You Win Some, You Lose Some...

Dear Diary...

What an amazing weekend it's been.  It was a great combination of relaxation, activities, time with family, and time alone.  I learned a little about myself this weekend, too.

I learned that a little haircut and style can have a huge impact on the outside AND the inside.  With just a couple of inches cut off my hair, I feel like a different person.  I don't look in the mirror, now, and see a girl that has lost hope or is fighting a losing battle.  I see a woman that's determined.  I see a woman that doesn't have to live in sweat pants forever, or feel uncomfortable that her clothes are too tight - for much longer.  I see a woman that is going to start making some serious progress in the coming weeks.  She's in it to win it.

I learned that there are going to be occasions when just because I post my goals on here, doesn't necessarily mean I'll definitely complete all of them.  There may have been a couple of goals that I didn't get accomplished over the past couple of days - that I will divulge in tomorrow's confession post.  

Regardless, I learned that just because I don't complete a goal doesn't make me weak or a failure.  As long as I stick to the important stuff - logging, exercising, etc. - that a minor slip up can be overcome as long as I dust myself off immediately and don't just give up on the whole day.  

I learned that the past couple of weeks in the gym has definitely increased my stamina.  After a few failed attempts over the past couple of months, yesterday I completed the first week of Couch to 5K.  Again.  I did the whole program once before.  But, after almost a year of no exercise and mindless eating - I lost the ability to run more than a few seconds.  Yesterday, I was able to do 20 minutes of 60 jogs/ 90 second walk intervals.  A small step in the right direction to working back up to running 3 miles - but a huge milestone... being that a little over a month ago the first 60 second run caused me more pain than I want to admit.  

I learned that even though I still don't have the stamina to jog 3 miles, I can still walk it.  I finished 2.85 miles yesterday.  I would have gone the full 3 miles, but I apparently miscalculated the round trip and arrived back at home a little shy of my mark.  My pace was extremely slow (18min/mile) but I don't care one bit.  The fact that I just got out there and did it is a win in my books.

I learned that now that the weather is warmer, my plans to go to the gym on Sundays may have to be altered.  I may be ditching the gym on the weekends and focusing my efforts to Couch to 5K.  I can still get cardio and strength training at the gym in during the week - and then go for a jog on Saturday, Sunday, or both.

I learned that yelling "Bingo!" is a jolt of pure happiness.  It happened, again, yesterday.  Twice in fact.  I won an early game that earned me $37...and I was happy with that.  After my big win a couple of weeks ago, that was enough for me.  Then, the last game of the night came.  The game that I've wanted to win every since I started playing bingo years ago.  It's the Pick 8 game - in which you pick your own 8 numbers to play.  Well, the luck gods were definitely on my side yesterday...and I won the game I've waited 12 years to win.  It earned me $500!!  I'll be giving bingo a break, for a while, as I know when there's only so much luck a person can have.  The wins I've had in the last couple of weeks couldn't have come at a better time.  There's so much stuff that has been needing to be done, but the lack of funds has prevented it.  We've finally been able to get a few of those things done - and now have a couple more that we can check off the list.

I learned that even though I focus on telling myself over and over again that I won't eat fried food - I may still eat it.  Plugging my food in to My Fitness Pal yesterday was nerve wracking.  I had told myself that I would not eat the junk food provided at the bingo hall - and what do I do?  Yep.  I ate it.  You can't win 'em all.  Right?  

But, I also learned that I can eat some fried food - and still be under my calorie goal for the day.  That doesn't just wash the slate clean and give me a free pass.  I know that the sodium alone in the fried food will make me retain water which won't reflect well on the scale.  But, I used that moment of weakness as my main meal for the day - and made sure that everything else I ate was on point.  Leading to still being under my calorie goal by 400 calories.  

So, as you can see, I learned quite a bit this weekend.  I know that every day isn't going to be perfect.  That doesn't set the tone for who I am.  It was one of the reasons I didn't want to post goals in the first place.  I worried about what would happen, and what I'd feel like if I didn't complete all of them.  But you know what?  I feel OK.  I know I wasn't perfect and there's still lots of room for improvement.  I know I'm still learning.  After going at this process for as long as I have, I know that I'm going to be fighting battles of temptation, laziness, and defeat every single day.  I'll win some.  I'll lose some.  It doesn't mean I'll give up on the war.

This past week, compared to the last many weeks, has proven to be a good week.  By just tweaking a few things here and there, I don't feel so lost or defeated or confused.  For the first time in way too long, I have a feeling of hope inside of me.  I'm back on the right track.  That's for sure.  And nothing can stop me now.

Till next time. ;)