I'm upset. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm confused. And I feel all of those things even though I knew what was going to happen this morning.
I knew I was going to stand on the scale and see another gain. The weekend was bad. I get that I have to pay for my consequences. What I didn't realize was how bad the gain was going to be. I thought maybe a pound. At the worst, almost two. But what I saw before me this morning has left a hole in my stomach, and in my heart.
Last week, I stood on the scale and saw 241.8lbs. That was a 2.4lbs gain from the week before. This week I just couldn't prepare myself for what I saw. The scale read 244.4lbs. In a week, I've gained 2.6lbs. That means, in the past two weeks, I've gained 5lbs. UGH!!!!
When I started this year out, I weighed 239.8lbs. We're coming to the end of the second month of the year. A month where I should be celebrating around a 10lbs loss. But no. Instead, I'm seeing a total of almost 5lbs gained. I've gone down a little in the past few weeks - but I've skyrocketed back up again these past two weeks. Which is very frustrating because the last two weeks - I've actually been working out.
One thing I can be a little happier about is that my scale was MUCH nicer to me than the scale used for my Biggest Loser weigh in yesterday. Last week, I weighed in at 241lbs for that. Wanna know what I saw on that scale yesterday morning? 246lbs!! A 5lb gain in a week! Thank goodness I was able to drop a couple of pounds overnight before my weigh in this morning.... or I may have just gone completely off the deep end.
This week has taught me that I have serious problems when it comes to my food intake. I've finally been able to get myself off the couch and in the gym - but my working out is basically for nothing, when I stuff my face with empty calories all day long.
Anyone that has read my blog for a while will know that I am not a fan of calorie counting. In my mind, logging everything I eat every single day is not something that is realistic to a lifestyle change. That was my opinion. Still is, really. But, I'm also big enough to admit when I need some serious help. A kick in the right direction. A way to be able to see what I'm doing wrong - and find a way to try and fix it.
So, yesterday, I decided it was time to rekindle a friendship with an old pal. I'm not sure why I didn't do it sooner. This pal of mine got me started on the road to weight loss a little under two years ago. My pal got me facing the amounts of calories I was consuming, and helped me adjust accordingly until I was capable enough to make the right food choices without having to log everything. That pal? Well, it's My Fitness Pal, of course!
I started out by logging all of the food I'd eaten on Monday. I was so surprised to see that I'd eaten 2095 calories - even though I thought I'd had a "good" day. Once I saw in black and white the amount of calories I'd put in to my body - and where they came from - I was able to immediately begin making some adjustments. Yesterday, I consumed 1,564 calories. That was still eating three meals and two snacks. My target amount is 1,480 a day without considering exercise calories - and I burned 300 calories at the gym yesterday, which bumped my food calories to a goal of 1,780. So, I did very well for the actual first day of logging. In just one day, I tweaked my food intake enough to knock 500 calories from the "diet" I was eating every day. No wonder I've been gaining 2+lbs a week!
It's been a while since I've used the mobile version, and I'm very happy with the updates that have appeared since the last time I used it. I am now able to scan my foods in while I'm eating using the bar code scanner. That's a big plus for me. It's hard, sometimes, to fit in the time to log what I eat when I'm at work...or try to remember it later. Now? Well, I just enter in my meals as I'm eating them and scan in my snacks. A big time saver.
Despite this very depressing start to my day, I feel like this is definitely a new beginning. I can admit when I'm wrong. I started this year off with the mentality that I'd be able to pick up where I left off a year ago. I thought I'd magically be able to eat right, exercise often, and watch the pounds disappear before my very eyes. Apparently, I had to see what was really happening before my eyes before admitting my mistakes. I thought I'd be fine without setting goals for myself. I thought I would be fine without logging my food. I thought I'd be fine and I was wrong. I need the goals. I need the logging. For now. I have to retrain my body, retrain my mind, and I'm in no hurry to get rid of the tools that will help me do that.
I am happy to report that yesterday, once again, I completed all of my mini goals. I drank more than 60ozs of water. I completed 30 minutes on the elliptical. It was hard, but I pushed through it. I ate my meals, kept my portion sizes small - and stayed below my calorie target. I even earned my $5 bonus for working out three times this week. Which, by the way, I've decided to update to reflect $5 for working out three times and $15 if I work out five times in a week. Nice little incentive, if I say so myself.
Today, I'm going to:
- Log all of my food into My Fitness Pal
- Keep my calories below 1,600
- Complete the 30 minute circuit training at the gym and follow it up with the ab circuit
- Drink at least 60ozs of water
Till next time. ;)