Sunday, July 27, 2014

It's Time to Share the Story


Over the past week, I've been sharing a little about reconnecting with my very dear friends I had fifteen years ago.  I shared how when I was sixteen, I moved out of my house and moved in with two very close friends.  And, while I left some of the story untold... I think it's time to fill in a few of the gaps I left out.  Because it's important for how the rest of the story has and will eventually unfold.  

I told you all about K and C.  The two friends that, with the support of their father, took me in to their home when I was having a rough time with my own parents.  I shared how they let me move in and treated me as part of the family.  Up until I got pregnant at 17.

But, there's one very important part of that story that I left out.  A part that explains the sudden change in our situation, forcing me to leave their home and never look back...

The father of my child happened to be C.

Yes.  K and C are males.  K and C were very close guy friends that I had back at that time.. because other than one very close female friend (the one that passed away several years ago), K and C were my best friends.  We did everything together.  At first, they were like brothers to me.  Well, K was.  He was always a brotherly figure...protecting me, talking to me, giving me a hard time every now and then like brothers do.  But, it was very, very different with C.  He was not like a brother to me...he was so much more than that.  

C and I were in love.  As much as two teenagers could be in love, I suppose.  He was my everything.. who captured my heart and made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.  I got butterflies each and every time he looked at me.  And a part of me believes he felt the same towards me.  Even though I'd had boyfriends before, none had ever made me feel the way C did.  I worshipped the ground he walked on, was sad when he wasn't around, and he made me feel like a queen.

While I won't share all the juicy details, we were young, in love, and...well... as a result, I got pregnant at 17.  Which resulted in, against the wishes of C and myself, his family reacting the way they did, forcing C to move away and me to move out.  

Like I said in an earlier post, I fully understand the reactions today.  I am a mother of a teenage daughter and a teenage son.  I'm sure if something like that happened to me, I'd want to protect my children.  I can't say I'd react the same way, but I fully understand why the adults who made the decisions made those decisions.  It couldn't have been easy, but they did what they thought necessary at the time.  I have let all those ill feelings go away, and hold no grudges for any parties involved.  

But, what happened back then is neither here nor there.  It happened.  I can't turn back time or change anything.  

Many people that know me have assumed that Peanut and Butter have the same dad.  They don't.  And while I understand that doesn't exactly paint a great picture of is what it is.  I will not be ashamed or hide behind the situations that played out in my life.  Because, once again, every one of those situations has made me the person I am today...and I'm very proud of what I've overcome and how I turned out.

Anywho...Peanut has always known the truth.  Has known that her dad was out there somewhere, and recently it's been playing on her mind.  Which is why I was ecstatic when I was able to reach out to her biological father and let them connect.  Which is exactly what they've done.  Being that C lives so far away, they haven't been able to meet yet.. but they've at least started talking to each other.  And that's a HUGE deal to Peanut.  

But, since that moment, so much more has happened that I didn't expect.  First, K is now back in my life.  He has taken a quick liking to his niece, and they already adore each other.  He has an amazing wife and beautiful daughter. And I already adore both of them.  Yesterday, Peanut got to meet some other family members:  Her grandparents, her great uncle, and her great-grandparents.  

While I expected it to be an awkward reunion, it was the complete opposite of that.  Everyone welcomed her with open arms, and me too.  It was almost as if no time had passed at all.  Peanut got to hear tons of stories about her dad and the family...and they all made her feel very welcome.  

As I sat back and watched all the events unfold, I couldn't help but smile.  It made me remember old times, how wonderful these same people had been to me 15 years ago...treating me like I was family then, and almost picking up right where we left off now.  

And, we spent the entire day together.  After the birthday party, I took the kids back to their house, and we spent all afternoon and evening talking, laughing, and having a great time.  They opened up their homes to us and treated us ALL like we were family.  Yes, Butter and Jelly too.  

It made me realize that the past doesn't define who we's our present...each decision and step we take..that is what defines us.

I can't give Peanut back the past 14 years.  Neither can C or his family.  But, everything we do from this moment on is what matters.  

It really means the world to Peanut to have all these people in her life.  To answer the questions she's had for so many years, to learn about her family, to understand everything that happened.  And while I'm sure she's a little overwhelmed with how quickly everything has happened, I can tell by the look in her eye that she's happy.  That's it brought some closure to her life...and also a new beginning.  

I am a firm believer that one can never have too much family.  We have now extended ours...and I couldn't be happier.  I have waited for 15 years for this moment to come.  And while some may think it's weird or sudden or maybe even shocked that I would be so happy... just remember, there's still a lot of the story untold.  Decisions were made over the years that I had a big part of making.  The events of our lives have unfolded the way they have because it's just they way they unfolded.  I am not asking for anyone to weigh in with their opinion, or express any concern.  This is what I've always wanted to happen...and so has Peanut.

I know that Peanut is dying to meet her dad.  And, I hope that will happen soon.  But, until then the events will play out as they play out.  She will spend time with her new-found family.  She will get to know them, and they will get to know her.  She is calling all the shots on this, and I support her decisions 100%.  

This is a new chapter to our lives that is yet to be written...and I'm ready to start filling in those blank pages.

Good thing I'm a writer, huh?  HA!

I am just taking one step at a time, and know in my heart that this is the right thing to do.  That they were brought back in to our lives for a reason.  And, I'm going to ride this roller-coaster right along side Peanut, because she's not the only one that gets to have her family extended.  I do, too.

I hope everyone has a great Sunday.


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