Weigh to Go Wednesday: May your Way Check-In

It's week number 2 of the May your Way challenge - and I've gained....again.

I'm in trouble.  Big trouble.  I just can't seem to shake this funk - whatever it is - that's dragging me back in to old habits, old routines, and increasing numbers on the scale.

I really thought the challenge would spark my motivation again....well, it hasn't yet.  I'm not giving up, though.  It all really comes down to mind over matter - and the matter is winning right now.  It's time for my mind to take the reigns again and stop me from self destructing - one horrible decision at a time.

There are no excuses.  There are no reasons.  Nothing major has happened to me to start me on this downward spiral.  Maybe I'm getting lazy because graduation is so close, and I feel that the end of that era is making me lazy in other areas of my life.  Maybe I'm so consumed with graduation that I'm not thinking about working out....maybe in my deluded mind I feel like I deserve these bad foods, bad decisions, and lack of exercise.

Whatever it is - it needs to stop.

At the start of this challenge I weighed in at 216lbs.
Last week, I weighed in at 214.2lbs
This week, I'm up to 215.2lbs

I've gained a pound.

In terms of my goals? 

• Well, I'm getting further away from Onederland
• I haven't done any exercise this week - as of yet
• My calories have been over 1600 almost every day
• I have hardly drank any water

As you can see - fails all around.

I'm disappointed and ashamed of myself.  I don't want to lose everything I've done.  I don't want to stop working towards the finish line of my goal weight.  I can sit here and say "I'm going to try harder" but I keep saying that....I need to actually do it.

So, I came up with a little idea.  I'm going to start today.  I'm going to make daily goals for myself...small goals.  I'm hoping that starting out small will help me build back up to the person I was - the do or die girl who was fighting every step of the way to lose the weight and get fit. 

Today's goals are to eat less than 1500 calories and drink 64ozs of water.

That's it.  Just two little things to do today.

I promise that I'm not going to give up.  I will get over this rut.  I will jump back on my horse and ride this journey to the end.... I've just come to one of those hurdles that is taking some time to get over.

Till next time. ;)

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Mini Goal Monday: What's Happening to Me?

Before I get to my whining and complaining for the day....and believe me, it's coming....I have to give a quick recap of my Mother's Day.

At 8:30 yesterday morning, Jelly came running in to my bedroom demanding that I wake up.  Her exact words?  "Wake up, Mommy, but you can't get up!"  I opened my eyes and there she was with a big smile on her face.  "I made you breakfast for your bed, Mommy".  Then, in walks Peanut with a plate and a cup. 

Peanut and Jelly had worked together to make me scrambled eggs with ham and cheese and a bagel.  It was so sweet.  In my entire life, I've never had breakfast in bed.

Shortly after I got up, the girls went to church.  Jelly wanted to go with Payton - and I was surprised, cause Jelly's not usually the type to go off with people she doesn't know.  They came home a couple of hours later loaded up with gifts.  Jelly had painted me a picture frame, Peanut made me a decorative wall hanger, and I got a bag full of chocolate and 2 flowers.  So sweet!!  After that, we all got ready and went out for the afternoon.

OK, so there was my recap....now time to get down to business for this week.

I really don't know what's happened to me the past couple of weeks.  It's like I completely fell off the wagon - except for throwing a couple of 5K races in to the mix to try and somehow persuade myself that I haven't.  I stepped on the scale this morning to, once again, see 216lbs.  216lbs!!!!  The number I fought so hard to get past....got down to 210.8lbs and then let everything go.

I can't even sit here and give any good excuses.  There aren't any.  I have been careless with my eating.  I've been lazy with my exercise.  I start a new challenge to help me get back into the right mindset - and it didn't really help.

Well, that all stops TODAY!!

In 6 days, I will have a day I have been dreaming about my whole life.  I will get to celebrate all of the hard work I've been doing for the past four years.... I will walk across a stage in front of my family and friends and become a college graduate. 

Before the actual stage walking part, there will be hair doing, nail doing, make-up doing, and photos....lots and lots of photos.  I really wanted to look my best for Saturday - but I haven't been doing what I need to in order for that to happen.

I know, realistically, that not much is going to change in six short days.... but I can get myself back on the wagon to dedicating myself, again.  I think of Saturday as being my Biggest Loser Makeover.  I've been working hard for the past 18 months... but I'm not going to give up now.  I can't.  I've worked too hard.

So, this week - it's all about getting my mind back on the prize.   How am I going to do that?  Well...

• Run 3 times this week (at least 2 miles)
• Drink 64ozs of water each day
• PLAN MY MEALS -  NO more binge eating
• Put up a visual picture of my "makeover" hairdo....and work to do what I can before I get it done

I bought my graduation dress on Saturday.  I love it.  I like how it fits.  I really want to feel good in it on Saturday.  Even though I know I won't lose the weight that I've gained in the past 2 weeks, I will at least know that I'm back on track.  That's important to me.

Here I go.... time to get my life back.

Till next time. ;)

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In the Spirit of Mother's Day...

I decided that I wanted to do something special for my mom - but after 29 years, it gets harder and harder to think of something to do.  Today, I've decided to write a letter to my mother...publicly...for her here.  So, here goes...

Dear Mom,

Twenty nine years, two months, and seven days ago you gave me the greatest gift that any one person can give.  You gave me the gift of life.  You brought me in to the world - I was your first child.  From that very day, even though I couldn't tell you - I had more to thank you for than any person that has ever come in to my life since.

Over the course of 29 years we've had our ups, we've had our downs...but regardless, you always new best and showed me to accept my mistakes and my successes and help them define who I am.  You never lost faith in me, you never stopped believing in me.  You knew how to comfort me when I was sad, the words to say during heartbreak, and exactly the right way to help me pick myself up and move on.

Today you are a mother to six children, a grandmother to eight children.  My own journey to being a mother has been traveled using the morals you instilled in me.  I reflect on the day that I brought my first child into the world, having you there by my side, and know that I have been an amazing mother since that day thanks to you.

I didn't make my childhood, especially my teen years, easy on you... yet no matter how much I pushed you, you always came out of it loving me and letting me stand on my own two feet.  My adult life has brought just as many challenges.  I am no stranger to heart ache or countless mistakes - but during those tough times, there was only one person who I ever turned to for advice or just words of encouragement....you.

The same years have also brought joy and happiness.  The birth of three children, and in less than a week a college graduation.  You have cheered me on, given me advice, celebrated my victories, and helped me become the success I am today.  I know in my heart that I would not or could not have done it without you.

Today, you are 49 years old with the heart and body of a 29 year old.  You are beautiful both inside and out.  You have traveled the same weight loss journey I have been on for the past year - and as a mother rightly should, kicked my butt.  Your determination to get up every day, take care of the children still at home, the grandchildren you have with you right now, and still find time to stay healthy and fit is so inspiring.  

My only hope in life is to live up to your standards of being a wonderful mother to my own children.  To support them, nurture them, care for them, and be there for them - as you were and continue to be for me.  

I love you Mom - more than these words can ever express.

Happy Mother's Day.

Joanna 

And it wouldn't be right to dedicate a post to my mother without showing you some pics, right?  Well, here's a pic of my mom last summer and a pic of my mom in January.  She truly is an inspiration to my weight loss efforts, as well as my life in general...



Till next time. ;)

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5K Race Number 2 - In Less than a Week

I need to start out by saying that whoever thought it would be a good idea to hold a 5K race on a Friday evening is insane.

Not only was the race at 6:30 last night - it came after spending an entire day of being with 21 excited kindergartners who hosted a mother's day tea for their moms and grandmas.  Oh, and I had lunch duty and took them all outside for an extra recess to try and dispel some of the extra energy that had been running through their veins all day.  Did I also mention that I only had 4 hours of sleep the night before?  No?  Oh - well then add that to the pot of why running at 6:30 on a Friay evening wasn't the smartest of ideas.

I'm sure you've guessed where I'm going with these excuses reasons.  My time was bad.  Not as bad as I thought it would be, but still pretty terrible.

I had a running partner for the race.  One of my 2nd grade students from my last placement, who had been training with me for several weeks now, wanted to run the 5K with me instead of running the 1 mile fun run that he'd been signed for.  I love his heart - he's one dedicated lil dude....plus he absolutely adores Ms. Hill (that's me..LOL)

So, we start off our race.  I'm jogging along the first stretch and I start to feel my legs scream at me.  I heard them scream out "ARE YOU CRAZY?? You've been on your feet all day long, what the heck are you doing to us now?" and "if you think we're going to do this for 3.1 miles, you've got a screw loose in that brain of yours".  I knew only 1/4 mile in that I was going to struggle with the race.

I tried to keep a positive attitude - I had to for Lil Dude.  We started doing little intervals of jogging and walking (more walking than jogging).  Lil Dude started to get a little bored once we past the one mile marker.  He wanted more running.  So, I pushed all of the leg pain out of my mind and picked the pace up for him.  He liked passing people - and so we decided to start making a game of it.  Whenever we saw people walking, we darted around them.

A little past the 2 mile mark, we came to the Hill of Death.  I swear to you that the incline on this hill was ridiculous.  It took a sharp downward incline followed by going straight back up.  We decided to run down the hill, but once we got to the bottom  I literally had to lean forward just to walk up the other side.

Towards the end of mile 2, I was hurting pretty bad.  Sweat was pouring off of me, and even Lil Dude was starting to feel tired.  His feet were hurting.  We decided to try our game again, and ran very short bursts followed by walking.

When we finally came to the last corner, I told him that we had to run to the finish line - and sprint, if possible.  We came around the corner, saw the finish line and he wanted to sprint.  I knew that we were still too far away - but I told him to go for it...and he did.  I just jogged and then picked up the pace to a slow run to cross the finish line.

I saw the time of 48:40 when I crossed the finish line.  I mumbled a little curse word under my breath - but then decided that wasn't too bad with the circumstances in which I was running.  I'm still waiting for official race results - but don't see how it will be much different than what I saw.

One thing that Lil Dude and I were very happy about?  The mass of people that were still behind us.  People were still finishing several minutes after we had.  That made us both feel pretty good - cause I had told him in the beginning that I had one goal in mind:  Never be last.

So, it was a good race.  I'm wasn't too worried about my running timetime.  I enjoyed myself - and I was very happy that I had a lil running partner.

After the race, I had to dash off to a graduation dinner.  I stopped off at Wal-Mart and had a baby wipe shower....yeah, I know...ewww, right?  It was the best I could do because coming home to drive all the way back to the party would have been pointless.  I didn't do a bad job of glamming myself up after, either.

I enjoyed an evening of great food, and awesome company.  Then I came home and feel into bed.  I don't remember anything else - I must have been out before my head even touched the pillow.

Today, I have...well....I don't have anything to do.  No more homework.  No more lesson plans to write.  I'm a free woman!!!  I will be at work next week, but just helping out where I'm needed.  It feels so great to know that in exactly one week from today - I will be a college graduate.  YEAH BABY!!

OK, time for me to get to spending my Saturday doing NOTHING.  Think I'm gonna take the kids to the park. ;)

Till next time. ;)

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First Check In for May Your Way Challenge

I know, the last post I made was announcing the new challenge - and here I am already having my first check-in.

We're three days in to the challenge.  I can't say that things are going perfectly - but I am sticking to most of the goals that I set.

I ran probably close to 2 miles Monday night.  I didn't get to run tonight because I had a meeting - but I am running a 5K race on Friday so that will mean getting 5 miles in.  That's not even including the running I'm planning on doing Saturday and/or Sunday.

There is one goal that I haven't stuck to - and that's keeping my calories under 1600.  It's my own fault - I've fallen victim to the plethora of goodies that have been laid out each day in the breakroom for Teacher Appreciation Week.

I did try a new food yesterday.  Something I've never tried before: sauerkraut.  I've never had it.  Didn't think I'd like it - but I do.  In fact I loved it - especially after seeing how many calories are in a serving... next to none!!

I was also a little happier when I stepped on the scale this morning - not the number I wanted to see, but much better than the number I had on Sunday.

Challenge Start Weight:  216lbs

Weight Today:  214.2lbs

That means I'm down 1.8lbs.  I'm still very disappointed because last week I weighed 210.8lbs.  I MUST get my eating under control again.

I know that a lot of that gain is from the food consumption.  I've been eating too much.  I've strayed from making my weekly meal plans - not by choice, by time constraints.  Hubby has had the job of running to the store each day to grab something for dinner...and the last thing on his mind was how healthy the food was.  It's not his fault.  After working all night, he doesn't exactly feel like checking nutritional information on the food his buying.  That on top of eating a large lunch at work - thanks to the P.T.O. - has caused the huge weight gain.  There's no other reason for it.  I can sit and pretend that my running has helped me gain muscle, but then I'm just being delusional.

If I have any hope in the world of reaching Onederland by June 1st - I'm going to have to go into crazy overdrive.  Lots of running, extra work-outs, and CONTROLLED eating. 

Luckily, I'm so happy with the Sisterhood Says challenge for this week.  Our challenge is to drink 64ozs of water each day....something else I have lacked in.  I think by upping my water intake (again) I will be able to curb my appetite and avoid some of the temptations.  Thank goodness I don't have to go to work tomorrow - and Friday is the last day of Teacher Appreciation Week.

I've finally come up with May's Mantra....you ready for it?  OK, here it is...

The blurb at the end isn't exactly motivational - but it sure is funny (and sometimes true). 

So this month is all about perseverance.  Yes, I've had a set back.  Yes, I've fallen off track a little.  Now it's time to pick myself up and persevere.  That's who I am - it's what I do.  I think it's perfect for this month.

OK, time to get some work done - the last assignments for the semester and my college life (thus far).  In just 9 days, I will be a college graduate!!! WOO HOO!!

Till next time. ;)

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May Your Way Challenge

This is it.  Another challenge is officially underway over at the Sisterhood.  It's time for May Your Way - a challenge all about making goals, sticking to them, and adding some extra health and fitness goals in along the way.  The challenge lasts the entire month of May.

Each week, I will weigh in on Wednesdays and blog about my progress...just like in previous challenges.  This challenge also adds an extra bonus - a game called Sisterhood Says.  Each Wednesday, I'm going to receive a new health/fitness goal to add to my overall goal list.  Sounds like fun.

There will be a weight loss leaderboard associated with this challenge -but there will also be an extra game.  It will consist of earning points for keeping up with my goals, posting my blog on my progress, and joining in with Sisterhood Says and a weekly chat.  I'm so ready for all of it.

To get started, I came up with this list of goals that I'd like to achieve during the challenge:

• Hit Onederland
• Increase my weekly amount of exercise
• Average at least 5 miles a week of running
• 30 minutes of strength training at least twice a week
• Keep caloric intake below 1600 calories per day
• Try at least one new recipe/ food per week

The first one is going to be the hardest.  When I stepped on the scale yesterday to record my first initial weight for the challenge - I almost died when I saw 216lbs.  I mean, last week, I weighed 210.8lbs.  Is it possible that I gained 5.2lbs in one week?  OK, so I didn't exercise at all - except for the 5K I ran on Saturday.  My eating wasn't perfect - but I didn't eat enough to gain 5lbs in a week!!

I'm really hoping that the gallon of water I drank Friday and again on Saturday is factoring in to that number - and the shock to my system of running that kind of distance after not doing any exercise for almost two weeks.  I guess there's nothing wrong with starting a head a few pounds - maybe I'll actually make it on to the leaderboard this challenge.

If the weight is somehow accurate - and I managed to gain 5.2lbs in one week - then it's going to be almost impossible to lose 16lbs in a month.  I won't let my mind think like that.

Despite the pouring down rain and 46 degree weather, I still ran after work today.  I got to run around the inside of the school - for running club.  It's so funny to me that I spend all day telling kids NOT to run down the hallways - but after work, I get to run around the halls with them on a make-shift hallway track.  Super fun!!

I have no idea how far I ran - being that I was running hallways - but I ran for a good 30 minutes.  On Wednesday, I plan on running again - hopefully 5K.  I don't want to run Thursday because I have a 5K race on Friday evening.  That will give me over 6 miles for the week - not even including the hallway run.

The food part is going to be tough this week.  It's teacher appreciation week, and so the PTO is kindly providing lunch for all of the teachers this week.  Today was Mexican day - so the break room was full of yummy Mexican dishes.  I didn't go too crazy, but I wasn't exactly careful either.  The days ahead are going to be just as difficult. 

May also brings on a new Mantra -but I haven't had the chance to come up with it yet...I'm still thinking about it.  Hopefully it will come to me in the next couple of days.

OK, time to get on out of here.  It's been a long day, and I deserve some relaxation time.

Till next time. ;)

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Post Race Recap

Well, I did it.  I finished the race.  I wrote this post yesterday, and then my computer started being a butt head and I wasn't able to finish it before I had to leave for the night.  Now, I am able to update with my official times.
I woke up at 5am.  I got ready.  The nerves kicked in.  I grabbed a cup of coffee and a Fiber One bar - and Peanut and I were on our way.

I wasn't feeling too bad arriving and waiting around for the race to start.  I will say that I started to doubt myself once I got in line.  I decided to stay towards the back, because I didn't want to get in any one's way.  There were so many people - way more than last year.  I'm sure that a lot of that has to do with the weather being much nicer this year.

The race started, and I had to wait for a while before being able to cross the start line.  As soon as I was over it, I started jogging.  I jogged all the way up to the first hill - then speed walked up the hill.  As soon as I was at the top, I took off again.  I kept that up through the entire race...pacing myself comfortably during the flat parts, increasing speed going down hill, and speed walking/ wogging up the hills. 

Once I got almost to the half way mark, I noticed a clock at a church that said 7:51.  That meant that I had ran almost a mile and a half in twenty minutes...not too bad.  I kept a pretty good pace through the second mile.  Once I got to mile 3, I backed off a little...I wanted to conserve energy for a sprint finish.

I started to see the crowds that gather close to the finish line.  My heart started pumping, and I told myself that it was running only till I crossed the finish line.

I came over the last hill and saw the clock - well, part of it... I saw 44.  I panicked.  I had to finish in less than 45 minutes - so I picked up the pace. 

As I grew closer and closer, tears started to well in my eyes.  I knew I was going to make it.  I saw the clock go 44:48, 44:49, 44:50..and then I was there, crossing the line at 44:51.

I sucked the tears back as I took my chip off my shoe to hand to the official standing past the finish line. 

All I could think about was how long it took me to pass the starting line...15 seconds? 30 seconds? Will my time be better than 44:51?

I finally got my official results this morning - and I'm not very happy.  My official time was clocked at 44:52.  It ticks me off a little - because I know that it took several seconds for me to be able to start the race.  I was at the back of the herd - and there were over 600 people!!  I had to wait for a few seconds for the crowd to start to move, I had to walk a little before actually getting across the start line.

So, despite the fact that the "official" clock has me finishing with a time of 44:52...I'm going to say it should be closer to 44:20 AT LEAST!!  Which is a damn good time for me.

The official placements has me ranking 398 out of 436 women.  That's a heck of a lot better than last year - when I came in 3rd from last.  Overall, there were 776 people that competed in the race - and according to times, I placed 716 out of 776.  I am very happy with that.  That means 60 people finished after I did.

Here's a photo comparing me from last year to this year...I was quite amazed with the difference.

Here's me a picture of Peanut and I, post race...

We had such a great time.  The weather couldn't have been more perfect.  I'm now really excited to do it all over again next Friday!!

Tomorrow, I will be blogging about a new challenge hosted by the Sisterhood.  I'm excited about that.  I love the challenges!!  I have gained some weight this week already.  Was NOT happy when I stepped on the scale this morning - and I'm hoping that it's just post race weight gain.... but I'm thinking that a gain of 6lbs in a few days is far fetched for my hopes.  I saw 216lbs when I stepped on the scale this morning, and I almost cried.  I'm not going to let it get me down - and hope that it's just temporary from all of the water and the race.  Fingers crossed.

Till next time. ;)

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