Friday, August 13, 2010

No More Drowning!!

Wow, what a week I've had.  I can't even put into words how much I've missed my blog the past couple of days.  It felt so weird not waking up and heading straight to my computer to share my thoughts with you all before getting my day started.  It's OK now, though, because I'm back. 

So, the past couple of days I spent at my parents' house.  I wish I could say that I had an amazing time, but I really can't.  I had fun Wednesday night, but some things happened there yesterday that I really want to forget about...but can't.  I'm not going to go into details - because I just don't feel like I can.  What I can say is that I dealt with some terrible family issues and left my parents' house feeling sad, confused, and extremely emotional.  Feelings like these are the feelings that scare me the most...especially in terms of being healthy and losing weight.  They are the emotions that used to make me head straight for the junk food.  I'm happy to say that I didn't do that.  I stayed away from the junk food. 

I feel better now that I'm home, had a good night's sleep, and doing what I have learned to do when dealing with bad feelings/ emotions - writing about it.  It's amazing how therapeutic it is to get your feelings out on paper (or computer).  It's another one of those moments that has made me realize that I've changed in more ways than just physically.  Not only do I look better, but I feel better.  I feel better knowing that I don't have to drown my sorrows in a pint of ice-cream or a bag of chocolate chip cookies.  I know that binging doesn't ever make me feel any better, it usually ends up making me feel worse.  Rather than gaining 10 minutes of freedom from my true problems by diving into a bag of salty chips, I've found a way to deal with my problems head on so that they don't fester and turn into more eating, more sadness, and more anger at sabotaging myself. 

I consider myself a positive person.  I try to find the good in bad situations.  Sometimes, though, that's just not possible.  What happened at my parents' house is one of those times.  I just had to realize that sometimes I just have to move on - I can't dwell on it.  Can I just move on and act like nothing ever happened? No.  Not this time.  It will take a long time to get over what I had to deal with - but I will get over it.  Just knowing that I found a way to release some of the pressure is good enough for me at the moment.  I know that I can move on - and that's the most important part.  I am a new person.  The old me wouldn't be sitting here right now.  The old me would probably be sitting in a pile of junk food containers realizing that I spent a whole night cramming myself full still waiting for the moment that I feel good enough to stop.  I'm not that person anymore.  I never want to be that person again.  She's gone - and she's never allowed back in my life. It's over, I will deal with my issues, and life will go on with me continuing to lose weight, living a healthy life - and nothing or nobody is ever going to take that away from me!

In other news, yesterday was my last official day of summer break. I've attended a couple of school meetings the past couple of weeks, but today is the day my semester and student teaching internship officially starts. Most people are pretty sad when their summer is over, and it's time to head back to school. Not me! I'm so excited to start teaching, so excited to get through this year, and just ready to have my crazy life back again. Starting Monday, I will probably be posting my blog in the evenings - because I will have to leave so early to be at school. Don't worry, though, the posts will be here....I just can't live without being here every day. It's my way of staying sane, and connecting with the feelings that surge through me.

Till next time.  :)


  1. Wow,Joanna. What an amazing moment of growth and true insight for you. My guess is that what happened at your parents house is part of a pattern that you have had to deal with since childhood -- and you have broken the cycle! What an inspiration to other women you are! Cathy

  2. Cathy, you're right. What happened is something I've dealt with since childhood - but this time, it was bigger than anything I've ever had to deal with before. Knowing that I got through something like this without the junk food has really made me realize how much stronger I have gotten. Having wonderful support (like you) is what I really need. :)

  3. Good for you! You go!


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