trust them with everything that I have.  A trust that I really don't show a lot of people.  I tend to keep people at arm's length.  I'm friendly.  I will tell you everything there is to know about me, for the most part.  But, I save the stuff that I share with no one for those four ladies.  

I'm sure they're very appreciative of that.  HA!

And then, there is one more person that without her, I just don't think I'd have made it through yesterday without some kind of break to my strong will.  The "happy face" front would have crumbled had it not been for her.  And, even though there was no reason to tell her anything that was going on.. got to hear the ins and outs of the ENTIRE situation.  

I love Mrs. P.  I love my fourth grade team.  They both are truly like family to me.  They support me, care for me, and just make my life at school a little bit more amazing than it already is.

And then...there's E.  

E is someone that in the past few months I've blossomed a friendship with.  I can't get through my day without taking some time to talk to her, share a few laughs with her, and for some reason open up to her about EVERYthing going on in my life.  I'm sure she didn't realize that she had the position of Joanna's therapist when our friendship started blooming a few months ago, but that's exactly what she's become. She honestly keeps me sane, focused, and allows me to see the goodness and light no matter how sad or dark life may seem.

We have a lot in common.  We both have amazing kids.  We both have similar backgrounds.  We both share similar family dynamics.  

Mrs. P is like a big sister that I never had.  Only a couple of years older than me, but takes on that "big sister" role to keep me in line, be there when I need to vent, offer words of support and encouragement, but won't hesitate to give me a quick kick in the rear when I need it.  She is allowed to tell me like it is, be firm with me... but try and mess with me and see what happens.  She'll be the first one in line to have my back.  Just like an older sibling would.

My 4th grade team is my Three Bears family.  Tight nit.  Close.  Do everything together family.

But, E?  She is truly like a sister to me.  Almost like a twin sister.  I honestly don't believe there is anything I wouldn't tell her.  She has learned to know me, know how I feel, know how I think..and can usually be two steps ahead of my thinking to help solve my problems before I'm even aware they are there. 

Yesterday afternoon, when the phone call FINALLY came about how my situation was going to play out and would give me more information about the situation, E was sitting right next to me.  I felt calm, collected, and at ease knowing she was right there.  And once the phone call was over, we didn't leave that room until she'd given me time to explain, vent, let out what I was feeling, and give her opinion on the situation.  She was researching similar situations while I was on the phone, ready to ease my mind the minute the call was over.  She was there to offer suggestions and advice for moving forward, and dealing with the situation in the short term.  

Not once did I feel judged or like her opinion of me might change due to the nature of the situation.  Not once did I feel like she would rather be ANYWHERE else but in that room at that minute.  And I thank The Lord that the call did come when it did, while she was there.  

Today, I will be learning more as the situation unfolds.  But, I don't have the feelings I had today that I had yesterday.  My stomach isn't all tied up in knots.  My throat doesn't have a giant lump that just won't go away.  My head isn't pounding from stress.

I feel better today.  I feel confident.  I know that no matter how it unfolds, what information I will receive, or what steps will be necessary to move forward... E will be right there for me.  She will be making sure that I'm OK.  She will be holding me up, keeping me strong, and lending her ear anytime I need it.

I know that I was able to go to bed last night and sleep soundly because right before I went to bed, E was the person I was talking to.  Just because I had left work didn't mean her job was over.  She was encouraging me and brightening my mood at 10PM... after an exhausting day for both of us.  

And, now, after all this... I think I finally know what it's like to have a twin sister.  Almost.  Kinda.  Close enough.

Again, I couldn't ask for a better work "family".  I really don't know what I'd do without them.  My big sister Mrs. P.  My 4th grade fairy tale family.  And my twin sister.  

Always there for me.  Always.

Everything is going to be OK today, because I have some major POWER on my side.  The power of love, support, and FAMILY.

When I say that I work in the best place in the world, I'm not saying that lightly.  I have NEVER felt so amazingly close to the people I've worked with in my entire life.

There really ISN'T ANYPLACE like home.... or my home away from home.

Just Got to Put on a Happy Face

                                      

It's truly amazing, to me, how 24 hours can cause such drastic changes to a person's mood and how things can go from good to ugly in the blink of an eye.

Just 24 hours ago, I was Miss Happy-Go-Lucky.  I was excited about starting a new unit of study in my classroom, I was excited about hearing my students' reactions when they heard about the stuff they were going to be learning, and I was excited and happy that I had managed to put together everything I needed to accomplish in order to make it all happen.

A couple of hours later, I was reeling in that excitement while explaining the new adventures to the students.  They were, indeed, quite excited about the changes that were being made.  They were hopeful and optimistic about the Black History month unit and couldn't wait to get started.

Then, a few hours later, I was pumped with even more excitement.  My principal sat me down and explained a project she was wanting to try out.  A project that would include some really extremely neat and fun technology that the kids would go GA-GA over.  And, when I gave them the news about the new endeavor we were going to try and make happen, they were absolutely ecstatic about the idea.  

Which, in turn, made me even more happy and excited.

I came home with some pep in my step.  Despite a headache that had been lurking around for the last half of the day, my happiness was keeping it from causing me too much discomfort.  My evening plans included eating some dinner, and then lazing on the couch with my crocheting, and resting away the headache before it had a chance to grow.

Then, I'm receiving a phone call that freezes all the excitement and happiness and replaces it with shock, frustration, and sadness.  In the sudden blink of an eye.  All that happiness... poof... gone.  Not gone forever, but temporarily replaced because a more pressing matter has taken priority... has ripped me from the comfort of the good feelings...and instead replaced them with bad feelings.

I am not able to share the topic of that phone call, the situation from which it arose, or the situation as it will play out.  And, for anyone that knows me will know that NOT being able to talk about something that's bothering me is very difficult for me to handle.  It's how I "deal".  It's how I process.  I'm a sharer.  I share the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Even if any of the above doesn't exactly cast a good light in my direction.

But, this time, the phone call wasn't about me... it was about people close to me.  And those situations, I can't talk about.  Because it's not fair to the people involved.  They don't want their information shared for the world to see.  They don't want complete strangers knowing their business, regardless of how much it affects me or involves me.  And, as hard as that is for me to accept, it's something I just have to do.  I respect privacy, especially when it involves people that I care about the most.

Sleep was a quick visitor last night.  It came and left in small doses.  My mind wouldn't shut down, relax, or let go.  It just kept reeling with thoughts, fears, scenarios.  The what ifs, the mights, the coulds, and the maybes.  All feelings that I loathe.  I have a bad tendency of being a person that feeds the monster called Worst Case Scenario.  He often visits me during bad situations, making them appear worse than they are or slapping me with how bad things could be.

It's just impossible for me to be a "wait and see" kind of person.  No matter how much I try, Worst Case is lurking in the back of my mind...refusing to let Wait and See grab a hold of my brain to give me some short lived comfort from my stress.  It's like a storm cloud that just pushes in, and starts blocking the sight of the sunshine on the horizon.  I'm just surrounded by darkness, and cold, and the rumbling and pounding of my heart.

The last few times I felt this way, I first received a phone call telling me that my mom had been told she possibly had cancer.  And even though it was only a possibility during that initial phone call, the Worst Case monster was right there, whispering in my ear all night long.  No sleep came.  Just fear.  

Then, when it was confirmed that my mother did indeed have lung cancer, Worst Case was right there once again.  Trying with all his might to take away any comfort that the doctor's words had given me.  Despite being told that it was curable, and had been caught early enough... it didn't stop Worst Case from having his two cents on the situation.  

The night before my mom's surgery, Worst Case kept me company all night long.  Haunting me with those what ifs, mights, coulds, and maybes every time I tried to close my eyes.

And, now that the worst has past and my mom is on the fast track to full recovery, Worst Case has had nothing to do.  Sat idly by as happiness and excitement and normalcy started to wash back over me.  But he remained.  Lurking in the shadows.  Waiting for the next opportunity to come for him to make another appearance.

That opportunity came last night in the form of a phone call.  Another freaking phone call.  

Maybe it's time to get rid of my phone... it seems to have some power and connection to Worst Case.

The part I hate the most is that I have to go about my day, today, putting on a happy face.  Not letting anyone in to what's truly happening inside of me.  Staying calm, collected, and focused on my job and my students.  Not letting anything interfere with the excitement and buzz that I created yesterday.  Moving forward with my plans, and setting my kids out on their journey to self learning.

All while waiting for another phone call that will deliver more news.  Another freaking phone call.

Waiting.

The part I hate the most.  

I know that there will be people I know that read today's blog and be concerned.  They will try to offer some comfort, offer prayers and thoughts, offer an ear for me to talk to.  And before they even come, I say I will take all the prayers and thoughts and comforts that anyone has to offer... but unfortunately, as much as I'd like to, I have to pass on the offering of ears to listen.  

For now.

Until I'm more informed of the situation at hand, until I know if I'm even able to talk about it to anyone, until I know that all parties involved are protected and cared for.  

There are so many questions that are unanswered.  So much information yet to be shared.  I'm just standing on the sidelines waiting for further instructions... and until those instructions come, I'm on my own with this.  I have to deal with, take care of, and face this alone.

And I will.

Worst Case may be haunting me and taunting me and casting about his horrors and fear... but, deep down, I hear the soft cries of comfort.  I know that no matter how bad the situation may turn out, there's light at the end of the tunnel, that everything will work out as it works out.  That even though I have no control of the situation and this point in time, that I will give it everything I have to protect those involved, be there for those involved, stand by those involved, and fight tooth and nail to make it all OK.

And I'm able to hear those soft cries of comfort because I know that there are people out there that will be thinking of me today.  They will be sending their prayers and thoughts.  They will be carrying me in their hearts...sending the positive vibes I need to make it through.

In the depths of despair, it's faith that leads us through.  Faith carries us out of the darkness and in to the light.  And faith comes in many shapes and forms.  It comes with guidance, with understanding, with answers.... eventually.

But, I'm making it a point today to wear my happy face and try with all my might to allow it to wash over me.  It may start out as a fake front, but my happy face has amazing power.  Once I get in to my classroom, surrounded by my kiddos and the people I love like family, things will start to feel better.  I will be able to temporarily take my mind off the situation, and focus on the good that pours out of my classroom.  The sunshine that washes away the storm clouds.

Everything will be OK.... it has to be.  

Let's Hope the Weather Stays Nice for Another Two Weeks

I had a hard time getting out of bed this morning.  I hit the snooze button several times, and definitely more than I usually do.  I know it's because 1) I had a rough time getting to sleep last night and 2) I don't think my body is used to only getting a couple of days off work for a weekend.  You know, being that we've had so many snow days this year.  But, this weekend, the weather was beautiful and the forecast looks to be the same for at least the next ten days.

I'm actually very excited about the weather that's forecasted for the next couple of weeks.  And that's simply because I want to be able to actually complete a unit ON TIME without delays and reteaching due to several days off.  

Since the beginning of January, I've had an idea for a reading unit for Black History Month.  That unit was supposed to start two weeks ago, but... well... you know.  So, this weekend, I sat down and hashed out and redid the unit to customize it to a two week unit instead of the original four week time line.  

Last week, I found some great leveled reading books about Martin Luther King, Jr., George Washington Carver, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, and The Freedom Riders.  I made a few changes to the unit so that instead of the students self-selecting their own subject for the unit, they would be put in to leveled reading groups.  That will make life a little easier.  Sometimes, it can be a bit overwhelming for 4th graders to pick a subject or person to study.  Plus, a subject as big as Black History Month can be a little overwhelming.  There's so much to choose from, and my kiddos really haven't had that much exposure to the topic.  I mean, sure, they've learned a little about slavery, and civil rights, etc., but not really enough for me to let them run free in a library to select a subject.  

I also dug out several books from my own library about famous black people.  I created a text set back in college when I had to create a social studies unit, and my topic of choice happened to be Black History Month, so it's nice to actually be able to try that out in my own classroom now.  So the kids will be able to read and learn about different aspects of black history along with their assigned reading.

The main goals, or skills, that are the focus of this unit are comparing and contrasting and problem and solution.  Along with text features.  Those are the skills my students are struggling the most with, right now, and the focus for the entire fourth grade team for the next couple of weeks.

Teaching in such a diverse school is a very exciting endeavor, for me.  You see, I've always had an interest in learning about different cultures.  I love learning about different cultural beliefs, religions, and history.  And, I've found, that kids are often just as interested in learning about different people... where they came from, what struggles they've overcome, and how their differences have impacted and shaped our country.

Plus, they are able to relate to some of the subjects we learn about, and become motivated and inspired when they hear about the struggles and hardships that were overcome.

For this unit, I went with a layered curriculum model.  And, the more that I work with layered curriculum, the more I like it.  Layered curriculum is basically a list of activities broken in to three "layers".  The first layer introduces the student to their reading.  Having them read with a friend, or create a KWL chart, or come up with a few questions they want to answer during their learning experience.  Level two has the students selecting activities that guides them through the reading process, like using context clues, answering questions about the text, using the senses to comprehend and understand what they are reading, watching videos about their subject and comparing and contrasting the information from the video to their book.  And level three has the students presenting their learning and understanding of the material by creating a presentation to share with the class, such as a poster or newspaper article or a Facebook page.  Each level offers several choices, and it's up to the student to select the activities they want to do, and racking up the designated amount of points (each activities is worth a certain amount of points).  

What I've learned, and from what numerous studies have shown, students like to have choice.  They like to feel empowered with the opportunity of choosing how they learn.  And, by offering choice, the kids are more prone to work harder because they are in the control seat manning the ship to the final grade that they earn for their project.

Plus, I'm a firm believer in the fact that students need to be reading in order to learn how to read.  And it goes much deeper than being able to sound out words, understand what words mean, and simply explaining to me what they just read.  I want them to understand how reading can help provide information, how the information can be connected to other information, how reading can open up a world of discovery, and ultimately how to wade through information to answer questions and show actual understanding of the text they've read.

Reading goes much deeper than picking up a book that looks interesting and reading it cover to cover.  There are so many different purposes and uses for reading.  And, I want my students to be aware of that.  They don't read just because they have to.  That reading can answer so many questions, create new questions, and send them on a "quest" of learning.  

So, today, my kids are going to embark on a journey of reading to learn and to learn by reading.  

I'm excited about it.  My kids were excited when they found out last week that we were going to be starting this week.  So, now I'm very curious to see how it all plays out.

Wish me luck.  

This can be the beginning to a fantastic learning endeavor... one that provides so many skills.

So... here we go....

What a LOVE-ly Weekend!!

So, I didn't blog yesterday, and YES I'm fine.  I'm not sick.  Nothing bad happened.  No pigs were spotted flying over my house.  I just felt like taking the day off... well...I actually didn't PLAN on taking the day off, I just got caught up in some other stuff and just let it go for a day.

You would think that by taking the day off from blogging, I'd have a lot more to write about today.  Well, I don't. Not really.  Just gonna share all about my weekend.

Let's start with Friday.  Valentine's Day.  

No big surprise that I didn't get anything from Hubby.  I explained that on Friday.  We don't "do" Valentine's Day in my house.  He doesn't believe in it, and I'm OK with that.  He does plenty to show me that he loves me the other 364 days of the year, so I'm most definitely NOT going to complain that I didn't get flowers (that would just die), chocolate (that would just make me fatter), jewelry (that I'd never wear), or any other trinket that would end up sitting somewhere collecting dust.

That doesn't mean that I don't do Valentine's Day at school with my kiddos, and I was shocked and touched by the love that I was shown on Friday.

The day started with a couple of my kiddos giving me some very thoughtful gifts.  I received a box of chocolates that had a giraffe face on the front (I LOVE giraffes).  I received a small bouquet of fake roses in a vase (they won't die).  I received a rose pen (won't die and useful).  And I received a long stem fake rose.  My kids apparently listen when I tell them stuff.  I had explained my whole spill about how Hubby and I celebrate Valentine's Day, when asked what Hubby would get me for Valentine's Day.   I also received a small box of chocolate's from my co-teacher.  She's always so thoughtful about giving me little things to help brighten my day.  She knows me well enough, now, to know that chocolate is a quick fix-all when I'm stressed.  HA!

The morning was then spent having a good time learning.  

Later in the morning, I received a gift from my secret pal.  I got a new water cup (much needed), a pair of striped socks (zebra striped), and some candy.  For the first time since participating in the Secret Pal program, I've figured out who my secret pal is.  I'm not going to tell her I know, just because I don't want to spoil the fun.  She actually let it slide a while back, but I don't think she realized she did.  She asked me what my favorite color was, and when I told her she let it slide that I didn't write that... I'm assuming she meant on my Secret Pal info form.  Now she'll probably figure it out.. if she reads today's blog.  But, I'm still not going to say anything.  It's just not as fun if both parties know that the other is fully aware of who the secret pal is.  

After lunch, it was time to start preparations to put together the gazillion cans of Crush Soda I had purchased the night before to deliver to students all over the school.  If you remember, Student Council put on a fundraiser that offered the students the ability to order a Crush Soda to be specially delivered to friends and teachers.  I think we ended up putting together almost 200 cans with the cards that had been written by the sender, and attaching candy if the sender had paid extra for that.

Not a bad fundraiser.  Each 12 pack of Crush cost $3 and we sold the cans for $1 a piece.  That's a $9 profit per case... not too shabby.  And, no, it wasn't a rip off.  That money goes right back in to the school for fun events and student needs.  

It took us about an hour to get all the stuff ready, and then the StuCo reps went out to deliver the sodas to the classrooms.  When they left, I noticed that I had some cans sitting on my desk.  EIGHT of them to be exact.  All addressed to me!!  

I started to open the cards and saw "Hi Mom!", "Love you, Mom", "Hi Mom", "Mom, You're cool, Dawg!", another two "Hi Mom", one from my secret pal, and one from a student I had last year.  

I was floored.  

The last time I checked, I only had two kids in the Jr. High, and only one of them sent me one of the soda's... meaning the other five came from students that call me "Mom".  Touching, right?  I got a little choked up reading those little cards.  I mean, I know a couple of students that like to call me Mom, but I never expected that.

Once my students came back from music, we had to finish up some work and then it was PARTY time.  The kids chowed down on some snacks, we sat and laughed and joked around for a while, and then I took them all outside to enjoy the extremely nice day we were having.  

It was a great way to end a great day.

After school, I spent some time working and gathering up my things and then it was time to head on home.  Peanut went home with her friend, I had made arrangements to meet my dad so that Butter could spend the weekend with my parents, so that left Hubby, Jelly, and I.  I made the quick decision that we would order some Chinese food and enjoy a quiet evening at home.

And that's what we did.  We ate.  We watched some TV.  And we relaxed.

Yesterday, I spent the majority of the day working.  I did break for a couple of hours to take a nap, but other than that I just sat in front of my computer or the stack of grading that had to be done.  Nothing special.

Today, it's my dad's birthday, so we're all going over to see him.  I also have to pick up Butter in the process.  It's another beautiful day, so it'll be nice to get out of the house for a while.

And that's it.  My Lovely Weekend.  

No crazy plans.  Just relaxation, work, and family.

So, I suppose I'll get around getting ready.  

Enjoy this wonderful Sunday!!

Happy Show Your Love Day!!

                                    

Valentine's Day.  The day of love.  The day designated to show that special someone or them special someones exactly how much you care.

Unless you're engaged to me, and then it's just a day to be corrupted by commercial advertising in an attempt to obtain money to buy stuff for a feeling that should be shown every day (gotta love Hubby).

Yeah, I'm one of the lucky ones engaged to a guy who absolutely despises Valentine's Day and refuses to be be sucked in to a holiday that (in his mind) is about nothing more than spending money.  Sorry girls, he's taken.

But in all seriousness, Hubby really does show me how much he loves me most days of the year.  He doesn't need one particular day to show it.  Although I'm not going to lie.. I wouldn't mind getting a little something on Valentine's Day.  But, how can I complain when I have a man that loves to cook, will clean, is an amazing father to our children, will listen when I need to talk, actually doesn't mind going shopping, and tells me he loves me daily?  I definitely don't need flowers or chocolate or teddy bears to know.

Just because he doesn't believe in Valentine's Day, though, doesn't mean I don't celebrate.  I just choose to focus on other people I care about in my celebrations... and that is mostly focused on my biological kids and my kids in my class.  

Valentine's Day has become a kid focused event for me.  It's all about showing the kids in my life how much I love them... or at least doing something nice for them as a small gesture to show them how much I care.  Whether that be in the form of candy or small trinkets or a class party or whatever I decide to do on the actual day.

Today, my class is getting a party.  My biological kids will get a Crush soda and some candy delivered to them in their classrooms.  Except for my youngest, who will have to get her Crush and candy when she gets to my school... but she'll be having an ice-cream party in her own classroom.

Yeah, at my school, the Student Council sells Crush Soda with or without candy to be specially delivered on Valentine's Day.  And, being that I'm a StuCo sponsor, it was my job to buy all the Crush soda for the event.

On Tuesday, we had only sold 3.  Didn't look so good.  But last night I had to make sure I had over 100 Crush sodas.  That's not too shabby AT ALL.  Kids have been giving StuCo $1, filling out a card, and then StuCo takes care of the rest.  

It is a great fundraiser, and a great way for kids to get something small for their friends and teachers.  

Last night, Peanut and I went to Walmart to buy the cases of Crush Soda we needed.  When we got there, I felt like we had somehow been thrown back in time back to Christmas Eve.  The amount of people at that store!!  It took forever just to get through the parking lot due to the droves of people heading in and out, and we had to park a ways from the store due to so many cars being in the parking lot.  When we got into the store, the aisles were PACKED with people trying to do their last minute Valentine's shopping.

Thankfully, the area by the soda was pretty empty and Peanut and I were able to load up the cart with our cases of Crush with no problems.  I received a few weird looks from people watching us load the soda in to the cart as if it was some apocalyptic event, and Crush soda was the item needed to make it through.  We had 5 twelve packs of orange Crush, a twenty-four pack of orange Crush, 6 twelve packs of grape Crush, and 2 twelve packs of peach Crush.  That's a total of 168 cans of Crush!

Seeing all the people rummage around the Valentine's section gave me the urge to jump right in there and buy a few small things for some people I work with.  There are a few people I work with that have been super special to me, and mean a lot to me. I thought it would be nice to get them a little something to thank them for that.  Not something I usually do on Valentine's Day, but it never hurts to have a good excuse to buy stuff for people that mean a lot to me.

Once Peanut and I had made it through the crowds and managed to pay for all our stuff, we headed back out to the car to unload it all in to the trunk.  While we were doing that, I heard an "excuse me ma'am" from behind me.  

Now, I'm not going to lie.  When it's dark outside, I'm a little more cautious of my surroundings... but I was caught off guard looking up and seeing a large man standing right by my car trying to get my attention.  I immediately got a little nervous, which is very sad to admit.  

But, anywho, this large guy begins to tell me that he's been sitting in the parking lot for over two hours because he ran out of gas and had no money to get gas.  He asked if I had a few dollars to spare.  I did have cash in my wallet.  But, it didn't belong to me...not all of it.  It was StuCo money designated for buying soda.  I had also gotten a $20 back when buying my stuff in the store.  But, I didn't have " a few dollars" to give the guy.  So, I told him I didn't have any cash on me. 

Seeing his expression of disappointment when I told him that, though, warmed my heart.  I felt sorry for him.  I could see that he was genuinely in trouble and wasn't trying to scam me or had any intent of trying to steal from me. So, I asked him if he had a gas tank that we could put some gas in to.  He (and his friend that I hadn't noticed before) began frantically looking through their car, and did find a small gas can but it had no nozzle and was cracked.  The large guy's friend told me that he could probably get his car up to the gas station located in the parking lot of Walmart.  I told him if he was able to do that, I would gladly pay with my debit card to put a few bucks worth of gas in their tank to get them home.

The look of relief that washed over their faces was quite touching.  They really were pretty desperate and had obviously thought they were going to be spending the night in their car.

After coaxing the car to start, the driver managed to get the car started and drove it the 500 feet or so in to the gas station.  I followed him up there, and pumped a couple of gallons of gas in to their car.  The guys were so grateful and explained how many people they had asked for help and had been rejected, and how many "friends" they'd contacted by phone that had refused to drive up there to help them.  I felt sorry for them.  And I also felt very glad that I was able to help them out.  

Good deed for the day.  It felt nice.  Definitely a great way to pay it forward.  

After all that, it was back home for Peanut and I.  

Thankfully, we didn't have to unload the car when we got home. Everything we bought is going to school with us today, so we were able to leave it right in the trunk.  Now, unloading it when we get to school will be fun.. but I think I'm going to save that job for a couple of jr. high boys who will gladly help me out, I'm sure.

Right now, though, it's that time when I have to get ready for work.  I want to leave a little early today because I've got a lot to do before my kiddos make their way in to the classroom this morning.

Everyone have a very happy Valentine's Day!!